Add to the bad.(recollection of 2015)

      Oh, my gosh, you know what is the one thing that I hate.  The one thing I loathe. I have the memories of writing things down but you know what; they are all fucking gone. Try to search them up; they are gone and try to find them; gone and gone and gone! I'd think its come to a point where this a fucking crime. Its a fucking crime and a great act of discrimination. Just to protect people being the fucking slaves to a religion that don't work, liberal movements that suck and colleges that don't work for shit. How many times does a person have to write about 2015 and some underhanded clog in the wheel things they are doing something good by removing  people's fucking shit they never wrote. By what; is this how you really are going to treat someone who has used your fucking platform since fucking 2008 aka 13 years? 

     I am to say that there were great problems in behind the scenes. There is a reason I started to quit writing here in 2015 in October. Its because people were just being creeps and reading  my stuff and just making bad speculations from it and being so fucking stupid. Like abnormally stupid and you go to a college? You are a fucking joke! Any anger I have at anyone from any place at blogger and at any university is completely fucking justified. Always trying to do some shit and provoking people and doing wrong against them and thinking people aren't going to seek any acts of justice. No, I am going to let some dumb bitch gawk at me and say, "oh he's following me". When I was just made a mistake on the floors. There is discrimination on the net. Yes, art is not even safe in fact its mostly corrupt. The thought leaders are problematic. They are racist, they steal your shit when you try to be friendly and there is no real civility. I mean fuck Sakichami. All that person has done for art since 2013 is make it a clickbait sensation for fanarts of any fucking popular character at any time to fucking bang and just give people their previews of that. I mean; a person would at first like their art but I have been on the net and deplatformed just because I don't want to make art that looks like Sakichami and follows her metrics which I find fiercely annoying and brainless. I mean, what the fuck. What the fuck has the person even done but make it impossible for audiences who have no art knowledge but to think that all her art is what art online should be. A person like me is too fucking old school.

     Listen folks, in old school meaning that I actually make my own shit. My works have more meaning than being just a blunder for fanarts and promotions. I mean, I don't want to break anyone's heart hearing this but if you think you are going to be successful trying to imitate Sakichami, you already have lost. Once there is already a Pepsi people don't need another.

    I come to say that when I quit this site in October 2015 it is because I was being beaten upon. By whom? The people from the university. By whom? The parents of mine. By whom? The fellow artists who were never kind. I think we live in a fantasy propelled by the notion of those who make money by their art on social media that an artist is only an artist when they are approved of by these people who make the money. How they make their money? Things that are benefit legality and good morals. They essentially grift on other people's works and call it fanart but really its a copyright infringement and it is just that when there is no real soul behind their works. You want a challenge? Push all the pansies who govern the current scene of online art aside. Its a joke that you have to be respected by these cunts to even be considered an artist. It does not work like that at all in the realness of things where people have to be approved by these people who just got lucky and then want to make up a myth that artists all have to be similar to be successful. They don't want anything else to become relevant because then they cannot make any money.  I find this bout of myth and self perception of greatness poisonous not only to art as a whole but people who hope to make art and understand it. I wonder how many times people have been turned off by this fake gaudness people have gotten carried away with. I am to say that around October 2015 a person begins to see the things that are common today. And no, things were not always this violent and brash. The internet has just gotten smaller.  Up until 2018 which was just three years ago; all these toxic people did not even have twitter accounts and when they did; it was not something they used.

    I think the bigger thing and the real elephant in the room was that I did not even get to complete Cosmica because I had to learn how to create it best and whilst I through my own studies in trying to go into graphic design to find the solution; it would just be my own studies in the end. A person had no technology in that time and so a person had to gain a tablet to do things digitally because how else could you even color Cosmica when all you used was color pencils and there were 116 pages and you could easily mess up the color on any page and be fucked over. It was an nonstarter. Things never got easier and though I published many versions and many versions and many versions and many versions so much that it drives me fucking mad today and tried to settle on the one I released in spring 2019; a person is reminded that their original was better. It was greater. When I looked back into 2015, I realize that I was in everything alone. A person tried to see some person as an ally called Anna but lord have mercy. Lord have mercy; if you read what happened in fall 2016-Anna is just a bad fucking bitch. I mean this in the least sexist way but a bitch can be a male too ergo," son of a bitch". There are some people who you meet who are not mental sane. They live in constant "what ifs" and cannot be held accountable for their own actions.

