Leg cramp angry.

Today awoke from sleeping with anger in my mind as if that had been what I had been living in my dream even if it was peaceful as if living from another existence. Peaceful was the world of my mind. Such a virgin existence of the mind never having barefooted or shoed women walk through the mind and so it was "virgin" once more as if no one had ever mattered and no one would ever matter. This was content. No trying to please anyone, no trying to make anyone feel sad and none of that vying or trying to reach a talk estate with people. Such I languished in a regret and it was a very shaky feeling and very numbing one at that. Literally. One could move on from this after sitting on the brink of their bed hoping they would fully awaken but they would never until a near hour later. This sadness poisons the promise of what the dream you just had could ever say about life but then no-that is just the inner hurt. The inner hurt of people who never consider your humanity and everything is cast upon your shoulders. Never think about how you feel, just who you are and even if you truly exist. Everything to the sum of dumb whatevers there are question you and your purpose in existing when you never will and your life is respected to you and is very physical and oh so very there. Never much do these people ever consider the real harm of their existence if they want to think they are entitled to believe people should and should not exist. They never ponder that if they were basically not even merited as a human they would cry theirselves into a hole and never come out. They would feel as if their "lives" are threatened and they would scream at the tip top of their lungs for clarity that you'd accept them as people. But really much they would do so in such an animalistic manner. Like they would tear down the masks from a store rack in target and throw all the goods other people need to survive down on the ground. Their screams when hostile to the success of anyone else would be as inane when the basis of their claim is a privilege to disface people and their ability to do or live. 

I think pretty much my most angry moment could be said at a time last year when I had to take a few breathes. I had to objectively see what people where saying of me and I had to remove myself from the situation even when you would be merited to yell at people for defacing your works because of some backstabber. I think pretty much my most sad moment was realizing that "any effort for normalcy of getting the girl" was all out of the window. And even worse the dismal disbelief of constantly writing of this person because of  how alluring the idea was "starting anew fresh from the drama of the past" and just finding someone to start a life with. Yet only get into far worse drama that none of the prior people would ever do off the bat. I mean things only got worse and I continued to smile. My self was already hurt and when stabbed hurt to a ringing pitch back to what violence had granted me the sensation the first time around. Such merited people to play a fool and place theirselves as if they are vying for humanity but upsurping you of yours. Its stupid and I am to wonder, what is wrong with these people?

Sadly they assume you will " treasure them and their experience" forever but it really just equates into racism and how they just want to cast a sum of fear into you of their power of superiority. But inane they are to even notice that no one was intimidated by them but people were hurt by them yet they cannot see people as but bitches to be the inferior species in their play in life but in reality they don't know how low on the ropes they are. How wide they falter in any form of superior. They surely don't have a good intelligence, lack basic social skills, skills to a great length, common sense, decency and just real self preservation.  Truly enough the beam of harassment could easily even been casted upon them by older individuals with more skill to communicate such an ideal and the adminstrators of this and that place-would say it was so and they would be casted out without a doubt. But did anyone do that? I surely did not report anyone for bad behavior when they should have been called out and made to pay the price. Literally enough, these people were a waste and literally if they could even be reversed into the situation they try to deem you as inhuman-it would not be the same as they don't even have half the morals or the intelligence in which you and many sane folk possess.

Pondering this day when I woke up; I wonder how far had I actually been held back by giving a damn about all the dumb little women in the world. I pondered that I could not ever be treated well as a human being by anyone-no matter their skin color, race or kind and really much that speaks volumes for "if I had been held back". Placed as nothing as a fucking punching bag and people to weigh others as their equals, superiors and just when any good equatable person came around a social culture or people threatened your life and even their lives. Tiresome is not a word. But utterly disgusting it is to ever believe a state of equality or self respect exist amongst people when the trash is allowed to exude upon the rights of others to find anyone to be around in a romantic capability. 

I am to say that if you want to talk about black people at all, you must realize that an homogeneous race coupling is never a key goal in anyone's minds but those who are overtly christian and xenophobic. You must realize how much they are deprived of a face in any real dating life. You must realize that they are not held attractive unless they are "Johnny the fool". Some people like to think that if you are into them, you are that fool. But I am no fool and that is why I will no longer associate with many people. If they had a name-they will be burried under tons of compliants with that name and that identity. Yes, these are the thoughts I wake up to and surely as I step out of bed my leg hurts in agony. 

And the leg would be in pain the whole day as if it to was cut off from a promising future but no both can get better but not in situation where you allow leg cramps to develop.