wednesday/ let this week end already. english.
Wednesday;this was the day when the true burden of english was acknowledged. Almost missed the class because I decided to go to sleep.But readily dashed out of that dorm, past the plants and the bushes and past the cars to safe land where no cars would be passing in the parking garage/lot.
Turned past now torn down dorms of the law school and made the gambit of running in a diagonal line and not slipping on the stone path that went straight nearby the church and avoiding the water sprinklers that made the stone path and the grass so wet. I must say I did dash across the place.
Almost slip once or twice. I made it there early again yet no one was there at all. One of the times I would be early and no one else would be there was this time and maybe there were no other times besides this.
The girl I liked arrived and so did other people but I could not figure what to say to her. I had been out of the business talking to sane girls for most of my teenage life. Did not know what I would say that would interest her. But if you see 18 to 19 year olds these days-this girl was still the exceptional dime.So friendly she was that if I had the courage to say something I am sure we would have gotten along but in those days one has imposter syndrome and does not often feel worthy enough to date anyone at all~from teenage years of being bullied by girls and guys and never developing social skills vital much to being a teenager. Only trying to learn these aspects by oneself realizing that the world is not full of fucked students of minority status who relegate self harm even if in an AP class by visiting other schools that have such folks and even seeing other people outside of school!
Honest to say this girl represented the opportunity for social life but you know by this time I was afraid of speaking to people to really know them and just used meager means to be nice and social but that is not to say I actually cared to figure out what these people are just about. The people in the dorms did not ask me anything really much about myself and they just told their whole life stories like everyone cared and let me go into any detail about my life-they were sure to tune me out. Not friends at all even if I was invited to this scaredly used facebook group. Just to say these people even in the english seemed to be good folks to communicate with but they were just selfish, spoiled brats with a cult rearing and this girl was the grand person who was not like them. I started to crush on her in this class when the teacher arrived and invited us all in.
That day we went over a poem. I do not remember what it was about but maybe it had something to do with Sisyphus rolling a rock up a mountain for all entirety. Or maybe it was just a unique poem. But usually in that class I would say the teacher really dedicated to place much effort on talking about the same thing for three fucking days in a row-the entire fucking week. Many times speaking about the guy rolling a rock up the mountain and how it should reveal certain tendencies of writing craft in our writing due to its allusion elements. But one to say that certainly at the start does not mind because it seems to make the class easy to follow. But see here my friends- I am never the person to speak and often even at my old highschool and maybe prior people would always cast their stone of bias if I talked and would bully me or not make things easy in class team ups. Or leave the work all up to me.This group seemed hostile to me in a way that was more not natural and not bullying but seeping with the venom of malice like they wanted to erase me from existence. Not to brag or anything but there was this bitch from highschool who wanted to rewrite her history to fit in with everyone else. Sat next to the other latina who was honestly just a cock sucking bitch of the teacher; whom I say(the teacher) would look good today and maybe particularly for the last time. Because does morals of hers don't run to make her a pretty person. They do not run at all.
I want to say this girl was evident proof that she adjusted her views by the looks of venom everyone was giving me especially the dude who was maybe one of maybe the only of two other african american oriented foks. That dude needed to chill and that day I told myself I had not made an enemy and maybe its just how he looks at people. But a person is wrong. I did try speaking to this guy over the weekend namely friday but after this-the guy was a frank asshole who just would look with these self pathetic eyes. It was a shock to find my sister knew his sister as a youtube personality. The guy smiled in that picture which should show you how dishonest and evil people with frank smiles are. And people who generally look at you as if to fight you for even ever existing and have self respect issues and if I am being honest don't feel comfortable being black without trying to bat people away who looked impoverished. Such people in my opinion who create stereotypes even for people of their own color are especial trash who don't belong succeeding. They just promote racism and hardship for people of color. Thinking they know who is who and that somehow its a crime to be poor. But to say my friends I am not poor and nor is anyone in their 3rd ward. Their ability to simply bleed and be human is what is mighty about them. And even if they are promoted to steal or be in gangs-they are more humane than the coachroaches that sat upward peering me as if I was some type of evil. These people were what people in slang this age termed; childish. The girl I liked and the girl with blond hair and yet annoying were maybe one of the most human people there in. I guess you could say the teacher was but everyone else. Especially the spat from highschool just peering at me to match everyone's mood most was trash. Pretended as if she did not know me.
The thing with this class and why the staring was so fucking awkward and uncomfortable is that these bitches with the damn eyes could not answer anything about the fucking poem the teacher brought us that day. Yet wanted to act all privileged as if ace students. Now; I would have answered but seeing how everything was hostile here and previously in highschool if I said anything~I was just pissed off that I did not have the courage to outright say anything. But then I realized in a sense I lived with these people and their distaste of me speaking out of my supposed role they gave me~ could lead to complications living there and so I did not say anything because why would you risk anything in a room full of crazy people. Later it would only take three individuals to confirm how haughty, selfish and at a risk it is even to be bothered by such mental defect people believing the world surrounded them entirely. Trying to gaze at you with eyes of hatred as if I was going to do anything to change that you lived. Maybe these people were often better to be serial killers because that is the length their passive aggressiveness and privilege and yet privilege founded on the school. Of just a fucked up system. Maybe they rather take it out on kept people on destinate roles of hardship to people to be seen and maybe these people are just mental rejects treated as if they are worth anyone's time. But sum up to be nothing but terrorists in the end of this story and maybe this looking at people angrily is a privilege that maybe a certain college should have against unless they support cult mentality and hostility to people who are bluntly sane and normal. But maybe to say they never will ever remove any claim to their terrorism fame. People here were so haunty believing they could shape the world just because they happened to go to this fucking university and if that's not nuts- its just sad and maybe represents they just don't care. About the real world and believe all the wrong they do is something of a superpower that no one is able to catch onto and they will always never be put on the spot. But my friends-here is to say they finally are and no amount of ego makes their actions good.
