mk mz; my perspective altar pained starfight.
Days of Flame and Fire of Conflagration.
Spent these days studying a new writing style for myself in this new era, found myself with new friends. The english teacher was not friendly, the conversation drawn out and boring and moreso picked at everything as if it was golden hence the often arduously style of the writing here sometimes, to make fun of that all.
Limits of Romantic Flame.
The girl in english washed afire something in me I thought was gone. I remembered by another's hello but was activated in this all.
Try as might I could not keep from feeling.
Ask on weekend what I did, I actually spoke to someone I really liked at first and really approached them. Had lasting impact on my life, felt as I had moved on.
Observed the culture within these walls. The couples together were at best to be said worse for wear indeed. Anyone who tried to get together were indeed faced with obstacles.
Talked to girl with one greeting, turned away. Both started feeling things, she turned around at me with cute look. However it was sort off of embarrassment for her in not greeting me and me sitting right behind her, because of the naming assignment. I was kinda of bitter and ignore her in part but then really considered her. Until I looked behind and saw this girl who was very good looking from far away I will say...my heart started pumping. There were many cute girls in that class, but in my mind none else clicked really except that girl in front and the girl in the back and perhaps the friend of the girl who sat in front of me.
The power of sex drive is startling you know. I had to restrain myself. From doing things with certain people and messing around indeed. It took great will. I must say. There things to do.Much things to do. Kept on however seeing the particular fancy of the roommate to get it on.
One day I caught the eyes of larger individual and she was startled for some reason and I saw why.
Another day I saw the legs of this girl and it reminded me of her however that reason was replaced with another. I got thinking and then I got to muckraking. I realized something strange about the girl I met in the elevator-there was some reason there as why I defensively concealed my intent. And witnessed what happened when I did. I was able to see her true motives as they happened. The various hellos were to pacify me.
Then I realized that there was very great danger here. Such that dating was very complicated and the only way of displaying your true self and not an image was through action the end.
Girl of Bread.
Once I went down looking for the girl I had spoken to before. However; she was not there that night and instead this girl and guy passing out bread. That layer was very interesting and then I went back and they were still there. The girl in sort was cute and started to grow on me after I saw her in the dinning hall and then during a fire escape drill and then once again on that level.
One night I went running. She went running and on parallel later many people were running. There were so many times we crossed paths that night; I continued to feel it ever so more as I ran and came across her and I have to say that it was actually dangerous to run around at night- I was at least happy I was near her. She looked at me with this bewildered face. I just looked at her. I think I might have smiled while not trying to smile.
I would say that while I was looking for the girl from before, she grew on me until I struggled if I should ask her out instead of the girl I originally came down to see. Similarly, I was effortless confused as how to be honest when I saw the girls she hung out with...seemingly I had an opportunity. But I did not take it because it just was not right for me to just do so. I say, could I date them all? Maybe I thought but originally I came down there for one girl and probably would only be thinking about her.
There this girl who hung out with this girl that the roommate had been with; looked at me with such ease one day. The girl I first greeted passed by and she was jealous. I then remembered the girl with the bread and the girl I first talked with. Could I? Date them all. I did not think so. While it seemed that the girl I said hello had garnered feelings for me and thus my feelings grew more intense, I just could not leave the girl who which I had first actually talked to in my life behind. I was confused...there were much girls I could date, but could I date them all at once and no one be hurt like the girl here who had gotten jealous? I did not think so.
Realize this I was only 18 years old. Girls only were interested in me to molest me previously. I tried to pigeon hole for a happy ending. Pigeon holing did not work. But who could I see myself pigeon holing with; that girl in the elevator. An easy thing to believe is that she was not a creep. That her hellos meant that she was interested in me and had no underlying reason. But in the atmosphere of here I realized she was the most suspicious of all the women I had been around and reminded me of another girl whom I lived close and near by who was also suspicious. More to the point by taking interest about her in the light of romantic light would see the nature in which she would respond to genuine responses of care under the particular care the estate placed on women who are sought after.
However there was never anyone there for some reason when with her. Meaning she was the one responsible for the particular phenomenon however at this time- no one could know why that actually was. I just found out from following throughout this time she was a vital source of how people were targeted and had I actually asked anyone out would had like a virus sought to cause the most harm imaginable to all parties involved. I would pretend on the instance of heart felt love I seen, but to me, her movements were too concealed and careful compared to everyone. I would feel this deep gaze on me when near her. For the danger of here, I pretended it was a gaze of interest. I continued to think of the girl of bread and others and realized perhaps I had been fooled and maybe not, but I had to follow through to the end even if it was four years in the future, because my information could really "save lives." Save people from perpetual debauchery and harassment.As a true romantic and anyone who knew what was going on and did sit on it, this is the best thing I could ever do for another especially ones I truly had feelings for.
