Long story about December.

     Today whilst dreaming, I discovered what I should write about December. You know basically when I started this project of the Sketchbook, I essentially had to force myself to recall things. Sometimes you get too stubborn to write and maybe events earlier in this year and leaving a psuedo relationship with a nutjob who equated you had any romantic relationship with you whilst they rejected any opportunity to actually do so; it just gets to you. You got to remove all type of stuff to get to the conclusions that you need to. And then you realize the peace you enjoy today does come with the great compromise of not solving some past problems and not acknowledging things as problems. You should have never spoke to the person who would just use you for emotional support and nothing else. But you could have learned that from fall 2016 or rather the November 2016 where your one "friend" used you like trash and dumped you harshly when appropriate . I am to say that it is difficult to learn these things in the pain you would be in but yet-I am to look towards the future to say that people can be some of the most wasteful and stupid creatures of the earth. Do you think if a bear could even have a brain, it would let a human it formed a relationship with just go away or be eaten when it surely would realize there would be no other individual the same as this one? This is basic Disney movie thesis for ya. But yea, some people just don't have anything to offer anyone or society in general and should not be harmed but at the same time not allowed to harm society and just senselessly harm people and get away with straight murder. This is the focus of many social causes today. Yet when I think back on what I did in December it was for survival true and true. I actually rose back up from a very low place to a very high place and even though what I choose to do in spring 2016 did not pan out well-it was not my fault. It was the people. When you remove the people truly good things bloomed and better things started to happen. Just only those people again by fall 2018 would ruin things but then you would already know how to move away from them and not let them destroy your efforts, educational and else. Honestly, I am the sole reason for my future success I realize. Not one person knew truly what I was going through and no one will possibly even know of these important social groups that humans can have. All these women from the past of fall 2013 maybe they would know because they were the ones who put me there in deep dark place and really much which tons of suffering to come. 

    I once viewed certain people as attractive but after what these people did in fall 2016, you realize that there were no forgiving people in that fall 2014 atmosphere just brutes who come to bash heads and just leave people to die of those injuries. People who don't even give a fuck about you, your continued living or any dreams you have. Its all just a constant joke that people figure they should laugh about. Such people are just gross and really enough are a threat to society itself. These people could have once had all the favor in the world but they gave it up because they hate you. They rather not even feel any association with you because of who you are and the race you are. They choose to believe that its better to make total chaos and war and just try to openly murder people and destroy their public image. Vicious does not even come close to how relentlessly evil these people are. These people could never settle for anything of a mutual attraction or anything humane but continue to enrage and endanger people who are just only other people. Cannot even comprehend their own humanity but yet want to diminish the humanity of others who are just natural people. People are not going to change for what is natural to fit their agendas. People have such troubles with you even existing that they make up nonsense that you done them wrong. An issue that is the great horror in history. Its always some white oriented individual who causes these great dangers to people who are African American. From the Tulsa Massacre to the events where Blacks are murdered to this day. Its all started by some inhumane person with mental issues wanting to project onto others.

     I have to say that whilst a person has been civil with people who are very much the scum of the earth and those that have no ability to care, no ability to know and no ability to discern as a human should-this is my ultimate come back from the great disrespect that has been tossed at me time and time again.  People should not pat theirselves on their backs that they "helped me" create anything. Everything I do is completely original albeit when its talking about real life events that actually happened. Its not psuedo diversity or something performative. No, it is something real in which I have lived and which I will never choose to forget. There are grave issues in the world today and the society of equality is all but a myth. There is no good to come in painting a story as it is not. I think that a person needs to live things day by day in another person's shoes to really understand an entire thing, a great tragedy of how wasteful this society is and that it is not redeemable at its current unforgiving state. We let the lions and the wolves speak about the racism they surely never committed.

     If you, like me voted for Joe Biden, you should realize that the fellow is not the most progressive person out there and whilst a better alternative to an alt right peddler, he is just the same shit as the other. He is still just a predator and nothing more. All the things done are just performative and some things just set up for failure. You see folks, I know what it takes to make the real change and not just some lip service. I never once just said something as baseless as, " I will create this comic book company tomorrow and it will be alright". No, I have taken years to learn for myself to make comics without the help of people who live on the spoon of privilege and listen to their old rock and roll diddies and complain about diversity, people of color and sexuality not being ever straight. I have learned for myself to make a goal become true and really if you don't make sacrifices such as leaving a college-you will never get to understand the full picture of anything to succeed. 

