Tuesday 18

       Ah, this Tuesday was one for the memories. Or really on this day I took a picture inside the PAC building that you cannot ever take a picture of if you are ever to go there today. Ultimately, took a picture of the building before the damage of the Hurricane in later August 2017. The school does not even have a picture of the inside of the place from the time before the flood. Nope-the picture I would take is in fact a very unique one. For the reasons of some confidentiality,  I will not be showing the picture but let it be the focus of what would be ultimately achieved on this day. In actuality, the picture was taken to be a reference when and where I would eventually achieve freedom from a condition to the environment of the times of then.

         It was simply another day going to the Design 1-2D class. This class was very pretentious let me tell you that. A three day a week class where and when it would be the only class that you would take and yet be dragged into a toxic situation and utterly a toxic place. I really got to tell you that I hated this class with every bone in my body and hated the teacher even more. I especially hated all these child adults in the class. Why because they were evil, idiots and just simply very pretentious people. Yet this was the only way forward. You want to reach a higher education status? You want to reach the people of the past by transferring back to the previous school and attempt to put down a mob of hatred against you-this was the place to be. Yet you had to deal with peons of an estate and just many toxic people were in that class. Majorly, the only ones who you would see later would be the younger ones. The army dude, the gothic one, the kinda of nice individual, the younger male and this person who I went to school with called Irene who wanted to act as if she did not know me.  I mean to say these people later on would show up and whilst  the "kinda of nice individual" and the younger male were not these vicious people they still talked to people who were so full shit and they knew it too. They just wanted people to appraise them and kiss their ass. Pretty much that is all anyone wanted in this class aside from three people including myself. The students mainly wanted to kiss the teacher's ass and the teacher wanted to kiss their ass in return. Anyone who actually questioned anything on the value of learning and what was being taught-oh, they sought to punish you. 

         I mean these people would incessantly talk and talk and talk. That is to say this was just no ordinary talk either. It was like hearing a bunch of republicans of the Trump leaning side speak and speak. I mean, this person called Irene really loved to lean alt right when really she was never going to benefit from it. Truly I am to say some hispanics should wake and realize they aren't white and never are going to be no matter their aspirations. These people literally tried their earnest to make it hard for you to work and they really showed that aspect to. Ultimately thought too highly of theirselves. I remember at this time the class was working on these forgeries of past artworks. These people were proud that there were "short cuts" to art and they could just use the grid format and they would be making the works of art. Just using black and white colors and a monochrome scheme at that too.

       Nothing was so ugly but these people thinking they had captured the soul of art when everything they made was just torrid and forced in shape. The teacher would never tell them that this was not how people usually went about making art but acted as if these people were competent individuals and were artists when none of them were. They would have these critiques and they would all pat theirselves on the back and when they got to me, they just tried their best to rip me to shreds. As if trying to say my whole value as a person foremost was being in on their shit fest of ass kissing and that mainly I was not a good artist as them. It was utterly laughable. These people were not artists and it really meant nothing from them to hear any of these false critiques which were just insults and dog whispers because they hate my race. Yes, I was the only black person in that one class. I am to say that really much a person had to tolerate this nonsense too fucking much.  I did not say anything because really the pen is stronger than the sword. Where are these people today? One does not truly give a fuck to care but yes really-these people adamantly were playing pretend they were something they weren't. Honestly the class was a bunch of bullshit. It was also a waste of time. I am to say I learned nothing in that class. No one did. It was just a bunch of busy work for very bad timing and consequence to your life and your real goals just to hear some fifty year old nazi prattle on about theirselves and their family commitments.  Truly, this was a Tuesday where I just was tired of being inside this class and having to tune out demons talking their talk. The review later on would make me more pissed off but let me say that I did not let these people get the best of me. In hindsight it would have been so easy to crush these bastards by calling them out but yet a person does not want to be shot by some "mentally ill white guy/woman".

     After the class was over and one was truly irate from what nonsense I had listened to I tried to go to a place at the front of the school to calm down but yet there were these couples beaming at me. And boy these people would beam at you. The same malice from the class before you could see in these same people. I really that day did not have time for these people and so I left because really much they were always in my space and literally could easily just punch one person off their perch and just start pummeling them. But yet I did not because seriously one did not want to harm anyone and secondarily did not believe in violence. Yet these people push the boundaries of the "forgiveness factor". I mean usually when you look to a person and aim to make eye contact you say something instead of just looking mean at that as if you have achieved some goal of dehumanizing them in the act. Yet a person will stay a person despite such a symbolic meaningless act. These people were idiots again at this community college. Truly, would they have been looking at me if I was some large dude with muscles and in a biker get up? I don't think they would have ever bothered me. They perceived they could get away with these actions because I seem to be small and weak. Yet another fool's perception-I have literally the capability to very much injure people in self defense. Really much these people were just triggering a person's flight or fight response and so I had to usually remove my self. I had to remove myself more on this day.