In modern eye, there are too many dishonest women. Dishonest women who will never find a happy home. They will be blinded they have found dream guy but they have not; they have just let the system tool around with their minds and I from a young age decided no one would tool with me. In the more recent years I never think about these folk. I just continued working because I knew one day I would have information that would improve their lives and shine light on the cruelty's of illusion and corporate marketing illusion that is so very dark and so very deep. I find light in what I had courage to do in what no one else can do and that people so cowardly to do, adults who are just children no matter how old they have gotten. I embrace that I finished the challenge and now I have time to think about the past, the girl of bread and the people many such I encountered.
Sleeping With A Friend.
I so write on this topic manner because of one thing and why I write on this one thing because of everything that I experienced after a certain point. What if I did do it with a friend I said in my mind, would everyone be so forgiving? I reasoned that they would not. Many people were unforgiving in that semester and damned be it all I did try but it was not enough ever at all. I ponder you a startling reality; why could I not open the gear box of creativity? Why could I not write the 7th book of Slayers of Wolve why? Because the place was so damned progressive to the devil that I was afraid I would be forced to write of dark circumstance. I found that place a dark place. I had wasted time on friendships when I could have found better friendships in terms of relationships and more so would have been better for my time to even do so for people who hardly acknowledge you least you be in a group. People who make it a zen learning to be friends with at all. I wonder if I did not pull back from that girl- would those people all still be my friends. I realized this of the fact in bed, I tried to do everything like a movie and put my actual self down but really could actual self survive here. No because there was no good air. People were mostly deceived by illusion and greed but I never was.
The girls within were never illed by illusion that I truly liked and as much as I tried to work things out there was just a greater darker force bearing down on everything and in modern retrospect; I refer this place as a fern filled warzone. Sure it is glossy but sure as well deadly. You could say it was the intended use that got me going but even that could be challenged ever second of everyday and eventually you have to either move on from that mindset or continue to play into and frankly that just says all you need to know. The place as advertised is anything but the place.
Everything I tried to do creatively felt drained moments ever in to the story and really had to struggle through it and frankly felt sick as fuck for whatever I had suffered that last semester. On plus of this; no one was any real company. No one really stuck. I just stuck around and went to go look at things and find out things. And frankly I would continue venturing and asking questions and reaching conclusions and that is all mzodern is about.
Note: This is actually split into four parts. The drawn respectives and representatives are great and good and tell the story by image accounts and story accounts. However this means there are about 4 more posts and more information to be delved even further from the base jump post.
Spent these days studying a new writing style for myself in this new era, found myself with new friends. The english teacher was not friendly, the conversation drawn out and boring and moreso picked at everything as if it was golden hence the often arduously style of the writing here sometimes, to make fun of that all.
Limits of Romantic Flame.
The girl in english washed afire something in me I thought was gone. I remembered by another's hello but was activated in this all.
Try as might I could not keep from feeling.
Ask on weekend what I did, I actually spoke to someone I really liked at first and really approached them. Had lasting impact on my life, felt as I had moved on.
Observed the culture within these walls. The couples together were at best to be said worse for wear indeed. Anyone who tried to get together were indeed faced with obstacles.
Talked to girl with one greeting, turned away. Both started feeling things, she turned around at me with cute look. However it was sort off of embarrassment for her in not greeting me and me sitting right behind her, because of the naming assignment. I was kinda of bitter and ignore her in part but then really considered her. Until I looked behind and saw this girl who was very good looking from far away I will say...my heart started pumping. There were many cute girls in that class, but in my mind none else clicked really except that girl in front and the girl in the back and perhaps the friend of the girl who sat in front of me.
The power of sex drive is startling you know. I had to restrain myself. From doing things with certain people and messing around indeed. It took great will. I must say. There things to do.Much things to do. Kept on however seeing the particular fancy of the roommate to get it on.
One day I caught the eyes of larger individual and she was startled for some reason and I saw why.
Another day I saw the legs of this girl and it reminded me of her however that reason was replaced with another. I got thinking and then I got to muckraking. I realized something strange about the girl I met in the elevator-there was some reason there as why I defensively concealed my intent. And witnessed what happened when I did. I was able to see her true motives as they happened. The various hellos were to pacify me.
Then I realized that there was very great danger here. Such that dating was very complicated and the only way of displaying your true self and not an image was through action the end.
Girl of Bread.
Once I went down looking for the girl I had spoken to before. However; she was not there that night and instead this girl and guy passing out bread. That layer was very interesting and then I went back and they were still there. The girl in sort was cute and started to grow on me after I saw her in the dinning hall and then during a fire escape drill and then once again on that level.
One night I went running. She went running and on parallel later many people were running. There were so many times we crossed paths that night; I continued to feel it ever so more as I ran and came across her and I have to say that it was actually dangerous to run around at night- I was at least happy I was near her. She looked at me with this bewildered face. I just looked at her. I think I might have smiled while not trying to smile.
