Some creak in my peak.

I am to say I am suffering heavily these days.To manage every single project and really trapped in a dark hole without any light. Eh, no type of real friends, no type of romantic anything and just me working for my works. That's good right because I essentially have been doing that for 7 years mainly. Really never even get any form of a "social entourage". You know people have their social connections who make their characters work in stories. Garfield always has his owner. The red mm always has his yellow mm. Its so fun. You see the world moving and everyone seems to have someone. Even the trash of the world, the real republicans have someone or a granddaughter so ignorant to their wrongs. I mean go on and support the unyielding genocide that is the American people at the hands of the corona virus and don't wear a mask and all that, you are just a damn unruly republican who really much just has a cast " willing by default, lacking morals, intelligence or privilege". I am to say that some people will never be able to live to have grand children. Oh, I am to say that I am suffering these days because an olde means of life is just returning. Those days where you thing your days are numbered. I have surely thought that many times.

That you are done writing, done drawing and done being successful and even done being able to live. I am to say that I oft am to truly remember that this whole desperation of feeling just makes things all so bleak.

Ever considering that you even have to consider that you might not reach tomorrow.

But alas, folks that is what many people have to live with and maybe I had removed myself from such a tendency to such a hard and stark progressive notice. If you ever are to realize anything of MK MZODERN is that hope itself is somewhat fleeting and motivation surely lacks when you are hated, hunted and just hated over again. I am to tell you that really much there are times in which I would have written more but to write more would have been to expose myself to danger. To even do a bit more would have engaged me to the risk of failure.

You can see why I don't like anyone and I mean anyone who ardently tries to sidewipe the whole encumbering fucking identity of me being nice and civil to them and even giving them a chance when I know it is them and from their actions that they are the people who are the hunters! The people who just don't get that people aren't neither as self hating and as closeted from the world as they are. I don't surely appreciate why and why people try to push harm upon you for even existing and trying to stress failure upon you. There is such a thing as knowing a "mine that become activate" and I am to say many people are just mines waiting to explode but don't know that you are savvy in getting ride of such mines. I mean these people think of theirselves as threats, appreciate the fact of their threat and love their self hatred and loathe any sense of respect to knowledge of anything in which they aren't. These people are subverted made to think from the media and anything of real hatred that they love violence and violence towards a certain people. Never to realize that they would fall directly right square into that violence. I am to say that these people are just fools who are made to believe their own inferiority behind self hatred and never are the people who actually want to see any violence at all and if they do, it certain would never benefit them or their mental estate. I am to say that many people experience violence and still would choose to blame people who are pointedly made targets for hatred. They would take the side of those who they look up to and never realize they are included in that group and already have experienced violence because of their speak. I am to say that today, it is easy to get carried away into the notion of retribution and violence but you ought to never endear to live a life that way. I find people who basically don't understand this principal and mindlessly do destructive things to anger people who they think they have a hold over are stupid and really don't know how much they hurt their chances of any real life goodness coming to them.

If you don't know what republicans speak in hatred and what black lives matter is, is just sensation. It is not real. To say that you would do for either one as in physical means you really don't know that it is an overtly engaged political "sensation" or a topic that holds no real worth in actually advancing its follower's lives to the degree they want or wish. I am to say that you waste more time believing that you can just hate this type of people and believe this closed minded world and everything will come into fruition. I am to say that you waste more time believing that you can just simply and I mean ardently take to the streets and everything will just up and change. You will have a better living of life from marching or hating people. You won't have to go to school or complete education or go to work or to your job.  You will join the riches there is in some idealistic bounty but folks there is none. People don't realize how much they are geared to act in violence in which does not benefit them or truly motivate them to their potential.  Many people want to think that they can engage in hateful and violent behaviors and there will be no retribution at all or that they won't go to jail but that is what awaits them and if not that, a worse life trying to think they are somewhat normal with the blood that is on their hands and frankly can never fit in society as they are murderers for something very heinous. Many people think that their taking to the streets is just enough for them to survive, this spark will last to change all the hierarchical barriers that exist. I am to tell you it does nothing much especially if you are to really understand what I wrote of yesterday in my community college experience where racists are always at the top and unapologetic until they are suddenly brought out to light. Yet never realize how much it is a waste to be a literal walking target on the streets when they could be pouring that effort into places which there are barriers. I mean if people who were not of the hated class spoke up against abuses in the graphic design program, do you really think I would have experienced any discrimination. The answer is no. I am to say that you can play hero but is makes no sense to play hero and then die. You should not be making these idealistic advances that have no merit in reality and just for you contains injury and realitively no good impact for you and your life. I am to say that really people are so centered on a rather sensationalized arc of events they never realize the real merit of where they can actually put their foot and stick it in regards to these marches. I am to say that oft times the best change is incremental and happens per the action in the environments it is likely to occur.

