Brittany full story.

 Brittany the complete story.

 

   One day I saw this beautiful woman and went to introduce myself. From my lens she was in all senses the perfect beauty. She had blonde curly hair. Her complexion glowed and she wore the makeup that was purely the expression of the time. It made her stick out in a good way. Yet ire to be said, speaking to this person was like speaking to a brick. I will say that if a brick could be so reserved, she would be it. Namely folks, I am to say that I am a shy fellow but really not speaking was not going to achieve anything at all in getting to know this individual. They simply were the most cross messaging individual. Almost as if they were afraid to express any emotion, of either interest or hate but somewhat responding to speak to you. To be correct; they always made the effort to respond to what you were saying or acknowledge you were there but yet had no feelings visible until they spoke. She was nicer than many people who would introduce theirselves and then refuse to speak to you at all. And folks, men and women-there are men and women out there just like that of course. Albeit, in my experience people of the younger generation are the only people so antisocial. Those older folks just love to talk and especially when its a bunch of bullshit. I am to say that she was not like some of these rude people who refuse to speak back to you when they dare bother you to be fake friendly. She was had manners and had some knowledge of being social more than they. This however does not mean that she was actually good at communication. She just had the bare minimals to even be of an everyday individual. She was not a unsocial individual like some young people are today. This does not mean you should congratulate them and call it a day. No, this person was very hard to speak to and frankly enough just closed off after a period of time. Eventually, I just stopped talking to her in general because of how unfriendly the person was no matter how you tried to get to know them-they did not even want to talk more than "yes or no". And yet never said,"they did not want to speak to you". 

  You very well had a hard time even knowing if they even liked you speaking with them. Oft enough really did not want to be placed in this category of being a bother and really enough to a great effect just left them alone with their phone. The problem with this was that they really would later try to express something towards you but you would not let them even have a chance to say what they were going to say. Realizing that even if you did start a relationship with them, there would be more times of them just being very unsocial and just making one word remarks and you carrying the relationship. Whilst the individual was beautiful on the inside, you really just could not embrace a statue that really was slow to display anything or do anything at all.

     Between the Lions, this PBS show, had a segment where this greek/roman sculpter-man fell in love with a statue he sculpted. Obviously they got along just well. The statue was then a person with a personality and accepted the sculpter The work of his came to life and they lived happily ever after. The thing is that this person just did not have that level of anything inside to even embrace. She was not that nice to be around honestly even if she would respond back. There was nothing there. But sole comfort in just being stoic  and being nonchalant in recognizing other people's intentions. I don't think she really understood or cared if anyone was there to speak good or to speak bad. I mean obviously I believe she would have moved if a person did try to speak of bad things to her or try to coerce her as she displayed emotion later on with people she talked on the phone with. Alas, she did not recognize the true worth of people's characters out in the public or maybe she did and just did not care. The individual was a tough person to read and there was no real sense of mystery. Normally, I would have never spoken to them but I decided on that day in which I did-that I might as well just talk to them to not get a false vision of them.

   Truly, the advent of even trying to speak to this individual was not a wasted one. For what it is worth I did speak to the person in question and did not engage them as some ideal but as person. I counted myself lucky to not become trapped in the mystery and allure of a "mystery woman". And still do. Simply all I did that day was ask her normally if I could sit with her and she said, "yes". Then on that day asked her the basic stuff. How old she was, how far she was in education and what she was going to major in. She basically asked me the things in return. I am to say that she had just began college and was naive. I on the other hand had been there for at least 4 to 5 years at that point.Somewhere in me, I knew the age and experience difference would not allow these conversations to even continue. I mean enough whilst a 19 year old and a 23 year old are only four years apart and maybe considered in the same age group-oh,let's say four years is enough for large cultural changes.  You kind of miss some experiences of shows and the stuff if you are perhaps too young at the time to view it. Some people just don't realize that four years is actually a great difference. On the other part of me wanted to keep speaking with this person for the fact-that I was actually speaking to her and it was going well and namely she was very attractive.

    If anything of all the women from the fall 2018, she was someone I could envision dating but then again realized that the music school greeter was still out there and rather maybe wanted to date them more than anything. If not I really wanted to speak to a person who I just in my opinion I gave a bad impression. Yet, I did not know if I was ever going to speak to those people again. Yet here was something that was there.  On that first she said, " I'll see you again".  She said this as she left for her class. At the time I spoke to this woman it was the middle of September. By October 18, I had stopped speaking to her. Why? Oh, it because simply it was very hard to speak with her even if she wanted to keep you around to speak with her.

   The 2nd time I saw her sitting on the same location and asked to sit with her again-she said "yes". But really when I tired to get to know her she basically had one worded responses after awhile and then she dismissed herself. This time I did feel a bit strange speaking to her whilst she was not giving much effort to anything. She seemed somewhat interested in me but yet really I could not tell much behind her blank expressions. It became a bit awkward unless I asked her a question.

