The 2nd week.

    This was the week in which I yearned  for freedom from the situation which I was in. Let me tell you good folks, there is nothing like being in that hell which I would clearly never wish upon anyone else. The great problems of me then is which I yearned for people who were too pampered, too privileged and ultimately people who will always take the easy ways out of things in life instead of doing what is necessary to achieve their real dreams and goals. Some people-there were at least four women from the previous university in which I liked and held onto hope a person could be with them. We all adults here, everything does not have to be presented in commercialized packages as if your body is a fruit or a "snack" ( as kids today say) to only be consumed on a college campus in a certain hazy mindset of just going to like a person because you ended up in a place. I thought I had found some people who would be able to transcended packaged deals. 

   You can say their names and they would be now interchangeable to any women out there who I have no met and is a stranger, Ashley, Mariam, Allison and Bri-none of these people would come through to realize theirselves but packages to be consumed on a college campus. Its to be said these people just weren't with the stuff of any great makings. Just people who are the lacking people of ambition but promise they have more notoriety and promise than those who are without a college education. It is to be said they vote theirselves so high that they can never come back down and see the mundane reality of their behavior. That it is very disgusting and so unbecoming. I mean, it tells you nothing of these people's identities just by their names. Names, people have time over and time again. How many Ashely's have I met? Too many. One in fall 2013, another in spring 2015, another and one going by the Ash abbreviation in fall 2016, some in 2018,  many in spring 2019 and really much the name is so common that you could never find this person. There have been two Bri's and even in fall 2013, there were four Allisons in which I knew and Mariam being the only name I have had one encounter with before. A 3rd grade crush was called Mariam. Both Mariams being someones I felt strongly about. I mean to say that really a person was hoping these people were as mature and driven as them and they meant what they said behind their actions and behaviors but really they did not want an empty package. I had escaped the mold and really was just not going to just conform to whatever nonsense people spewed in the air at the first place. I was hopeful these people would be mature to respect that but really-no, these people just came from a very lazy living life style and morally a bad living style where instead of fighting against the wrong they accept these things. These people even though I hoped had long cast their tie to contribute to the folds of something malicious, something swirling in the air and something fiendish.

   I really just realized this week, that the senseless devotion of mine to these people was just faulty and it was leading no where because they just wanted me to be a dog whilst they enjoyed the perks of having a pet. Have such devotion to these folks which they would recognize and just use it to do what? Shame me to oblivion, make me regret even liking them and just made me hate and detest them for what acts they thought were "cool to do" or "necessary" to be in with what everyone else was doing behind immoral ideas.  Wrong is wrong folks and there are no two buts around it. These people would be like the anti-harem. People who literally just slow you down in life from reach the one whilst you stay centered to them. I had the ambition of getting back to these women because of what interest they showed but clearly people today lack any real devotion to any other but just fast ideas that blow up in their faces eventually even when it is a convenient packaged idealism. 

   You see a person realized that you could essentially just fall into the trap of convenience in a college dorm package and just be stuck with these people. Why would you be stuck? Because the memory of the place, or rather their self accomplishment of going to the college in the first place would always anchor you to them. They would find you special only because they found you there and maybe it be like a situation where a speciality store sells a coca cola soda, you would only be special because you were found in the college in the midst of their own convenience and accomplishment prior. If anything would only find you in the circumstances present as well which convinced the idea of packaged deals of convenience in you being a product and being so dependable because you were found in this place. Ultimately, that works alot like brainwashing and I don't know about you but a person who been done brainwashed by so idealisms really cannot give consent. Would you want someone to marry you just because you were at a certain place, at a certain time while a university was doing what? Just making people off as packaged products? No, you would want them to marry you because you know them and they know you and you have a loving natural relationship together.

    Let me tell you, even if a person had just taken the open doors the university pried open what would that make you? Oh, a person who believes women are property to men and don't have the free will to choose and an university can batter women around like sold goods with certain qualities. I am to say that I surely avoided such circumstances. People seem to think as if I was the proliferator of such circumstances but in reality this is because they already knew and know it exists. Such that a cycle and system exists and really just want to pin blame onto a stranger they don't know for not having the resolve to admit their feelings to such a person. Now, really-I did not just make this shit up, there were times I spent with these people and really enough they made you feel in some type of way or tried to communicate certain ideas.

   I could blurt the fabulous details on each person and their uniqueness but at this time at the end of this week, I really got my answer in short even though I would press on like a loyal dog. Only people who live in the moral real world are people who could even be with and I begun to suspect these people where just the opposite of good and just the banal grunts inside of a system who do nothing but absolutely worthless things.  The person I was set on the most was Mariam as they always made a point to say hello to me but I begun to realize that they just weren't there in any mindset of any real appreciation for me. Just trapped in a packaged university life mindset. It would be a person who would show me the real reality of "interest" on Friday that really got me to thinking; these people really don't care about me. And I was just thinking about the natural potential thoughts you would have gotten from the circumstance of where you thought you were. Thinking of some fictional college were everything went well. Where people were actually good and your roommate did not try to sleep with everyone you liked. I was thinking about the good potential I realized and a thought scared me at first-these people were only looking for the bad potential and just dreaming about it and embracing packaged idealisms about people and women especially. This is to be said I was tired, scared and annoyed all at the same time. I had no proof but logic in my mind. But mystery lingered behind these women for a great time they would be on my mind. Surely though they dropped off one by one as reality reared its head and the nightmarish truth to me revealed itself.

   I was to realize something; those people-whatever change they hoped to enact for women, society or whatever the fuck they would never reach it. Why? Because they lacked the real sense to connect with reality and people and not be taken in as pawns to something that surely did not help them. All that ever awaits them is compromising more and more of their true selves to be a packaged image and not a real person. Surely enough just preying and prying humanity from those not packaged like them, those free and those not even labeled. Alas, a person felt somewhat liberated in a thought they kept at bay while like a loyal dog they continued a loyal chase. They would break the frisbee and then try to break your neck, in honesty. The one called Mariam would likely be the only person who actually felt anything as they were the only person who would ever contact me in 2018 but yet they were too bent behind plastic ideas and notions.Whatever anyone else did, they ran wild and crazy just doing terrible things and really much a person would come to recognize them as a psychos. People believing they were so good and right but at the end of the day just chumps and grunts. My long conviction behind these "dreamy" people was waning and I started to realize the real truth of things. I was not the real dog but they were. Dogs who could never see where their loyalty really lie to even do anything behind anything they hoped to do. Yes, this would impact the rest of the month. I think that I begun preparing for the worst at this time and yes this realization I realize no matter how scary it was-allowed me more happiness.

Yet I came to these ideas through just experiences and just time and time again realizing facts that did not line up with the ideal I had in my mind. Compound this with the touch of someone who really cared and you were set free even though you were slow to escape from the clutches of being loyal to people who would never be loyal to any real duty and/or principle but just roles any clog of industry can fill.