Utter Wisdom of the Heart.

 I traversed many times since the time I found myself in this sudden Hurricane Harvey in later August 24. It was a Friday just as today in which I write is such a day. It was so odd to be doing the efforts I had been doing of the summer to improve my art and comic book making skill especially that of the Mysterious and Changer successful comic experiment; to suddenly be in the path of this storm. Realizing certain things are out of control. But what if you turned this storm happening to an advantage if any could be found? It was hard to say of what but in my heart I found a place to write something down or rather draw it in the form of an idea I did not want to be cut short. It was late in the night and I was going to sleep and then I drew and wrote this fantastical comic and it was called the 1886. It was rather based on ideas I had been working up upon that time. Why the 1886? It was rather because I was researching women's dresses of the time and well had an interest in steampunk which if you look at such works they usually take place in a Victorian time period. I was looking at the basics to create my own and then when that Hurricane Harvey hit, the ideas sprouted.

This was a summer in which I had created a "graphic novel" for my adventures in fall 2013 when I first went to college. I am to say that there are still alot of unresolved things from those times and even more so, in August 2017. I believe it enough to say that not everyone in the world is good or even a good rearing citizen. Some people just skid on their teeth that they are not found out for the abnormal non self respecting society contributing folks they are. I mean that you can go to college and even work at some large fancy place, it does not even mean your heart is in the right place. I am to say in short the work I drew of  that night was to link into the fall 2013. You see some places try too hard to change people into abnormal folk who don't contribute anything to society through lens that are purely racist and sensationalist. I just am to say for the record, no sane person would stay in a place with such unnecessary drama. The over whelming feeling of my mind in fall 2017, was that " the story needs to be told".

I am to say that later on I did complete the graphic novel in great form and fashion and it was a great item for a time until your third party helpers just cancel you as being a person who is not able to be pliable to their uses of what a user of their third party should be; a stupid nonrespecting individual who let's others take advantage of them.

This is to say that really much folks, I went far because of what I felt in my heart in that time of the Hurricane Harvey-the night it arrived and drew a comic that would push me forward that I was actually able to even put forth any offerings to any of my designs a year later by the summer 2018.

However not all would go great for the 1886 later on even if I tried to make it what MK MZODERN was about for later September and then October. I realized that I could not let go of the effort to make all my works better and not just settle on one work even if it had a great spark behind it, I figured I could just return and come back and all would be good. The thing is that oppressive forces in one's life kept growing by the form of people who thought they were cute for bashing art and then bashing you. I am to say that some people will just reign in their faulty impulses until you have settled down to become prey for their venom and just like snakes they bite you and you have to yank each and everyone of them off of you. You have to distance yourself from hinderances and impediments to return and frankly even when you do; that same spark on that night never comes back  unless you truly examine what even was going on.

You see earlier this year in 2020, had basically worked well on creating 1886 comics again to a certain degree. I even made a seperate site for it. People did not like the work as people had in 2017 when it was not even really nothing but ads and promises and few features to match. No, I am to say that people in 2020 were completely ungrateful. But I really did not care behind that front but it was not complete I realized. It was missing that spark. If I had to organize all I had done over the last 4 years since fall 2016( a somewhat disastrous time), I would do it and that I did. It was a very strenuous effort. I took two college classes whilst doing the effort and that takes a toll on you especially when all you get from people is just crap and just a diminishing returns of what a human should even get when the other individual knows that they have an interest in them. Oft, I will not be focusing in on the situation of women in ones life but that really,this effort was all worth it. I could feel in my heart again the same amount of feeling I did when that storm came in. 

I do say that I am not praising the storm as it flooded much and killed many people at that. If not it displaced a whole sum of them. I am just saying to the effect that my level of perseverance on that night was amazing and only in that perseverance did I create the comic of the 1886, in those moments of that night. Really much I was having a hard time in that summer 2017 even with the success of my Mysterious and Changer comic experiment which introduced my four page comic format and well the storm caught everyone and especially me by surprise. I just thought I could not take another hit but I made a positive out of the negative and kept on and the comic I created was the result.