For fucking bugging people in english and even acting as if they were the sole founders of english just because they got a good grade in this class. They mostly got because the teacher liked them and they just sucked her cock. Which is what the responses became. Became to anything the discussions would be about or what the teacher would ask about. They just gave her what they thought she wanted to hear and if she did not like it they would either change opinion completely or just shut up and the class would be quiet.
The girl I liked however and maybe the annoying blond hair girl gave the most humane and trying responses of everyone. Oft to say I rather not tout my own horn but on the split occasions I felt I could talk without compromising my safety and social safety I did. I tried to give the best answers of course. I gave them of course but everyone looked amazed. But like a surprised lion that realizes its head is going to be blown off by a long rife or shot gun in its mouth. The people looking at me with hostile eyes and yet the girl I liked was an angel radiance. The girl who was annoying did not follow everyone else but one likes what they like and it was not her. The girl I liked and the annoying blond hair girl where the people who gave a majority of the responses to the questions to the point many times later the teacher would say, " someone else speak and not_ or_".
Usually to speak was the boyfriend of sandy blond to the girl who was in my biology class. After him either spoke a girl pair or boy pair. The boy pair being hostile black boy who was like a companion item to his sister's internet fame of a small audience I would say or clown boy. The girl pair being of the latina girl in the wolverine like jacket and the girl from my highschool but rarely. Usually after the latina girl in the wolverine jacket said something- the annoying blond girl would add on. I often will say that there was also times were this asian girl who would look at me hostile as if I did her something wrong who would speak. I believe that in the end she was angry about speaking to me and even getting close to me because it runned her sync with everyone else and she was true trash because she felt some emotion but I did not. And felt pulled down by her human emotions to not be this robot of malice many in that room were. The bitch needed to chill the fuck out. Maybe to say her entire story emphasises a cult mentality way of living and maybe adheres this living is racist and no way how people who claim "diversity" as a motto for a school or a city in a school ( cause these damn people thought they owned the place and owned the world but one could say that since they swarmed in and out of Houston mainly-this was the only place their damned malice impacted and not the whole world. Though to say did they affect the surrounding areas where many real people live and not in the "Houston attraction zoo of astros, university, hospitals and else". On their built up egos and privilege worsen here as if dangerously radicalized-that for the future stories and eventually where everything goes wrong) should be living. Ever time later after this class-the girl would be conflicted to look at me with anything but this despairing look. The one guy in this class who had it bad and never even noticed how people were looking at me was the black athlete and even the little black pampered boy looked him with eyes of joy or at least a human look. This guy had so much trouble answering questions I truly felt sorry that everyone only respected him because he played some type of sport. The Egyptian guy or guy from the middle east; was almost never presented these first days and if he did come. Maybe the teacher did not ask him alot of questions to be a jerk as he spoke with a strong accent.
The girl I liked up to this point looked at me naturally like any person does that does not draw any character of malice. I found comfort that she did not hate me for no reason like many people in the class. When class first began and the teacher clamored someone to respond when no one else would; she spoke and maybe I wished to join her and dance in this discussion with her but did not want to appear either creepy or incur the wrath of bitches looking at me like the damned dame hellions they were. To this day there will never be such a hostile group of people who don't know how to interact with people without using a cult mentality to boost theirselves.
I managed to stay awake that class and it was fight to answer or not to answer the entire class and the beauty of this one girl convinced me that maybe staying alive by how these people looked at me was for the best. And maybe for the best to be with her without any of these condescending bitches trying to get in between. In my day I have seen it all. Girls knowing you like someone and trying to get someone else to speak to them while you are tried to be matched with some one else. There were many girls in this class. And at most maybe only five guys-sometimes only three and maybe sometimes only two.
