One nice time that was after a lost idealism.

    Just one day I happened to be sitting next to this individual. They were foremost attractive to my eye. I started to talk with them as you would talk nervously and eventually find the words even if an older woman was watching you and remembering something of her youth. If not feeling apprehensive of the sort for you if not sorry for you. Anyways, this person was nice for my actual first social attempt to unveil the mystery of women. I do say that it ended, our conversation when their class began. I only wish that I actually got her number.

    If you watch Attack on Titan, there is a character called Christa and this person's name was Christa. Now, had I ever met a Christa before. The answer is no. I never met anyone with that but the person was truly beautiful. I never really got to see her much but to stop and talk two more times and that was it. She basically would be running late or not come to class as I waited in the bottom of the "graphic design building" for my ride and it had a good vantage point to see when it had arrived and not be mixed up in the people in the student center.

   There is something called a waste and then there is just something such as a deplorable loss. Never much ever got to know who this person was but that they were busy. They were somewhat ambitious and did remind me of when I would be late to places in the past. Truly enough, I never really got a break yet with any other women that I actually spoke to but she was not a bad person I realize now from how everyone else was poised or made theirselves to be.

   She was like a shooting star across the landscape of insufferables and I mean that. I rather then not have been hung up on anyone and the person who I referring to might not even be a good person to be hung up on and well-the whole point of speaking to persons is so that you would know who they were and not be hung up upon them. I was rather careful at having idolization of this person. I would actually know them and not make believe them. I am to say that you do get into trouble when you make believe individuals too much. It just gives a grounds for abuse on your end or their end. But some make believe is necessary in human condition and thus the daydream. Often however, whilst you would try to talk to this person, you really only had one shot to do it. Had I not spoken to her that one that time, I would have never even knew her name and even be able to speak to her two more times.

   Alas, the world is mysterious itself in who it allows to get more than three times to meet. I really mean to say the two other times were just brief conversations as we were going both times, two different directions. I do say that around this time I realize that certain people are allowed to just take advantage of their ill kempt relationships and never respect them as it is. They don't know what it is like for an environment to deny them of a social equal or for people to be bothering them because they have hatred for their type of people that is based of fears of their connective nature. Fears they justify warping people into monsters.

    I do say that there is a narrative where black young couples are seen as trash and really much antagonized for that. And conversely whites, hispanic and asian couples are seen as the people with character and always black individuals are pissed upon when in a coupling of the same race. I mean to say that Breanna Taylor was killed in her sleep for the hostility people have against black individuals indeed. Placing agendas that her boyfriend is a drug trafficker is solely a myth racists and closeminded idiots want to believe even if they happen to be black theirselves.  These people of the white couple and else sort just don't respect the level of autonomy their forced nature gives them to take advantage of each other especially the men. And how their nature of relatively forcing theirselves upon another and just believing that only their races' marriages are sovereign is just what promotes a belitting narrative of others. What has long promoted white men to even rape African women who were taken in as slaves. What promotes people of these idealisms to try and explore" with different women of color". Is just this sovereignty so feigned and individuals in a race thinking they are entitled to individuals of a race. I mean to say enough that some people just want to live in a world where only whites can get married to only whites. That was the thing of the past and these people still exist. I, in fact actually talked to such a person that I once liked and they realized I would not be used as their "exploration fodder". A big issue that will always be and for a time to come in what I would be talking to people was them believing in a superior nature of unity that always contradicts another person's vision of unity. Whilst blacks do have the same structure of stent as many people believing in superiority and "trying races"-let me say that the finger of wrong is heavily pointed at blacks to a level that is never pointed at anyone else. There is always hatred to find of black people in these unified "superior couple people" of this and that race. People are made by their parents of these type of couples just to believe the worst about black men and women and to engage in thoughts that makes light of black women's sexual nature if not black men's sexual nature. I engage that truly it is a blessing from god when you meet people who are not dignified under these racist ideas. And whilst many people try to ignore these things whilst in mixed relationships with black individuals having a respect for them, some people will never be able to see a person as person and if not will always take the side of the racist family in question.  Truly to a great depth where just using the individual and truly not treating them as if they mattered.

   I am to say that there was none of this racial hostility in this individual. They did not believe in any superior union. They did not try to control the matrix into which attraction could be held. That is the real thing I liked about this person and many people I actually do like. They are not these people who believe they are good for being bigots. I mean, you have to be an idiot to have never considered these issues yourself. Its a good indicator of character if people have considered these ideas and act upon not treating people any differently for their race and respecting them and not "using them".

   The good thing about coming up in a diverse school where its majority of black and hispanics is that people actually engage in these ideas where as in a populace that is mainly of white people they ire in the idea of their own sovereignty and see people else as a fetish  when of a different color. There is no discussion really about this or that and people tend to never show their true colors behind anything.  The thing is folks and what I saying is that you learn about the many dynamics of people and just some people no matter their skin just won't have your back. I am just to say that maybe people did in the past try to talk with individuals and were laughed out of the room(idealistically, you should just stop speaking to people when they question your racial origins to a degree and refuse to associate you with the race you actually are). And rather that the so called liberal fixture of AP learning was just a place for people to ignore the conversations around them, drown it out and call others ghetto, hoochie and worse-even if they were black or hispanic theirselves. Literally it is basically what happens in the real world; where people of color dare speak about how race impacts them and some whites and republicans who are not white are basically without these narratives because they basically have a tendency to "just fall in line with what racist mama or pa wants" or are just racist theirselves. I am to say that I know when someone is aline with the interests of treating people as the ought to be treated. 

  Whilst I never actually got to know the individual-there is a character within them that basically is just most exemplary of what should be the basis for society. A person who respects people no matter their race.