Literally people don't know that the beliefs they are led to follow behind in sensation and with a lack of education into their role of being led to slaughter or just a lesser destiny than when and where they are conscious and capable to notice what they can and cannot do to truly make an impact. You have to realize many people think that they won't face adversity or death or even consequences for following in unconscionable  violence and that sensation will make everything that is an effect go away. I literally will say to you that people are spun up like toy soldiers to enact a role and then led into slaughter and are not aware of what they are actually giving onto and have to be ready to be affected by. Don't go out to protest and don't thing that violence will not come onto you by the various dangerous terrorist parties not labeled terrorist parties. Don't go around thinking that you not wearing a mask for your superior notions does not impact you or impact the world making it harder for you to live. What you get from this is that people who are not soldiers or people who know truly about what the language of violence means-you should never be equating a belief of doing an action and a finality that will never come. That you will somehow be cleared of doing the action of violence. In real life people, you should never ever be so aimed and poised like a weapon to your own demise. You only have one life and obviously things of violence don't come off like washing a plate. Yet people don't understand that they have limits in human capacity and sensation even in violence does not make these limits go away. You cannot just think that burning things down is good for anyone. You cannot be convinced targeting a group of people you don't understand and have done no wrong are somehow targeting you and violent against you when you in reality are the only person who is violent.

People literally can be "violent" and not physically display it and it can come from words that communicate a meaning of harm. I am to say many people out there are just basically young adult people who are raised a venomous rhetoric that is self destructive and pushes people away for how they dare value the lives of other people. Many people I have met have communicated they wish for nothing but harm towards me and my life and my efforts especially when given or shown. They choose to mock and do so when it is not acceptable ever to do it and is never in a friendly basis or light manner as you never know these people but they assume they know you. I am to say that people I have met in my education through and through really want to get into your space and control you as if not a person but an idea of a person that can be broken, broken down into "easier" parts and pieces or hateful idealisms and really much never avow a fucking syllabal that comes out of your mouth. No, they will never recognize the "you" but the them. They will carry on in sensation that they know you and never match the words to the person and never make an effort to know you. Its no ones' fault that they do this and really much people should be grateful that they show theirselves for how they are. Simple pawns who don't know how the game is played. They are not the people hiding their intentions and actively look to progress their idealisms but people who face the consequence of pairing up violent sensationalized ideals to reality.

 I am to mean that really much; they can find theirselves lacking the kinship, connections and just benefits of knowing a person. They miss out on ever learning of the real person and are convinced in their mind that they know the person and they know the state of the world as it is and convinced the world is something it is not. What republicans like to do is often do just this, ignore the real people for a reality they wish gives them the permission to be righteous in the face of God where no God no smiles on them in real life. This disconnect is seen in those mega churches to the people who throw masks and behave in an evil manner to those who are large government officials. It seems these days that liberals are not safe from this idealism. They have to be convinced there is some delusional world where everyone believes what they believe or else they are bad people. I am to say that really much conventionally people will only accept two genders and really much its too much a trouble to ask people to be concerned about a concept which mires the way they want to assume their lives and really much in this case it would not be wrong for people to want to only accept two genders. I am to say you cannot make people follow what you want because of sensation and a fire in the pit. Sensation is nice for liberals as a means of advancing but for republicans it can be deadly. Never do liberals kill anyone in spite of hateful rhetoric.  Yet too much dependency on sensation where incremental progress works better-is bad and that is the state liberals find theirselves in. Where they are too dependent on sparks and flames than actually what they can do or what can be achieved.

