Saturday the 15th of October.

      Now, I really did not enjoy sleeping in those days. I woke up occasionally late and still felt as if I did not sleep enough. No matter what, the lingering loud ringing in my head would not go away. That is to be said no one at the community college or whatever college cared what pain they inflicted upon me. Nope, it is to be said some people cannot be removed from their way. Yet people don't have to tolerate them and their ill misgivings. I was trying to recover my life in the health condition as well as the creative endeavors. By this time, I figured I was walking in one of those blow up bounce houses but the variety that is of a tunnel type house. A house where the floor gushes and everything moves and being in there is surreal and you cannot see the beginning entrance where you came and the exit is far away. Finding yourself panicking but realizing if you panic you will fall and not be strong enough to move without the assistance of others. Realizing I had no assistance of others, I realized I had to continue on yet by this time I could barely remember the start of things and what I originally started in August 2016 with. I just had to keep moving I reasoned-if I ever stopped I would fall and not get back up. There is to be said that a person is quiet skeptical of the "pseudo romantic" relations they pondered and formed truly with people previously in college and deep down while still be true to the virtue of meeting "halfway"- I already knew it was a lost cause.

        I realized that I must keep going on with these beliefs even if it cost me real chances with women right there and then. I knew it could also cost me my life. It is to be said low and behold that some people really just know violence as their language and if you thought people did not stop trying to target me in their ways then you'd be thinking wrong. The whole school was a trap for their animosity. The whole school was at their beck and call. Not a place much was free from people being influenced to bash me and you would never know these people and yet so many times you would hear people speaking directly of you but not towards you. This is to be said that truly someone or some institution had marked me as just an enemy. The school system between the two universities and yes they are connected as one is a community college that has a program to transfer into the other. Basically you can see what classes you take at the community college transfer to the larger one. Such associations don't stop there as people from the university would thus come to this community college system and the particular branch I was at to reach up on their prerequisites before they transferred over. I am to say that college seriously is not a nice place, some people are just made targets from day one at some places and don't have the hope to succeed because it all about some dumbass trifling culture. One that steals people's ideas and then misuses the idea so horribly and then blame it on the originator! 

       Kudos, folks-I tried to get back into that other university afterwards three times since 2015 after leaving in 2014 because of the obvious connection and the "unfinished" business but let me tell you-those people know your name and they know what they took for you and yea, they aren't letting you back in to ever cause them direct trouble of blame being placed at you. Surely if you went there, people would truly notice that their hive network is just sending preprogrammed messages to cover up its tracks. Honestly, I could really sue a school or two but the thing is at the time of fall 2016 my main goal was to evade the many people who were set out against me and just continue my works and try to reach these "sane and cute" babes who you can say there was a mutual interest. I mean it enough some people are just straight up evil. You could literally go against a corrupt estate very much injured and trying to do right by them as to not drag them into the mess and stop others from dragging them into the mess but it would just turn out that they are the greatest contributors to the mess just benefiting from the "innocent" label. These people long ago turned on your ass when it was no longer convenient for them or no "sex" was ever going to come. I mean, some people just wanted sex and that is all. I mean are people just for sex and nothing more? Involvement in a secret manhunt was the greatest thing of them all for them. This is what I would not ponder on this day but surely I pondered the innate notions of the intrepid people who thought they could do whatever and everything would be so okay for them when it was already hell for others. They made the environment of the campus a living nightmare when it used to be so inviting. A person lost theirselves in a rage yet considering there was still good from that "college" group of people who you were amongst. I will say that you would be making mythical figures out of people who were really rock bottom disgusting and evil. You would have eventually just came to that conclusion anyways if you ever stayed at the college campus. Yet a person wanted to a hero for people in the "hellscape" that was social and environmentally speaking.

I focused on just strengthening my creative skills to make more impact later on when I would have recovered myself and the whole issue and problem of then and there would be over. No more rumor mill, no more strangers trying to fight you and no more of these promises. These promises to these make believe people who I gifted mythical properties after a life of basically no good people at all- would be no more I hoped because by keeping them( even when I realized on the 9/13 they were nonsense but could not believe that truly without proof solid and true) I was just carrying alot of weight and somehow it hurt. I ponder now it hurted because really it was all a bunch of nonsense. Those people betrayed any goodwill a long time ago and you tried to keep good will long alive enough but yet nothing was to work as you cannot control people who have made their minds to be the ones to make your life living hell. I can say that really much how did a place even get your ideas in the first place? Oh, they just had you nearest around people who really were just agents for their secret agendas-the ones so beside education that it is both a legal and immoral trouble. Don't tell people they fucked up though in doing their elicit shit thinking they could carry on in secret as long as they used ," any means to shut you up". On this day, I kept thinking on how really much things were. I tried to get my mind off of things. I went back to the past. The school drawings of the past on lined paper. If I truly was able to make Neoethic a thing one day-I would be able to turn these old works into artworks of the future. In the then ,you were impressed in a school you hated and even in a social structure you detested and never having time for your creativity and what you wanted actually in life( and not to be some fucking engineer so fucking brainwashed by the bullshit going in behind closed doors at dear olde university). I seriously am to say that a person did some investing in their future. I took some pictures of the works I could find and that was the start of going forward but the focus of the August was just becoming lost and yes-truly there was nothing I could do but keeping walking forward or would tumble over.