I say when the teacher beckoned us to do an activity. I believe I got paired with the asian girl and she tried to be nice. That girl was so damned contrite and forcing this stance of her liberty of privilege apart of that olde cult life and wanting people to know that she felt something for them by being overtly nice to them and displaying things that people who like another do. I felt it odd that no one had time to look at me now in their discussions but I wish I could have partnered with the girl I did like. We completed the assignment me and this girl and read it when it was time for everyone to give their marks of what they done in the assignment parameters. I think we had to talk about one element of the poem that represented a tying meaning to its universal message as agreed by the teacher. The girl I liked and girl with wolverine jacket gave theirs and they both spoke. To say my friends only the girl I liked spoke with a humane frenzy. The wolverine jacket girl seemed as if she was forcing her pretentious act of higher thou and looked really fake and sounded it too. To give her some fashion tips maybe if she just wore a red hoodie or red jacket she would felt in more with the cult assholes of the school and maybe wear some really ripped up shorts or really exercise shorts and that be that. Idk but that was a fashion style and while the girls in this room did not dress like that-one can argue that some people who dress like that all the time have a numerous sort of issues at least here.A great entitlement and privilege and maybe people who dressed at least normal and appropriate yet acted of the cult mentality had at least some culture and society behind them to not be such oblivious bores or something rhyming with bores. Some would say I would be wrong as this is the way certain girls dressed up from 2013 to 2017 and not at all whores but maybe and just maybe they are in the context of this school. And maybe this better dressed girl was trying too hard to be cult trash. And the wolverine jacket over all just made her look like a dick while it was apparent to everyone how fake she was. That to be said everyone in their different groups gave their responses. Even the guy of clowns and his tossing theatrics. Oft to say my friends. The class ended and yes I was too slow packing up but with lots of energy else to reach the girl. One decides in life they have to pace theirselves because maybe rushing yourself is not healthy nor looks attractive to any girl. I once went back to the dorm defeated. After eating something like one of my snacks since the dinners were not opened and it was literally food desert even if you could go to some shop and buy food. There was no use in going there when you already had tons of snacks. I went to the library again and I say it was there I began to realize the cyberpunk elements and remembered my childhood amongst these elements. I ended the story of what I had been writing and called it real nature.
Real Nature to describe how people of many characters and diverse people's actual communicate. Idk if anyone recognizes it and I do not know if anyone does care to know but maybe there are different people in every race and not everyone is even the same or similar.And maybe that library space where people ate and interacted displayed the true nature of the diversity message. Maybe it was togetherness or separation or just attributing beliefs to everyone who was different as if they were some commercialized brand of cotton candy that did or did not sit well for various reasons but not ever for the fact for the events of their character as people but for their race and outlook. I'd say these people really are not diversity at all. Just how a system of corruption and abuse forces people to look at people in different character dynamics than found outside a school. Do all the different colors pick a side to live on and keep out all the other different people who want to venture there? No, they don't. While certain people tend to settle in different areas for different reasons and some people have been there for some other certain reasons that are more historical and not a choice and hard to ever leave- people usually do come together across different races in different regions. One side of Houston, on its outskirts you might find that hispanics, blacks, few asians( including indians) and some whites live in peace at least in this time period. One another you might just find white people and some blacks and hispanics. Another side that opposes the first mentioned side~ maybe just indians, asians, hispanics, some blacks and of course whites. And maybe in the city itself blacks, hispanics, some asians(including indians including college populations) and whites mainly. Yet do all races somehow work well in a city that has never had the dynamic of corporation nor the culture of unity or a defined character of races work together? Believe it or not; each little region in and around Houston has sometype of defined culture where there can never be as some much as too much asians, too much blacks or too much whites to get the attribution ratio that denotes the ability to be united in one front culture and expectations. Because maybe certain people have certain standards in different races that maybe they just prefer to be around the "houston zoo" be able to see this prestigious place and the heavy focus of colleges in the area and maybe where they deem to place such heavy importance in education that maybe morals come second.
Maybe that certain people try to live in regions with so called 4.0 gpa schools and often attribute blacks to second class citizens. Maybe they come from the middle east, africa or india or some asian country( though I say people who are asian from asia countries and not india don't fall truly in the stereotype of just wanting their children to go to go good schools by living in certain areas) and think the world centers around them and a rather outdated image of the american dream only foreigners get around. Maybe all the whites lived towards one region because historically they moved away from all the blacks when they tried to enter the suburbs in the Houston city or just lived in one region their entire lives and had no control over it. Maybe hispanics are just one group who can live and interact with everyone truly in all different regions regardless of the white centered news pawning them as these people everyone hates and maybe that not all of them are innocent and just hate black people too yet no one will ever make news story about that because it would make them look human. The point I am making is this one library area was a disgrace. People ultimately trying to either follow the paths of their region they lived and how they associated with people in the region or forgetting their very idea of people and fucking around with this diversity rhetoric as if something real and all the diverse people so friendly or just trying to remove theirselves from any real life situation that is modern life today and developing these one race groups. That strangely are allowed in such a place that pushes defining roles in society and maybe pushes the aspects of what is new and upcoming in social trends by history maybe. Tending to be more liberal and supporting of true diversity which is actually people of different cultures interacting together. The sororities my friends were a venom of these one race people and these people were not nice to black people. They wanted to act as if they had authority and out to lynch people by looks and trying to create trouble. And maybe if I was not understanding some asian dude always looking at me as if I was a trouble would have gotten has ass beaten that maybe he could not look straight forward again!
