2014.
What was 2014 about? It was finding a path to the goals I wanted to accomplish.
You could say it was a dark time, just me alone in these thoughts of modern, and with a z.
With a zip did I go to complete them. I was mostly alone. Hung a lot around these people,
who were important in their special ways. But, listen to this, talking to one of these particular people
about three years later, this particular one could not give a fuck. But then again, this particular one never hung around much around the people I did and I did not even know this fellow that well.
All to illustrate, not to paint anyone else in a negative light, that really, no one knew the direction of the other friend or acquaintance? That we were just together because we were flung into this incident of school together. And that really not one thing else connected us, besides our friendly gestures, similar aims to be confirmed and not be confirmed, the fact we lived in the same dorm. The fact that we were this unity and then this disunity at choice. To come together for these social endeavors and interest in self and another and something else.
The thing is, I was not happy at that time period. I could not live so independently without no one really there who knew me and no one of my friends knew me nor would get the opportunity to actually know them or me actually know them or me get the chance. I wish I could be this individual.
To be the most popular and everything would work out, but nothing was working out. I had to search and search for a way just to start off that year on my path to making comics out of the series I had written, I just could not leave them behind. I just could not leave my works I fostered from the 8th to the 11th grade in the dust, just like that as if things had never even ever happened!
I was unresolved in this longing for romance and love. And I could not just drop figuring out everything for the sake of playing along with some game. Some game that the atmosphere, provides.
There were many girls and many opportunities, but shall we just fool around? With people and their hearts? I reasoned, that it was not that simple, that just sleeping around would be something horrendous and unbeneficial and self defeating to everything and anything I would want to accomplish.
That just by becoming this whore, everything of love and romance, becomes blurry and maybe you learn that over these times of the whore standard decaying after people decide they cannot live like this anymore that you are somehow this important feature person needing reformation via the people who stick beside you and maybe they help you accept who you are, or maybe they settle down with you, one, two or all of them? But really is this the life I wanted?
I had no idea, but the thing, is I did not want to cause harm to anyone. Nor my self. And that is basically how I viewed how I should journey on in my completion of figuring out to do with my craft and my venture for love. But the thing is, some people just choose to be hurt. But that does not apply to anyone I met that year but much later, a different horrid people who pale in comparison.
But such exemplary people of faith and love, did inspire me, in my time of diverging troubles.
Convinced me highly that I had a place with them. Convinced me so much, that I write so much about them and so much of these individuals, that to this day, I am convinced that I belong with them.
Or at least someone, like them. But being this caring person, I could not just choose one girl over the other. They were too spread out amongst different places and different people to actually get to know them to have a decision, or rather be eased into a relationship, to say that they were not easy people to find, but I did see them every once and in a while occasionally.
But I write because I did search to try and get to know them better to make these decisions, but oh, some once, in a well place, does not find his courage to speak his feelings over night. I had many a occasion! To speak. But I could not. Life is not easy to change into this dream of your imaginings, it takes work, effort, dreams, instances, purpose, faith and destiny!
I just at this time, just could not phathom the idea of one of these women becoming my girlfriend or significant other, when all my life, people-teachers and students, adults and my parents, siblings and ever even friends, said and seemed to say this could not be done! They were always berating me.
They were always trying to stick me out inferior. I remember I tell you how fun, these hot stick girls,
from these suburban places, but liked the ghetto aesthetic, used to pick on me!
And how everyone saw and did not one thing ever, even in front of this teacher, he did nothing but gave me this strange look! I was sad! But somehow I tried to find this way to talk to people when no one would tell me how, everyone ignored me, every want of mine was ignored. Friendship akin to a girlfriend was flashed in front of my face. And made fun of like a joke. People refused to say what it was. Because no one, not even my damned parents nor siblings could give a damn about me.
Yet not one fucking thing has even changed. Not one damn thing ever changed. About this bullying.
But it really does not matter, well yea, society says, " your a man and just deal with it".
Nothing will ever change that I was treated to this abuse, just because it could be done.
Not one thing will ever change, that I tasted the heaven of normal and sane people and no the difference of crazy people and sane people! And not one thing will change my hopes in finding a resolution to my problems. Well here, in the light of making up for these opportunities I just dodged, because I am just another person and just cannot leap into the unknown just because it is there.
I work and work to fix one of my problems and here after the tumultuous and dark start to 2014, I have arrived at the place to never again, be of this story of mind poverty, of these sick people, of these deranged folks of then and now, who just seek to bully me and try to rip that I am a person at all.
