Christmas 2017

 I remember this Christmas was on a Monday. Yes, we get the whole " we go to school on a monday" vibe being transcended by something very much pleasant. It was a day that on the Christmas eve was just watching this old movie with Denzel Washington as the angel and it of course being at a baptist church. Not my favorite movies at all and I really tried to avoid it. I went outside and pondered my situation of what I was doing with 2by2 comics. I am to tell you that prior to even noticing this movie was on I spent most of the day working on 2by2 comics going through 5 stories all at one time. How magical.

People can ask if I did this advent of making 5 comics at one time how I don't have a bunch of comics published? Its because these things take time and really much a person has to do graphic design for the works, draw most importantly, color, add text to where it can be read and decide how to release it cost effectively and not squander meager savings. Its also to be said the method was not perfect and also it was experimental. Yet as well a person had to prepare for three/four months to even attempt the method and pretty much you would have to do this everytime you were to use it in principal even though I found a way around that in the future from fall 2017.  Its to be said that even if you completed everything and drew it all; you still would have to color it if you are going for a western look and that takes time. No, a person literally won't risk getting someone else to color their stuff and they come up with a bunch of excuses and just really become a threat to your whole operations. The most intriguing thing to be said is that this method is like charging a battery and it takes time to do; it acknowledges that you cannot rush to create something trapped in an idealistic mindset  that dreams much but does little. In this regard it does more than just dream and then do nothing but aspires and does more than a person would else do trapped in a dream and then do nothing mentality. So many artists are trapped in that mentality and I am to say its very simple to break out of it; create a plan and realize things will take time to come about but that time is directly dependent on you and your processes.

So anyways; I very much spent the day working on Breaking Ponies foremost and the 2nd/3rd pages of the five ideas. This was actually hard work and I messed up the process by using notebooks instead of loose leaf paper as I did with Mysterious and Changer. If you know anything about the scientific process; you have to repeat certain things to achieve a certain result and I failed to do that and so the effort was less ambitious when you had a mechanism that was a drag. Really much I was tired as fuck doing this stuff but a person literally had to carry out the ideal since they already were in this process. You think you can stop a rocket from launching its various cycles? The answer is no. You just cannot do it. I was not going to stop.

Eh, a person was greatly socially isolated and no one knew what I was doing. Not anyone and basically I am to say that even in our modern world; experimental comic creating is too much for people who live mediocre lives and have fetishes of grandeur just because they become a clogmind of engineering. I think its speaking to the testament of society when you cannot speak real ideas of progressive thought even in an academic shape and not be ostracized. We allow quacks and idiots to have more freedom of speech which is just immoral and backward. I don't think we need to hear anything from covidiots. Yet no one knew and no one would care I would figure and yes; most people are too full of theirselves to even have real intellect despite higher education. They rather form misinformed biases against things they don't know and demonize things they take advantage daily to educate, inform and entertain them and their damned minds if not pedal hatred towards children calling these things childish when their whole statement is a matter of egoism projecting. Really much walk around with too many so certained "higher education people" or people who build theirselves to be an asset to society and others as the downfall of society-you really start to get why higher education is a waste of time in the principal of learning anything that will by itself make your life better to even end up directly to any of your real life goals. Not you having to work some job just to support your effort secondarily. A joke is what education is but really it does not help to have the same level of credits as people who look down on people of color who never get an education. Alas to be said; a person be made on purpose to be lonely in this effort. Greatly a grand pushing of toxic propaganda against people of color and art and just freedom of thought is the great travesty of education even if it tries to say or do otherwise.

Let me bring you context my friends; such context-some people can have their " Take it for granted" boyfriend and girlfriend pairings they can share much with that they cannot share with anyone else. They can a person who can speak to them and speak with them. A person who can influence them to do good and do bad. Just another person with them but I would have no one. Why? Because I dare do what is my own self appointed ambition and not some clogmind goal such as " just become another engineer so you don't have to work at walmart for the rest of your life." No, my goals are never that shallow and pathetic really to assume that college fixes everything and fuck everyone who does not have a college degree. But yet only the shallow people by the designs of misinformation and discrimination of college can even but have a relationship to just create more shallow and misinformed people. Its a system that pushes all the good people apart just so society is filled with a bunch of posers who just hate people on the basis of their skin and an assumption of their worth by their educational attainment. Its so fucking sick; that you dismiss the validity of life without it having to be validated by a degree of some sort. Alas; a person does not fit into the category of privileged people in an oppressive system and really is the grand outlier. You basically do this advent alone and its terrible because its just a means of a system trying to validate people being clogs instead of free thinkers when it promotes certain people who are in relationships and follow some dogmatic beliefs.  Its a means to say that "you aren't welcomed" because you support ideas that are not conformed and not chained to a dogma and only people of a dogma can have a relationship. Literally that is what the first college and the circuit of community colleges I went to are built on; this evasion of privacy and this inapproriate subvert control ( that would be easily fixed if there were more departments in things that people actually have an interest in real fucking life-try videogames, nude modeling, media self enterprise and comics-these are the things you can just access through a computer but never through higher education because they "must not be real things" unless some snazzy asshole is behind them). Essentially education does what discrimination has done through history. Got the well to do people looking down on the people who make the advent and inventions that revolutionize their lives.

