day 1 febr.

crawling on my knees find some way and some inspiration to even speak to you.
But I find myself waiting and then I feel alive sending it that message. But all the ending
is waiting and waiting. The ending is an ending not good at all. I am anxious and overly hopeful for the reasons of immediate signs that my message was heard. Yet she can not tell who I am. And one wrong sentence spells the end.

But should I have to be in this torture, holding onto every word like a damn dog begin given bones. And when I say so; go away take away my reward. I might as well be your bitch to death.

I try to catch your eye. My health and motivation seems to decline. The rock of tossing gets heavier to toss and they mock me. In the dream and out of it.

The things you say about me and yet even dare to accept my request; under break everything that I had worked up to see, and maybe. Make fun of the fact that I worked at all.

I tried to catch your eye with so many romantic songs, yet maybe perhaps everything might as well just be over and I should probably just wallow in my wasted time.

I reprieve. It was not a waste of time.However I have just been thrown a bomb that has blown me away. I just cannot get up just yet. I take a moment to reflect and slowly I move on not talking ever about it and reflect on the evil of this world and your sheer off putting moves. To toss me back into the river at one gant. How dare you?

Treat and regard me as a bitch.

All I wanted to do was talk.

But I keep on with punishment songs. I stay frozen but you are so fucking stupid.

Loyal dogs do not come lightly.

I only have hate for the circumstances and the continue veer of these fucking people.

You no longer motivate me but I always still drink of you and as if I am still hung over cannot forget you.

After all of this; do people not die and truly go to heaven?

Yet probably regarding me as weak.

I keep on blocking out all the good memories, how is that for weak?

I might want to stay in bed all day and be there sleeping all day in a day.

But I cannot continue with this...everything is shutting down-this is my punishment.

The girls I see can never be as pretty as you nor ever elegant.

Loyal dog I was. No longer. I can not stay here and be not stronger.

I do not know what to do but I just cannot control you or do anything further so I just leave the thought alone, I stay here stuck.

And yea, I am still here, stuck.

You were a good gamble that was never a gamble. Only a gamble now.

Freedom from problems? I thank you?

I scoff at all of that.

I must of just been in love with myself all this fucking time.

I might as well tossed away love for an illusion.

And what is so cruel you will never read me.

So cruel you will never understand me than your disrespectful face value.

I put up with the notions of you being an option long enough for my heart and body to realize what it wanted. And by then it was too late.

You! Are the one who did this to me and just think you can toss me aside like toss.

Freedom from my problems?

I never wanted to be your problem.

I wanted to see my work and world again.

With you at the steed for whatever loss in life the work and world would never see.

But I was blind. And falling so deeply for you and hiding it just so I could make it real
sweet.

You do not know how to wait. But I can.
But the thing is; should I be forced to wait?

For someone who has turned my valid love into something akin to hate?

You like me? You make these happy gestures at me.

I wanted to tell you to fuck off. But I had to be nice.

I had to be protector and could not talk to you even in full.

Yet you let people get to you and even though I could not make it sweet.

I am a fool for protecting you so you were not gobbled up but shown the evil at its face value.
It is you coward, who never fought and places the blame on me for not doing a well job.

Now every failure I see in the eyes of people who do not care about me and just bluntly make up shit to blast me off remind me just of how much I feel as if it is you blaming me for not being there.

Why should I die for you?

Just so you could just dump me when ever people got to you?

Just so you could treat me lesser and like a dog?

I think that this way; maybe you show your true colors. Maybe you show that you are not worth keeping a promise. With your princess mentality and cotton candy manner of life.

Stab at the first ideals of reason of not getting what you want and only entertaining the thought.

Why should I be sorry. I have done nothing wrong and that's about it.

You may have this idea of your future but I have no idea of mine.

But then again you would just call the next part of this lusty so just forget it.

I will leave you hanging. Just as you have me.