A dream of her the ghoster.
I had a dream about her the ghoster. I did. I had a dream.
She was angry at me all the time but there she knew me-there she treated me human.
And though she was angry at me all the time as we walked and she yelled at me some times
at a distance. I was content. I was fulfilled. I was at least recognized as me.
We had been through somethings and at least we had some happy times where she at least recognized me. But in her anger; it was still self driven and self conformed and there was nothing I could say to change her mind and nothing I could do. Least she gave me the time to finish my sentences and did not walk off when I was trying to speak. Later to return to try to belittle me out right with, " I forgot your name" with a sway and bounce in her step.
When I was perplexed and asked what she was doing or if she was doing anything because I had to explain to her something she might not know nor understand. She might not care; I reasoned and she did not and it hit me with a blade. I just decided if she was going to do this~ she should. Disrespect me of her violation. Because she was a retard. I had done nothing wrong and I was not going to even try to gasp the hands of her when she was going to solve my own problem of communication with her for me. She was just going to server and leave. Setting in stone only from my high perch; that I had done nothing wrong. But I, in short after she disrespected me could not come to terms with what she had become.
From someone I would occasionally just happen to see everywhere and saying hello to and hoping I could be her friend and she would smile back; she would and say hello but it was all fake and forced. She never cared at all. I just believing her; this snake. Just whispered what I would want to hear and would want to be. And smiled and said hello when I grieved her. I use grieve because it grieved her probably to be around me least I spoke about something like graphic design or other information she could take advantage of.
Just taken advantage of I was. But at least in this dream never was my heart taken such advantage of.
Things were not so "dire". If it was the end of this relationship or rocky it was because it naturally was so. And only could be naturally so when both parties where compliant and not the girl so parasitic!
I fucking hated myself for letting her run me through with her sword.Taking the vantage point of heroism and cowardice on her part to be a truth in her eyes. But never should I let her be the hero or bask in her cowardice. I was a coward not to do this; the proper adult way. Just let some mental lesser mature run me through...but I did not want to protect her from being a coward or this fake hero where there was no hero at all. None. I did not really care about her at all; I realized.
Begun to be angry with myself that really I did not care for her besides to be a friend.
But did I do anything wrong. Did I assume things and leave the real stuff of communication to an end by walking away. But I always got to protect people from assuming stuff. But there were people once who never assumed anything but the right and positive unexpected. Who knew who I was and only found good and unexpected things to say and find about me that I would only come to find later on as true. I never had to protect people from assuming stuff up their venues of plagued and fagued virtues of right because maybe they were good people and had free will to never let anyone tell them what and when especially when it was not true no matter where they were.
I had a friend not at all but a complete waste of time who only took me for her "worldy" selfish benefits and when I was no use for her-and her future college life of bullocks; she ditched me like a bitch.
At least her ditching in the dream was validated. But her just a revise to tell of how vastly " wrong" the world is and the allowance of evil allowed within.
But when I realized how further it was not my fault for anything and namely had no feelings for her beside being a friend- I was happy. I woke up from a dream of her-the ghoster.
She was angry at me all the time but there she knew me-there she treated me human.
And though she was angry at me all the time as we walked and she yelled at me some times
at a distance. I was content. I was fulfilled. I was at least recognized as me.
We had been through somethings and at least we had some happy times where she at least recognized me. But in her anger; it was still self driven and self conformed and there was nothing I could say to change her mind and nothing I could do. Least she gave me the time to finish my sentences and did not walk off when I was trying to speak. Later to return to try to belittle me out right with, " I forgot your name" with a sway and bounce in her step.
When I was perplexed and asked what she was doing or if she was doing anything because I had to explain to her something she might not know nor understand. She might not care; I reasoned and she did not and it hit me with a blade. I just decided if she was going to do this~ she should. Disrespect me of her violation. Because she was a retard. I had done nothing wrong and I was not going to even try to gasp the hands of her when she was going to solve my own problem of communication with her for me. She was just going to server and leave. Setting in stone only from my high perch; that I had done nothing wrong. But I, in short after she disrespected me could not come to terms with what she had become.
From someone I would occasionally just happen to see everywhere and saying hello to and hoping I could be her friend and she would smile back; she would and say hello but it was all fake and forced. She never cared at all. I just believing her; this snake. Just whispered what I would want to hear and would want to be. And smiled and said hello when I grieved her. I use grieve because it grieved her probably to be around me least I spoke about something like graphic design or other information she could take advantage of.
Just taken advantage of I was. But at least in this dream never was my heart taken such advantage of.
Things were not so "dire". If it was the end of this relationship or rocky it was because it naturally was so. And only could be naturally so when both parties where compliant and not the girl so parasitic!
I fucking hated myself for letting her run me through with her sword.Taking the vantage point of heroism and cowardice on her part to be a truth in her eyes. But never should I let her be the hero or bask in her cowardice. I was a coward not to do this; the proper adult way. Just let some mental lesser mature run me through...but I did not want to protect her from being a coward or this fake hero where there was no hero at all. None. I did not really care about her at all; I realized.
Begun to be angry with myself that really I did not care for her besides to be a friend.
But did I do anything wrong. Did I assume things and leave the real stuff of communication to an end by walking away. But I always got to protect people from assuming stuff. But there were people once who never assumed anything but the right and positive unexpected. Who knew who I was and only found good and unexpected things to say and find about me that I would only come to find later on as true. I never had to protect people from assuming stuff up their venues of plagued and fagued virtues of right because maybe they were good people and had free will to never let anyone tell them what and when especially when it was not true no matter where they were.
I had a friend not at all but a complete waste of time who only took me for her "worldy" selfish benefits and when I was no use for her-and her future college life of bullocks; she ditched me like a bitch.
At least her ditching in the dream was validated. But her just a revise to tell of how vastly " wrong" the world is and the allowance of evil allowed within.
But when I realized how further it was not my fault for anything and namely had no feelings for her beside being a friend- I was happy. I woke up from a dream of her-the ghoster.
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