Personally.

I think that I lost talking to a girl truly more so because I thought she was too young to be anyone. Was not able to fit it in a conflicted schedule to actually find out how to contact her later. Find myself falling into these talks with girls whom I will not see later on nor truly contact even though I tried to give em my business card for class I kinda of wasted my money on and tried to make it to be of some consort. No my business is not create any "my name bullshit creates" it is MK MZODERN. Find out that they-the two girls I else liked are siblings and I try to play it off but only defense is that one is too young without anyone getting the wrong idea. I like the girl, I know is too young and play and fall hard into her charms yet find the girl I thought not as a sibling to this girl attractive and would be more "suitable" to date because of age and this attraction. Try to play off getting to know both girls, but its pretty tense and even though I had a good talk with the younger sister- I see the older sister at top and try to say hi but in my time- I can only make her cry by mentioning that I met her sister earlier. There was a glimmer of a tear in her eye and my heart wretched and I had too much sweat to be of not recognizing my plight. I told her goodbye. There is another girl but I made such an effort to not be two faced by admitting to the sister that I talked to her sister. So I could still talk to both later with no drama but yet there is. Still in shock at what pain I caused the girl above, I do not say anything to this girl- I cannot possibly deny my morals to not be double faced. But yet- I already am, I went to such lengths to talk to this particular girl one day that I asked to draw her picture. Yet she smiled at me the most innocent yet caring smile that gave me life...and yet I fall for two other girls who are sisters and yet another who sits at the same place everyday? Yet there are all these girls I felt for in university yet never could do anything but just let them go because that was the only option at the time. At least this time I stood my ground and actually got to know the people mostly I liked-maybe because there was no buffonery around and yet cleared much of it out with the scheme of drawing or talking.

I personally have been numb in the turmoil of this and frankly I have been not able to write anything for a while because this is all that consumes my mind. Yet I resolve the only one factor that has gotten better is myself facing the ideals of reality of  where and which people bully you and hide around the fucking corner and expect nothing to happen to them. Yet there is more to this story than which can be said.

I tried to reach my original ideas and yet I have succeeded. But turns out corruption is everywhere. You cannot run and hide and nor can you expect a new season or continuation of a show you would like to binge watch because the host kills theirselves under shadowy circumstances that no one later reports. Because Cyberpunk is only cared about only if its a videogame and so is dignity...

I was thinking of a progression of Urbans, of different worlds. Urbans yet of different views that can bring people together. In more way that one. My way has not been defeated-the Urbans have not died.

But yet still stung when I dream of this particular girl; and her smile. Yet avoiding me like everyone else. These fake friends and fake people who only seem to care just because they want to have sex with you.

Personally I am glad of my accomplishments but in this cruel corrupt world it will never be enough. Ruin my ambition by supporting a corrupt site! I will not let it be. Will continue to fight and tell the story to the last bite and the last fight... that of personally.