Frank honest, fank.

 To be frankly honest and brutally so; when I went to college it was the time to escape from being the mascot and literally having no opportunities to even be with any people who were even asimilar to me. If you looked at my highschool and the people in it; there was no one there and no one there even. Often as an adult; I have completed escaped being a mascot for one thing to a mascot of another.  People earlier thought I was too young, too childlike and  just not seeping with toxicity and stupidity as them to even be a match. It was always in the bookstore, these pre college activities and all things of that nature were I truly met people who were anything of a match but greatly my mates; in highschool you just met people who were uncultured brutes and the brutes pretending to be cultured just because they were in AP classes. Such a much of the tribal discrimination went on there; I really had no friends and you know I sought to end this when I came to college. Looking back it does not matter because all I ended up becoming was just the worse image of anything before to a bunch of people who were out of their minds. The people in highschool had some type of limits. These people did not. They thought they were kings and queens for attending a place. Had such a heavy handed ego. I thought to well of people and well for all my efforts to make friends and try to appease the women or you can say girls at the time period as we were teens back then; nothing matter. No one was there in the end. There is no one from college at any time period across 8 years in which I speak today. Not at any college. Not anywhere. Nothing. 

I realize that is not my fault and that ultimately it is the fault of uncivilized people that they could not see the need for friendship and the true virtues behind love but some golddigging gains of status. Especially in the love element, I think that people later on simply just dismissed me because they thought I had nothing to give them and a person was living a lie and really much illustrates how low ball these people thought of me but then wanted to like a person and yet wanted to believe a person was a scammer out to do them harm. I am just saying its pretty ironic you have such idiots roaming in college who never will be enlightened to reality. I never will forget people who make theirselves known that they having feelings but just leave you hanging time and time again because they got this ego trip complex and think they are better than you when really they are very insufficent for even being anytype of student and any person who thus will accomplish anything in the whole college sphere.

There were good people in college but thine realized what even would happen if you got these nice people involved with the trash running around and that they would not want to come around you and associate you with these people. I am to say that often this did happen when the roommate I was forced to live with was fucking people. They would always turn against me except that olde Camile who had nothing to do but add insult to injury and care nothing about the wrong of what she had done greatly later trying to cash out on how I felt for her at a time. I still live in the mindset of cause no harm but realitsically some people I thought were good people just weren't and they were just trashy people pretending to be good just to grant theirselves sexual opportunities akin to Mariam who wanted to later be embarassed of her attempts. You have to be stupid to not think that people don't know that you are onto them and frankly urge to insult their intelligence.

In that library on that college was a place where you did meet girls who were serious about gettinga head and really much if you never saw a person there it just meant that they did not have that drive or just were so with values that were hateful to people living a life and living an ambition but studying and studying. So many people want to pretend as if they know me but really its quite clear no one ever did from highschool to even college to even now. They just know a figment of what they want to believe off of what they see and what they danger theirselves to think a person will do to them but think of a person as fire they rather not get burnt by. Never even knowing a person at all. Never making the attempt but to judge by their court of imbecility and pretentiousness. Truly some people later on when I was 23 ( most likely the last time I actually was to see any women from college or be in person) just thought of me as some aloof fool who was not to be taken seriously or some dude who was going to knock them up-the occasional dumbass racist stereotype women like to paint theirselves the heroes as. I think its gross when you can be speaking to a person and they think its good to say that in sum that they are closeted about the fact they want a family with you but ultimately are racist and just bad people. Ultimately think too highly of theirselves foremost to prejudge a person and to make a decision for another by their own inferred imagery, thoughts and inner wants. Some people are just trash and its even worse when they want to withold even seeing you but commit to the ideas of you having children with them. What type of fucking crazy fucking shit is this crap? And why is it even tolerated? I guess its to be expected of a fucked up society where a bunch of white europeans raped a bunch of african women as slaves. People still have this deep, deep, dark and nasty idealism about them that just makes people like me subhuman akin to a slave. I think I tried so hard not to revel in history but it is what it is. These people only want to fuck and nothing more. Such to be said looking back its so great to find people that are strangers that understand you better than people whom you will waste time with.

Back when I was working on Slayers of Wolve in 2013 some girl came and complimented my artwork on the characters. If I had the intelligence I do now I would have asked her to stay.  You want to know how hard it is to get any form of recognition for your artwork and your writing when your family does not give it? When no peers do and academia and the world out in large just downgrades your humanity outright by being black? This was something special and it was not superficial. They did not come to say these things just to pretend to be nice so they could fuck with me. They did it because they were amazed. Few times do people even recognize the side of me that is even shown here geniunely or at all. This person recognized it at the start.

