Let art do the work.

Oft that Christmas Break, I was 21 years old that year and just really feeling bad. I worked through the holiday much to try to get back to my ideal place in which I should have been in the time. Set in plan an action plan to basically eventually get back to all the ideas in which I had prior come up with and that which was a successful plan because its the one that leads me to write this note. Thus far if you have been following have recovered various styles from fall 2016, I would usually tell you what the styles were but there were many ideas in this Christmas Break. There are also stories in which I could tell but I regulate the stories are best told in drawing format and really enough I cannot but express that. The time of that Christmas break was just hiding in plain sight and just moving along with things just to survive. I will tell you it was at best hiding a grievous injury so that you could have the best benefit to cure the injury because if people knew they would make things worse. Honestly, the world could do without some people and those people are those who regulate they never have to reason what is truly right or wrong or even use their god given minds to make the world a better place. I will say to you that I did make the world of mine a better place by focusing on me and paying attention to the efforts I needed to do to succeed.

In the coming winter/spring 2017, I realize that what I was doing was working forward and higher than ever before and yet was facing great sum of discrimination, adversity and all the such of what men children of this country assume is right. I had been thinking that spring 2017 was bad because I let down my efforts, nope it was bad because of the toxic environment of home and school and society in general.

I did so much in the time period that came later and yet still more people like those I would meet in the art program just became the surrounding of advents during the next semester after the Christmas Break. It did not matter their color as long as people were self hating and self destructive-nothing of equality or sensibility meant anything but just an intolerance to behave like civilized persons always trying to appease a racist white identity trope.

Today I made a calendar of events and how they happened and pretty much I am already done with the happenings that did happen in the Christmas Break and really much recognize that I was working hard and really enough nothing changed by the winter/spring semester in 2017 but just more people who were against you. Now, I originally planned some weeks ago when I was working on the MM culture magazines to strictly go in order but you see I found that really things were blurred with how bad things were in 2017 winter/spring that I could never see the true picture and really much made an image which perceived the break as the hope and the next semester the fall of everything. Much to truth, this was not exactly how things were. In truth I just kept working on stuff and reworking on them that it nearly drove me mad until I took time by the end of the winter/spring 2017 semester to get back on an even sensible ground back to normalcy and anything of its sort. Truly in regards to hope, I only saw hope in what the future could be from the aspect of people treating me well but people let me down and that was the true fall of things. Never did I relign on my works, not even once-not towards even this day. But as a person this Christmas Break was the time of opportunity to get back on the road to normalcy and hope for a better future where people would behave like people. Oft that future never came.

I am to tell you that for this reason alone, I will say the whole Black Lives Matter thing is never relevant to me as I have been fighting for something "real" this whole time and that movement just allows fakes into the fold who never will know the struggle of people like me who really have a hard time even holding onto being called "black" by other black persons who are ignorant and other people who are strictly and vehemently hateful. I mean literally I will never agree with people who give an excuse that looting and setting things on fire is okay. You would find if you people had a clue about all the types of black people, that some people just don't give a damn about anything and just using anything like the Black Lives Matter movement to gain benefits of monetary and else gain and don't care about civil rights and surely don't care about education or having a "good life".  I mean to say that blacks are totally without the means to work for theirselves and ever need to gain things from the merit of simply being black is an insult to people who ardently work for the shit and accomplishments they have as black persons. I will tell you that I don't need to be given a voice when I am perfectly capable of expressing one without a faux movement and readily have been expressing one since 2016 or even 2013 before the thing even ever existed. Literally, I am to tell you that you cannot pigeon hole the complex issue of black persons as if giving voice to some black people makes up from the repression of the majority of the people who are black. It is literally a fucking slap to the face to say that black persons need to be uplifted when they can and have been doing that for a long time and don't need some phony image of inclusivity. When people in the media show my story word for word and no racial stereotypes added in, I would believe the world has achieved post racial quality but I don't have any hope that will happen because that hope was extinguished when I turned about to that community college the next semester over.

Prying faces and just deadly glares and just harassment was the essence of the time and just being forced to deescalate things where people were taking too much negative attention in you. I am to say that I fell just strictly into an abyss and there was no support whatsoever and really enough had minimal shit level support even before then. Eventually I picked myself up but I would never forget the discrimination of that time nor place. Oft I placed the 2017 winter/spring events before I ever divulged of the time that was of hope and the last dying hope too simply for the fact that if I started with the positive outlook I would be discouraged from seeing the whole picture and would ardently not be able to communicate the whole story. I am to say if events of a time in either fall 2016 or winter/spring 2016 had that much an effect on me to lose hope in people, I am to say the concerns of people with the recent Black Lives Matter comes too fucking late and really only at the expense of someone's life who had it way worse than which I did. I am to note, that my life must of have not mattered to anyone at all in that prior time until this faked interest in black people and equality! If people truly respected these ideas of equality they would have said at their notions to discriminate," we should stop". I mean who of the news would want to hear about black youth having troubles in school that aren't their fault and not any equitable to be fake about caring? No one, but they want to say these days that give a damn-I won't ever believe it until people's stories are actually told of the now and not of the then. I am to say the media uses past events as a shield to the injustices in which happen today and what the people at top or media don't understand or the "unracists" don't understand is that this perversion only gave rise to the true natured Black Lives Matter movement where young people knew they were being ignored because they weren't this ancient ideal of blackness ever and trying to reclaim the narrative.Yet the media takes it into its own hands to say that "there is only one type of black person-the old people who don't even get out of their houses". This is a disrespect that goes unheard much and really enough-young people will always recognize it. I wonder why the future never could come. Only simply because people never want to acknowledge the realness of who the black people are and that they aren't soulful engines of soul and R&B and all that stuff.

I do say that in truth; why I have written the events backwards instead of forwards is so that you can see the origin of things and rankly that olde Christmas Party was just the debacle to give away to even worse conditions. I am to say that in this era that black persons should not have to be afraid or have to fight in places of education but they still have to and yet no one cares to the note of that as if education does not mean anything for black persons. They are only concerned about not being killed by police because they must be innately struggling in which must be their natural criminal nature. I am to say that truly there are many ways to spur the media's support of BLM and I say that its to basically destroy the real efforts of people of color wishing for better equality. And nope people who never will feel threatened, always get the girl same race or not and just are religious "god fearing people" would never get it. I make quotations around god fearing people because many people who are Christians aren't at all.You will have to understand that really enough that what I experienced in the transition from the Christmas Break and onward was to be continually deprived of any respect and humanity in which in honesty is not an argument to give to people.  

Now, I already written on the matter of 2017 but I think it would be nice to hear it again from the perspective of the Christmas Break and really much that it was not a time of failure but relative success against oppressment. I have to say that many people would far so well under the conditions I was in and that is enough to really consider the issue as something that should not be tolerated. Adjacently, the Black Lives Matter movement will not change anything of the discrimination that occurs in places like a college or a community college as people deem it is just and right. Especially those who are black creatives or artists who have self respect and don't have to endear in the principal of solely drawing black subjects because that's all black people can do and that type of shit. I am to say that really enough that real progress comes where and when the other side that is totally wrong and contempful has no place in a society and idealistically no movement will achieve that when it is governed by people who have "everything" when don't have anything.

I was going to write upon the details of the time of the Christmas Break had I not converted and gone the route of  " telling the whole honest story" but I think now that its best to not write anything at all but let drawings do the work. Akin I did the work of drawing all through the time of fall 2016, the Christmas break, winter/spring 2017 and even up to this very day. Its only appropriate that drawings tell the tale.