Friday Motivation.

 At the end of fall 2013; I thought it was so good. I thought I had made such friends. We would hang out before the pretext to the Christmas break, watch movies, go to breakfast together and play the game called Mafia; the in person one. One of my past favorite memories was and I say was hanging out with people who brought their beds into the lobby of the main dorm room where the elevators where. Which many people saw and it was like they were rebels. I did not sleep out in the open therein because I don't trust people like that. Of course earlier I slept on a bench in a more secluded corner of the dorm because the room I was to share smelled of vomit but that was different. I am to say a person could not trust people like that and frankly I was not in the mood to sleep out in the main public space where anyone could come and see you there and you not know. I admired these people for their spirit and will to do this audacious thing. I am to tell you that you realized this was an appreciation but you weren't deep with these people. I was a year older than them and would realize later that I was more mental mature than them. I was basically 18 at that time. This was all the way back in the past. For context; Obama was still president and just gotten reelected, Buzzfeed was still a thing or at its peak and anyone who was to be 18 in 2019 at this time was 13 years old in 2013!

 Wow, that is some context to provide to where some of those vital ladies in the future advents would even be; freaking middle school yea and well for further context-I only turned 18 some 4 months earlier so I was a freaking kid still. Yet; mature in some parts some people just aren't. I realized watching there these movies with these people that one night leading into a morning of no sleep was that a person would need to make a hard decision upcoming; I had goals and real ambitions and yea the college I was at was not my thing. It was too closed minded. The people were fake and pretty much a great deal of people who had interest in me I can really prove hated the real me for who I truly am. There could be some people; women interested in me but yet I was not focused on them. Its not as if I just came to college to date some girl and just do whatever down the four year track and consider my dreams after the fact like so defacto main character on a tv show aka A Different World. No, I am to tell you a person realizes the depth of reality from their goals to what is there. I tried to plug women into my life and my dream but it did not work out. Sure there would be opportunities to be with people herein but apparently they would have mostly been bad from the people I would have naively chosen instead of the people I now know were safe bets. I tell you a person realized they had to explore all options and if ditching this school was going to make me successful then fuck yea; I was going to do it no remorse. If people were really my friends and if things were truly romantically meant to happen they would.

Its to be said that these people I hung out with and all these could be girlfriends in potential were not real people who played into any real story of mine or would even give a fuck about me. I was only watching these people have fun I realized on that day of the night long movies; I was not apart of their story and really much could never be. They were immature and really had no real ambitions-really just crude people who thought exceptionalism was skating from good sleep routines and watching movies. Yes; I have to be brutal here; these people weren't my friends. Never after that point would anything click. It was all for show. The winter 2014 I came back and hung out with these people on a Sunday and that would be that. It was like the last supper. The only real connection that came a person did not even invest. They showed concern and yet a person was going through something at that time they could not truly say anything for the physical pain they were in. Yet all the funtimes would begin and only would the heart sway the way that you actually liked that person. Maybe if you save a person's boots from being discarded or stolen because they were left out instead of letting it be like everyone in the group; you probably like them. The truth was that I did. There was something real there; the apprehension where I gave her the boots gave me pause. Did a person truly over step? Was she nervous? Racist or all the above?  A person could never know. Of all the possibilities of the people their messages; it was she who I wanted then and there but I said nothing because I assumed she was with this other guy. The only person who much would say anything to me later on facebook was her; no one else at all. Disowned and disavowed these people made of me and my mentions. As if leaving the college broke any condition to associate with people who you spent hours with-those all nighters, ate with after and play games and socialized after the school day was over.

Majorly in summer 2016; I tried to capture the essence of these folks in Shark on Campus at the beginning but no- as time went on and I could not make a great landing with Shark on Campus I shuddered the element of friends to the main character because who cares. These people honestly had no class and really were just full of crass and avardice. Making things deeper than what they got to be and having no empathy at all to other people and just living life as they always lived it even if it was problematic.  There is alot to be said missing from Shark on Campus; never is it included any real people by synthetic character types of the types of people I encountered. There was a girl named after tea. One of those people who had mismatched eyes. A person fully opened their eyes to the opportunity of being with them and falling for them but it was a mistake that would drag on from the beginning to the end of that place. You meet her and it seems good but all that follows is trouble. She sleeps with the roommate who vomits in the room whilst it still smells of vomit and you wonder how this dude can pull women with the room smelling like shit. Then you hang out with these people and by spring 2014 you find at least 5 of them all men think of this girl as some type of pass around village whore when to you she was so much more. Next she hangs out with some people who you hung out with and tries to make a move on you but in the " I want to take advantage of you and not love you" mannerism. You are just pissed off on how much is broken and yea; this person just is conditioned to be treated badly and just ultimately lives in abuse. You cannot fix them or anything that happened; the roommate sleeping with her and you walking in. The dudes talking bad about the girl and her just trying to carry on with you as if nothing happened trying to get a sleep with you out of some desperation. You begin to realize this person is not in a good place and these people aren't good friends. Why would I want to actually encourage abuse I realized in Shark on Campus? All the friends in the work were written out because you know they weren't friends. I wasted time with these people one truly realized in fall 2018.

