+Most recent days.
Yes; most recent days I have been sick to my stomach. Its almost as if there is to much of a psychological backlash in ever even reaching out to talk to girls. What I will say is for talking to all the girls and guys in which I have spoken; quiet honesty few reach the definition of sensible hardworking people who live in the real world. Many people have their hang ups. A group I used to hang out with a school were just like hung up in the highschool atmosphere.Once to say they never truly grew up past that point but maybe its expected of people who are 19.
I would not compare myself to anyone but I turned 18 once out of highschool in 2013. It was such a big thing. I was 19 when I came to the community college after leaving that other college where nothing was even progressing to learn anything about graphic design. Namely you had to wait two years to even take a full course load of the stuff. Or if even touch one class related that was not logistics and trust me by how stuff some graphic design teachers are I later saw at the community college; surely it goes no where in graphic design.But to say one person decided by then; 19 which type of education they wanted and were not going to be set this four years and then loan back plan under a fishy program in which really lacks the real context of graphic design if you ever even look at any other program at any other university seriously. These people not to make fun of them; seriously are stuck in this four year hopeful bullshit. They going to get it big in credits to transfer and then complete in four years all together no complications. After two years at the community college but I will say its not that easy ever in education. While people make this four years education must after highschool a blanket statement to fit everyone. It cannot fit everyone. These people still on a train that delivers no one success. The people who do pass after four years; have no other means to live their damned lives but how they lived in the college they are at for four years and its a tough transition into the workforce or further life with no school. Often having debt to their ears. Hubris of education to their ears that deflects biases to people with no education and strengthens the self proceeding prophecy that a four year education works.Often cannot even speak to people outside of a school for like dating and rely far too much on dating apps. These people whom I sat with were so behind in this four year plan of college life every highschool promotes ever~ they seriously thought they were already in it for the money and just were going to wing it or win it. Seriously; while that might work in highschool it does not work in college. There are so many different people and not everyone wants you to succeed. No one wants you to win. They just want to see you fall and share stories of how maladjusted to society they are or were after college. And while you will laugh around with their cheese. They will still fucking gut you with a "d".
These children I sat with seriously did not understand all the bullshit that goes in college and is allowed. So much so thought they the kings of the castle and so proud to be going here. While people should be proud of where they go to school to a moderate area of sanity and realization you are paying for which is pain for many people and life ending pain even; its not okay to overtly cocky when you come from a little highschool perspective and lack by 19 even what other people know of a four year college and its realities. Don't think that the oldest individual just by four years who plans to save face in the world in the terms of ambition, pleasure and dreams actually did work it~ is some type of quack who has never sat with people just the same as them.
These people I sat with reminded me of the individuals in the first college who did alot of the partying and yes some the dizzy walking. One girl on a day of flooding reminded me of a certain girl principled on the 3rd floor of the dorm who would always get drunk when it was illegal to there. The guy reminded me of the cocky folk who can never be talked down and maybe fornicates too much. One english guy reminds me of a guy who speaks out alot but this guy of english attitude was no where near as pleasant as the talktive guy and if to be real~ a fucking annoyance and obstacle to get the girl. The girl who dresses in pajama pants in public and thinks she owns the world just because she can drive and does not think that people can even lie about their ability to do so or even how much they do so. The girl just that goes along with everything of a cult life is what this proud driver reminds me of. However there was one individual in that group with the heart of a hardworking person and earnest individual and maybe it would be in his best interest to stop hanging with the group. The african girl there reminded me of the naive girl also from Africa but yet not deranged. Yet by her naive attitude and other depositions one could not possibly be anywhere close to them or their friend when they are what youth call, " woke".
All to say these people thought this was the first rodeo and that people never seen a group of people like them come and go. But I say this was not the first rodeo and many groups of people have come and gone and really; a person would say that the betrayal of unity of the first group by various members fucks up any hope that any future group you find yourself with or even younger than just by 4 years is a good and lasting thing. No. They are not good and lasting things. Only showing the frivolity of the cruel and selfish human nature of greed and betrayal. Showing how people brought together by education are just taught to be the worst versions of theirselves. The most evil versions because its so hard than doing anything else. I would say no-tons of things are more hard than education. Like creating comics with no one knowledge how to really to do so.Other things too-but need not be listed. People should not be excused to be their worst persons just because " education is so hard". That is the generation's excuse for all their wrongs. Why they cheat and do other bad things.