These people expect, seriously for you to surrender at their assumptions of you! These people come with blood and they are not bloody psycho criminals? They come saying shit about you in public and when you are at your leisure. They come trying to eat away at your skin and your spine, and feel on you with their sponge like ticks attached to their eyes. Then come to expect people to just let them be as they are. Be who they are, as they are, when they do not seriously care about anyone but theirselves? These people would easily murder you at some false, lie, rumor or assertion of yours and just do horrid things to you in part of the reason, they just can!
They just can. They do not give a damn, that anyone has anyone to search for, or anything to complete romantically or that they have these own ideals of romance! That strangely, hint, hint, do not include them nor to the slightest. They are not nice, they are not classy, they have no intelligence, no beauty and not one damn thing to offer anyone but a disaster in their lives.
Because many people so adept to looking into their damn phones are just perverted people. With no respect for life. No respect for dignity and no respect for anything but their self fantasies.
And will never apologize for their fantasy's that go past the call of duty and try to asurp people as images only and nothing more.
I was not going to say anything about these people, but when so many of them make a threat about your life, in trying to control the contents of it, as so feigned god, and the things and desires I have worked to resolve so hard since 2014. And try to destroy them. Mock them in public and in secret and spread these rumors. What are you to think, when you do not even know these strangers.
They are crazy and try to kill you! And especially when they think you are crazy for defending myself. But not one damned thing is wrong about asserting yourself. Against people who could seriously not care about you at all!
But I will not quit at resolving the paradise and heaven I found, so that people are not in this predicament of anger or sadness. That I cause people no ill or no harm. That I do well by these people. Who brightened up the hope of my life and made something I thought of a fantasy, something quiet real.
I give you the following collections of thoughts and ideals, inspired by this time and the next, as a testament, in how I will only mention the evil that did indeed happen, the storms that did happen, but the good times to come will never be reigned over by the evil of others, ever.
And if ever, times of sadness of the future, they will all be resolved. If you work at them, this is what this time of 2014 says. But this is simply just a written work of what I experienced in part and length and not full and full scope of what actually did. More written to introduce you to the time period and a different era of MK MZODERN completely.
Because that time is not even as bright or pretty as I had even made it out to be.
Even here.
Learn more about MK MZODERN in that era.
(---)
A music recommendation: Architects,(downfall)
You could say it was a dark time, just me alone in these thoughts of modern, and with a z.
With a zip did I go to complete them. I was mostly alone. Hung a lot around these people,
who were important in their special ways. But, listen to this, talking to one of these particular people
about three years later, this particular one could not give a fuck. But then again, this particular one never hung around much around the people I did and I did not even know this fellow that well.
All to illustrate, not to paint anyone else in a negative light, that really, no one knew the direction of the other friend or acquaintance? That we were just together because we were flung into this incident of school together. And that really not one thing else connected us, besides our friendly gestures, similar aims to be confirmed and not be confirmed, the fact we lived in the same dorm. The fact that we were this unity and then this disunity at choice. To come together for these social endeavors and interest in self and another and something else.
The thing is, I was not happy at that time period. I could not live so independently without no one really there who knew me and no one of my friends knew me nor would get the opportunity to actually know them or me actually know them or me get the chance. I wish I could be this individual.
To be the most popular and everything would work out, but nothing was working out. I had to search and search for a way just to start off that year on my path to making comics out of the series I had written, I just could not leave them behind. I just could not leave my works I fostered from the 8th to the 11th grade in the dust, just like that as if things had never even ever happened!
I was unresolved in this longing for romance and love. And I could not just drop figuring out everything for the sake of playing along with some game. Some game that the atmosphere, provides.
There were many girls and many opportunities, but shall we just fool around? With people and their hearts? I reasoned, that it was not that simple, that just sleeping around would be something horrendous and unbeneficial and self defeating to everything and anything I would want to accomplish.
That just by becoming this whore, everything of love and romance, becomes blurry and maybe you learn that over these times of the whore standard decaying after people decide they cannot live like this anymore that you are somehow this important feature person needing reformation via the people who stick beside you and maybe they help you accept who you are, or maybe they settle down with you, one, two or all of them? But really is this the life I wanted?
I had no idea, but the thing, is I did not want to cause harm to anyone. Nor my self. And that is basically how I viewed how I should journey on in my completion of figuring out to do with my craft and my venture for love. But the thing is, some people just choose to be hurt. But that does not apply to anyone I met that year but much later, a different horrid people who pale in comparison.
But such exemplary people of faith and love, did inspire me, in my time of diverging troubles.
