FAILED RECONMATICSM. ONLY THE SUBCONSTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTOR.

 6 Sunday

        A day of writing reflection, isn't that nice? That is what this day was. A person literally stayed up late the night before to be awoken to go to some stupid ass church which deep down was rotten at its core. I don't think you need to know but churches aren't the places of holy and spiritual. They are the place of lies, inset racism, self hate, discrimination and ultimately just evil. I don't think you even need to know how bad the church was but the church was bad and a fucking waste of my time. I mean, why do you think black people cannot even advance far enough in society-oh because they are literally chained to a whole religion that was meant to enslave them in the first place.  I am to say at that point in my life, I was no longer a christian or baptist or any of those things. The twat at the front of the church spat on the ideas of rules and principles long ago and you be living with negative karma streaming out to inflict you with constant terrors. I am to say that a person did have a spiritual sense but a sense far away from the shit that everyone else was following. Like folks do you know that historically Christianity is very bad? Especially for black people? And today just promotes racism and debauchery? I mean some people cheered this week that a George Floyd mural was "struck by god". Hmm, that don't seem right. Alas, a person comes home from church and decides that its their right to keep on going to push out ideas instead of going to sleep the rest of day to wake up into a week where strangers who believe in "god"( they don't) come to attack you and harass you. I reflected alot on this day. If I did not reflect alot the day before, it was because a person was in agony but then again, I did and so I was just now being sarcastic.

FAILED RECONMATICSM. ONLY THE SUBCONSTRUCTIVE CONSTRUCTOR.

I reflected on this one pretentious guy with glasses in the graphic design lab and previous class in fall 2015 where he was also pretentious. I saw him with his family. I mean to say a person gets annoyed at these men who have these lacking motives but to be assholes to everyone and pretend nice when with their "families". I mean, the dude was a dick. I saw them entering the PAC whilst walking on Wednesday. The time after the art class of sorts.

HEADSTOTOES.

In reference to the common people I came across, it was no Pallet Town( as in the place the main character in Pokemon comes from) where people were all trash. I mean that if you then try to say to me that I am no saint, well surely I am not because those people aren't good either. Would you look at the mass graves the Catholic Saints created. It was so unnecessary. Yet I wrote this record my feelings on being treated as I was in this time, truly. You wonder why I did not write about the mystery woman on the site or make a big deal of it or a comic of it? It is because I knew people would perceive it to be creepy when it was not actually. You know how many things are written about me and women  seeing one shot attractive persons and never seeing them again or searching for them again? There are many but yet folks a person was so intimidated that there would be possible violence against me from what I posted( again Anna was likely to be a bad person in my mind as I thought in this time and she was one) that I did not want to get this one person at any chance mixed up in the stuff happening at that time. I did not want people to be attacking this person or trying to convince them to be a literal piece of shit. I think that really much I cared more about the person than just recording them and if I did record them it was because a person literally made anything they wrote private. 

I mean the only reason I speak about this person today is because I know the fellow called Anna will not view this blog and if she did it really does not matter because there is no way she could even do anything to harm another person. I mean let's be serious. The school bully can only control people while they have a social influence there. Truly would Anna of today have any social influence in college system? No, they would not because frankly they are too old to have anything of the such and really people would not circulate a rumor when it comes from a person who is now too old even for them to accept such a thing from. I mean, the person today does not smell peak university corporate item or impressionable youth to even be real a person who could fit in with a toxic culture she once did. I mean its not as if people were actually vocal about what they were doing because guess what? Spreading rumors about people even those you don't know is social unacceptable and would be harassment because frankly people are not children in college. Even in highschool there are repercussions for toxic behavior. The thing is that most people don't even know or even care what is going on in these universities and just let things carry on unless someone speaks out. I am to say this person called Anna is not revered today at the community college for being such an "adorable piece of shit" or  "adorable instigator". 

The reason I even speak of the girl I met on that cloudy day is because no one will be able to find her and no one will have the connections on the ground at the school to even come in contact with her. You know the connections between people aren't real strange but a thing of nature. A person could know this and that person and their friend could know a person who saw a person at a certain place and a certain time and yea, that is how people find others through networking. There is to be said that college has a limit to its physical networking. Eventually one day, whether people pass or fail-they will leave the campus and they will never ever speak to anyone from  there again. I think I should tell you that most people's networks just crumble into dust. No one contacts you after the party atmosphere dies or when people want to forget about their freshman year and that energy. Openly, the person called Anna could not have any hope to find this woman or do anything with her because literally-her network is gone. There is no one she can ask on the ground as she probably and did in the past.( There is a story coming up greatly on how wide this person's connections were as I sat with them in an upcoming day to show off Dessacrow Academy). The girl in the mask also has long moved on, not only from the school most likely but maturity wise could not be impacted by whatever shit Anna would have to say.  Openly, the statue of limitations is gone. I mean it, on whatever fucking bull a person could press into the social circumstance and situation in a certain college culture and get away with it!

Alas, greatly a person never wrote public about the girl with the hat or even shared any of the drawings made in inspiration by her because simply who could trust that people-not you could even find this person and get them to come and attack you for the false narrative that people have put into their heads. If people can demonize life saving vaccines, then they surely can control a rumor mill or some mouth to mouth yellow journalism effort. I am to say that people would go out of their way to ruin things between two people later on so why would I give people that chance when I knew how devious the system was? This is to say that Anna was the only person who had access to my site herein, this site exactly and the only link to the toxic culture of the school and people being thus influenced by her to go out of their way to be a bother. I think that really I messed up talking to this person when I put some things that happened to me in the past. She would hold onto this as her religion as if proof that what she was doing was right. Thinking shit possibly like (via her later actions), " He has failed romantically so much, something must be wrong with him". I mean this person was an idiot, later would say that I was insinuating something towards her when I broke it off and after that( this would be in spring 2017) would say in the earshot of me talking to her passive black friend ( I mean the dude was a total bitch for this woman), "he was looking at (name of her friend which I believe was called Ciara)". I mean have you ever watched people motion to you when you are just peaceful walking and they want to bash you in as if you are only a sexual triste for the main character of the group or the one person in the group others make theirselves secondary.  Its not nice. Do you ever hear your family speak of you in such a manner? You likely don't if you have a good and sane one or anyone that is moderate or well intentioned. I am to say that this person called Anna was the threat that prevented me from writing anything about any other girl from the remainder of fall 2016 to the start of the summer 2017. That is how much carrying weight or rather danger this person had.

   I think that being banged over the head made you more prone to read things as they actually were and not what you wanted them to even be. Just one time where I would say some real grown up stuff and be like, " let's protect this woman who has the hat". I mean it was not the first time that a person delayed creativity for the sake of protecting a person from those who may view it. I had been doing that since fall 2013 because a person did not trust anyone to do the right thing. Alas,this poem was actually going to be about loving a woman from head to toes but really when you have some person peeping on you and greatly lying about you, you aren't going to do  anything which just fuels them and what vulnerabilities they wish to exploit.

WAVEOFSADNESS.

I continued to work on the Wild World print that I was working on and this would go into a magazine and really much was a predecessor to my current edits of drawings done on paper that had no lines. I did not draw the idea on lined paper but another type of paper.

   I later at night would struggle to watch the "the world that the children made" on tv. It was a Deadmau5 song. My main socialization even to this day is watching music videos because heck, none of those people will ever turn on you. They will never be against you either for no fucking reason. The biggest thing for entertainment in that time was hooking my computer up to the tv by HDMI and watching music videos. I would also watch these animated comic book movies but yet I won't mention the company because clearly they aren't the most friendly people there are.