While to say how did I end up even speaking to these people? Just because I was trying to get with a girl who I thought there was very much a chance with. But in the end left out of every inclusion there is to even be with that girl and left playing ye baby sitter with the fucking weird 19 year olds. So even more weird or just weird compared to the 19 year olds that went to the same school in 2014 if not 5 years early. These people were so detracted in their own realms. Those people might cared their own worlds with them but were willing communicators. I would say these people however are communicators for their age group but really just in a manner that is self serving to keep a face and think they are making new innovations ignoring people. However never realize how much a power of their rude ignoring people is just being uncivilized, childish and not adult like or communicating well. Expecting people to reap the ideas of what they thought them as and if ever they become something else than expected to any lesser degree of their wants and uses-ditch them. I would say its not an expectation to treat people right in society-it is what people do in fucking society that holds everyone together. If not people breakout into disputes. Youth today don't want to follow the norms of western society. While people of eastern society will somewhat follow eastern norms and western idealisms that often suite their racist bigotry to make amends into western society and strike it rich. To say that people born this country no matter their origin are slowly losing every ability to communicate and carry out the simply expected communication norms to hold everything together and not to make everything a drama. Yet they have come to expect drama on tv and from various shows so that is all they ever want. Because it seems "fun". You don't want drama in your life. This is the real lesson I learned when at first-when I went to that college and should seek to dispel it from your life. Yet we will misinform youth these drama seeking intentions and communications are right. And just fuck people when you signal you like them and then ditch them because they seem to not drive and frankly just lie because they know what type of miserable person you are.Its sad to say the youth today are just allowing people not in this lands western best interests-to become the people of power and the people who have the say. And the say is not always going to be right just because some person of color takes the realm. Many people of color can be as racists as white or even worse because they are trying to appease some western idea and bashing people else of colors as physical barriers to get an image or surroundings in which they consider is power.
The machines of today stupidify people and youth in general and people are just starting to lose every sense of being able to live dutifully and not make innocent people who they could be if they did not send their fucking dogs at people.
Yet to say how one ever got to know such prolific people was because of who; a girl who seem to be nice and be able to communicate like a person. Though will redeeming say how she tossed men close to her like bommerangs to catch in her hands like a hindu goddess~ means that she was fucking nuts. A person only send them a type of good farewell message so they never communicate with them or expect ever a continuation of a mess. Hanging out with these people made me realize how much I give the earnest merits of my heart to people who never deserve it.Trying to make gold out of straw in a chance to fool the old gang guy who will steal the future children of me if I don't remember his fucking name. Is what I have been doing. Playing a fairytale with my own imaginings because these people live on the fucking Uranus. They live on the fucking Mars. They live on the fucking Pluto. They live in the rings of crispy Jupiter. They live in fucking dreams of pigs and wolves. One can suppose one thing of normalcy and yet it would not ever work out with them. You can suppose since a girl comes up and speaks with you as you walk to the main building that they like you. When no one ever has done that shit at all ever. Ever. Ever and I say ever. Yet realize these people else could not know basic common sense and have trouble all day figuring if they should let potential rapist on a trip. You try to tell them stuff; it goes over their ears. The big dude here is the one who is young and yet maybe while may be experienced for his age; does not have your length of reference. Yet the real world will always strike through these feigned structures and yes constructs of social. There will actually be a girl who does like you. There will be constant drama involving the girl and the british guy~as a some fucked up melted would be couple off and on-the same girl you are even here for. People will be pushed to remember their limits. Remember their friends and yes that their boyfriend is very abusive. Sounds like a show but really is the desolution of a social group in college. When things happen certain people become too close and other members feel cut off and eventually want nothing to do with these people. In the end realize you don't even fall into that. Just a loyal dog just waiting at the chance to get the girl you basically put up with her friends and their constructs.
