Greatly a disaster. ( dessacrow academy)

 The worst thing is to realize you were giving people a chance when there was no real reason to with a history of people being shitty and holding back thinking they would be bad news to just realize they are no different than anyone else. Greatly in fact are worse; so nonchalant about being an ass shat and really giving no fucks to prior inconveniences that they just rub in an insult to injury. There is to be said there is a perception of a choice with people who really for all intents and purposes don't have a mind. You can aim to treat them as normal people but they aren't normal. They duck under discrimination and despite their lowly social standing want to make up terms, concepts and ideas to validate their painful self harming and outward harming values and beliefs. They believe a self fulfilling prophecy and really painfully accept discrimination, microagression and just hatred towards theirselves. There are some people who you need not to dream about. I am to say you could be thinking about approaching two women in a hall one day and actually speak to one and all just goes somewhat right but they have a boyfriend and relegate you to a "poser human" pile. The other you don't even talk to fearing they having warning flags. You could be in bliss to think one of these people would be for you but then in the end; its all an illusion that you could even be treated minimally well as a human on a daily basis or just in any normalcy to go anywhere or hope anything! These people refuse to see even you as you but objectify you as some great evil and lesser. To be said its best to leave people like this alone. But you will never know if you never act, right? 

Having some Emarosa song in your head for courage; you realize some sanity and refuse to speak to the other one. It does not appear that it could be true. Any real connection just by an inner feel alone that no one likes you and yes; no one deserves you. Come to think of it at the end of finding the courage to hope; its all despair in the end realizing that what you perceive and realized was the final truth and these people can offer nothing else because they are just that uncivil and have nothing in their heads but fear, lies and hatred. Whilst you conquered the fear later to social with them; it appears that you just find out some people have nothing up there and nothing in their hearts but hatred. You sit on the edge of a chair in the graphic design communications hall and realize there could be something before the Christmas break of fall 2018 but there is nothing really but despair as but these people have no idea of higher mentality associated with human beings but just being clogs that turn in hate. They added nothing valuable. No future friendship, no understanding and nothing of human civility but just hate against you whilst they pretend to have any qualms of civility pretending they are of normalcy to even conversate. But its only to make them look good in their minds they associate with you but shortcut their own great intolerance for you and just find some way to say in shortcut they are great people for being evil to you for no real reason but that they are pathetic. Pathetic to think they deserve a reward for pretending to be more civilized than which they aren't and when they finally succumb to their less humanity; they pat theirselves on their backs. Pathetic people, never even capable of even understanding you to any everyday level. Using the advent of a romantic feature that would take months to reach if not years to distance theirselves from even learning the basics about you as a person in any everyday level. Using that as a basis to demonize you because how dare you exist with that skin tone and speak higher than them and yet they want to play into the whole "I appreciate my identity of my heritage". You don't when you do things that frankly are what racists have done to people of color for a long time. Seemingly thinking that if they aren't black they are good. I think even enough to be said these people are stupid to never realize that only they see the world as that. Only they. 

Racists will just treat them as they treat people; with brutality and injustice and if they dare cry-its worthless because they already made the fire to hate theirselves and jump in. They already contributed to hate. They refused to even listen to reason but just some self hubris to put theirselves with some delusion that they are akin with the white racists and have some high status because of that. But they don't; they work in a restaurant and don't bathe well and in an other have some demeanor that once they hook up with some one white they can just significantly hide into the identity of being white and demonizing cultures that aren't which they actually are apart of. Being so desperate to hook their identity to something so faux power that they have no clue what mistakes they are making and how much choice, autonomy, mental health, control and even wellness of their futures they are throwing away. Ergo by seeing everything in such a demeaning light and seeing theirselves in a demeaning light and if anyone who is black or any other race says shit; they rather just demean them as well because they can see no other way of living. No other way but begging on their knees for a white savior to make them better. Then only can see anyone black who ever is in higher standing or even speaks at all to them as just a threat because in their minds the only use a black person is for them is just somewhere on their knees engaging in a sexual endeavor. Never can they respect anyone without this hateful matrix that goes to the extremes to assume people are even sexually invested in them because of their race and thus are a threat. From the being these people were just racist empaths who do anything and everything to appear better in the face of white racist or any white savior ideal especially religion.

A person has to tell you that a person is disgusted by these people after speaking to them. Realizing they made their lives into this and really much its not your responsibility to widen anyone's eyes or just be around so these people can just say you only exist for sexual benefits alone and nothing more. Its to be said a person comes away realizing that these people are wasting their lives chasing illusions that push away people and just place in the worst kind of people in with them. Majorly chasing illusions that they are grand while they cannot even properly study for a math test and wait till the absolute last minute, have no one tell them they aren't doing well in school, are not taking enough classes and are not taking anything seriously. Just thinking that white is right and it will be alright in the end. Yet if a person is black; they are whack and never could help them at all. Its just to be said that when you are the only person who will give a fuck about them whilst everyone plays into a lie and they disavow your advice because of your race; it is to be realized how self harming their belief is. How it just ends them up going nowhere and doing nothing but just truly being a person some racist actually can belittle and threaten. Its ironic what they think is their salvation is not at all but their damnation. Had a person been white they surely would have listened and not affixed some painful racist sexual idealism onto a person. Had they been the such; they would have spoke to them with civility but a person does not need a race to be accepted. Truly enough these people should accept theirselves and not privy one dynamic of whites being superior and blacks being inferior or vice versa but learn to appreciate theirselves and respect all. Yet this is too much to ask of adults who are basically idiots strong and so mighty their delusions run out of steam the next turn of the corner after a spring 2019. Maybe one only does well because they take advantage of white privilege fitting nicely into that atmosphere only for a short time whilst one is a hispanic and has no advantage of any sort and falls off the rails more severely.

You just dynamic from interest and fear of speaking to realizing there is no speak to be had but just dread as you watch drug addicts to racist idealisms and benefits overdosed and burn up. Its the most sad thing ever because it does not have to be like this. These people could have been productive and they could have come with the mindset of another humanity instead of diminishing their worth time and time again for ideas that are surely appealing but greatly a disaster.