Just some thoughts; spring 2016 five years later.

    Five years ago, I worked on Danny Valnyero, Summerhouse and Palenius Tricks I believe around this time of the year. Its strange as I did not recognize I was doing the exact same set of projects but five years later albeit more successful and able to actually be done in a comic format and not stuck in a drafting format. Truly it has been an adventure. It is vital to remember how you actually started and not take advantage or for granted your current progress. Had so much a different motivation in the past. Just trying to hold onto hope that you can get the girl and somewhat find people to work alongside. I do say that there is no chance that you will ever get the girl nor find people to work alongside. Not in this world and not in this time period. I mean, a person could be searching for these social connections and never find them. I do still search from time to time but just realize; no matter what you do and where you go you just cannot win. People are just against you. These are just my thoughts over time being me and the me who will always be me and do no harm to me. Maybe a person will eventually find the dream girl who is actually someone great and not a demon in disguise. But I would say maybe I would have just been better isolating myself away from people at the start and so many problems I had in the past of 2016 would up and disappear. I would never have to keep commitment to fakes.

   I was dreaming about the end of the tunnel in spring 2021, maybe I would get the dream girl and be successful but now I know I can be successful just by own efforts alone. The light at the tunnel just led to devastation and a world at its brink and its end. Depressing read but this is truly my reflection on past events. Truly, if a person could do it all again; they would never waste their time on the people they gave such a lengthy commitment to in even being interested in them or trying their best to build some type of relationship with them. My main victory of the current is that I have come back to the works of the three mention but free of the "dream girl" worship that was both bitter, toxic and even deadly to my survival.

   To mock a certain later someone not ever affix to these dream people, " maybe one day you will have children". Jesus, I so fucking glad it will never be with any of those "dream girls". Just some thoughts.

     I think I would have been able to great better things if people alongside me actually did believe in me. But yet in the end I had to do everything myself pinned to the wall by people who you would affix the "dream girl" tag to. It is severely disturbing and just maybe works you develop like Technogothica are just your inner intuition telling you that everything you believe up that time and the people who you follow behind are just not worth it and everything is just a lie.