Ayesha.

   Potentially this was like something that came good out of spring 2019. This person I previously mentioned in me speaking to them and them in some sort being receptive but then cold as well. Welp, eventually, I would keep on seeing them and keep on talking to them. Really much by the day of the seasonal rains- a day where two people fornicated in the main buildings top lobby area, admiration had grown. More like they had grown to admire me. 

   The person I can tell you was a warm spirit. They were actually nice but a bit naïve and guarded but yea, they should be guarded because of the creeps literally around the school. If you don't believe me how it was best in some situations to not speak to "good people" when you had bad people connected to you-you start to understand this when and where you see this individual even fraternizing with a piece of shit that literally said, " I fuck one woman every night before bed". You start to realize that yes, sacrifices do need to be made to keep the creeps away from the good people. I am to say that honestly; you realize how greatly in danger many women always are in. Especially those who are minorities. This is to say that really that the university and army system just allow a culture of abuse and neglect and just let bad actors roam and people usually must take it into their own hands to prevent horrible crimes and unjustices. Would you trust a dude who refers to women of color as exotic and says he, " eats them out and it tastes like fruit" or that it tastes like, " this and that". I am to say that there was something in me that really wanted to protect this person from this creep who had been hanging out the person called Diamond and their friends. You might think it would not be my business from a cruel person's perspective but on the day of the rain; the particular woman Ayesha and her sister had borrowed an umbrella from this guy. His response basically was to get angry and basically pronounced himself to curse them out.

   To ensure the context; it was the same face of disgust the dean of the multimedia program looked at me when I did not show up to the first day of class because he literally sent out an email saying so but then was yet emboldened enough and red in the face to say that , " if you aren't serious, you should go to the "minority campus" and don't whatever the fuck they are doing". O, I am to say that was not professional, not anything good or just but something just to get at me-it was all a racist pass at me. That I should just go to a school where people aren't being treated what they need to know in a field when they are all minorities much is what a racist would like. They would like for people of color to not have access to the same education and they would like people to be discriminated. I am to say that this woman called Ayesha was Muslim and yet got too close to a bigoted and racist solider who frankly besides the laughter of the group was aiming to do some real harm when they did not return his umbrella. Its the same look of disgust that inspires justification for horrors, in what he had. I felt fine however that the oblivious and maybe conscious nature of these siblings had gotten the best of him and really probably never returned it to flick the guy off. Just maybe knowing how much a bigot this guy was and just taking advantage of whatever kindness he pretended to have for his own benefits of "exotic exploration" to just stick it to the guy.

   I am to say that really much there was some feeling of a sun whenever I see the person called Ayesha. Cannot explain what it is but each time in which I spoke to her, this radiance just drew me in. I believe I spoke to the person at least three times. There was no real drama at all but for the fact that they were somewhat cold to me. One day, near the end of the semester, I saw her again. Yet she was hanging with two other guys. I really did not want to crowd their space but I should have for what was waiting as I was to eat my spaghetti. Ayesha was 19 years old at the time, just four years younger than me. She seemed very jovial and energetic and really much thought she was better just being with people her exact age. I do say now its kinda absurd. Its not like as if I was ten years older than her. But anyways I was not going to go get into another friend group and then be dealing with more troublesome people for one person no matter how sunny their deposition nor attractive. I instead decided to just eat my spaghetti and then the storm known as Ollisa showed up and yea, that just went off the rails so badly. 

   The thing of why I later never talked to Ayesha much is because I thought she hated me (like everyone else or much everyone I spoke to) and that she was always surrounded by people I truly did not like. I could have spoken to her many times over but yet felt as if I would be a burden upon their fun. By the day of the flooding from the seasonal rains at the flooded campus, I did speak to Ayesha again and asked she and her sister were doing well. Ayesha replied foremost more warmly than before and I just felt that somewhat connection between us had grown stronger over time. She was also a part of a group of people who I exclaimed in some laughter to the furniture they were near," someone was doing the deed there". The people then responded somewhat in laughter and then in stern faces. One dude I believe said, " I know, I recorded it!" The woman in question response was, " what? what happened there?"

   Yet I would never actually get to speak to the person alone much ever again and she and her sister took the military creep's umbrella to go somewhere, they were gone and so very much; I realized that ultimately I had been putting myself down and really much everyone was not the same to any extent. Some people were nice indeed. I really wished I had time to ask her out even though it would be unlikely she would agree to go when everything had to be passed through her parents-but I really wish that instead of just eating my spaghetti that one day I would speak to her again.

    I would see her one day the next semester where I was going to be tutored so I could pass a strict and stupid english class I had to take for in campus requirements at the four year university I transferred to. Sadly I never got to speak to her again but it brought me hope that everything was not lost at all. I am to say that this could likely be the good ending to a story. Maybe if I had tossed away the need to succeed to speak to her; I would have been able to ask her out but I very well just could not and ultimately I just realized how badly the school system just sucked and really much how much a hinderance to any happiness it was even. The ability to even be able to speak to them was just cheated from me because I had to get this paper done and checked under strict guidelines that there was no chance for you to miss an open spot even when you wanted to speak with a person who had some mutual affection with you. On another note; I just felt good I could see them again and ultimately was only there because of the assignment in this other university's english 1 class.