What this place pushed actually my friends was not diversity but the privilege of the worst people in every race to do the most universal harm to people even being able to live together or their being any true diversity. To often say the people in that area so cringeworthy eating in a library, acting in mutant patterns just because of what a university said-little academic work they had to do and really just panning to act as if they never seen everyone of all the races before ever. Now some people might want to act as if they don't know all the people of the world but the tv makes that hard and unless people don't have tv or word of mouth I am pretty sure everyone gotta know everyone who live in a region. But why this is so cyberpunk is the fact that these people if not meeting in a university setting would have just tended to act in a more natural way than what they acted in the university setting. To say all and most attempts of different arrangements were either tendency of interest, tendency of abuse( not counting cult mentality), tendency to hate people truly and just speaking to them because this was the "diverse place" and putting on fake smiles and demeanors and just a forced condition of them being in the university and yet trying to live with conceptions of culture and race throughout their small lifespans of even being social people( for much to be said for many people is really only ten to twenty years foregoing childhood). To say that people were not any longer working to racial unity as people have been for years in our world( globally to speak except some regions where people are absolutely hostile to people of other races). But to show they know the cards or race and if it determined anything of human temperament or meaning as a prize of being associated with this school. Trying so hard to be the liked person who understands all people. Trying to associate their previous ways of treatment to people herein. Acting as if this place was any different from any other.
And never considering the true character of the people they were talking to and not just by their race.
Many of these little asian kids whether of India or the asian countries were the shit on your heels-not to be racist cause these fuckers were racist. Girl who dare call me a creep just for getting my floor wrong and seemingly to follow her. Is a person expected to get lost just because of a person walking in front of them having suspicions they would rape them just like in the era of divided race in america where black people could not even walk in peace without being lynched. These same girls then acting as if all you are good for is sex because you are deemed "black". These people not knowing any fucking thing of cultural relevancy that white and black people know is wrong to do even if they are racist on either side. Just wanting to act as if there is a great mystery to black people and black people are so simple they are just black. Not knowing that black people are not black by any consort but of history and not some bull hunk dory shit spewed by the university and its intolerance to people descendant from people who moved into the city just for white people to move away. These people acting on the rim of privilege and acting as if a stereotype maybe because that's all they got to know because of culture and their parents expectations. Acting as if all they are there for is to study. Become successful but one could find that sororities and their annoying parties and tacky events and yet tacky meanings are so against that; that maybe they are just like everyone else on the fringe of passing and not passing and namely not elite in any fucking manner.( Namely I mention this girl a lot but maybe soon here the entire story will be told maybe upcoming soon).Acting as if they are bulls of the pin and that everyone should just forget history and forget the fact that many people of asia are also slave trafficked in houston in unknown to the public but larger than life sex trade. Acting as if no one who has been here like blacks or whites are trash. Seeming to see hispanics as invisible people.
Just acting higher than thou even these first days a person has to hold back laughter when they pass thinking they are the it with their guilted pride and possibility to highly fuck up. I say these people are shit on your heels because they contribute nothing to anyone else. Don't give a damn about anyone else. Thinking they are higher and can attribute an image that is childish and so anti modern that people really don't have time to fuck with them or take them seriously but feel quiet sorry for them and quite sorry for them indeed. Maybe you might vocalize concerns and they would not hear it and maybe others would like other asians and indians at the top floor of the library who aren't ass hole and live on planet earth and not Jupiter would too.
Such to say this place had a tendency to be a machine. This university and library represented how people here where twisted to act in abnormal ways just to act under the pressure of a mocking system supported by the administration building people in this university library loved and loved speaking about it when it did nothing for them. ( Namely; people here so rude in that administration to call what they do jobs~ when they take forever to call you for something that should have been sent by email and what takes like five minutes not even 1 or 2 minutes). How the social structure was actually toxic to racial unity and development and made it something superficial and something of a toy that has not history behind it and some people to peak up around it to use it to be "top dogs" of cult principals in this fucked up university.No this place could never be racial diverse and everyone was an idiot to not know how they were using things of social construct different just under heavy corporate education pressures and rhetoric and using them in lethal and unintended ways that don't make the world a better place. Some corporate education guy had to decide to use the diversity message when never would it represent this place. More like this place was separatist highschool, convincing people they had achieved navarona and a post racial society to act as if people and their colors are just tools of meaning here in where they would and would not go in academics, sexual life and just character and life in general. But I say my friends black people had to be the most hated and I say real nature because the real fact people should face is that when race is no longer discussed as it truly involves in the world and its happenings; conditions get worse and people think they can commit the blashempies done in this library and this place. People should not be eating in the library in a place for books. Books should at least be read by university students and not using it just as an internet cafe. People should be treated as people regardless of the little culture you came from or your perception of the university to treat people. The place of a university should be a place to learn and placing great emphasis on furthering diversity and races getting along by not having sororities all who just promote unitary race groups that are not good for a place that has many different races.
Just because people have been wronged by white people in the past does not make it right to act as if you need to become the group that discriminates and wrongs people the next. Real Nature hints that on an issue that people never really payed much attention to what the university was supposed to be and real social expectations of right which is what good people in this country today who aren't terrorists or pieces of shit deem is unity and not adversity by despairing people by their skin color. A university is place of education and not this bar of social hub life should a library be. But for the particular reasons of an incriminating evil pin system(often to represent the privilege of dorm people as they had to enter a pin to get into their rooms and maybe their participation in the system hinders others opportunities of love making like they) and other despairing reasons of people's temperament and actions else~I'd say; the library feel short of a library but showed how much this university was just a hellish fiasco. Real Nature last post link.