When I think of the people who see something wrong and turn the corner, where is the power of sensation then? Where were the people of the liberal tendency of any color when discrimination was vested upon me. No, they were selfishlessly hiding out avoiding the spaces to ever challenge any authority. I am to say severely the real lacking engagement of those who are liberals is the real blessing to the republicans and all their hatred. When you see something wrong and doing nothing when you can and yet choose to do nothing what good is your black lives matter participation where you could have had a bigger role in something that would have actually impacted your region. Believe it or not many people and I mean the many would have never assumed to ever march around a campus if I spoke up one day at all. They would have mocked, recorded me and belittled me and much and much people would have labeled you "wanting attention" or "mentally insane". I write to say that really enough one country sensationalized advent and then a globally one does not make the pudding of life all just flow and discrimination not be a face in the place. You aren't covering the tapestry when you converge all in one location. People need to be committed to find a rotting out violence and discrimination as those who are committed to hated and discrimination are.Need to recognize the real reality of it beyond sensation and what actually does promote change with a spark of sensation.

Yes, these days I am brought back to numerous days in which I had to learn the lesson of "real impact" and not be carried away in "sensation". I am to say in the absence of the hope given by sensation is a dark unceasing black that is never hampered least people take charge of their destinies and become committed to fight for what is good whether an aiding fire is there or not. I am saying that is pointless to give hope to needless sensation when you can always fall into the pit. Though I express that if I am here in this pit now, relishing the times of violence it is because of other people who basically betrayed any sensible trust and were so convinced behind selfish hateful sensation. I am to say folks, that people of the liberal standpoint these days lack discipline and self resolve to make things happen and apart of having self resolve is having knowledge and skill in which that you aim to do. They do not make an eloquent or structured approach. But one that is wasteful and never covers the whole canvas and literally attack those who else would be on their side and basically are cannibalizing each other. I am to say that not every injustice needs a cry in public or known. You ought to best remove yourself from that type of thinking to make the change and I for one will be continuing to do just that. I am to say that for instance if you have the injustice of no " girlfriend" yelling about it, being bitter to women or too degrading of yourself will not get you the ideal you wanted. Nope, you will just land with someone who wants to take advantage of you and degrade you and never listen to what you even avow. The worse thing folks is just to be a color and not even a person. The worst thing is to be an item and not even be a person. The worst thing is to bring that shit upon yourself and I am to say this is what many people get when they date for color or a race that is "competent" or same as theirs. Yet, this time brings me a person who has tried by the real conventions to realize there is no space for me in any of these type of relationships by how the world just is and how people are and truly cannot control that.

However, these days unlike the past, I have no muse and the world is ever more dangerous so really much moving as if the air has been cut off or living a life that similar was not even reality. If I am to say I have no fond recollection of the past and well at least there was a chance to even engage the thought of a social unity with a person of the opposite sex but now there is none and even when there was it was bleak and desolate and so when it all flows away, all which is left is just a creak. A hidden howl that just might be retribution in the passive, well nature and restoring of balance in the modern world. How many people, how many women will never have anyone to validate their self worth? How many people never will have a chance to even met a sane person? I am to say that people who passed and dunked on me of the last year don't have the opportunity to even blame another for their way of life or "pass these ideas" onto another. They can simply believe they matter in their lives without any form of "resistance" to the quaint novelty their self hatred and need for destruction they wish for. To avoid the features of the world is to basically doom oneself and well people are now firmly dooming theirselves unchallenged and meet the consequences. They fall into their hole.

Yet folks I equate that much in any time you need some people who are but positive and not just like you to keep you going healthy and allowing you to continue to learn of the world. I would not be able to speak on some topics you should note if I just stayed within an interest level of well minded and similar minded folks. But its apparent that I have some creak in my peak of this because there truly is no one real person outsider to even else give another positive perspective.