    The third time I saw her, I asked her if I could sit with her again and she said, "yes". This time I preferred to just read a book. I mean I just felt old speaking to her. This time I tried to start some conversation and let's just say people don't read books. She basically started speaking on her phone. She really earnest showed emotion and basically was for the rest of the time speaking on how she watched a movie till when she went to sleep on her phone with whomever and if someone was repairing her house. Maybe it was her sibling. She just got up this time and said nothing to me after I stopped speaking to her and read the book.

    Now in this time period, I was already speaking with the individual who basically abruptly stopped speaking with me. I believe the event in question was after the  You know the one who asked me to take a picture of her. I mean to say that I actually found some note of what I wrote of the instance and it was warped. I did not actually start any conversation with her or even mean to, true and true but people like to take responsibility for other people's social failures. Anyways, I usually would come back to the main building at the minority campus to finish a work on my schedule and usually sat in the place where the blonde curly woman usually sat in the mornings. To be forthcoming, I kinda of always sat there for as long as I had been going to the minority campus since fall 2017 when I would be venturing around the campus to use different spaces to complete different works. I mean enough that my whole workflow was to move locations for each task and this gave a new air to each one I am to say. Especially with the people around. So basically this is when the little fashionista woman had already stopped speaking to me and treating me as some revisionist enemy I was not( like literally pulled some bullshit out of a magician's hat to attempt to make theirselves look good in some real racist light). It was then on a particular day I learned that the former associate and this girl I was interested in actually and had been speaking to for at least three weeks to the point-were in the same class. 

    They came out at the same time but the fashionista individual was speaking with another person ahead of her. There was a black haired woman who was looking at me as well as with interest. For some reason, the blonde woman that I had been speaking to these three weeks suddenly seemed to be blushing and then self conscious that these two black haired else women were looking at me. I could not compose myself at the time, it was as if "I was cheating on the blonde woman"  from the way the fashionista wanted to compose things. I did not look at Brittany when she blushed, I was afraid that I would send the wrong message by smiling. I in fact was not there for anyone really that day but to complete something. The person I had been speaking to, looked hurt and then went about her way. I really had some thoughts that Thursday and that day after that. The black haired individual who suddenly seemed to have a keen interest in me, looked disappointed as well when I had never seen them before in my life. Alas, I do ascert that really much I was not cheating on anyone when I was not in a relationship with anyone. Basically,the whole thing of annoyance I to realize is just the negative impact of even communicating with that woman who asked me to take her picture in the first place. Somehow she had some impact in what was being done and really I am to say at this point we were already not speaking at all and I would not be trying to speak to her again. The next time I would see her, she would come up to the spot I sat  and threaten me, " I better not see you again" and which anyone at that school for 1 year prior to this whole year would have a recollection of me being there for a reason other than her. I mean in fall 2017, the fashionista folk did not even go to the community college. She did not.

    The week after, I would see the blonde individual but she had changed her hair to be black. Would possibly this indicate that she had changed her hair because she had gotten it in head that I liked black haired women. I really never got to confirm and did not want to be pretentious to overtly state such a thing but the way that she acted that day to show emotion was basically revealing about how she felt I thought at the time. One day of that week after gaining back the space to sit with her again as it was occupied by this dude who was clueless as a bumble bee in a house. Just eating his food and not really even realizing what a level of a gem in appearance at least was at the side of him. In fact he just seemed scared of any notion that he would have to break out of his comfortable shell to speak to anybody. Seriously, I felt sorry for how people really just are put into a way that just does not work in the end for anyone. To be so self accepting of being an antisocial loser comfortable just ignoring any form of social duty. Well let's day that this guy actually did cause the woman to have an expression of apprehension and then he left after they clearly had some hostile vibe going on. I sat down again and I tried to ask her why she changed her hair and if I caused her any harm. All I could do is basically compliment her hair. She replied, "thank you". She seemed more open this time. I told her about my project Black Magic. She said, "that's good". I mean it was a bit of some more enthusiasm in her voice but it just sounded so fake and really like she didn't even care. 

    But alas, I am to say that really enough I probably should have never been speaking of my ideas to anyone in public but that is where I gave people the credit that they could not insult my works. Maybe she was genuine but that was it out of her. I really did ask her out to the movies I realize now. To this she actually seemed enthusiastic to show emotion, " I really don't like going to see movies in the theaters and I really don't watch them there". She said," I really don't watch movies much". Yet she was speaking in the time before on how she was watching a movie until she fell asleep. I am to say that I could not read this person. They confused and basically made me feel like a fool. I mean, it was a lie, had I been making her uncomfortable the whole time? It is then on that day, she just left again without a word and I just went off really much discouraged that I had been doing something bad. That really the age distance was too much. I mean to say that she was too much naive and really much too nonchalant about things. I mean, you might think it would be a good match when people would later  assume that I was nonchalant. Yet I was never nonchalant about the matters in which people speak about. Either a good or positive response out of me. I really am to say that I went home that Thursday and was very much thinking along the lines that she was not anyone I should actually like. I am to say that I could not take this thing of taking to her any further. 