Much to say "Crystal....." covers that one large premise of a group of friends one has to deal with to never not get the girl all the same as the girls in a region. In the meantime of all this shit and fuck up things maybe you aren't really all this loyal but a loyal dog that will always come back to his post after venturing other opportunities. So many girls in a science building is where you seem to talk to them the most and meet. Maybe science and STEM ain't that bad. But you could talk and talk and give them the number. Really ignore the girl that does seem interested in you even when before she did have a boyfriend.Some weird named Rachel with an urban touch is just a clueless faggot even more so than the children listed before of where she even is and thinks people are just ultimately interested in her. An art girl you may see three times but never enough to get her information. Some girl who was interested in you but goes out with another dude just to be dumped. A girl used by a guy to do his fucking homework and correct the fucking answers he gets(highschool much)-seems real cheerful at first but can never really speak to her later even if you sit with her five fucking times with her friends. The girl you met with the guy of the earnest heart who seemed like the most real person at that place. Yet even with contact information; given to her~ it goes no where. Another girl that reminds you of yourself in this place and speak to her to relate how many times people have given you the evil eye just for gazing at them like people and finally are able to do the right thing in which they could do-in their stead-talk to this person. That was nice. Real nice but no cashews.The music centered girl who is revealed in the end like ever attractive latina to have a hidden boyfriend and its like "you dare~ to even be here like this". Comes with another girl who seems to like you but its nearing the end of the year and you are emotionally tired at this point. If not tons of other girls who may reside outside the science building and its interest-those are the worst and bloodiest and these people are just evil, rude or go no where at all for the concern of fucking time.The girl who makes you monotone in your attempt to control rage.The girl who insults your hard work.The girl who takes you for granted and dumps you even as a friend. The little country looking cocktail bar waitress who is just a mess and does not come to school at the last weeks. The ultimately egg faced girl of a noel who is ultimately just urban trash. The dumb cunt who bothers you while eating spaghetti. The fuck of the cunt before who has your mother's name and is crazy! The girl outside the science building whom you complement their strong cheek bones. The stuck up graphic design major who just wished she had a dick for christmas and got a bigger one than ever before. The loose haired girl who wants to toy with you with her friend in tow. The bitch named Kate and now only her boyfriend is nice to you in her stead.All just a waste of time and if many of time lots of punches to the gut involved. Yes. To say in the end speaking to the girls was a waste of damn time. The only thing that would be different from experience; is that all the hostility outright and the yearning of eyes is all but cut out. By speaking get away from much of the trauma and else drama else faced no speaking to these people and hell being hath because of it.
It reminds me that in my earlier years that speaking to girls at that time would have resulted in the same fucking thing~ being alone and disrespected for all the damned worth. No one can say on me that I did not try to be social or to get the girl or the result of my own lack of companionship. Its the truth to say the only reason I would be alone is because no one ever has the same goals as me nor the respect for me nor what I am even doing or even come from a similar background. Many people are so pampered in their lives they get everything and never have to work for anything at all. And just expect the system to provide for them and provide socially mates when they don't even know to act and that is where many crimes and problems occur in the college level of education. I have been keeping this in and its made me sick to my stomach. I did not write yesterday because the weight of this all hit me. There was never any hope of meeting good people least at the earlier ventures of the community college of course which were never practical to where I was at ever at all but at least real chances with real people. Not to say the people here spoken of are not real; they just don't know shit about anything to be taken seriously. What I have learned is that some people very much early at the start of college were so of the most fake, pretentious and immoral shits ever and just expected you to play along in their games. Yet in real life; they could never be in your life just people asailing it with false images of things they don't even know nor believe. Yet while the people at this community college are to said immoral and if not very iffy and distancing to offend people greatly instead of just respectfully declining instead of leading people on- and love their drama. One evil does not make one a lesser. In the real world; let it be anyone else who be dissed in these manners or trampled on for all their worth-some people would say these people are fools and just not going to succeed in their ability to not properly communicate and piss people off. I would say that they will just fall into the trap of believing their own hype and believe they know how things are working out for them or going to work out for them but they never do. Because then they will be the people-people mock and do bad things to or in spite. Because then they will be the people who no one wants to speak to. Because then they will be the people others openly insult. Because they will be the one no one reaches out and realize that ever meeting any one understanding was just a result of one individual's effort to relieve the drama aspect of everything they seen over and over again. They will be wishing for someone to show them kind but they will be all on their own and really maybe in this fucked new social order you are on your own.