This was Wednesday and this music video came out that day and I watched it after writing Real Nature pause to writing with headphones.
Turned past now torn down dorms of the law school and made the gambit of running in a diagonal line and not slipping on the stone path that went straight nearby the church and avoiding the water sprinklers that made the stone path and the grass so wet. I must say I did dash across the place.
Almost slip once or twice. I made it there early again yet no one was there at all. One of the times I would be early and no one else would be there was this time and maybe there were no other times besides this.
The girl I liked arrived and so did other people but I could not figure what to say to her. I had been out of the business talking to sane girls for most of my teenage life. Did not know what I would say that would interest her. But if you see 18 to 19 year olds these days-this girl was still the exceptional dime.So friendly she was that if I had the courage to say something I am sure we would have gotten along but in those days one has imposter syndrome and does not often feel worthy enough to date anyone at all~from teenage years of being bullied by girls and guys and never developing social skills vital much to being a teenager. Only trying to learn these aspects by oneself realizing that the world is not full of fucked students of minority status who relegate self harm even if in an AP class by visiting other schools that have such folks and even seeing other people outside of school!
Honest to say this girl represented the opportunity for social life but you know by this time I was afraid of speaking to people to really know them and just used meager means to be nice and social but that is not to say I actually cared to figure out what these people are just about. The people in the dorms did not ask me anything really much about myself and they just told their whole life stories like everyone cared and let me go into any detail about my life-they were sure to tune me out. Not friends at all even if I was invited to this scaredly used facebook group. Just to say these people even in the english seemed to be good folks to communicate with but they were just selfish, spoiled brats with a cult rearing and this girl was the grand person who was not like them. I started to crush on her in this class when the teacher arrived and invited us all in.
That day we went over a poem. I do not remember what it was about but maybe it had something to do with Sisyphus rolling a rock up a mountain for all entirety. Or maybe it was just a unique poem. But usually in that class I would say the teacher really dedicated to place much effort on talking about the same thing for three fucking days in a row-the entire fucking week. Many times speaking about the guy rolling a rock up the mountain and how it should reveal certain tendencies of writing craft in our writing due to its allusion elements. But one to say that certainly at the start does not mind because it seems to make the class easy to follow. But see here my friends- I am never the person to speak and often even at my old highschool and maybe prior people would always cast their stone of bias if I talked and would bully me or not make things easy in class team ups. Or leave the work all up to me.This group seemed hostile to me in a way that was more not natural and not bullying but seeping with the venom of malice like they wanted to erase me from existence. Not to brag or anything but there was this bitch from highschool who wanted to rewrite her history to fit in with everyone else. Sat next to the other latina who was honestly just a cock sucking bitch of the teacher; whom I say(the teacher) would look good today and maybe particularly for the last time. Because does morals of hers don't run to make her a pretty person. They do not run at all.
I want to say this girl was evident proof that she adjusted her views by the looks of venom everyone was giving me especially the dude who was maybe one of maybe the only of two other african american oriented foks. That dude needed to chill and that day I told myself I had not made an enemy and maybe its just how he looks at people. But a person is wrong. I did try speaking to this guy over the weekend namely friday but after this-the guy was a frank asshole who just would look with these self pathetic eyes. It was a shock to find my sister knew his sister as a youtube personality. The guy smiled in that picture which should show you how dishonest and evil people with frank smiles are. And people who generally look at you as if to fight you for even ever existing and have self respect issues and if I am being honest don't feel comfortable being black without trying to bat people away who looked impoverished. Such people in my opinion who create stereotypes even for people of their own color are especial trash who don't belong succeeding. They just promote racism and hardship for people of color. Thinking they know who is who and that somehow its a crime to be poor. But to say my friends I am not poor and nor is anyone in their 3rd ward. Their ability to simply bleed and be human is what is mighty about them. And even if they are promoted to steal or be in gangs-they are more humane than the coachroaches that sat upward peering me as if I was some type of evil. These people were what people in slang this age termed; childish. The girl I liked and the girl with blond hair and yet annoying were maybe one of the most human people there in. I guess you could say the teacher was but everyone else. Especially the spat from highschool just peering at me to match everyone's mood most was trash. Pretended as if she did not know me.
The thing with this class and why the staring was so fucking awkward and uncomfortable is that these bitches with the damn eyes could not answer anything about the fucking poem the teacher brought us that day. Yet wanted to act all privileged as if ace students. Now; I would have answered but seeing how everything was hostile here and previously in highschool if I said anything~I was just pissed off that I did not have the courage to outright say anything. But then I realized in a sense I lived with these people and their distaste of me speaking out of my supposed role they gave me~ could lead to complications living there and so I did not say anything because why would you risk anything in a room full of crazy people. Later it would only take three individuals to confirm how haughty, selfish and at a risk it is even to be bothered by such mental defect people believing the world surrounded them entirely. Trying to gaze at you with eyes of hatred as if I was going to do anything to change that you lived. Maybe these people were often better to be serial killers because that is the length their passive aggressiveness and privilege and yet privilege founded on the school. Of just a fucked up system. Maybe they rather take it out on kept people on destinate roles of hardship to people to be seen and maybe these people are just mental rejects treated as if they are worth anyone's time. But sum up to be nothing but terrorists in the end of this story and maybe this looking at people angrily is a privilege that maybe a certain college should have against unless they support cult mentality and hostility to people who are bluntly sane and normal. But maybe to say they never will ever remove any claim to their terrorism fame. People here were so haunty believing they could shape the world just because they happened to go to this fucking university and if that's not nuts- its just sad and maybe represents they just don't care. About the real world and believe all the wrong they do is something of a superpower that no one is able to catch onto and they will always never be put on the spot. But my friends-here is to say they finally are and no amount of ego makes their actions good.
