Morning Blue.

Morning Blue.

I reference that I am going to skip through different times and rather than having that one previous form as it was before. I recognize that parts of the stories are wasted in having to frame events to come back to actually write the stories so the new method is basically these different main points and in the conjunction section or next post I expand on them all and that makes it more effective to do than come back for the stories indeed. But notice takes great discipline to do this and I refuse to write anything on paper as you are wasting your time. Its brutally said if you have time to reach the respite of those twice over then you should do it, But otherwise do not at all. 

I bring this to the time in which I stayed up till 7 o clock for the first day of college and frankly I was upset in the manner of education. Simply sitting around to talk about stuff and occasional write stuff, it was not the class I had even been preparing for. I expected something more but really there was nothing there. But blissful opportunities to be caught up by how simple exercises they all were. Simply, the English that had been from the 8^th to the 12^th repeated here with some better emphasis on hidden meanings and literature. But here only started the grand days of inconvenience and more so being shoved as a lesser. No one surely said it but they surely acted like it. I did not get the point of speaking when it necessarily did not improve anything of actual English skills. It attempted to do so but really I felt threatened by it and forced myself every morning of that day to go that demeaning class where hardly anything was taught. Just these assignments so minimal and these meanings that really had no purpose but to say that it was a good English class. For this particular school.

I have often reflected on this particular girl in this class who thought of me more better than the rest. At first I was deeply disturbed for the climate in this class was not nice, I thought the rest of the students and the teacher would gang up on me simply for this girl having favoritism for me. It is a very valid fear and very real threat. At first I did not have the heart for it. At times, but always seeing her on those days in the mornings made me realize I did indeed having feelings for her. Yet I could never speak to her in this atmosphere in which was all just for show. Just for talk to and not much but one could be said to actually be truly friendly and not fake friendly.

I noticed she was truly the only ally I had in that class. Yet should anyone have to go through all these barriers just to talk to one person, when you feel danger at your back? Such uncertainity, is that even if you manage to talk to this person all you might say might just be turned against you and even if not harm can still come to you or that person. What I saying in words to be read in between the lines, students just went with this mediocre way of class instruction and if anyone had a different voice, surely just stamp them out with these wannabe friendly gestures but those that are quiet aggressive biased to say that you are the lesser. I want you to notice that in the mornings it really was just a continuation of the night before and really I did not sleep for the sake of normalcy but arranged sleeping patterns in a manner as not to be caught up in matters that I would not like to be caught in.

I for the part of the story say that leads a lot; I made new friends in the night. Many of who I would see become friends with other friends. These friends made in the night were those made so that I would not have to go to sleep and miss my class or be in the center of something I did not like upon waking up. I may have never said this, but this equates to how cutthroat I felt this place and other people just did not notice it. I do not know why but I am going to say maybe they never had to watch their backs. Never had anything of importance to watch their back for. I hung around people who stayed up In the night because they were knowledgeable of the world and not trapped in that campus. The people in that English class to a great degree were caught up in that campus feel. But I tell you- all that is in their minds and any such manner of thinking is also in anyone’s mind. Because frankly that place has no regard to be called a school for the things I would see in the nights leading to my mornings of awakening from these three hour naps and I would not go to sleep until the end of the cycle the next night leading into morning. Because I was devoted to not missing that class and not being put out for being late or tardy. But no one ever took me seriously about this all but this one girl. I felt it was her who completed at least me  in being even a person there. In truth I did it all for this one girl and then all the rest. You see, even though I have never said it; all the girls who came afterwards were girls I encountered after I met this one girl and developed feelings for them but all this time I have only had even eyes to being with this one girl.

Certainly it can be said” I only have eyes for you.” But I struggled with what I else felt in this spirited swim to try to reach this girl in better situations to truly acquire her friendship…however I cannot deny the other feelings either and nor the situations and times in which created them.