  She basically refused to really speak about herself, did not care about speaking to any great detail and frankly there was no where else to go. She had frankly turned down my invitation and so I left it at that. I mean to say that suddenly after the Coheed and Cambria's most recent music video came out,  the 1975's "Its not living if its not with you" came on(its actually about getting off drugs). I mean to say that it got me to think, did this person ever have such a relationship to me in the first place or did I care about them to that extent? The answer I came to is that sadly, I just did not believe that she was worthy of being sad over or as if I had lost my equal. Nope.  I mean who would want to falsely attribute such a burden. I thought things could have gone better than such a clique route but that is all this person's indifference to anything left me to be considering; really much that they did not want anything real and really were new to the world in how it actually is. I mean to say that they never ascertained anything much and whilst they seemed to want me to keep them company-they never realized they weren't doing anything to keep such company. Really much was just silenced to any talking subject with such nonchalance, ignorance or lack of thought that I refused to think that anything but a real fair chance to be received had been but ignored. I mean it was really all a waste that she really just did not care but what can you do, force people to be and feel what they don't? I mean to say myself that I was not and I am a social butterfly. I only spoke to this individual to possibly get to better know her so I could date her. I actually had to make a lot of effort to even think of anything to say. I had to encourage myself not to be cowardly. Really much, no one appreciated my efforts to speak if at all in this semester and they were just taken for granted. I realized that I even in a relationship with this person would very much have to continually play into this myth of how I was of be social and put so much effort into it. The girl was even more shy than I. We did not match. 

    I mean I tried to be optimistic but in my eyes it was over. I had no reason to be bugged bothering this person anymore and that's all it felt like. Later in the semester when I went to the library one Thursday in November (and she had changed her hair to be blonde again in the weeks I would not attempt to even speak to her and she would just be going to class so I would barely see her in the time period up to the day in the library) she just had this really annoying gaze at me. That was like she was annoyed at having to be bothered to choose to do anything or believe anything at all. Looked at me in a spiteful look or indifferent look that could be registered as annoyed just as I got into the elevator from one of the top levels. It is to be said that I saw her working at a computer and she did see me and looking on with wonder and fear maybe. Her expression was just one of wonder. I am to say that it was hard to know the expressions off her face. I basically came back to the area after reading a book briefly and seeing what books they had up there. She was still there and eyeing me with curiosity but having this manner that she had to do nothing at all for this sense of curiosity she had. Oh, this business guy who was younger was looking at me all while as she and I gazed at each other. Literally when the 2nd time I passed over, she was walking towards the elevator and these people in the computer lab where looking at us. I am to say that I did not say anything to her then and frankly, maybe she was expecting me to but I was just disinterested in her to be frank. How much should a person prostate before people realize they were worth something? The woman seemed to hold interest in me even when it was against her nonchalant principles. I would not place anymore interest in her and the door shut.

    The last time I would see the individual was the last Thursday of the semester. She basically paused in the middle of the hall when I was nearest her expecting me to say something. As if she finally realized something or another of a benefit she could get from me. I mean to say that to be a placeholder something or another just for someone to say they have a relationship is not a real relationship and that's frankly what I assumed she was looking for. I mean pretty much was so disheartened at the point and had made the logical assumptions that I did not try to communicate with her and she just stumbled off. Pretty much, I am to say in my selfish manner of thinking it was dodging a bullet. But in another way of open mindness, if I actually had tried a bit more something of another relationship would have become. Yet I am to say that it was likely in my opinion likely not to be a good one. But in open minded thinking, it could have been either good or bad. Maybe suddenly they would have been more appreciative of anything instead of taking you for granted. But then you could actually never know. I just did not want to invest any time on what was a closed case to me then on that day and on that last day of the semester to invest someone who really did not care about you when it counted. It was better to just embrace in looking into other people. In fact when she passed about two other women expressed interest in me.

     I then never saw her again. I am to say that the experience was better than much other "ventures of socializing with women" in this semester and really to a great effect, I did learn a great lesson of resolve here. I am to say that some people would have after making the effort to talk to her especially when not talkers would have allowed her on to speak with them being so desperate behind wanting to be with her. But not I. I am to say that, you ought to know a dead end and not make that dead end truly the end of progress in your life. I mean to say, that really-does a 23 year old person really need to be dating a 19 year old so naive and just starting their higher education experience? Whilst there is nothing wrong with a 4 year gap, people clearly are going different directions and it makes no sense to be with a person who ignores your experience and just really prevents theirsleves from ever being able to know the real you or anyone for that matter but how socially bound they are.

Oft, I wished things worked out better but it was not in the cards.