For fucking bugging people in english and even acting as if they were the sole founders of english just because they got a good grade in this class. They mostly got because the teacher liked them and they just sucked her cock. Which is what the responses became. Became to anything the discussions would be about or what the teacher would ask about. They just gave her what they thought she wanted to hear and if she did not like it they would either change opinion completely or just shut up and the class would be quiet.
The girl I liked however and maybe the annoying blond hair girl gave the most humane and trying responses of everyone. Oft to say I rather not tout my own horn but on the split occasions I felt I could talk without compromising my safety and social safety I did. I tried to give the best answers of course. I gave them of course but everyone looked amazed. But like a surprised lion that realizes its head is going to be blown off by a long rife or shot gun in its mouth. The people looking at me with hostile eyes and yet the girl I liked was an angel radiance. The girl who was annoying did not follow everyone else but one likes what they like and it was not her. The girl I liked and the annoying blond hair girl where the people who gave a majority of the responses to the questions to the point many times later the teacher would say, " someone else speak and not_ or_".
Usually to speak was the boyfriend of sandy blond to the girl who was in my biology class. After him either spoke a girl pair or boy pair. The boy pair being hostile black boy who was like a companion item to his sister's internet fame of a small audience I would say or clown boy. The girl pair being of the latina girl in the wolverine like jacket and the girl from my highschool but rarely. Usually after the latina girl in the wolverine jacket said something- the annoying blond girl would add on. I often will say that there was also times were this asian girl who would look at me hostile as if I did her something wrong who would speak. I believe that in the end she was angry about speaking to me and even getting close to me because it runned her sync with everyone else and she was true trash because she felt some emotion but I did not. And felt pulled down by her human emotions to not be this robot of malice many in that room were. The bitch needed to chill the fuck out. Maybe to say her entire story emphasises a cult mentality way of living and maybe adheres this living is racist and no way how people who claim "diversity" as a motto for a school or a city in a school ( cause these damn people thought they owned the place and owned the world but one could say that since they swarmed in and out of Houston mainly-this was the only place their damned malice impacted and not the whole world. Though to say did they affect the surrounding areas where many real people live and not in the "Houston attraction zoo of astros, university, hospitals and else". On their built up egos and privilege worsen here as if dangerously radicalized-that for the future stories and eventually where everything goes wrong) should be living. Ever time later after this class-the girl would be conflicted to look at me with anything but this despairing look. The one guy in this class who had it bad and never even noticed how people were looking at me was the black athlete and even the little black pampered boy looked him with eyes of joy or at least a human look. This guy had so much trouble answering questions I truly felt sorry that everyone only respected him because he played some type of sport. The Egyptian guy or guy from the middle east; was almost never presented these first days and if he did come. Maybe the teacher did not ask him alot of questions to be a jerk as he spoke with a strong accent.
The girl I liked up to this point looked at me naturally like any person does that does not draw any character of malice. I found comfort that she did not hate me for no reason like many people in the class. When class first began and the teacher clamored someone to respond when no one else would; she spoke and maybe I wished to join her and dance in this discussion with her but did not want to appear either creepy or incur the wrath of bitches looking at me like the damned dame hellions they were. To this day there will never be such a hostile group of people who don't know how to interact with people without using a cult mentality to boost theirselves.
I managed to stay awake that class and it was fight to answer or not to answer the entire class and the beauty of this one girl convinced me that maybe staying alive by how these people looked at me was for the best. And maybe for the best to be with her without any of these condescending bitches trying to get in between. In my day I have seen it all. Girls knowing you like someone and trying to get someone else to speak to them while you are tried to be matched with some one else. There were many girls in this class. And at most maybe only five guys-sometimes only three and maybe sometimes only two.