I would not compare myself to anyone but I turned 18 once out of highschool in 2013. It was such a big thing. I was 19 when I came to the community college after leaving that other college where nothing was even progressing to learn anything about graphic design. Namely you had to wait two years to even take a full course load of the stuff. Or if even touch one class related that was not logistics and trust me by how stuff some graphic design teachers are I later saw at the community college; surely it goes no where in graphic design.But to say one person decided by then; 19 which type of education they wanted and were not going to be set this four years and then loan back plan under a fishy program in which really lacks the real context of graphic design if you ever even look at any other program at any other university seriously. These people not to make fun of them; seriously are stuck in this four year hopeful bullshit. They going to get it big in credits to transfer and then complete in four years all together no complications. After two years at the community college but I will say its not that easy ever in education. While people make this four years education must after highschool a blanket statement to fit everyone. It cannot fit everyone. These people still on a train that delivers no one success. The people who do pass after four years; have no other means to live their damned lives but how they lived in the college they are at for four years and its a tough transition into the workforce or further life with no school. Often having debt to their ears. Hubris of education to their ears that deflects biases to people with no education and strengthens the self proceeding prophecy that a four year education works.Often cannot even speak to people outside of a school for like dating and rely far too much on dating apps. These people whom I sat with were so behind in this four year plan of college life every highschool promotes ever~ they seriously thought they were already in it for the money and just were going to wing it or win it. Seriously; while that might work in highschool it does not work in college. There are so many different people and not everyone wants you to succeed. No one wants you to win. They just want to see you fall and share stories of how maladjusted to society they are or were after college. And while you will laugh around with their cheese. They will still fucking gut you with a "d".
These children I sat with seriously did not understand all the bullshit that goes in college and is allowed. So much so thought they the kings of the castle and so proud to be going here. While people should be proud of where they go to school to a moderate area of sanity and realization you are paying for which is pain for many people and life ending pain even; its not okay to overtly cocky when you come from a little highschool perspective and lack by 19 even what other people know of a four year college and its realities. Don't think that the oldest individual just by four years who plans to save face in the world in the terms of ambition, pleasure and dreams actually did work it~ is some type of quack who has never sat with people just the same as them.
These people I sat with reminded me of the individuals in the first college who did alot of the partying and yes some the dizzy walking. One girl on a day of flooding reminded me of a certain girl principled on the 3rd floor of the dorm who would always get drunk when it was illegal to there. The guy reminded me of the cocky folk who can never be talked down and maybe fornicates too much. One english guy reminds me of a guy who speaks out alot but this guy of english attitude was no where near as pleasant as the talktive guy and if to be real~ a fucking annoyance and obstacle to get the girl. The girl who dresses in pajama pants in public and thinks she owns the world just because she can drive and does not think that people can even lie about their ability to do so or even how much they do so. The girl just that goes along with everything of a cult life is what this proud driver reminds me of. However there was one individual in that group with the heart of a hardworking person and earnest individual and maybe it would be in his best interest to stop hanging with the group. The african girl there reminded me of the naive girl also from Africa but yet not deranged. Yet by her naive attitude and other depositions one could not possibly be anywhere close to them or their friend when they are what youth call, " woke".
All to say these people thought this was the first rodeo and that people never seen a group of people like them come and go. But I say this was not the first rodeo and many groups of people have come and gone and really; a person would say that the betrayal of unity of the first group by various members fucks up any hope that any future group you find yourself with or even younger than just by 4 years is a good and lasting thing. No. They are not good and lasting things. Only showing the frivolity of the cruel and selfish human nature of greed and betrayal. Showing how people brought together by education are just taught to be the worst versions of theirselves. The most evil versions because its so hard than doing anything else. I would say no-tons of things are more hard than education. Like creating comics with no one knowledge how to really to do so.Other things too-but need not be listed. People should not be excused to be their worst persons just because " education is so hard". That is the generation's excuse for all their wrongs. Why they cheat and do other bad things.