     You will just stay in a box condemned and hated by false admirers and people who are just confused when they look at you. I am to say that much of what modern politicians do is all just talk. No one dies for their causes anymore like in the past but those elsewhere in the world; those people who did not have the luxury of slaves building up their societies. I am to say that really much a person does not need to die but surely the Democrats really have issues in just being pushed around and too concerned with what republicans are doing to do anything. That is to be said that as normal, Joe Biden just like Barack Obama and Bill Clinton won't do anything that leads to a better America really much in preventing a future issue because you see they really stand for nothing. You can say that people really don't know what it is to really make the change that improves lives and gets to a goal. You could say that Biden's vaccine outreach program has helped the United States get back on its feet but really I say it comes from the backs of scientists and really a government should already be trying to improve the lives of its citizens and not make it worse. For all the things of social matter; what will be Joe Biden's accomplishments? Somehow keep the office of the president safe from wackjobs and restore its decency by opening a criminal investigation into Trump? Actually something for the Native Americans who lived on this land and the slaves that built it? I think that when a President gives more weapons to an imperialist outpost to murder more children and destroy people's society-its pretty much to be noted they support just falling in line. Oh, yea no investigation into Trump because we are trying to be a "nice boy" to a person who is not great ever so at all. If you are a college student and helped get Joe Biden elected, you are rewarded with," school debts are natural part of our dying society".

     I am to say that having faith in somethings just gets your rekt in life. Yes, truly I am to say there is no point in believing that you are just going to be successful because of a college degree or because you vote for someone who is not an outright terroristic piece of shit. Things to improve your life must be undertaken by yourself. You must think for yourself, reason for yourself and most importantly do for yourself and let no one hinder you from doing for yourself. What is most startling today is that the internet today is just a place where corporations can ride on your identity in an algorithm  and decide whether you are worth it or not. People simply can discount you in the world of art simply because you are not 18/19 years old and like the same trends that everyone else likes. Openly I am to think that really much there lives too much trust in institutions that make no good dice out of your life. That is people should not be so supportive of this or that party to the absurdity of killing each other over the parties and their ideals. No one should be trying to stage a coup. People should just be trying to use their democratic rights to make things better and gain advantages that actually help people and not harm them. We technically should not support parties which in turn just create violence and anguish because they cannot settle on the idea that people of color are people. Truly, as I know what it takes to create real change in my own life and just being successful in school and my comic efforts-I am to say that really Democrats are not serious about anything.

     You really think I just let "the other side be " after all that horseshit they pulled in fall 2016? No, fuck no. A person realizes some people just don't have the mind to process their impact on history and that the way they live does not even make them palatable to everyday modest citizens but threats to peace and their communities at large. People have not the mind to write anything or real much even record life as it is truly. The best revenge is just to write the truth to a grand detail in which these people can only contest by writing their own narrative. But yet if a person has to write their own narrative and it be just false and just another attempt from them to mask their past evil and current evil and potential evil; they already have been made to bend over and lower theirselves. To realize they are just dirt and not the image in which they were seeking at those times. People usually when they get older try to cover up the fact of their living in the past yet really are just the same people they always were. People may change but don't ever change to past who they essentially were in the first place. They might mellow, they might jello(marry) and they might become a higher standing fellow, but all which remains is that people won't change past who they they actually are. Writing Dessacrow Academy is just the answer I got at the end of that time I was in school to get back at people for all they had done. But never could it cover the actual backstory and deeper meanings of why certain things happened and why certain people behaved the way they did. I did not have the full story. A person should have just created a story since fall 2013 and yea, life would have already been swept of any further need to ever embark on a graphic novel/ "sketchbook" effort later. Yet people trust an experience will be great.

