Monday 24

      The Monday felt like an extended weekend but it really was a busy day. I would be in the dark after school wondering how I got to where I was then(the here?) and just looking at my desk where I was working on Cosmica and realizing I was just completely alone in my efforts. Felt so disoriented and really much did not remember any of the past that moment. Nope. I realized that I was greatly depressed and just disgusted with things. A wave of emotions came and went in the dark. Who cared about any of those people at the school or anyone at all who I went to school with. I was suffering and really the ringing in my head would not go away. A person had to literally concentrate to stay the fuck sane. Yea, maybe if a person was not abused by two vicious parties on whatever day none of that shit would have been happening. This was day where one of my siblings had a birthday party, we went to a seafood type restaurant and I colored the Cosmica Mereverse cover and colored it in a style mirroring the first Neoethic effort yet it just looked terrible and I regretted coloring it. Yes, I was again watching Batman Beyond and that show was keeping me entertained and yes giving me ideas. Truly, I went to that restaurant not much later and really I am just to say the restaurant's atmosphere was not that much receptive. Nope to me. I will say that place had some issues with the people with whom it would hire but that is just me.

    Anyways, why I don't speak about the earlier day is because um, I guess it was a rainy day and really much spent much of my time in the science building after the interactive media class. I guess I can say that I woke up early and went to the community college to walk up the stairs to the room where the class was to be held and just continued a tired trope of tolerating people in that class especially the two antagonistic girls. There was like a feeling of angst and hatred that day more than any other. I am just to say that people have some very interesting views in this world that you kinda have to be very dumb to follow. Yes, I also gazed at the green haired girl to see if I could speak to her. I believed I showed her my work for the class assignment where we had to show two people our assignments. I was successful in just getting to speak to her for that small period of time but yet else never saw her later and did not feel it was a good idea to actually speak to her while the two women at the back eyed me with malice. I mean, what did I ever do to them? Nothing at all but show up to the class.

     I tried to stay in the class longer to try to draw something on mischief like the stripes work but yet I just could not do it anymore. I left the room. The green haired girl and guy would stay there sometimes but they were always busy so I did not bother the girl. Other times, people would just be coming in and making the noise. I don't know what it was with those people but they literally had no respect for others and their need to work on things. I would like to point on there was a great race disparity between two campuses in that community college system. One lab which was in a school for mainly minorities got the less tech possible. They did not equip them with tablets. This school while it had some people of color there and the school itself could have many people of color-that side of town was just mainly full of white fucking racists and just normal white people. I am to say the graphic design classes usually if white people existed where not the nice variety but the racist kind. I mean just look at that design 1-2D class. I was frankly the only black person in that class. 

    The community college's graphic design program's labs had tablets for students to draw on whilst the other school did not. This is to say that there was a lack of resources for those on the other side of town nearest the highschool I went to. I did not realize that then but really much I realize now the labs were just opportunities for these racist people to just fuck around and these idiots realized not what they were getting; white privilege. You could not get anything done in the computer lab once these people came in the same as in the design 1-2D class. I mean you think the people over the program would do something but no-the dean of the digital media stuff was just a lowkey racist himself and even said to be me later on in 2018, " if you want to fuck around go to ( minority campus) and take their portfolio development class! Or whatever they do over there!" I mean these people were racist from the top to the bottom. I mean to say that the head of the graphic design program was essentially bragging about his program being better than the minority school's program. And well it was because of somehow there was more funding at this school than the other one. He was also telling me a black individual to go "fuck off and go to the place where colored people are at with their lesser facilities".

      To be said the guy went on so much how his school was better than the other that it was a dog whistle. This to be said the whole graphic design program was in fact designed by someone and his hired teachers to deprive people of color of learning opportunities and basically many teachers were and the head of the program-the dean was trying to convince people of color to just go to the "place of the colored folks". As if this was Jim Cow segregation with the false premise of things being, "separate but equal". I am to say what I was suffering in the fall 2016 was just racism compounded with something even worse and yes a person would continue to  experience just a system that was out against them. Ardently if you are ever to wonder if things of racial matters have progressed, no they have not because clearly the two schools were stuff suffering from the legacy of Jim Crow and the system that is racism. Anyhow a person could say that they should not waste time in the computer lab when these people came around because they were fucking trash and you would have to suffer through their immense yearnings for attention.