While to say how did I end up even speaking to these people? Just because I was trying to get with a girl who I thought there was very much a chance with. But in the end left out of every inclusion there is to even be with that girl and left playing ye baby sitter with the fucking weird 19 year olds. So even more weird or just weird compared to the 19 year olds that went to the same school in 2014 if not 5 years early. These people were so detracted in their own realms. Those people might cared their own worlds with them but were willing communicators. I would say these people however are communicators for their age group but really just in a manner that is self serving to keep a face and think they are making new innovations ignoring people. However never realize how much a power of their rude ignoring people is just being uncivilized, childish and not adult like or communicating well. Expecting people to reap the ideas of what they thought them as and if ever they become something else than expected to any lesser degree of their wants and uses-ditch them. I would say its not an expectation to treat people right in society-it is what people do in fucking society that holds everyone together. If not people breakout into disputes. Youth today don't want to follow the norms of western society. While people of eastern society will somewhat follow eastern norms and western idealisms that often suite their racist bigotry to make amends into western society and strike it rich. To say that people born this country no matter their origin are slowly losing every ability to communicate and carry out the simply expected communication norms to hold everything together and not to make everything a drama. Yet they have come to expect drama on tv and from various shows so that is all they ever want. Because it seems "fun". You don't want drama in your life. This is the real lesson I learned when at first-when I went to that college and should seek to dispel it from your life. Yet we will misinform youth these drama seeking intentions and communications are right. And just fuck people when you signal you like them and then ditch them because they seem to not drive and frankly just lie because they know what type of miserable person you are.Its sad to say the youth today are just allowing people not in this lands western best interests-to become the people of power and the people who have the say. And the say is not always going to be right just because some person of color takes the realm. Many people of color can be as racists as white or even worse because they are trying to appease some western idea and bashing people else of colors as physical barriers to get an image or surroundings in which they consider is power.
The machines of today stupidify people and youth in general and people are just starting to lose every sense of being able to live dutifully and not make innocent people who they could be if they did not send their fucking dogs at people.
Yet to say how one ever got to know such prolific people was because of who; a girl who seem to be nice and be able to communicate like a person. Though will redeeming say how she tossed men close to her like bommerangs to catch in her hands like a hindu goddess~ means that she was fucking nuts. A person only send them a type of good farewell message so they never communicate with them or expect ever a continuation of a mess. Hanging out with these people made me realize how much I give the earnest merits of my heart to people who never deserve it.Trying to make gold out of straw in a chance to fool the old gang guy who will steal the future children of me if I don't remember his fucking name. Is what I have been doing. Playing a fairytale with my own imaginings because these people live on the fucking Uranus. They live on the fucking Mars. They live on the fucking Pluto. They live in the rings of crispy Jupiter. They live in fucking dreams of pigs and wolves. One can suppose one thing of normalcy and yet it would not ever work out with them. You can suppose since a girl comes up and speaks with you as you walk to the main building that they like you. When no one ever has done that shit at all ever. Ever. Ever and I say ever. Yet realize these people else could not know basic common sense and have trouble all day figuring if they should let potential rapist on a trip. You try to tell them stuff; it goes over their ears. The big dude here is the one who is young and yet maybe while may be experienced for his age; does not have your length of reference. Yet the real world will always strike through these feigned structures and yes constructs of social. There will actually be a girl who does like you. There will be constant drama involving the girl and the british guy~as a some fucked up melted would be couple off and on-the same girl you are even here for. People will be pushed to remember their limits. Remember their friends and yes that their boyfriend is very abusive. Sounds like a show but really is the desolution of a social group in college. When things happen certain people become too close and other members feel cut off and eventually want nothing to do with these people. In the end realize you don't even fall into that. Just a loyal dog just waiting at the chance to get the girl you basically put up with her friends and their constructs.