There was a girl called Diamond, I regretably met in fall 2018. I showed her my works of Launching 4, Big Aid and White Shore. It seemed to be the start of something but frankly I was just dismissed of any real importance and just passed over to her friends whom I really did not like and some greatly abhorred-just so she could place importance on this younger dude head over heels for her. Its to be said that a person realized that ultimately college with its discrimination problems it refuses to recognize in public but supports in the shadows creating a toxic culture just does not lead to things to develop great to where good people meet good people naturally. But the good are preyed on by trash pretending to be good. I am going to say that most of the girls in the earlier college if I even knew their name just weren't people for me and just were fake people who pretended to be nice to get some type of sexual reward or social reward of having "this and that culture" boyfriend. You dig. The good people stay hidden because they alreayd realize what is up and really much because of a toxic environment a person would be too afraid many times that asking a girl out would lead to their harm. Yet these fears were so confirmed where people were easy to turn on you especially when they only just wanted to use you. These girls I never knew by name but spurred into action their real feelings would naturally not turn on me but yet I made that sacifirce to never know them for I was fearful that they would turn against me and I just would have more enemies.

It goes to say that a person really was forced away from good things by people just wishing bad things and are bad people. If you actually think of it most of these women are just socially abnormal people who ultimately don't know how to behave in public and really much think they shitty way and behavior is right and normal when it definitely is not and would not be tolerated outside the college bubble. I am to say that their behavior would get them in trouble, social scorn and even being found guilty for their prevelant crimes against any normalcy. These people often use racism as a shield for their own fear to commit to acting wanting to love a person and really much will never truly love anyone or anything as everything they say they love is all fake to just endear to a status quo that is purely toxic, racist and would not be accepted in the general world outside racist places and whatever college endears their bullshit. Yes, these people never consider what harm they ever did as it is just a right for them to stay closeted and stay warped and self conflicted and in a jumble of all nonsense that is just wanting to treat a person like a slave they can rape and get away with it! If you ever knew any of these people beforehand reading this-those people I mention on this site; you should realize everything of them is a lie. If you never knew them; you should realize they are mentally sick. If the past me could read this; you should realize you cannot reach, change or fix these people. They are broken. Never will be fixed and will live their trashy immoral way for the rest of their dumb time! Granting excuses to behavior of this and that and really never noticing how much of a clown they really look like.

I find it ironic people use this imagery often of " interwined destinies" and this romantic idealism hand and foot but never recognize how much they live at odds to these ideas and that I never am their one. They rather believe something so abitrary can fit into this interwined destiny that they are just warping things for their own lack of responsibility for their own lives, having their own character and even living their own lives. These people have no backbone but to live carbon printouts of whatever dumb fucking shit is main American racism plus if they even have a culture that is not mac and cheese for dinner something-they got some dumb fucking made up shit that is irrelevant to the real world and is just made up by people who must so got it together they got to come running to America. I don't think its racist to tell such fucked up people to go the fuck back to where they came. They want to have these romantic ideals and cultural devotion and try to push this onto a person as if the almighty enigma that must be. I don't even believe in your culture to even give a fuck about your prejudices for it as a person who is an outsider can just see how much of it is tradition that is good and how much is just fucking bullshit so people had control over others. I mean, forgive me this interwined destinies romantic bullshit was all the rage until it was not and people could not destroy its identity anymore and even get married in like 2019 or 2020 or even 2022 and realize, "fuck, I just am not single anymore to be playing with people". But that does not stop some people at all. It does not. Its to be said a college and colleges allow this pretentious, haunty and nasty bullshit because they literally were founded by people who raped African women and really why would they not get international people who hate black people descedants of such women to lead their shitty colleges. This is the truth of colleges and whilst they try to rebrand and appeal to everyone; they don't and they will never have the everyday good person's idealisms at heart regardless of race and culture. 

Oh, you can be racist all you want and still fail. You can be racist all you can eat and still miss out on so many romantic opportunities. You can be racist so much and so forth and so cometh to kingdom fucking cum( a pun on the sexual needy people) but you will never win people's hearts. In the end of the day folks, a person realizes that there are better people out there and foremost that they choose theirselves over everyone and above all don't need to have any sort of venegance for what is actually trash but remember what actual opportunities were taken from them. In sort I don't think I will ever donate money to any college in the Houston region ever. Nothing of that sort helps people who are creatives like me and really much people are forced to be underground and hated. There is nothing worse than that but seeing two sides of reality and be targeted in both regions of those that dream of accomplishing things and don't know how because they really don't know reality never being introduced to harsh environment that is college. There is nothing worse than trying to make a comic book company going to a college where people are bussing about shit that matters not to you and real much never to any person who never will go to college and ultimately matters not in the real world. Nothing is worse than not having any companions or any romantic happenings where you can truly meet people in fairness with no underhanded dirty tricks or turning them against you just because they want to believe in nonsense to believe they are better than you.

Indeed. I appreciate nothing of what college actually is still; a privileged farm for people to rape women and get away it and have these ultimately racist concepts founded in slavery be an active everyday role as if in an episonage novel you can never trust anyone much but those who act to real know you. That is to be said that no kid without a spy's training could ever be successful in finding the girl to even be with that would turn against you or become a great enemy for years and years. Its completely to be said only evil people get lucky in college and only the lucky else to never come across the divine corruption which it actually is. Now if people actually understood what colleges really were maybe they would realize a need for insitutions not owned by any prior establishment but built from the ground up by the people and for the people.