A person felt a coldness and bitterness you just could not ignore thus whilst working on this realizing how much shit a person had put up prior. But this was my way of sticking it to the higher educational system. Just my way of saying enough is enough. How many times had higher education through its many devices blocked me from even gaining a basic social attainment when people were interested but it persuaded them better to hate me and loathe me as well as free thought. To be known of the sort; the cold and bitterness of angst and hate against a corrupt group of people did hinder my goals and I would have been the better without it but there are some things that happen that you cannot but feel these things and yes are right to. You are right to when these same privileged linear thinking people who simply, " do as they are told" try to cope into the movements of people who don't have the privilege of linear thinking or thinking that black lives are "insignificant".

Its to be said that in real world; the things some people do to live on their castle on the hill mentality just hurts many people and they don't care about it-they hurt theirselves lying to theirselves that  the things they believe about people and things they don't know are legit. They will never be. And greatly education would lie to a couple and tell them they are smart and well rounded society people when they are just as uneducated and as trashy as someone who never went to school and lives in a freaking trailer shooting up drugs and loving Trump. Only America could make convincing images of white superiority; validating people who are scumbags as exemplary people. When you have actually people spending money actually wasting it  on a higher education to just turn out as they would have "else turned out" never blame the system and never blame them. But when you have people who are people of color who never get a higher education or fail to by the devices of higher education; fuck them considerably if they ever have the deposition to you to be " stupid". When just the perception of them being stupid is inherently a racist idealism fundled stronger by some supposed academic's ego of being better when their education indeed could very much be subpar to a person who never went to school and/or completed it.

I am to tell you on this day that was Christmas eve I was not in the holiday mood. I think a person was just more thrilled to get to the end result of what they had been working on for months and really much years against the oppression of those who want to believe that its set in stone you cannot because you are a black person who never completed their college. Lol, man, looking back a person was right to take control of their life and not just bomb four years in submission to an institute that does more social harm than it will ever do social good. The fucking school in real life admitted a fucking murderer and he got busy of course but no one short of an actual criminal or bad person could ever have any social attainment in such a place.

I tried to be in the holiday mood and be inspired by the holiday lights in a dimmed out main room in your house that you had no part in but alas; it just was not coming to me as I just tried. Too much had been taken at your expense and your life treated as a damn joke. As I said goodnight to what were the hopes of other people of a great time; all I was trapped in was a cycle of dread. You have to realize I did nothing to deserve what people had thrown at me. You think I have done anything bad as what has been done to me? No, I have been all but peaceful and only doing what is seemingly enough to be even treated right as a black person of a certain set of cultures. Let that open your eyes that there is character even in that.  I was just down right down in my luck as many people of color are in this world. Should I be lucky that I was not completely criminalized and/or murdered like many innocent people are? No, I realized coming out of a mood; I was just wise enough to get out of these things people wanted to place me in. Its when I realized true and true that I had the power to smithe this not so secret social order. Show these people that they were the fools because I succeeded by own ideas and freewill and what did they do? Something carbon copy, something they always complained about whilst doing and after doing and currently doing and mostly  being a great individual who will always compel theirselves to never answer the mystery of what could be but always secretly dreaming about it.

It was here that I was able to get into the holiday spirit. The next day was somewhat abnormal but I opened my gifts and was thankful for them. Yet a person would be wary of thinking that everything would be happy and good just because they believed it to be so. Erm no, this day a person would be wary and cautious of their father. Seeming to carry somewhat a brooding mood and looking angrily for somewhat.  I would go outside this day and return and realize how different things were already becoming; the feeling of winning. The feeling that with one more push I would win. So it would be in these last 5 days include Christmas in which I would put all my effort nearly into 2by2 comics. Of course I did other things for other projects and other stuff but that was beyond my control really much.

But on this day that was Christmas a person full launched even further into 2by2 comics. Even though I did not get it perfect and only ended up with 3 pages for some of the 5 stories it was good enough and advent and a show of power of what I could truly do and when I began 2018; I could feel a new world opening up and yes this one was to be truly and totally against the idealisms that you " committed a crime by doing art". That was the real gift I gave myself yes; more powerful than any banal relationship between two people who just follow poisonous norms. And yes; norms that don't advance society by bias, misinformation and predujice. I will say that I started the whole 2by2 comics effort in the end of August and beginning of September; it goes to say that you can do something impactful to advance your goals at any time and not just into the new year as apart of some resolution you will never keep. Change on your time, power in your hands and self definition in your image is what I would like to say is important. Not change on people's time, power or training in other people's hands( schools and corporations) and no self definition on accord of entities that aren't you( school and corporations).