Pinnacle.

One day the 7/18/2017, after a day out and about, I would never tell anyone what the day was about-I watched a movie I think was about a type of soda of sorts that was unique only by its branding and a brief change in its formula. I worked on some ideas for what MK MZODERN could be. They were valid ideas and then again, I never got to really work on them again and namely have not much touched the book I wrote the ideas in three years. Not a single continuation. This type of shame is why I ever decided to talk more in depth about the past and its various efforts and projects. So that I could utilize all ideas of the such in which I ever had created. Ideas that seem to be relevant for an era or time and then fade away in another.  Oh, well I reached this point in later summer, three years ago- I was basically like," How far has this insanity gone on, the continuation of projects and changed pools as if some bitch pissed in the water to make it green?" I did not probably actually say that aloud but frankly, I realized that I had been just running away and never finding much a conclusion to anything since fall 2016. All my plans and dreams were dashed because people wanted to play hero and god. The harassment, the backstabbing people assumed was good and great and "fuck you"( I am to say that really much many people don't know how to treat black men let alone black artists), the blaming of just "oh the infamy of him existing" and all that dark toxic higher education culture just really was never good to actually stay in a stable place in your mind, mentally or even physically. 

Generally if some stranger starts speaking about you and its not highschool and even if it was the result of the unwanted attention would be that you would move away. Yes, I moved so many times in the periods between classes at a community college because people could not just let you be. I have gone to great lengths in the past two months to even just record that myself. Ideally around this time reflected and yes reflected on how and just how I was disrespected in other public places, like the bookstore or else and really much folks realized I was just being oppressed, hindered and under the heel. It was then I decided that I need to make a move on something substantial. The works I had done were good to a great utility but they were not even close to be finished. Nope, all the works I worked on at the beginning of the summer. A D. Hunt work. The revitalization of my comics endeavors behind Kyeombi. A graphic novel about my earliest college experiences. They were good efforts but just could not be completed because of the "competitive-life" nature of things at the time. I realized that really much was just being forced to expend more energy than which I could even take a pace of, just to continue to be an artist. But woman on her phone and social media conversing and scribbing her low key doltish life could never give a fuck about that. I am to say that I realized only I had the power to end such a dire strait of things where in life and death of things was in me. No one could care in the people amongst my age, same sex, different or even around my age of this fact. No they would rather engage to try to harm you, aim to take your life, make threats and just be the creatures of hell. Pardoning nothing folks of what anyone did it was this time in which I truly started to work on Mysterious and Changer and make my comics I had planned behind Kyeombi into reality! It all took but one week and by Friday/ Saturday-rather it was Friday, I had created Mysterious and Changer 2017 with its perceptive and exclusive method in which a week later I would use to try to make more comics.

What comics did I make? Or attempt to? About 6 or 7 of them. All of them have names and maybe you would get to know them but yet I have to self censor these days and telling of these ideas is now excessive and problematic for my safeties. Anyways to the matter of sheer progression afterwards was something of an actually revival. 

The numbers on this site rose. They did by effort alone. After a long time of being lost in the wind, I had arisen to a new occasion. A new way of life. I had the views in which were gone for a year by that point. I had better purpose into the direction I wanted my artwork and my life to go. All because of me.And not because of the situation forced me into the predicament of like-I feel in a cave because the riot came and found gold. No,folks, how it actually worked was that by summer 2017-I moved to distance myself from a culture and a society of people who really did not just care about black people and people of color. I am to say that really enough never wanted to be mired even by the stench of these people again.These people you should know were every color of the rainbow and there can be something called, "self hatred" and "self-retardization". I am sure if you search up the philosophers of a subject you would find these same idealisms. I myself to this day am convinced that being a racist is a choice and something found all over the world where and which British colonists have touched. That it was cool or okay to be racist. I moved away from these people even claiming normalcy behind their ideals as if I was some unique but inferior to talk about and gasp about and even move away if I dared sit down. I rested from the bushfire in my mind of the "current advances in society melting down". I frankly removed myself nearly much from a toxic culture situation in my regional area as much as I could. Albeit in a bookstore, you can be sure some vulture is always out to depict you as you aren't or to run into school fellows or people who even work as the bookstore cashier. I am to say that really much I created a place to even foster creativity and it was never to be said amongst the help or charm of anyone from academia or which came of it. It was solely me and principal alone. That is a very hard route to take. Imagine being alone truly as if you are the only "ideal organism of your kind". To even try to relate to another or to tell another is basically to give your location away whilst hiding from hateful armed forces and then be swamped and drowned with drama.

