That I messed up.

The great thing will Katherine is that I was trying to be this girl's boyfriend but failed so entirely at it and really much there were too many people competing for her time and really much; only after speaking with this person alone for much of the beginning surely and surely she was introduced into a friend group and then stolen away pretty much in time. Really much what caused me to become disinterested is how I was no longer at the "same level" as her but other people were more important and really much a person does not like being talked down to or even secondary. I don't know many people who would choose to be secondary but its certainly not me and so when I saw her speaking to that dude who always is in the trail of the girls I liked-I realized how insignificant I was to this person. Never did I get a one on one talk pretty much but in perspective she was only speaking to him because she was nice enough to say his behavior was unbecoming and creepy to try to get him to course correct. But ideally in my mind; should anyone have to be doing this especially with a dude who often interjects himself  into other dude's efforts to even date? The answer is no. 

There were too many people around her I realized that I never got the chance to even really get to know her and well realized there was nothing I could do about it. A person did not want to come off as aggressive or infringing on a person's time or space especially after a person had to make the effort to speak this dude. Alas; that be to said that a person was just fallen into a pit of depression. You could hope to see her again but the girl else in spring 2014 was studying and farther away from the group probably realizing that in great nature these people weren't in her best interest. I know it to be true when so called friends speak about how "being slutted out" by the two dudes she would hang out with. The thing is to speak to a person foremost and realize how other people don't want to speak to them like a human or like you value them as a special person is very hurtful. It made me pissed off. It even made me more pissed off when these dudes would speak about another girl I liked called Camille as being a slut to pass around. I am to say that you realized you have befriended the complete and utterly wrong people. People who have no business being around people who are someone's daughters. Katherine and Camille are both asian women and I am to say that them being called literally sluts or being talked about badly in a disrespectful manner that degrades them because of their sex is also racism which fetishizes asian women much in the manner these people who go into nail salon's do.

I am to say that even if I tried to speak to Katherine and these people who were pseudo friends were to occur and just try to interject and me hearing the shit that they said; I would surely be arched to beat the living shit out of them. These people I am to say did never respect Katherine as a person but some beautiful person they wished to control and sleep with. I just wish a person was not so naive when I first even made the effort to speak to her to not go the extra distance to even start dating them because I would never get the chance and this person would just be feeling real devalued by people who were so called "friends". I am to say that my try to even socialize with this person to a greater degree would have been better than all the crappy people combined because they did not appreciate her. If I had stopped them from knowing these people-they would not have be dealing with their hate and their betrayal. I am to say that in the friend group; no one had worse than Katherine because of how many people wanted her attention and disrespected her over and over again. You don't think Rence was motivated by the shit he heard? Yes, in part he was but that dude was an aggressor who wanted to be cute and really was a snake that just got into other people's space and ruined things for his so called friends. Its to be said that when Katherine stopped hanging out with the people in the dorm; it was for a good reason.

In the end; I fucked up thinking people could recognize space and really respect a person but no-they just went full abusive, ugly and frankly racist disgusting. Its to be said that not everyone can be your friend in a place which is just a toxic regime where everything it so called "stands for" is a fucking lie. Often after spring 2014, I would never try to be apart of another large friend group again but in spring 2019 I really did not make the mistake-I was just forced to hang around certain people to see another person but yes; the same thing just happened again.