The revelation

    

    On a certain Friday; I came back home and surely decided to serialize the work of Technogothica. Rather I had plenty of ideas on where the work could go. Ultimately however I decided to not continue the former work as I believed I was not in the best state of mind to continue it as I was. I made two different writings of two different stories. One was called Technogothica Red and the other was called Technogothica Gray.

    These works I have talked about before on this particular site and really enough I had trouble staying awake to write them but with a thanks to A Day to Remember's Bad Vibrations; I stayed somewhat enough awake to write everything down and even begin to make a comic in the strip type method from the summer. But let's just say I was not happy with the result. Of course it was to be a draft but the work I had drawn from the contest was completed in its finality prior. Really enough was cheated of finality but one when they are tired does not have the time to put theirselves deeper in a hole to be "successful" at pushing just one more issue out.  I would not say I was burned out but just physically tired.

   There is to say that previous summer, which was just a week ago at the point and really nothing had changed in terms of what work I was doing; I had done so many works. So many works in which I had done and really none of them were close to ending but just beginning. Not that it was a bad thing but for the fact that you put alot of effort into these works and really would have to work even harder to get them out there. Namely feel a great obligation to do works efficiently and affectively. But what I never realized was the fact that these two versions of Red and Gray were only good as a writing exercise and not a full thing to follow. The idea of Technogothica only works with a certain trend of happenings and nothing more. It is to say that by this last week of August, I was just tired and just making a mundane practice out of doing the drafts in which I was. You could say it was a strength but not when you don't get that the methods don't benefit the means or mood of the story. Alas when I finished some drafts I was just very dissatisfied, tired and hot and really annoyed. Ultimately I was hot and about to fall asleep. I realized it was not the end of the world and realized that it was good to take a break from working on things of the summer because truly I had done alot.

    Alas; some persons and some group of people probably lie in wait for you to take a break to strike at you. That is the whole issue I really had. Being tired and people taking advantage of that tiredness and basically messing with you because they are so concerned about their own self perception and have a great deal of lacking self respect and love for theirselves. Honestly pure strangers trying to target you because they have their own personal and moral issues and frankly cannot leave you alone. I bring this up because greatly why I was tired that week was because of being around people at that community college. It was stressful to try to draw anything in the public spaces. You would get people gawking at you as if they wanted you gone. Ultimately to be said; there were a ton of racists out and about and just the atmosphere of a place like that drains you as you realize a longstanding issue is still there. I felt relived to get to the Friday but yet being there still did not solve my problems.

    I argue that really the societal acceptance of art and any support for people who do it is essentially lacking. There is to be said that artists exist in a world that plays pretend its civilized but in actuality is as primitive as when the world had cavemen and the strange now extinct animals. Everything artist do is for theirselves and by theirselves usually. I find that only recently people have begun to even talk about their troubles and even solve them.  My big problem was getting all the works I wanted done but let's just say that even the modern internet has lacking resources around that. I would say that all the people who are these "thought leaders" about art on the net being these highly followed artists aren't really much but  not so smart savages in my analogy. They preach this and that is productive but really its not at all to what many people have in mind to do. I am to say that I am not the only artist who wants to create many stories. Nope. But yet the real discussions of the internet art community today are very petty, frivolous and inadequate and a bunch of people posturing as if they are high level sages when their skills are pretty average and they are only liked because they have a certain style. Such to say if people surely don't have it now-they did not have it five years ago. Heck, there was not even an "art" twitter as there is today. Rather enough I am to say that the art twitter is frankly governed by selfish psuedo smart individuals who just disenfranchise smaller artists and push them to fringe benefits of making money off their art. By what I mean in fringe benefits is that so many people's whole styles are devalued by these thought leaders pushing the narrative that they are the best artists and people like them and their styles are the best artists.  Is it nice that some people feel they have to charge $5 dollars just to get commissions off their works? I am to say that I just felt hated by society in general at this point.

  Yea, I really had worked my ass off that summer and I was still doing the same thing and nothing was changing no matter how much I was trying to change the pace by of course slowing down and reflecting upon my actions. Alas, I realized that really enough the only one who could push my objectives forward was me. There aren't many people devote to make many works or even make them to completion I realized. Even today; the number of people committed to such idealisms is pretty lacking. With all this in mind and what the current me has accomplished; I went through too much stuff. When you enter a contest or something of the sort maybe people should respect that you have valuable time and are giving away some of it to enter their poorly bottom of the barrel advertised contest. A contest that usually is just to promote the company, its brand and its bottomline of increasing sales. Yet let me tell you; I seldom ever buy a DC or Lezhin comic. 