I do realize from what I know know that I only wanted things to completely get better but things getting better for me by my own effort especially means it never changes by an accountability by others it exists or that an action towards justice should even be taken. Such when you get to the modern day, the situation of the local area just worsened to a even worse degree than it was in winter/spring 2017. I am to tell you that some people love to have nothing to do with making their own destiny or even being open to the world and what they can learn especially morally. Many people seem to believe that their religion and Jesus makes them good alone. People would love to believe that but I am to say that even sane people are with their moments of bad but they strive for good. These people never could be learned to what is good and disguise good as bad and their lack of caring to even make the effort to do good as good when in fact it is just plain out evil. Such much to say the generation that came two years later in spring 2019 was an inherent group of people who were just contemptful, you could even say without the notion of society and god and you can even say a prelude to lives so self destroyed that they imagined that all life that is valid admires,smiles or rewards such living. I made the misfortune of befriending one crazy bitch that thought she was apart of some teenage drama sitcom show, you know like Nickelodeon.  She would always be redeemable and loved and she could make as many errors and just fool around with as many young men as she wanted and still have them around.. If I may take  a moment for the current reality of 2019 to now, such a person thought they were so entitled to just entreat people to their drama and never take responsibility for their actions. They assumed the world would just open up for them putting in half a rat's ass to what they wanted in life. 

The world does not work in such a way, folks and really much I am to say that 2017 spring generation was losing the ability to even see the real world and even choose not to live in it but the 2019 generation was so removed from reality that really you have to consider why. Its because of pop culture, bad parenting, and never daring to ever have the resolve but to play videogames for a living and tik tok or ever apply logic or will to any situation or even learn any social skills. Its like they live in a fantasy computer and basically nothing is offensive to them or decisive to them. They have no real dreams as its all drawn on a computer and they have no realistic view points of reality because even for some people going to a community college is not a hardship at all but just a chance to equate that they can do whatever and goof off and still at the end of the day-have a good life. I am to explain to you that these people knew nothing of hardship or even thinking for theirselves or realizing things past the knowledge of what their family believe about people of types and especially other colored people or people of color in general. At best you could only sway anger for even existing as a black man who does comics in a very delayed way. As if they had to reconnect to reality and surely tried to distance theirselves from outcomes they would have from their piss poor learning and education.  I am to say that people complain that children won't learn anything in the coronavirus realm-I am to say that they learn at least what "freedom" is like and freedom of boredom engages often interest. The children today are better off without the bullshit of education and truly if it was up to me I would abolish the education system as it is now and maybe enough just do things in a more resourceful manner in which everyone is truly respected in needing to reach a level of learning which is best for them to advance in life.

I have to say I spoke to alot of people and some very clearly on the side of degeneracy.  I once listened to this army dude who was the loose friend and I mean very far fetched friend of this girl who believed she was the main character of a tv show just talk and talk about licking the vaginas of many young women and telling everyone of their flavor as if based upon race. Its to say I only laughed at him and not with him. Its truly enough to say I was only observing but moments enough realize this Nick show is very raw with degeneracy making a joke of something that could be very well indeed criminal.  He said and I quote, " Hawaiian girl's pussy taste like fruit". It was sick. All these deluded imbecile youths just laughed and they just laughed. Never realizing that in real life many army women are murdered and sexually assualted by men in the army and nothing is done. A current case in the news spot light if not begrudingly, illustrates perfectly that just the culture behind the army is nasty and toxic if not evil towards women. How could this army dude ever say such things and dare attach his army life style to it because he dared do it and really enough this goes to show that really enough folks, the danger of institutions are always reflected on the face of the "jokers". The people who aim to make people laugh and make theirselves have some prestige of popularity and acceptance. I am to say that really enough I am to say that people loved to be another type of joker even in the spring 2019. Behind closed doors and out open in public and really much if you could not see much of it then in spring 2019, it firmly existed in spring 2017.

What I am to say is that never was help ever to come even if I waited to do art. There would never be anymore support in that day and time of the near ending of July two or three years into the future. Why if you even go up to that community college and even large public college in the Houston area, why there is no people to associate with at all and if there are-its at your own risk. I am to say that the prospects of finding any hope or inspiration from the outside only decreased in time until it was negative in sort. I am to say that even if you could find people who seemed to like you, they loved being apart of a hateful crowd and distances theirselves just to get some perceived sense of worth and power from the group and its ideals.Take this as you will but the social structures of highschool, college, job places and the military are just the downfall of humanity when they only carry a virus of fierce evil in them. How many mean girls do we need in the world. How many bigots? How many men who refuse to even learn social skills and not blame women for their lacking social skills to even be in an amicable relationship and yet don't even try to even blame certain women if they could? Yes, I am to say simply I realized that really that nothing was to ever get better from the perspective of people. Nothing would ever change the world to where you would have friends even somewhat bent to motivating you and you them whilst you did your own work and stuff.  Simply folks, I looked inside myself and asked what can I do better today and not the morrow in the previous context of not investing for "solutions". Oh, I found the answer. Sadly, I cannot tell you whatever it is I discovered as I have chosen to self censor and relish in the fact that people don't need to be given answers but they need to look for them. I do say that if you want to move forward alone and by yourself, you must find that iceberg breaker inside of you to get to the other side as an icebreaker does to ease people into talking or doing an activity.