     Just imagine a room full of Trumps but uglier and more unruly-that is the type of people who would come into that classroom for lab. The green haired girl and guy who were in the gaming program always had on ear phones because they already knew what trash was waiting. At a point a person cannot tolerate that shit anymore and being around such nuisance people meant to ultimately just slow you down and productivity of the learning environment! I mean there is a reason in highschool people are kicked out of a room for being too talkative or get in trouble as there is a reason you get kicked out of a job if you do nothing at all. The people of the program did not give a fuck about education being endured here or enforcing some rule that the purpose of lab was met.  

      They rather people just aimless do any fucking thing and in addition to this did not care because they knew it would stop people from completing their assignments.  They knew everyone did not have adobe gear installed on their computers from Photoshop to Ilustrator-many people were not going to pay some money to have the program on a computer not built to keep all the programs. Yet they allowed people who were majorly of the racist white hick variety just rip down the possibilities of learning through lab time. Honestly; the whole program was a fucking racist charade and a person truly already knew this from the set up of things and how this dean would keep dumping on another community college's program that was full of people of color. There is to be said; there were two problems that one had to contend with and one led into the other. Maybe one university partnered with this community college and just had a very bad culture and very bad hidden objectives. They had some racism in them alot. But yet that aspect combined greatly with the school's hidden racial problem in the graphic design program at least created a large issue. Especially when you consider the rumor mill machine aspect of a culture matching with this great system of discrimination, you get the nightmare of the community college. Namely a person should not be forced to change anything or do anything differently than what they normally do if a place was so normal and nothing was fucking good on but a person had to change seats many times a day to not get trapped in the waste of time drama of racist nobodies, people with self hatred, mental hangups on going to this fabulous university and what social means would just guarantee their rise to such a "fabulous place". Akin the place was not fabulous as I personal saw before.  I am to say that there should be criminal investigations into how people could influence others to be their fucking worst with the promise of doing bad social things in return for favors that would ultimately never come.

     Alas, when I say that there was a target on my back, someone had to be the one pulling the strings and things just did not come out of nowhere. I did not make believe anything at all. Why would a person bent on doing comics and just being a normal person go out of their way to believe shit that does not align with their goals if it did not even exist? I am to say on this day I had enough with staying that lab. Ultimately later on in later years would try to not spend much time in the lab if I did not have to. Even if the flood made so that the most vicious noise makers/racist people were not to be around you in "lab time". There is to be said a person again went out and sat the benches.  I worked on 3rd Ring, the graphical version of Dream One Newyork and then I left. Those people at the benches were doing too much. I could list and label the couples there in who were so intent on why I was there but yea-it was the same people almost every freaking day just like those in the computer lab. The literally shit below your heels. Personally that is what they were. Whilst a person never was aggressive towards them they were just the people who are just the uncivil folks of the world and doing all the unnecessary senseless stuff. You could say they were modern republicans. And no they weren't all white. For two of the couples, there were black girls for the girlfriend side of things and the boyfriend would be white. There was a white couple as well but let me tell you-the appearance of the people did not matter when what they believed was all but the same.

   I was tired of staying out there so I drew the Dessacrow page of the day and left. I mean, these people were just run of the mill idiots. Why would you try to ever just anger some random person? Do you have a hobby to get into danger? These are things you would ponder. The science building was nice as whilst there could be hostile people-the environment was nice and conductive to people being at peace. Commonly though would catch the gaze of this other dude with locks who would look at me as if he had an issue with me. I would continue to draw Dessacrow Academy that day and pondered and even more fictional take.

    That day would go to the art class and realize that I should have just skipped. It was boring and really much felt going out of my mind tolerate this teacher and her kiss asses. Like as if I had to pretend some reality that was not it and some character within that was not true. Of course one did not but abstain for any of these thoughts or mentions just so they could wait till the class ended. I am to say that really much some people  are really just stupid. They expect you won't do anything at all and eye you with these eyes of remorse and yet suspicious but yea, you later do things they will never have control of-like you writing a narrative on how shitty people they actually were. The old woman in the class was nice and let me use her paper because again I was not going to buy anything more for this class. I mean really much, I did buy things before but not after what happened in that class room,. The day was the same olde shit with those people yapping and yapping away. I mean, shut up! Truly a person left that place and returned to the science building. I continued some idea revolving Dessacrow Academy again.

      I left the school and that is somewhat how I reached the house. I made the coffee, I watched the music videos and got into making Cosmica. Somewhere amongst all that was a great sensation of just pure frustration and just disorientation. A person was pushed too far and that is why I go the distances I do in writing the happenings of the then.