The bad effects of staying in toxic situations.

 So deeply I have become invested in making this blog way better. I am to tell you I am not a materialistic person. I literally for a time in fall 2014 ate only one or two meals a day just to meditate on how to advance my creative skill. Greatly, what I do to enhance my quality of my life is my right to do and frankly since the beginning of this year I have been done living with the over excessive work style and over excessive drama that I have been living in. I am to tell you, I'd give anything to leave the incessant overworking and drama behind. There is so much work to do in my creative works that I would never get anything done if I kept to the way I was doing things before. I mean if you never really rest over five years that carries over into very bad effects on your life and ultimately your creative goals. I have just been living with the hardship of needless brutality inflicted upon me in fall 2016 and later. It never gets better because people never stop. Its a system and the only way to improve yourself is to stay away from people and particularly distance yourself from higher education and anyone who was truly just a bad apple within there. Let me tell you, I should not even have to be doing what I was doing just some months ago, living in this austere rhythm and really having to keep on going through emotional pain and adversity. I did not want to say it before but all of this stuff I have to go through is because people have to be all about theirselves. They don't care about anyone else.

I am to tell you that really enough a person is done living in this pit of austerity while people vacation in this location of Turkey or some other shit. Had to make some severe choices and that be that a person actually is going to solve their problems instead of letting them continue. They were and are not easy problems to solve. I would garner people to have patience with the matters of things on this blog but people don't have patience clearly. While I have been away trying to work on the matters of the past and even recording it just cannot catch a break with people even viewing this site. I just realize how much filler content I have to put in this site to even reach 3,000 and then people say, "that is not enough".

I think that so many people write a bunch of nonsense that they believe but is totally wrong. Most of the stuff I have believed has been completely and utterly wrong and just served the purpose of keeping me in chains. Chains to false ideas and just pure fantasies that some how other people recognized I still had to use to their advantage. I am to say these people aren't anything but pieces of shit for trying to capitalize on harm but again that is all you can expect in America. There are so many things that a person needed never to do. I needed never to believe in people whose romantic interest in me was but a fleeting wind of sexual fixation. I needed never to build a portfolio or my skills just so some bigot behind a graphic design department could degrade it and my works( I am to say that really much it goes greatly to show how encouraging of learning a place is when all it gave from fall 2015 and especially fall 2016 was just a bunch of evil). I never needed to try to remake DC comics or some shit like that as I mean who the fuck even reads a DC comic?  I never needed to believe that I could not do something. There is nothing that I cannot do I realize. I had become comfortable and complacent in a place and way of squalor. Just so comfortable living in the ruins, it made me sick and well I just had enough eventually realizing how life was before and who and what systems got me here.

Now, I tried alot of things in the past to get an advantage like streaming but ergo why would I continue it when it just adds onto how far and distant I am from a good work/life balance and way of living? I think that you can only stretch yourself so far. Many don't know what I have been doing in private but I don't thing I should have to share for people to be considerate and patient. But everyone just has to have constant content and care not about the details. I imagine that when people read my stuff they appreciate the convenience, they like what is read but don't think of this place high enough to even give a damn about it. They don't care about the innerworkings, the author or the actual works but just appreciate it exists and have a strange discontent for it. Because would you not be jealous of creating so many works. I mean, two people I met in the whole graphic design program would read this thing and one way or another they would turn against me. 

They just thought it was their privilege to attack me because that is how they are raised; to hate and tarnish the accomplishments of black people. Never thinking for a moment that you really cannot go back after you do this act. Can you unslap your wife , folks, you just cannot. You if you ever slapped her once will do it again and again and again. No matter if you ever apologize or not-you choose to be violent. I am to say that being slapped by people is a deal breaker and no one wants to be bothered by that. Long enough into this example, I am to say that certainly a great deal of people who view this site view it with animosity of " what this black person done create now". They think what I wrote was a good idea and then they steal it, mock it and ultimate could not give a fuck about supporting anything at all. But just being thiefs, bad people and just bad folks in general. There are other people who are so out of their minds that violence is all they can endeavor because they believe they are higher than anyone black person and that I have somewhat defiled them even by being nearest them in any capacity literally not doing anything to them-nearly ten years ago. They just come to use any weakness posted here that a human would post to their advantage and really-they are worst of the worst. I am to say a good deal of people who view this site have hatred towards the site and against me most importantly. I would like to get rid of these people and bring in people who actually what to contribute and provide a conductive environment. The whole thing is what I am saying is that the few people who respect this site are way out numbered by those who are against it and yes-you can make no great gains when whole groups of people who view your site only come to harm you.

Every other artist has such the luxury of being ignorant of the realities of high education and the real world it seems because they can just get tons of people agreeing with them and what have they done in their lives to be experts on a subject but just grift on previously existing properties and do nothing of their own mind and thinking accord. How many people are just led to the believe that they cannot do anything at all because some person on the internet says that, " art actually gets harder in time". And truly is just some person saying some nonsense without a real story or anything from real life on why people should believe them. They don't have credits or credentials making them experts and they don't surely tell of an experience in which they utilized this mindset. I am to tell you, artists on the net want to act as if pseudo geniuses but lack the notion of being able to carry real discourse. Everyone just believes what they want and I am to tell you, this only gets you trapped in a hell which is in part your own making just because some uncredible person on the net says so. I think many artists on the net are denied their own futures by just listening to baseless bullshit. They just listen to what they want to believe is true and really much anyone else having real examples to the detail of why things aren't so are just frowned upon as if the value of artists is to be stupid. Just stupid people incapable of intelligent conversations and making decisions for theirselves. But that is not true but artists mostly on the net just choose to believe this and it does not bode well for them and other artists because it just pushes people apart and does nothing for anyone. Alas, I will take my time with arguments, thoughts, stories, artworks and more. I will not be rushed and not be coerced.