     I walked back to the PAC building the longest distance possible and really thought on how this teacher and her classes had really botched up my life and how really much the system she and her peons were connected to had done the such. I am to say a person nearly died on the 9/13 and faced such internal trauma from the aggression of  primitive, pretentious, privileged and barbaric others that it nearly derailed all my creative plans and my continued life. These people would like to promote something so low to the ground as something to learn in this Design 1-2D class; it was an insult to my entire life and yes my art efforts in my life.  Just so idiots could believe they were champions of art my life affronted and so was my art. I am to tell you things were very serious and had this shit happened to anyone else-there would have been no peace in these classes. The school would have been sued and other worse things. But I am of a forgiving faith and that is why when these people were badgering me later on for the finished project-I did not forgive them. No, I had mercy upon them. Truly there are things a person could have done to these people that would not have been classified as a violent act that would have made them suffer but really I think that the thought of even touching these worms was disgusting. These people inherent were not even on the same league of civilization as me. They point and blank were just backward people who really were the lowest of the low. I do say that a person already knew the Irene fellow and what they were all about-just incessant aggression and violence towards others. If she could get along with them-they were just about the same damn thing and people don't have time for that childish shit. I pondered this as I walked the great distance. One day I would be back to normal and the greatest retribution would be to record these people at their lowest and they would truly not even know it. Oh yea, I mean I kinda have done that in the present since that time but one is to say that really much as I was thinking that day-the pen was greater than the sword.

Now for the longest distance I went on this tree filled road and path that lead to the library. On the other side of the library would be the science building, it was like a see through structure pretty much. One would keep walking in between these buildings and turn. At that point the Classroom Building A would be in the background as it was behind the library and you needed to take a path to get there. Honestly, I really somewhat liked the campus but really did not like the people. I mean they were doing too fucking much. I did not know these fucking strangers trying to get at me and really no one ever apologized for evading my space and cared not what I was going through. I am to tell again that if other people were treated such manners and ways-it would not be pretty however because I have patience with people; nothing bad ever happened to anyone else. Like the common sense was not there with this group of people. They just thought like criminals. They thought you were a target and they could do whatever and get away with it. That was the nasty demeanor of people. You could never be in peace even whilst walking-there always some rude son of a bitch trying to drag on you. If anything the area nearest the Classroom Building A was the worst place and a place which I truly tried to stay away from when it was busy. The most people, pure strangers who would try to say something of you but not to your face would be in that area. There are some experiences but that is for later on the specific days they happened. I really hated the atmosphere of the place. How nice and inviting the people were in 2014 compared to 2016 was a big change up and an unwelcomed one. The class of 2016 was just a bunch of bad apples if you ask me and too many alt right ones. Really did not feel welcomed there but really reasoned this was just an influx of idiots who did not know how the world actually worked and just were unruly, badly raised and immoral people who would eventually learn. Like I wish people would try their shit on some muscle bound freak and think they are going to survive the encounter. Just in real life, you should not be trying to make enemies out of pure strangers you don't know. I was the person to follow that rule in that time so I continued walking to the classroom building B where the Design 1-2D class was before. It was a long path but it had incredible plants and trees along the way. I mean I think I got too much in the habit of being nice to people who weren't nice at all is the thought I was thinking along the way. All the smiling at these people was just performative to not make another enemy. That is many of the time when some person would be looking at me I would smile at them just so they would not be invited to pester me. Yes, people did not have time to be dealing with people's shit. I went back into the classroom building B and turned into the hall where people would commonly be studying or waiting for class and there would be two tvs in the hall with news. I sat on a bench and I drew something. It was the comic I think for the work I called "X-Team". I mean Marvel can calm down-its not even related to the X-men seriously. Not everything with an "X" is about them.