Much to say "Crystal....." covers that one large premise of a group of friends one has to deal with to never not get the girl all the same as the girls in a region. In the meantime of all this shit and fuck up things maybe you aren't really all this loyal but a loyal dog that will always come back to his post after venturing other opportunities. So many girls in a science building is where you seem to talk to them the most and meet. Maybe science and STEM ain't that bad. But you could talk and talk and give them the number. Really ignore the girl that does seem interested in you even when before she did have a boyfriend.Some weird named Rachel with an urban touch is just a clueless faggot even more so than the children listed before of where she even is and thinks people are just ultimately interested in her. An art girl you may see three times but never enough to get her information. Some girl who was interested in you but goes out with another dude just to be dumped. A girl used by a guy to do his fucking homework and correct the fucking answers he gets(highschool much)-seems real cheerful at first but can never really speak to her later even if you sit with her five fucking times with her friends. The girl you met with the guy of the earnest heart who seemed like the most real person at that place. Yet even with contact information; given to her~ it goes no where. Another girl that reminds you of yourself in this place and speak to her to relate how many times people have given you the evil eye just for gazing at them like people and finally are able to do the right thing in which they could do-in their stead-talk to this person. That was nice. Real nice but no cashews.The music centered girl who is revealed in the end like ever attractive latina to have a hidden boyfriend and its like "you dare~ to even be here like this". Comes with another girl who seems to like you but its nearing the end of the year and you are emotionally tired at this point. If not tons of other girls who may reside outside the science building and its interest-those are the worst and bloodiest and these people are just evil, rude or go no where at all for the concern of fucking time.The girl who makes you monotone in your attempt to control rage.The girl who insults your hard work.The girl who takes you for granted and dumps you even as a friend. The little country looking cocktail bar waitress who is just a mess and does not come to school at the last weeks. The ultimately egg faced girl of a noel who is ultimately just urban trash. The dumb cunt who bothers you while eating spaghetti. The fuck of the cunt before who has your mother's name and is crazy! The girl outside the science building whom you complement their strong cheek bones. The stuck up graphic design major who just wished she had a dick for christmas and got a bigger one than ever before. The loose haired girl who wants to toy with you with her friend in tow. The bitch named Kate and now only her boyfriend is nice to you in her stead.All just a waste of time and if many of time lots of punches to the gut involved. Yes. To say in the end speaking to the girls was a waste of damn time. The only thing that would be different from experience; is that all the hostility outright and the yearning of eyes is all but cut out. By speaking get away from much of the trauma and else drama else faced no speaking to these people and hell being hath because of it.
It reminds me that in my earlier years that speaking to girls at that time would have resulted in the same fucking thing~ being alone and disrespected for all the damned worth. No one can say on me that I did not try to be social or to get the girl or the result of my own lack of companionship. Its the truth to say the only reason I would be alone is because no one ever has the same goals as me nor the respect for me nor what I am even doing or even come from a similar background. Many people are so pampered in their lives they get everything and never have to work for anything at all. And just expect the system to provide for them and provide socially mates when they don't even know to act and that is where many crimes and problems occur in the college level of education. I have been keeping this in and its made me sick to my stomach. I did not write yesterday because the weight of this all hit me. There was never any hope of meeting good people least at the earlier ventures of the community college of course which were never practical to where I was at ever at all but at least real chances with real people. Not to say the people here spoken of are not real; they just don't know shit about anything to be taken seriously. What I have learned is that some people very much early at the start of college were so of the most fake, pretentious and immoral shits ever and just expected you to play along in their games. Yet in real life; they could never be in your life just people asailing it with false images of things they don't even know nor believe. Yet while the people at this community college are to said immoral and if not very iffy and distancing to offend people greatly instead of just respectfully declining instead of leading people on- and love their drama. One evil does not make one a lesser. In the real world; let it be anyone else who be dissed in these manners or trampled on for all their worth-some people would say these people are fools and just not going to succeed in their ability to not properly communicate and piss people off. I would say that they will just fall into the trap of believing their own hype and believe they know how things are working out for them or going to work out for them but they never do. Because then they will be the people-people mock and do bad things to or in spite. Because then they will be the people who no one wants to speak to. Because then they will be the people others openly insult. Because they will be the one no one reaches out and realize that ever meeting any one understanding was just a result of one individual's effort to relieve the drama aspect of everything they seen over and over again. They will be wishing for someone to show them kind but they will be all on their own and really maybe in this fucked new social order you are on your own.
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