Found this I wrote on a particular woman.

(link)
There is actually a third picture that comes before the 2019 picture of the particular individual in spring 2017's history class. It is a more brief account of advents and maybe recalls things to a particular advent of how things actually were and yet hides some other things that are in a later account. If not the drawing is of a fictionalized version based off a real person because I did not know how I was going to tell the story of 2017 but it was just an idea. There did not mention the real girl's name at all but made up a name for her. I do say in common sake of knowledge, if I did use anyone's real name-its not like you the user can ever find them. When you really don't know my real full name to find me online and else would not find them thanks to me in my social media. These people have such common names it does not matter if you use their name or not. You could be talking easily about someone else named the name. Small disclaimer was provided for the sake of revealing why I do reveal people's names. The take away is that their names are so common, no google search would ever take anyone to them especially when no one knows what my real full name is to have any luck of pinning down people "close around" me.

I do realize that maybe in the actual conversation in which I was talking to the woman who was the teacher's pet, there was like heavy sexual tension. Not saying that to be creepy but albeit this person's face turned fucking red or she really much was blushing the entire time in which I was talking to her till I left. Taking slow breathes and bites this person was and it was just an atmosphere around. I myself was very hot in talking with her and basically the way she eyed me was very much of infatuation. Now, before you say anything about me being creepy and trying to upend the girl to be in a sexual narrative or nature for my own enjoyment as many SJW people will say-they were not there. The girl bit her lip before she started to eat. I have lived long enough to know when women are somewhat sexually infatuated with you and they have not all been good instances and I rather not get into that.Anyways in this article, I state various notions of innocence-it was more like the girl seemed to be interested in something or another of the sexual nature and I say in this article that I was not interested in starting anything of that sort because there was not a real chance that I could actually live alongside this person. Rather that there was no way that we could even form any real relationship when she was just in the teacher's pocket and just seemed a bit overtly sexually invested when I came to speak with her. I did not include particular suspicions of mine in the article because I did not want to delve so deeply then but to tell a complete story in the recent-you kinda of have to.

I drew her with a bag over her face because ideally was not the most attractive in that area to be me before I spoke to her but opinion changes after you talk to her. In actuality I just stop talking to her because there was this tension between me and the person. Yea, people can feel certain things and a dryness in the air and how she would look at me blushing was enough to make you blush but yet no one can see that you actually blush if you have a darker skin tone. In hindsight I did not want to get attached to her and just asked the things on my mind and left because I really was not going to held liable to be attached to someone who ardently got a benefit clearly from the teacher in the history class and kinda in their character could be the very chance that they would derail my attempts to get back to normalcy. It did turn out this person could not be trusted and really much wanted to be angry at me because they felt some attraction toward me or where just messed up from something else but I really say that the look this person gave me later on was unmerited when she herself communicated interest earlier. But I did not over think it; you never know what the person actually was going through at the actual time period and basically if you took time to look at the full picture of events in the classroom to later acquired knowledge that matches a pattern-oh well you get the picture.

I am to say I had a different perspective when I wrote the post that is more close to how things actually were in my perspective towards spring 2017. There was something abnormal about the social interaction I did have with the woman that maybe painted something was wrong with the class itself but ultimately you can think its prejudice of a sort at first as I thought in 2018. Yet realizing certain things that happened in that class  that  were kinda of red flags just makes you feel ashamed you ever had such a boyish narrative or approach to the woman in question Oft I did forget the fact that I was attracted to the woman to the extent as in this post because I later recognized I was foolish and did a thing was not sufficient to help anyone. Just laugh nervously whilst talking to this person and then leaving when they told their "story" of how things were in which that anyone who actually was in the class could see that it was not. The class was not easy when the teacher surely was an ass who basically tried to prevent people from coming into the class when they very could have come in even if it was just five minutes late. Participation was very hard to get inbetween the teacher and the person he always picked for someone reason.Yet no one actually wants to make any type of claims at all but when people say things are as they aren't-it poses a question. Much this woman revealed the extent of harm later on in the fall semester when she no longer took the class. As if freed from a reality. And really much realized that people who did not help her where just bad clogs in a system of people taking advantage of them. I am to say it is not hard to read this from the look in which she gave me. Yet really much I had done nothing wrong in far as conduct talking to the person and really enough did not deserve such a write off. I mean if you talked to a person before normally and after a while; your normal response would never be to frown at them deeply unless something truly was wrong.

There are actually three years worth of images of drawing this woman and I am to say that as you experience more things as you get older realize certain things in the past were very questionable.I wish I had actually stayed longer to try to talk more with the person instead of being interested them stupidly to an extent. I do think from that experience of talking with this person and just what happened later-that I tried to understand other people and not get caught up behind something. Yet though, I must say that people cannot stop who they are attracted too and literally I had problems my own that were dire to be solely focusing in on that one person. Really you can see from this article even that I had to recover my writing skills just alot from then to now and so things are oddly worded but I wrote it to just take down an idea. I am glad I did because I might never actually realized the reality of the advent where I spoke the particular woman and how shame just removes any interest and you really don't want to think about having an attraction to a person who utterly turned their back upon you. However, whatever the cause of their anger towards me I realize it was because they were hurting somehow inside and somewhat not truly responsible for this outward rage where maybe trusting men is hard to do.

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