I would say that while I was looking for the girl from before, she grew on me until I struggled if I should ask her out instead of the girl I originally came down to see. Similarly, I was effortless confused as how to be honest when I saw the girls she hung out with...seemingly I had an opportunity. But I did not take it because it just was not right for me to just do so. I say, could I date them all? Maybe I thought but originally I came down there for one girl and probably would only be thinking about her.
There this girl who hung out with this girl that the roommate had been with; looked at me with such ease one day. The girl I first greeted passed by and she was jealous. I then remembered the girl with the bread and the girl I first talked with. Could I? Date them all. I did not think so. While it seemed that the girl I said hello had garnered feelings for me and thus my feelings grew more intense, I just could not leave the girl who which I had first actually talked to in my life behind. I was confused...there were much girls I could date, but could I date them all at once and no one be hurt like the girl here who had gotten jealous? I did not think so.
Realize this I was only 18 years old. Girls only were interested in me to molest me previously. I tried to pigeon hole for a happy ending. Pigeon holing did not work. But who could I see myself pigeon holing with; that girl in the elevator. An easy thing to believe is that she was not a creep. That her hellos meant that she was interested in me and had no underlying reason. But in the atmosphere of here I realized she was the most suspicious of all the women I had been around and reminded me of another girl whom I lived close and near by who was also suspicious. More to the point by taking interest about her in the light of romantic light would see the nature in which she would respond to genuine responses of care under the particular care the estate placed on women who are sought after.
However there was never anyone there for some reason when with her. Meaning she was the one responsible for the particular phenomenon however at this time- no one could know why that actually was. I just found out from following throughout this time she was a vital source of how people were targeted and had I actually asked anyone out would had like a virus sought to cause the most harm imaginable to all parties involved. I would pretend on the instance of heart felt love I seen, but to me, her movements were too concealed and careful compared to everyone. I would feel this deep gaze on me when near her. For the danger of here, I pretended it was a gaze of interest. I continued to think of the girl of bread and others and realized perhaps I had been fooled and maybe not, but I had to follow through to the end even if it was four years in the future, because my information could really "save lives." Save people from perpetual debauchery and harassment.As a true romantic and anyone who knew what was going on and did sit on it, this is the best thing I could ever do for another especially ones I truly had feelings for.
In modern eye, there are too many dishonest women. Dishonest women who will never find a happy home. They will be blinded they have found dream guy but they have not; they have just let the system tool around with their minds and I from a young age decided no one would tool with me. In the more recent years I never think about these folk. I just continued working because I knew one day I would have information that would improve their lives and shine light on the cruelty's of illusion and corporate marketing illusion that is so very dark and so very deep. I find light in what I had courage to do in what no one else can do and that people so cowardly to do, adults who are just children no matter how old they have gotten. I embrace that I finished the challenge and now I have time to think about the past, the girl of bread and the people many such I encountered.
Sleeping With A Friend.
I so write on this topic manner because of one thing and why I write on this one thing because of everything that I experienced after a certain point. What if I did do it with a friend I said in my mind, would everyone be so forgiving? I reasoned that they would not. Many people were unforgiving in that semester and damned be it all I did try but it was not enough ever at all. I ponder you a startling reality; why could I not open the gear box of creativity? Why could I not write the 7th book of Slayers of Wolve why? Because the place was so damned progressive to the devil that I was afraid I would be forced to write of dark circumstance. I found that place a dark place. I had wasted time on friendships when I could have found better friendships in terms of relationships and more so would have been better for my time to even do so for people who hardly acknowledge you least you be in a group. People who make it a zen learning to be friends with at all. I wonder if I did not pull back from that girl- would those people all still be my friends. I realized this of the fact in bed, I tried to do everything like a movie and put my actual self down but really could actual self survive here. No because there was no good air. People were mostly deceived by illusion and greed but I never was.
The girls within were never illed by illusion that I truly liked and as much as I tried to work things out there was just a greater darker force bearing down on everything and in modern retrospect; I refer this place as a fern filled warzone. Sure it is glossy but sure as well deadly. You could say it was the intended use that got me going but even that could be challenged ever second of everyday and eventually you have to either move on from that mindset or continue to play into and frankly that just says all you need to know. The place as advertised is anything but the place.
Everything I tried to do creatively felt drained moments ever in to the story and really had to struggle through it and frankly felt sick as fuck for whatever I had suffered that last semester. On plus of this; no one was any real company. No one really stuck. I just stuck around and went to go look at things and find out things. And frankly I would continue venturing and asking questions and reaching conclusions and that is all mzodern is about.
Note: This is actually split into four parts. The drawn respectives and representatives are great and good and tell the story by image accounts and story accounts. However this means there are about 4 more posts and more information to be delved even further from the base jump post.
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