 Yet I am to tell you that I came from no other conclusion than my own from experience. I did not reflect on my early college days for nothing. I realized I gave up by even trusting that people who appear to assist me in my ventures. Later people in their own cruel ventures and invested ways dare to call me "mentally ill" for ever proposing the such which can surely tell you that their surest motivation to even being nice to you was just to try and roundabout in their cowardly way to fuck you or let's just say this, " have tons of sex with you!". I gave up by not realizing real reality and realizing the material of bullshit, sex drive, violence, hatred, pure evil and just indifference that goes through the heads of many people who dare facet in higher education in any level. I realized that really much I surrendered thinking I would ever find people to be creatively amongst even in 2013. No one would ever come and I had held out hope for 4 years up to that point and what did I get?

Crazy woman after crazy women and then one wannabe artist in spring 2016 was trying to make it her life goal to intimidate me and harass me with the fact she was offended I dare treat her as a person and even speak to her. I am to say that really much, the whole perspective of trying to rely on others for anything results to nothing at all.  Of course people in these days still form bands and do art together but they are simply just lucky they have people to associate with in any effort and not backstab or try to murder another before they can get anywhere at all. I am to say that such a path of unity with others and synchronicity is never to be an actually thing for many people because people are so self centered and have no altruistic capabilities and never question what they can do for the world. It is always what the world can do for them. I am to say that simply people just  want to work amongst others of like minded properties and you never have to explain that you are human and not "for sex as many times as you wish". People are in other words, too closed minded and too flippantly racist. In this I was forced to consider if I myself had ever been racist. Not really, I reasoned, I was pretty much open to everyone but hispanic women I realized. I am to say is because I fear all but few folks who are hispanic women in my mind where just racists and opportunists to "befriend and then belittle when you escape an ideal they wish of you". I am to say that I have a long cultured existence and went to a highschool where there were only blacks and hispanics mainly, few whites and even fewer asians. Much of my notions about hispanic women were bad from actual experiences with them or I should say "young women at that point because Google is a bitch that you cannot use girl in slang notion-no".I don't think I am ever the expert but you see after people try to con you out of having an emotion, being a person and ever being offended that you would "ever think of them that way" and only prefer they could only be around you because you were like their younger brother-you would keep your distance away from such people. I never made the effort in college to associate with people who were friendly and just latina to any great degree but because I did not trust them from what others had done even if you recognize these people to be different; the fear of being burned, tossed, trashed, ruined in any effort as such in the past and more of your creative efforts and just even more keeps you away. I am to say that really much this closemindness kept me from people who were hispanic women who in which probably would have been into helping me in comics and me helping them in their works. 

But alas, I realized, I was caught up in just my own closed minded thoughts even if they were validated by the various actions of people prior. I realized that really much I had let the only opportunities I ever even had slip away and from then on it was just a fall into hell. Decreasing and decreasing, the chance to find anyone to help you was gone.  I only had one short opportunity I realized but what good is one short opportunity where as the world is concerned? Should their not be any consideration to the morals of people being so gung-ho behind racist beliefs that they can never reach the people in which actually could help them out? Should you not consider that your biases are a blocking blessings and even the ability to be successful in the world. Many people are never concerned folks. They grant people of their culture, the real men and everyone else better "get out of the way" because only they can grant them a cultured life which in actuality is them just having children from such an envisioned individual and never doing much with their lives but mooching off of others and secondarily raising their children piss poor.  You can say this pretty much about all types of women, I know I have met alot of such persons where they have these goals that think the world of theirselves receiving rights to things they never worked for and cannot even really treasure. I am to say that some people even to this day as women, just want to depend on men and very patriarchal closed minded cycle. They never want to do.