Commonly in this area you could see this red haired woman on her computer on the floor and this old lady who sat on a bench in the hallway across from her. Later on would be two people who I thought then were people from my highschool  to wait for their class. I actually think they came from the rivaling highschool instead but anyways these people were nice people. Around this time I found myself coming into the hallway after the design 1-2D class let out to actually be around people who would not bother you. In all honestly I was attracted to the woman with red hair but really a person did not want any drama more than they had and so stayed away. What if she was not so nice on in the inside and you would have just walked into another great hindrance? A person was paranoid for a reason. I did not have the luxury like in spring 2019 to just talk and talk with different people who were like open fuses and bombs. No, a person would not survive the blasts in this time period. I just kept to myself and continued drawing the X-Team in my certain style of the then.

     Eventually I would leave and go to the back and then walk around a corner past some degrading benches that if you kicked them-they would fall apart and yea be a hazard for your eyes. Truly, the place of the community college would have to invest in some better outdoor benches at the back that weren't weather torn after the hurricane so those things are lost to history now. I would turn the corner once I reached the over hanging element of the classroom building B and then  turned into the path that was nearest the trees and the playground leading into the PAC. I went down the long hallway were there was an open cafeteria like space. I really much am to say the community college was different in fall 2016 than what it would in fall 2017 and later. I would say it was more friendly to their being these cliques who would hang on the cafeteria like benches in this building. Leading from this hallway with foremost an open space with windows and then cafeteria benches was a set of stairs. It was a stone stair way and the opening to the stairway was circular. You would walk up the stairs and then there would be an over hanging path that led to the tutoring center and classrooms up there. I never took a class inside these buildings but truly did see up there how strange these classes were. Very claustrophobic to me they were. People would be coming in and out of these places. Often before I would go home would be hanging out at the top. There was also a place to sit a desks and then two benches in a small space with a classroom and an office room where some lady would be working. I did not spend much time in this place on the inside because you were basically boxed in with alot of people who did not like you in a close minded space. I continued to the see through doors to the outside space where that rude couple from earlier was and would be up this day. I am to say I honestly went there on this day and that particular one young woman would be still glaring at me but then something amazing happened this day.

       It was as if she begun to reason that I was similar to her and her gaze softened and really much does this give hope for the ruined masses? I would say no. Maybe this person realized they were just acting out of the fear that they liked me. I had ceased coming to the top of the PAC at this week and maybe some days before and just hung out in the classroom building B hallway once the insufferable people cleared out and the teacher of course did not come out as she would be teaching her other "art class". I put parentheses in art class because that thing was just a show for people to kiss her ass. Anyways this person seemed to be "missing me". I can say that somewhat I did care but then realized this person could just be nut job who liked seeing people suffer or cause their suffering. Yet I realized that did not fit this person-they were to naive to be the such and then I caught myself thinking a thought that that characteristic fit the people at the university and all these, "nice people" More so these women who you would try to be a hero for. I worked on Dessacrow Academy at the top of this place and then I left to go back to the main building. There the people were just being the people. There was this girl with a shaven head and her friends in the corner kinda of just being mean looking at me as I passed. I will say that some black people offend other black individuals and yea-this was one of those instances where they acted as if I had done them harm. No, I did not do anything wrong. The people at the bottom of this place where not so nice. A person quickly went up the top and worked on Gianna Myst and Desken Warden I believe. I then left around 4:30 something and just walked around the place for a bit. I decided to go back to the bottom the PAC building to remember the day that was 9/13 and just how school had failed me in general.

      I looked back on things and realize school had me doing much more than a person should ever do and the institute itself was trying to make me apologize for even existing! This is really much to say the school system had but disrupted and destroyed my romantic life, social life and just anything you come to expect going to college. Yet you cannot you when under a college system run by a bigot. The level of incompetence being had was and is atrocious.  I really realized that none of what happened was even my fault at all. Should a person be faulted for trying to live their lives and accomplish their goals and not be mocked by idiots who cannot do the most basic things? There were people to pass looking at me thinking and just going about their way. Surely enough I reasoned that the actions unseen and not known by the public but known by me, aggressors and victims could be stopped. I am to say the people who are so straightforward about race, culture, their purpose and have these very narrow understandings of people are not the smartest people. Truly enough what was to stop anyone else from putting up stronger perceptions of a place and people than what imaginary mischief they placed behind your name? I reasoned there that I should try to work on the image for the design 1-2D class and so I did to a little bit and then quit. It was stupid I should even have to do the work of the such as this and waste my time for people who had wronged me greatly and would continue to do so. I instead just snapped a picture of the building for future reference. That was basically the end of the day, I went home and basically made my self some coffee and watched some music videos. Yet this was all just to get through some pain and yes, even the details of the past early semester were just becoming a memory as things began to adjust around the pain to form some ill contempt "normalcy" or normal state.