I say when the teacher beckoned us to do an activity. I believe I got paired with the asian girl and she tried to be nice. That girl was so damned contrite and forcing this stance of her liberty of privilege apart of that olde cult life and wanting people to know that she felt something for them by being overtly nice to them and displaying things that people who like another do. I felt it odd that no one had time to look at me now in their discussions but I wish I could have partnered with the girl I did like. We completed the assignment me and this girl and read it when it was time for everyone to give their marks of what they done in the assignment parameters. I think we had to talk about one element of the poem that represented a tying meaning to its universal message as agreed by the teacher. The girl I liked and girl with wolverine jacket gave theirs and they both spoke. To say my friends only the girl I liked spoke with a humane frenzy. The wolverine jacket girl seemed as if she was forcing her pretentious act of higher thou and looked really fake and sounded it too. To give her some fashion tips maybe if she just wore a red hoodie or red jacket she would felt in more with the cult assholes of the school and maybe wear some really ripped up shorts or really exercise shorts and that be that. Idk but that was a fashion style and while the girls in this room did not dress like that-one can argue that some people who dress like that all the time have a numerous sort of issues at least here.A great entitlement and privilege and maybe people who dressed at least normal and appropriate yet acted of the cult mentality had at least some culture and society behind them to not be such oblivious bores or something rhyming with bores. Some would say I would be wrong as this is the way certain girls dressed up from 2013 to 2017 and not at all whores but maybe and just maybe they are in the context of this school. And maybe this better dressed girl was trying too hard to be cult trash. And the wolverine jacket over all just made her look like a dick while it was apparent to everyone how fake she was. That to be said everyone in their different groups gave their responses. Even the guy of clowns and his tossing theatrics. Oft to say my friends. The class ended and yes I was too slow packing up but with lots of energy else to reach the girl. One decides in life they have to pace theirselves because maybe rushing yourself is not healthy nor looks attractive to any girl. I once went back to the dorm defeated. After eating something like one of my snacks since the dinners were not opened and it was literally food desert even if you could go to some shop and buy food. There was no use in going there when you already had tons of snacks. I went to the library again and I say it was there I began to realize the cyberpunk elements and remembered my childhood amongst these elements. I ended the story of what I had been writing and called it real nature.
Real Nature to describe how people of many characters and diverse people's actual communicate. Idk if anyone recognizes it and I do not know if anyone does care to know but maybe there are different people in every race and not everyone is even the same or similar.And maybe that library space where people ate and interacted displayed the true nature of the diversity message. Maybe it was togetherness or separation or just attributing beliefs to everyone who was different as if they were some commercialized brand of cotton candy that did or did not sit well for various reasons but not ever for the fact for the events of their character as people but for their race and outlook. I'd say these people really are not diversity at all. Just how a system of corruption and abuse forces people to look at people in different character dynamics than found outside a school. Do all the different colors pick a side to live on and keep out all the other different people who want to venture there? No, they don't. While certain people tend to settle in different areas for different reasons and some people have been there for some other certain reasons that are more historical and not a choice and hard to ever leave- people usually do come together across different races in different regions. One side of Houston, on its outskirts you might find that hispanics, blacks, few asians( including indians) and some whites live in peace at least in this time period. One another you might just find white people and some blacks and hispanics. Another side that opposes the first mentioned side~ maybe just indians, asians, hispanics, some blacks and of course whites. And maybe in the city itself blacks, hispanics, some asians(including indians including college populations) and whites mainly. Yet do all races somehow work well in a city that has never had the dynamic of corporation nor the culture of unity or a defined character of races work together? Believe it or not; each little region in and around Houston has sometype of defined culture where there can never be as some much as too much asians, too much blacks or too much whites to get the attribution ratio that denotes the ability to be united in one front culture and expectations. Because maybe certain people have certain standards in different races that maybe they just prefer to be around the "houston zoo" be able to see this prestigious place and the heavy focus of colleges in the area and maybe where they deem to place such heavy importance in education that maybe morals come second.
Maybe that certain people try to live in regions with so called 4.0 gpa schools and often attribute blacks to second class citizens. Maybe they come from the middle east, africa or india or some asian country( though I say people who are asian from asia countries and not india don't fall truly in the stereotype of just wanting their children to go to go good schools by living in certain areas) and think the world centers around them and a rather outdated image of the american dream only foreigners get around. Maybe all the whites lived towards one region because historically they moved away from all the blacks when they tried to enter the suburbs in the Houston city or just lived in one region their entire lives and had no control over it. Maybe hispanics are just one group who can live and interact with everyone truly in all different regions regardless of the white centered news pawning them as these people everyone hates and maybe that not all of them are innocent and just hate black people too yet no one will ever make news story about that because it would make them look human. The point I am making is this one library area was a disgrace. People ultimately trying to either follow the paths of their region they lived and how they associated with people in the region or forgetting their very idea of people and fucking around with this diversity rhetoric as if something real and all the diverse people so friendly or just trying to remove theirselves from any real life situation that is modern life today and developing these one race groups. That strangely are allowed in such a place that pushes defining roles in society and maybe pushes the aspects of what is new and upcoming in social trends by history maybe. Tending to be more liberal and supporting of true diversity which is actually people of different cultures interacting together. The sororities my friends were a venom of these one race people and these people were not nice to black people. They wanted to act as if they had authority and out to lynch people by looks and trying to create trouble. And maybe if I was not understanding some asian dude always looking at me as if I was a trouble would have gotten has ass beaten that maybe he could not look straight forward again!