    You know why there is LGBT month this month of June? It is because people realized experiences will not be great. They will not be great within a certain crowd with certain beliefs. Some people realize that "enough is enough" and a safespace must be created so people who are LGBT can actually live their lives free and unshackled to something which they aren't. I mean to say in fall 2016-the later half of  December, I focused on creating my own safespace where a person could just be free and just create. Not because they were gay at all but because people found such issue with them and what they do in creating works and arts and giving too much voice to their displeasure or whatever hatred they had. At the end of the day people don't have to tolerate those who make their lives hell. Honestly, they don't have to not "investigate their crimes". People when done wrong must get what is theirs back. In this time of later December and maybe slowly before since September and especially with Dessacrow Academy, a person was ready to simply break away from those making their lives a living hell.  That is to be said; a person tended not to think about people from the school or the schools(any of the ones I had been too) and just focused on myself. Sadly, a person would trust their friend Anna who did them a favor actually by saying defensively, "the holidays are for my family only" and continue to view them as a friend when they were not at all.

    I am to recollect truly that the December was all about the evil influence of people dying down and just moving away from wanting to be nearest these people. To be said later on decided to remove myself from the graphic design classes minus one; web design but yet that did not work because even the people in other programs were just trash but at least you never had to hear some bigot speaking about lord no what for how long and just hearing idiots after idiots agree. Whilst people were not the angels later, they were not allowed to go on wild and long tangents about theirselves, their lives and their political beliefs. They kept to subject matter written in stone. Really, I reflected greatly on how these classes I took that semester minus Interactive Design were a whole disgrace to arts, people learning arts and people taking art seriously. I realized that even my original goals were complicated by superficial and bigheaded narcissists. The school aside from the credits was a waste time, double that with the effort to get into the other one and its control of the parent authorities, a person was just fucked over by this system that did not work. It was not any safe place to be but just a hellscape. I really am to tell you that people never realize how just accepting the way education is and the combined perspectives of art and how it should be gone about or what it is even about creates a discriminatory and unhelpful environment for people who just want to make art and just be in peace. Not everything is up to another person's say is what people should realize and pretty much nothing is if you are a civil citizen and not beating people up for no reason. You should not be trying to argue if people exist or not just because you hate their race or appearance or even what they do. That is none of your business. I am to say people are violent when they are bent on changing things they have no control of.  I realized that there in that same spirit of respecting people, can be no changing of these aggressive violent people but just putting them in their place. In a way that is not of their violent, blood hungry and idiot drenched nature.

    I kept creating that month. Many projects like Popcorn Knight and others were just apart of a series of different styles of artwork that came and went. I never got to revisit them again because of the state of chaos one would try to work through on why people would even come to attack to you when you had done nothing wrong. My answer always landed as it did in fall 2014 was "because they could get away with it". What would happen if people could no longer get away with the things they did because of privilege or because they joined in the oppressive legacy of a people? And thus a person actually begun to work to expose these things which were criminal in nature against me. It is only because I am peaceful person that there were not over a 100+ fights at that school, you should realize. I had lenience. Its something primitive people who make love to an AK-47 don't have. A person, I realized should not have to purse their lips and be forever trying to hold their peace when someone is actually trying to do them wrong and else a person realized these people could not stop them. I would continue to create and that would be the biggest insult to these people's attempted efforts against my life and my liberties.

      Its to say that December 2016 was a very complicated time. Whilst a person could show what happened day to day and even write it,  a person could also not include everything that did occur in a day and what the context really was behind these actions they would take. A person without adding any effort for context or meaning would not get far behind things. Back then often thought, what if I recorded it all? Surely would just become more pushed and pushed in time later to begin the recording process and really much all that began this month in June, 4 years ago. You might say to wonder where did I begin to really record things day by day. It was the graphic novel effort of fall 2013 because some one realizes that the complete retort of evil and threats is not just complete without including the story of what happened then to shine in the faces of people who thought they could get away with anything. Welp, the story would have it that they did not and people later became angry but nothing would change then for them. They never understood they would only be remembered for which acts they did wrong, learning the lesson hard that they cannot change people and that they surely cannot force or intimidate people to forget and that any further violence would just actually lead them to a place where they surely would be held accountable. A lot of things sprung up from that time folks but it was only because I made the sure efforts to get back to myself and get back what was truly mine. Peace and my own space back to do and be whatever I wanted unhindered by others.