Lady Quest Adieu to the Dream Girl.

    And so, it would seem that I had finally won a one way ticket to the dream girl's heart the prior day I spoke to her. Yet on the day I would see her in the back part of the main room, truly that day did not repeat. But a turn off. The next day I saw her she was with a friend and they were heating up microwaveable soups. I turn to gesture that they were the unhealthy ones with alot of salt.

   I approached and the woman said, "hey,( my name)". The girl with her seemed to coyly smile at me and her eyes brightened. I knew the look but I was not interested in her. The girl I liked in question by the lighting in the place, you could see her acne. It in my opinion did not make her unattractive but it disturbed me how the light was drawing me to these features as if some notion that she was not good enough by attractive worth to persue. To be said the experience next was very vicarious. Very off beat from what I was to expect. Almost as if you were caught in a cloud realizing you were always to be had by this person. They did not expect to see me and were surprised. "hello," I said.

   They had been talking to their friend previously and continued, " my boyfriend,..." I stopped hearing after they said boyfriend. I really am to say it came at a perfect shock and really I just wanted to sit on the floor as if punched. I wanted to run away. The smile on the friend's face seemed to warp as I just felt malice then and there. The day before, the day I had walked with this person-they made it seem as if I was to be "wanted". They made me think they were single and that really much I had a chance. But really, I had none. Not a chance at all. Whilst they did invite me along to walk with them; they had no real intention of me being with them or maybe they did but in some belittling role. I am to say I had spoken to many women before this and really women don't invite you to walk with them out of the blue and namely out of it-as if you happen to see each other when neither party planned it; unless they actually like you. I mean some people run away when they see you unintentionally or try to blame you for stalking that you were never doing. If I am to share these experiences that are very unique then they count to back that I know what I am talking about when it comes to people and their intentions. If people did not care about you and just saw you randomly; you would think that they would ignore you and that is the real case in reality. Yet this person had actually cared. I thought I could trust them in the surprise of them coming to greet me and talk to me and even invite me to continue speaking to them.

   Yet this day, I was just another fish in the pan. And then they panned me as I was to realize this. I only tried to keep up a smile and the gaze of their naive romance hungry friend just made me realize-that is probably just how I actually was. So totally naive. I felt pity for this person who gazed upon me as if I was some grand hope but yet their friend ironically had snuffed out any chance that I would even want to even try to meet them at all. The dream girl did not let me down softly, no-they slammed me as if I had no means of humanity but from whatever perspective of manipulation they were akin to. Simply, I was just their side ambition and nothing more. They had a more serious thing and like basically were just looking for a suitor so they could just go back to their more serious thing. That is how I felt. I was barely there in that moment, where she said, " (my name) this is Ana, Ana this is (my name)."

    "hello," the woman else said. These people I was speaking to where small people. I was only taller than them by a bit however. I just felt so sick when I realized this woman who I liked and called a dream girl was just setting me up to dissappoint another person whilst not as they were doing me but differently. " hello", I said back to the person.

" what are you doing here, today", the dream girl said in a tone that would be cheery but also to me was just now fake. 

All I could think was," thanks alot".

" just walking around", I said monotone and really it was apparent to the both of them that I was down. I did not hide it but tried to smile. A person else if not from prior experiences probably would have cried.

" what are you guys doing?" I said,

" Just eating lunch", the dream girl said.

"great," I said just wishing to leave.

" are you done with finals" the dream girl asked concernedly.

"yeph," I said, " I am done".

" we are about to go back to the music building to study" she said in return.

" okay", I said.

They spoke to each other as they took their food out and retrieved utensils.

" We are about to go back to the music building" the dream girl said. I knew I was not welcomed this time around and rather did not want to be treated as the sidepiece suitor or just a person who could be pawned onto this Anna person. I started to wish them a good day.

"Well I will see you later", I said knowing I would not, "you have a good rest of the semester and good luck on finals." 

"you too" said the dream girl.

   She and her friend talked to theirselves seemingly concerned why I sulked off. I only looked back once and then were looking at me whilst carrying their stuff to the music building. I just was caught in my emotions and just a feeling of dred I walked quickly away. The whole arc of working myself up to talk to this person who in fall 2018 seemed to bring me up with their positive demeanor-was just to be a disaster in the end. There was such a large gap in communication, respect and even notions of morals. The dream girl seriously thought she was in the right for her actions and really seemed not to care for what I truly was sad for; their behavior and seemed to just chalk it up to something else but nothing of their fault. Earnestly-this was the last blow to anything that I felt could be real from women in this particular region. Maybe I was right to be cautious. And I reason today that I was right to be cautious. 

   Yes; chasing a desire-you should be cautious indeed. Particularly a person has trouble talking to others even those that they know would be good to speak to-for this matter. I did not try so hard anymore after this and really everything else the rest of the time in that semester was just to wrap things up in a neat bow-basically to conclude or see how it would conclude. The only real opportunities were with people I know had no courage to really speak to and so I just let them get away. And frankly to say that chasing this one "dream girl" was the ruin of finding anyone to date in spring 2019. Truly it was and for one would shove the real issues and problems of this whole advent under the rug until recently.