Even to this day, I probably won't share the work online because I have come to the realization that I am not a valued member to anyone on the internet, any community or anyone really. People insinuate me as a lesser and that is them. I really don't care to concern myself much with what people do in regards to me upon the internet as I am really not concerned about being friends much with people who don't seem in the right place or mind. I do say I have tried to be friendly but there comes a point where you realize that people should not be acting a certain way when they are not much younger than you and really enough they aren't even putting any effort forward. The work I will say will not be seen until I am confident that it is what I want to put out onto the internet.Alas you can never ask for a friend or a girlfriend in which I do. Simply people daring to advance theirselves is deemed bad by those who have a toxic view of theirselves and well, surely I would never want to be dealing with those sort of people anyways but doing art in a way that is not this weak and fandom circuit circus brand of "I hate myself"-surely invites the worst of company. Especially from places just full of toxic and self harming people. Graphic design classes, classes at community colleges, classes at colleges, dorm rooms and the internet itself  in its "art community" glory are places just for toxic and self harming people to lunge at you when you just want to improve yourself to where you actually go somewhere.

There is to be said some hard truths to what I might say, some people can play with the trends and sensationalized meanings to build a substance but such reveals relatively no progress for them in their art and their goals. Many people never advance to what they want to aspire in art because they are caught up in their pitfalls of trends and "popularity" needs. In what actually happens to these people is that they stay in the same place as they were three years ago and never change to reach their goals because of false social media goals. They alone would have reached somewhere better by theirselves but they prefer to wallow in self pity and need a "community" that is relatively made up by them by people they really don't know in real life albeit one or two people they are friends with and they might never even see these people ever at all.

I am to say that many people excel at refusing to "live". They rather want to go for a fixture or a boxed sold ideal of success as an artist and try to be that when in reality not everyone is meant to even be the same thing even as artists. Literally the problem that would grow to this day is everyone artist online referring to theirselves apart of an autonomous body that really does nothing for them or anyone least they are a really big "internet artist" who takes profit from other artists buying into their image and looking up to them. People don't realize that they are special That they can feel alone and create art from that. But these days you just see mindless and numb art that shows no feeling whatsoever nor any importance but dogs fighting over a piece of steak to fill their bellies and declare theirselves "full". Namely people just want to rehash things other people did of passion just for theirselves to be "successful" or reachable to the masses. But never do these efforts do but take away from the possibility of individuals to reach anywhere but always searching for other people's passion projects and never their own passion projects. Many people these days even these artists online lack the ability to feel with the heart and even derive meanings that are genuine and not for clout solely. Having a heart and ability to perceive emotions, feelings and moral matters is what is important when being an artist~moral or immoral. These days people don't have that ability to have emotions that are driven that they will push past their boundaries. All you hear is people complaining about their boundaries.

I felt something on that night when that storm rolled in and I did not back down. I could have just gone to sleep as I would have when a storm would have come when I was a child but albeit, wasted so much time in the past just trusting there would be opportunities to work on things that you were inspired by. I am to say that if you wait for things to happen the next day, it won't happen at least where you have lacking support is concerned. I on this night decided that I would back down. I would double down and this would be the beginning of something new and it was.

I am to say many people in which I have encounter don't have this same spirit and for this reason, we don't get along and never will for the fact that some people just don't want to feel and nor do they want to do. They just want to be someone else and be given a life they see of a certain individual. People I am to say that even going forward on this site and as I move to cover what happened in 2018, I did have artists who were heroes to me. There is still one artist I admire called Faredal alas in what would come of this fall 2017, you realize that some people just don't have in them what even you can do and what you can do is not even much of a craft or a skill but an urge to succeed. Many people don't have that and yes, I would be sadly let down by an artist I looked up to since 9th grade when it would have been nice to get some needed help from them. I am to say folks, that you need to feel for yourself and be your own self and do for yourself and that is what I started to get when that Hurricane rolled in and I created that comic.