What this place pushed actually my friends was not diversity but the privilege of the worst people in every race to do the most universal harm to people even being able to live together or their being any true diversity. To often say the people in that area so cringeworthy eating in a library, acting in mutant patterns just because of what a university said-little academic work they had to do and really just panning to act as if they never seen everyone of all the races before ever. Now some people might want to act as if they don't know all the people of the world but the tv makes that hard and unless people don't have tv or word of mouth I am pretty sure everyone gotta know everyone who live in a region. But why this is so cyberpunk is the fact that these people if not meeting in a university setting would have just tended to act in a more natural way than what they acted in the university setting. To say all and most attempts of different arrangements were either tendency of interest, tendency of abuse( not counting cult mentality), tendency to hate people truly and just speaking to them because this was the "diverse place" and putting on fake smiles and demeanors and just a forced condition of them being in the university and yet trying to live with conceptions of culture and race throughout their small lifespans of even being social people( for much to be said for many people is really only ten to twenty years foregoing childhood). To say that people were not any longer working to racial unity as people have been for years in our world( globally to speak except some regions where people are absolutely hostile to people of other races). But to show they know the cards or race and if it determined anything of human temperament or meaning as a prize of being associated with this school. Trying so hard to be the liked person who understands all people. Trying to associate their previous ways of treatment to people herein. Acting as if this place was any different from any other.
And never considering the true character of the people they were talking to and not just by their race.
Many of these little asian kids whether of India or the asian countries were the shit on your heels-not to be racist cause these fuckers were racist. Girl who dare call me a creep just for getting my floor wrong and seemingly to follow her. Is a person expected to get lost just because of a person walking in front of them having suspicions they would rape them just like in the era of divided race in america where black people could not even walk in peace without being lynched. These same girls then acting as if all you are good for is sex because you are deemed "black". These people not knowing any fucking thing of cultural relevancy that white and black people know is wrong to do even if they are racist on either side. Just wanting to act as if there is a great mystery to black people and black people are so simple they are just black. Not knowing that black people are not black by any consort but of history and not some bull hunk dory shit spewed by the university and its intolerance to people descendant from people who moved into the city just for white people to move away. These people acting on the rim of privilege and acting as if a stereotype maybe because that's all they got to know because of culture and their parents expectations. Acting as if all they are there for is to study. Become successful but one could find that sororities and their annoying parties and tacky events and yet tacky meanings are so against that; that maybe they are just like everyone else on the fringe of passing and not passing and namely not elite in any fucking manner.( Namely I mention this girl a lot but maybe soon here the entire story will be told maybe upcoming soon).Acting as if they are bulls of the pin and that everyone should just forget history and forget the fact that many people of asia are also slave trafficked in houston in unknown to the public but larger than life sex trade. Acting as if no one who has been here like blacks or whites are trash. Seeming to see hispanics as invisible people.
Just acting higher than thou even these first days a person has to hold back laughter when they pass thinking they are the it with their guilted pride and possibility to highly fuck up. I say these people are shit on your heels because they contribute nothing to anyone else. Don't give a damn about anyone else. Thinking they are higher and can attribute an image that is childish and so anti modern that people really don't have time to fuck with them or take them seriously but feel quiet sorry for them and quite sorry for them indeed. Maybe you might vocalize concerns and they would not hear it and maybe others would like other asians and indians at the top floor of the library who aren't ass hole and live on planet earth and not Jupiter would too.
Such to say this place had a tendency to be a machine. This university and library represented how people here where twisted to act in abnormal ways just to act under the pressure of a mocking system supported by the administration building people in this university library loved and loved speaking about it when it did nothing for them. ( Namely; people here so rude in that administration to call what they do jobs~ when they take forever to call you for something that should have been sent by email and what takes like five minutes not even 1 or 2 minutes). How the social structure was actually toxic to racial unity and development and made it something superficial and something of a toy that has not history behind it and some people to peak up around it to use it to be "top dogs" of cult principals in this fucked up university.No this place could never be racial diverse and everyone was an idiot to not know how they were using things of social construct different just under heavy corporate education pressures and rhetoric and using them in lethal and unintended ways that don't make the world a better place. Some corporate education guy had to decide to use the diversity message when never would it represent this place. More like this place was separatist highschool, convincing people they had achieved navarona and a post racial society to act as if people and their colors are just tools of meaning here in where they would and would not go in academics, sexual life and just character and life in general. But I say my friends black people had to be the most hated and I say real nature because the real fact people should face is that when race is no longer discussed as it truly involves in the world and its happenings; conditions get worse and people think they can commit the blashempies done in this library and this place. People should not be eating in the library in a place for books. Books should at least be read by university students and not using it just as an internet cafe. People should be treated as people regardless of the little culture you came from or your perception of the university to treat people. The place of a university should be a place to learn and placing great emphasis on furthering diversity and races getting along by not having sororities all who just promote unitary race groups that are not good for a place that has many different races.
Just because people have been wronged by white people in the past does not make it right to act as if you need to become the group that discriminates and wrongs people the next. Real Nature hints that on an issue that people never really payed much attention to what the university was supposed to be and real social expectations of right which is what good people in this country today who aren't terrorists or pieces of shit deem is unity and not adversity by despairing people by their skin color. A university is place of education and not this bar of social hub life should a library be. But for the particular reasons of an incriminating evil pin system(often to represent the privilege of dorm people as they had to enter a pin to get into their rooms and maybe their participation in the system hinders others opportunities of love making like they) and other despairing reasons of people's temperament and actions else~I'd say; the library feel short of a library but showed how much this university was just a hellish fiasco. Real Nature last post link.
This was Wednesday and this music video came out that day and I watched it after writing Real Nature pause to writing with headphones.
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