    Wait, I never have because truly why would you when they treat their artists like shit or just the ones who hope to enter their ranks. But that is to be said; really in this society there is no safe space for those who want to innovate behind what one person can do behind art especially in the art community. I kept my distance from the art community in those days and truly enough did not respect the virtues behind the top tier artists. That is to be said that really their works were nice to look at in somewhat form but also some just lacked purpose in my opinion but to be on Buzzfeed or whatever net site that loves pop culture things. I did not see these artists as real people and very much different from my goals and my struggle to achieve such said goals. I have become more open minded in recent times but let's just say that people have a right to pursue what they want especially when they developed the talent. Even if they did not do it theirselves; they still have a right to do what they want with said talent. Ultimately; I just hate how people push this narrative that all artists popular on the net can do is make these glossy artworks and that is that. Its like a mental coercion the art community has going for it. 

     Tons of people who make these glossy artworks like comics, manga and anime and yet they somehow don't want to create a comic or anime theirselves? Its simply because they make more money convincing people that the only art that ever needs pertaining to is their art in simple terms.  I would say this is an accurate assessment when these folks literally look at manga like My Hero Academia and instead of getting inspired to create their own comic essentially just go onto to draw artwork that takes advantage of the popularity of the work. Essentially building theirselves up and the fact that their art style and works are some superior brand that people can look to get these tons of fan art pieces from works that so happen to be popular in the moment. Oh yea, and they charge for content that is very much copyrighted. They put it on shirts and whatnot and let's just say that really takes money out of the pockets of the people who create these popular works like My Hero Academia. For the time period I am talking about My Hero Academia was not even that popular yet and really much not on the radar of the glossy art scene. My point is that artists are people who are built in part by inspiration and some people when they see something amazing don't choose any genuine approach that actually regards effort or not being "liked by the crowd". For some people and many of these Top Tier artist all that inspires them is greed. Some could say that they actually like drawing fan art but really you can only believe that when their works actually take effort and actually have an original take that is not being done by anyone else. If with repeating ideas its probably just a coincidence with the genuine folk. But let me tell you; it is somewhat nausating to be scrolling on twitter just to see a bunch of people chasing a trend and for the fairness of anything being very illiterate in the works they are "such avid fans" of.

     This explaining the whole context of things in the art world that I did and do exist; there frankly at such a heated moment on a Friday I had been waiting for was nothing by a realization of being totally alone in a goal. Honestly, I did shake off the bad feelings by the later night but it really changed nothing as I readjusted to give these ideas some time to develop alone. It just meant that I spent more time uncertain about these works and carrying a strenuous load of "how to get from A to B". It really affected me negatively and really much I just wanted to rest and then pick up again but just for how toxic the environment around places were-it seemed as if you could blink and your life would flash before your eyes. I was not paranoid as my life did flash in front of my eyes just two weeks later. I am to say none of the hostility was necessary and really much it just bothersome that I have been impacted still by the hostility to have to write about a past event that affects a work even to this day. But its necessary to show just what struggles I went through in the past and even in the context of creating works like Technogothica. Yes, I literally almost starting crying at my desk because I just could not do anything to solve a large problem I had and no else had the solutions.

     Nope, no one did and I had to forge out these solutions. I had to rework Technogothica time and time again in fall 2016 and there after because I had lost the original ideas in a fiery turmoil that was the underlying feature of the educational body and home life as an artist and yet a minority! I really had to work to the solutions to creating many works at once. Much enough that got started as if a ignition started by an intrusion of  safety-mental and physical. One that I perfected and continued to this very day.

    Today I basically realized what Technogothica's original ideas truly were at the start so much to realize how utterly wasteful was it to slow down and not produce better the chapters in a format nearest a full comic. But yet, should people be forced to make a decision to save theirselves from more work because other people want to be hateful and spiteful? I think not. Five years is a long time to be deprived of something that does belong to you. I harken that literally there needs to be better treatment for artists and not this game of modern where people must be one thing or they aren't successful and/or wiped off the face of the earth. 

    To receive such a remembrance after five years of trying to remember something is basically the accomplishment of a long running goal and one that I should have never had to have in the first place.