Convinced me highly that I had a place with them. Convinced me so much, that I write so much about them and so much of these individuals, that to this day, I am convinced that I belong with them.
Or at least someone, like them. But being this caring person, I could not just choose one girl over the other. They were too spread out amongst different places and different people to actually get to know them to have a decision, or rather be eased into a relationship, to say that they were not easy people to find, but I did see them every once and in a while occasionally.
But I write because I did search to try and get to know them better to make these decisions, but oh, some once, in a well place, does not find his courage to speak his feelings over night. I had many a occasion! To speak. But I could not. Life is not easy to change into this dream of your imaginings, it takes work, effort, dreams, instances, purpose, faith and destiny!
I just at this time, just could not phathom the idea of one of these women becoming my girlfriend or significant other, when all my life, people-teachers and students, adults and my parents, siblings and ever even friends, said and seemed to say this could not be done! They were always berating me.
They were always trying to stick me out inferior. I remember I tell you how fun, these hot stick girls,
from these suburban places, but liked the ghetto aesthetic, used to pick on me!
And how everyone saw and did not one thing ever, even in front of this teacher, he did nothing but gave me this strange look! I was sad! But somehow I tried to find this way to talk to people when no one would tell me how, everyone ignored me, every want of mine was ignored. Friendship akin to a girlfriend was flashed in front of my face. And made fun of like a joke. People refused to say what it was. Because no one, not even my damned parents nor siblings could give a damn about me.
Yet not one fucking thing has even changed. Not one damn thing ever changed. About this bullying.
But it really does not matter, well yea, society says, " your a man and just deal with it".
Nothing will ever change that I was treated to this abuse, just because it could be done.
Not one thing will ever change, that I tasted the heaven of normal and sane people and no the difference of crazy people and sane people! And not one thing will change my hopes in finding a resolution to my problems. Well here, in the light of making up for these opportunities I just dodged, because I am just another person and just cannot leap into the unknown just because it is there.
I work and work to fix one of my problems and here after the tumultuous and dark start to 2014, I have arrived at the place to never again, be of this story of mind poverty, of these sick people, of these deranged folks of then and now, who just seek to bully me and try to rip that I am a person at all.
These people expect, seriously for you to surrender at their assumptions of you! These people come with blood and they are not bloody psycho criminals? They come saying shit about you in public and when you are at your leisure. They come trying to eat away at your skin and your spine, and feel on you with their sponge like ticks attached to their eyes. Then come to expect people to just let them be as they are. Be who they are, as they are, when they do not seriously care about anyone but theirselves? These people would easily murder you at some false, lie, rumor or assertion of yours and just do horrid things to you in part of the reason, they just can!
They just can. They do not give a damn, that anyone has anyone to search for, or anything to complete romantically or that they have these own ideals of romance! That strangely, hint, hint, do not include them nor to the slightest. They are not nice, they are not classy, they have no intelligence, no beauty and not one damn thing to offer anyone but a disaster in their lives.
Because many people so adept to looking into their damn phones are just perverted people. With no respect for life. No respect for dignity and no respect for anything but their self fantasies.
And will never apologize for their fantasy's that go past the call of duty and try to asurp people as images only and nothing more.
I was not going to say anything about these people, but when so many of them make a threat about your life, in trying to control the contents of it, as so feigned god, and the things and desires I have worked to resolve so hard since 2014. And try to destroy them. Mock them in public and in secret and spread these rumors. What are you to think, when you do not even know these strangers.
They are crazy and try to kill you! And especially when they think you are crazy for defending myself. But not one damned thing is wrong about asserting yourself. Against people who could seriously not care about you at all!
But I will not quit at resolving the paradise and heaven I found, so that people are not in this predicament of anger or sadness. That I cause people no ill or no harm. That I do well by these people. Who brightened up the hope of my life and made something I thought of a fantasy, something quiet real.
I give you the following collections of thoughts and ideals, inspired by this time and the next, as a testament, in how I will only mention the evil that did indeed happen, the storms that did happen, but the good times to come will never be reigned over by the evil of others, ever.
And if ever, times of sadness of the future, they will all be resolved. If you work at them, this is what this time of 2014 says. But this is simply just a written work of what I experienced in part and length and not full and full scope of what actually did. More written to introduce you to the time period and a different era of MK MZODERN completely.
Because that time is not even as bright or pretty as I had even made it out to be.
Even here.
Learn more about MK MZODERN in that era.
(---)
A music recommendation: Architects,(downfall)
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