Away in spirit from the dream girls.

     Things have been really hard for me the last few 4 weeks, or month of March. I really think that really much; I am just being disrespected in the end and just having to make the choice between trusting people or realizing that people-women just cannot be trusted  to treat me well and just abstain from any idea of speaking to anyone of the such in any manner( those who are not family). Every time I give people a chance, all the do is betray the chance. I realize that some people's chances are up and frankly I don't care anymore to a point if I have to ignore women to be successful; then I will. Because people the things that people have been doing to me from eight years and even longer is just atrocious. I don't deserve the shit. No one does. Men don't. Women don't. Why should I enable such abuse?

   I have been hopeful and optimistic the whole fucking time of many things up to today but really staying optimistic for the whole quality of my life going forward; I think I won't socialize with people who are women for they obviously cannot help but try to ruin my ambition, mock me, ghost me, betray me, be abusive and just take so much out of you to recover. It has come to the point where I can no longer take any more hits. I am not as young as I used to be and I cannot tolerate another near ten years of this shit.

   Yea, I really much saying that I will just try to stay away from women in general. It just does not work for me to be around such people; who namely can only be detractors from what you want to do, advocate for, your quality of life and your beliefs.  If a person is not trying to build their own comic book empire, I don't want anything to do with them in other words. I mean, how could I be sure the shit that happened over a 100 times would not happen again? I could not be sure.

    Time and again in my younger days, I fixated this behavior as an obsession type behavior that would not merit me anything. But really I don't need to learn how to speak to people or be around them and that bullshit. I don't need it and frankly, this is the only way that a person can survive emotional, mentally and spiritually. I don't need any interruptions. I don't need people trying to assassinate me in character or even worse things. I don't need people try to drag me down. I just don't need it. 

    I surely don't mean offense to any women/girl friends and/or viewers but really a person just has to live without be constantly depressed, trying to figure out what they did wrong to make people act the way they do, be so sorely enriched in sad emotions later on when fucked over by the people, just rack your brain to be social and forgiving when you aren't, try to calm an inner rage when nothing that happened was your fault and just not be belittled by people who aren't going anywhere.

    I think at the point where I am at it is only logical to protect the self and minimize damages and so that is exactly what I will do. Yet men are fools, and just anyone will just get you to open up just so they can drop a bomb and explode you across the room. I do just fear for own continued quality of life because what has been of yet has been the worst shit ever and I mean that.