    I tried to write of my efforts and challenges over time but I'm going to tell you; its a bitch to write about when you have to comfort yourself from painful and jarring realities. I mean there is a great problem in my life where domestic abuse is present. Domestic abuse just happens to be where anyone who you live with and work with and even are somewhat romantic involved just try to take shit out on you. For all the little women there are; some people actually do like you but are too cowardly and then try to be violent towards you. But this would not ring any bells to the dumb populace people of today who think no harm can come to men. If  genders reversed to all the little women who tried to show they were interested and when things did not wrong out as they thought it would having very diminutive and abusive ideas about you sprung to be violent; they would just be sexist and aggressive men with the tendency to try and assault people by ever means of that word. I have to say that I am not a punching bag. A person very much had to come up slow from 2015 and even that was not even enough to stop the onslaught and then it just gets too much. The women and your father all the same fucking coin! A person would play it nice but I am to tell you that if it seems smooth sailing today it has never! Never is there even the guarantee of a nice environment where people have not sowed any wrong. When I look back on the past; I see some many woman who made the bad choice. They choose to stalk me and my life difficult harboring what ifs. Being cowards to their real feelings. Never ever considering I don't want anyone who would turn tail on me in the first place. Its been tiring but yea; I don't want any of these sick bitches. They so think that you are into them because you appeared at once place at one time and they just want a plaything and don't want to realize reality. Like Jesus, those mother fuckers are stupid-its ironic they are at the highest level of education when that place only teaches them to even be worse people. Its so ironic for a place to posture diversity but just really use that as a bait to yield in more racists and create more of them and more people who will never do anything for social change.

    I don't think I have become anywhere "soft" since fall 2015. Every fall after that has just been a fucking nightmare. That is the real truth. I mean how many people have to gang up on you for you to realize that the world is a terrible place and things will never get better with tolerance of anyone who is a racist or adhering to those ideas. Did you fucking know black people can basically be evil as any other person? Oh, my god! They can be discriminatory theirselves. Jesus, where is the fucking black lives matter when you need it so people can act as if they were all behind the cause of uplifting their "own" people. Some people can suck a devil's dick for all I am concerned. Life is not so simple. There is discrimination that you can get from black people that is many times worse from even being around someone who is a country fucking hick or Kellyanne Conway. 

    People be so idiotic that they theirselves want to dehumanize those of their race because they want some goal to happen that won't happen when they theirselves adhere to ideas that make it impossible for everyone to be treated well. I mean even these plain son of bitches in the United States get a pass for trying to make people who are black from other places exotic. Like what the fuck is that? Oh yea, discriminatory behavior but not racism however as that would be a system of dehumanizing people but I can tell you black churches continue the mission of making people stupid, lacking in their potential and just giving up on theirselves for the wrong attitude behind the supernatural and real life in general that always leads to a bigoted root. I am to say that you got people alongside you in society, women, father, church people and pastor and just any sum of rando black person against you. I think you could never understand shit about black people when all you do is just repeat the same stories about the same fucking people on tv and just when you have opportunities to speak to black people; you pick the religious nuts, celebrities and just people so beaten down they have to accept a narrative that does not work. I mean, when I look back on what always happens to black people when they vote for a president of the democratic kind its like as if we are so fairies that grant the wishes but yet we aren't ever really included in society. There is no real agenda to even fucking do shit for people. Its always delaying the people banging at your door and that is how I feel for even putting myself out there in college in fall 2013. I just was bad and is bad how much a mob forms against you even being you.

    I tell you that it has never been easy. I am still today working on Cosmica because a person had to figure everything out.  I mean; people today love these comic book movies but the reality of those properties you enjoy would have people trying to assassinate your behind just because you dare try to pick up the pencil and even draw. A person who likes a good future where their works belong to them and not some Disney company and before that belongs to Marvel which takes the rights of their works would not work at these places or even seek to. There is no point in the end of being a comic book artist for Marvel or DC as much as there is no point in working at a fastfood restaurant but let me say that at least in the fastfood restaurant after 20 years and yes they pay for college these days or something like that; you could be an executive at McDonalds! I just wished two companies weren't so retarded and so conformed to their own "magnificence and achievement". I have not found the strength to even read much of Marvel or DC comics this year because simply they have created the world in which many artists who want to make comics cannot even make them. As they have made a horribly monopolized industry in the west at least and just are trying to fuck up the east. I mean the movies are okay but really much I could not give a fuck at the end of the day when I realize how hard I have had it to even make comics. These mother fucking cunts make it so hard for anyone to take it seriously unless it comes from them and they don't even make good impacts in society to where people can actually learn comics.  I mean fall 2015 was a large time where much of any of my efforts just went unnoticed and people continued their relentless assualts as if nothing I did mattered. People are corrupt you should realize when they they act as if the world is an innocent place and speak the false gospel behind things that is just evil in the real world. It comes with the facade of Jesus but yea; evil is fucking evil. It comes in many forms. The people who just add into the bad things. You add into the bad things folks, you are a bad person and there is no roundabout in that. You got to realize that.

    I just say you don't know how hard I have been fighting for years and years after this point to still publish Cosmica and all that shit that occurred that I just recently got over from my own efforts. All this struggle unending for 6 years because a person has to learn theirselves, they have to defend theirselves, market theirselves and compete against those who try to oppress them when they should not have to. Jeez! I try to paint good picture of things that were rock bottom bad.  I mean have you ever been in a situation that if you ever let up that you are basically dead? This is the real circumstance behind things and people never appreciate it or respect it exists and people behind blogger think they can continue to add to the bad. I just come to the works behind my stories that I wrote in the past and realize they are gone because of course; google and blogger are just going to add to the bad.