These things in my mind I came to a conclusion; people just ought to do for theirselves and do only solely concerning what they can do and only help to extend that sort of idealism to others in need. This in sort my friends became my creed. Through and through project and project and challenge in comics and higher education and even meeting other people. Yet, I am to say that by spring 2019 realize all but people not have no idea what the word " altruism is" or even working for theirselves to any real goal( I mean folks you aren't doing anything for yourself if you are just taking two classes a semester in higher education and there was a person like that if you remember or if you read the site last year around this time) and really much have such stunted maturity, knowledge, socialization skills and culture that they are just primitives-cavemen and women with phones and tech. I even would like to call them e-cavepeople for how uncultured, undisciplined and unlearned in the ways of any societal function which they are. I never want to come across as preaching on a hill to people of color even being a person of such description as I know that all that negative reinforcement does nothing for anyone judging from my highschool indeed alas but some people are just a disgrace to the legacy of people of color even wanting a better life for theirselves. There are people I have met who are no better than people who wear sheets over their heads and there have been people so contrite and so wholesome to their beliefs of superiority but they have no experience, know nothing and really want to do nothing. I mean, never have I ever seen a group of people so comfortable with falling asleep in public and just being rude for the sake of it. I mean to say that you must look inside before you wish the world to even hope to get better. ( You can very well say that some people aren't destined to get anywhere with their lack to social refinement and even being conscionable of authority and even having manners. Everything cannot be an argument.)

Albeit this mentality of looking inside  all started three years ago and it has gotten me through alot.

I firmly however refused by the spring of last year to deal with anymore people. I believe that it is not my destiny to be rot and graced by the twisted and the wicked and the uncaring over and over again.Just hoping people would do the bare minimal and even give a fuck about even being normal people who can recognize others without any problems or shielding or cowardice. Just hoping to help others out. Yet all people can do is betray and backstab you.  It would else be sad to think your destiny was to be of that sort and concern. There is to be said that literally I had no ability to control anything in which how others behave and don't. But I stress to you that ever is the remnant of the spring 2017 time period, is that forever there is a target on my back and you always have to be careful of people and even dubious even. Especially when all the people who you choose to give a chance especially in that spring 2019 just backstabbed you and even worse of the sort.

This mentality of mine still rings true, it is better to be of yourself than depend on others. People can only dare but hope to treat people even somewhat civil when you hire them and even there you can get some wackos in the mix of your employment roster. I am much to say that even third parties on the internet express a great deal of being a social culture of toxicity and must believe their actions of censorship and blacklisting are the best things to keep the "abhorrent" inline. I am to say that even this review of summer and going forward shows that you are best off depending on you to tell of your life and its outcomes if not the review I just concluded recently that was like a part one to this whole effort of recalling the past but I am not a person to advertise everything as they are so you would have a great deal of difficulty even knowing what is part 1 and 2 just from reading this sole article alone.

I do bring you to these thoughts because that is the background you need to know for the story that may or may not just come in recent expressed "favorable terms of speed and diligence" that people just assume media must hit these days. That truly the story of mine is not a delicious one in the terms of community and friendship in which twitter, reddit and all the other social media places sell you must make your worthy, successful or even able to advance. It is one of self effort and ambition in spite of the many fuckers who never will gave a damn. I am to say that things cannot be changed by simple marching and protesting, nope, they cannot and I like to believe such things are just all for favorable show of expression and not much more than that. I mean to say that on college campuses you have many persons who will raise a banner for such and such cause but it is more of a brand of identity than being what they actually do in fact believe. I am to say that many things cannot be faked from within and that I am committed to making the real change in which I actually can from where I am safe and my life is not always in danger. Yet I believe there is a need to express that all things in which people do to live their lives does not come from marching around. It comes from choosing to be of self upliftment, effort and altruism when it is productive to others. And I express that I am done with running at a pace just to keep my life and constantly badger with an unproductive image passed off as productivity. Are my hard thought and won efforts just fodder to the sensation of a spark movement that changes history? 

I want you to consider what I have given you and then compare it to the current happenings of today and what is actually be said in the media. I presented a search for a story in summer 2017 and now I promote a search for morals in 2020. Truly are all the efforts of people to live their lives not worth the coverage of the news or even a mention of having an impact for the love of a sensationalized overnight change?And a love for still showing blacks and others of a well tendency for rights as animals spreading fires in the night? I won't answer this question but I am to say that my life never was defined by something as the collective efforts of others and it won't be after a sensationalized moment where people figured "nothing mattered at all". Here I have taken you to the real pinnacle of my efforts and really enough they aren't cheap as demanding something in an overnight spark -it is working for something without anyone permission to do so and never asking for the help of others. It is something in which people lack these days, pure grit and determination and offer my opinion," I don't need to matter, I just need to be able to live as I want and express as I want to go on  living".