You could have some girl telling you they essentially believe in you and your works but never keep contact at all and frankly it is what is; indifference being fake and any ploy of theirs was just an inner motive to appear good in favor and never did they actually believe anything. Their words rung so hollow. The passions of these people were feeble. They had no convictions but what was set in stone by society and could not think or do for theirselves. A shame mate, a shame and really much a person could blame no one. Maybe their parents and school for being so fucked up but really much you cannot fix broken people; I was only one year older than these people. They lived privileged lives in concern to me. They played videogames and watched cable tv. My youth was spent making stories, writing them, showing discipline, enduring hardships for my craft and dare having a self and reading comics. Comics will always be a better friend than them. This to say that really much some people got angry at me because I just repeated the button moves on the controllers for a game like the Injustice game but I never played a videogame in my life and was just trying to fit in and they were just being asses. I had no skill because strict parents would never buy me a gaming system. I would infact be saving pennies and quarters in hopes of buying a Gameboy but that never came to fruition because everything got out dated by the time I could even buy one. These people mocked me for this upbringing and really that screams" not a friend". So precious these games were to them and really so blind to reality else than their own; really not my kind of people I realized. Many times I would just watch these people play because I did not want to be bullied; I had no skill at those things and yet they could take granted their ability to play. Such fun! Believe it or not I liked watching these weird ass people have fun because they offered another perspective than my own that enlightened me but realizing that many of these people were just sexist and hateful to a person I did like; made me hate them deep down. Things they said were an agony to rub salt in the fact that the person who you liked was a person who just could not help theirselves but fall into abusive spots and with abusive people. If the girl who was in the group that faked her support of you just nodded to this girl being portrayed as a village thot and hanging around these creeps fully knowing all the time their behavior; she was bad news, condoning their abuse and sexism. I did not know these people were like this until the end. Not everyone was like this however but yet some dude calling what you write stupid as fuck or something to that effect is just bad. Befriending a psuedo intellectual who thinks they are smart just because they choose engineering? What bullshit.

I would say that a person was better leaving a place where they had become so engrained with majorly toxic or just indifferent people they would find it hard to have a future palatable social condition. I am to tell you; you could not have a social future in that place because everyone was endoctrinated by this bougie diversity psuedo intellectual culture that was against arts and those who chase dreams and those who will never go to college and its core was racist. You never know who people are until they show their true colors. I watched the Life is Strange True Colors gameplay and believe me that game does the meaning of true colors right. Some people you can never befriend not ever. They are the antithesis of you. These people who I befriended were the antithesis of me. Imagine befriending a person who posts an early version of a racist tik tok that berates local black teens for showing up at an university to party where if it had been white teens it would have been okay and rather making the assumption foremost they did not even belong at the school when they very much could been going. I felt sick realizing the person who was sunny and whilst this person was not apart of the all nighter crowd; you realize you were the token black friend and really much they just hated black people. Just because people look a certain way does not mean they are bad people; they are someone's kid even if they listen to ghetto music and are black. 

I am to say that it was overtly a great decision to leave. These people would have just continued to become a hinderance to my happiness and my goals. I mean; I am not a republican who hates people of color- I am a person who does not hate people by their race alone or make these uneducated and hateful gises.  Leaving was the best thing ever; these people had no empathy and for all their clamoring of diversity there was no profound empathy. None. You rather would hear people questioning you and your identity than not coming to remarks to bespeech your identity and call to question your validity as a person. Ultimately I should have just stuck to not exploring the people any different from highschool aside from some; which would be to ignore and avoid. Alas; I would never have learned anything if I stayed at that university-one realized that in how fucked up the graphic design department was. They could not even tell me which one program was the best. They had freaking two with two different perspectives and that is problematic. Future racist teacher in spring 2018 and from fall 2015 would say ," they are so bad at it". It would have been a waste of money you did not have to spend with problematic people and hope you could get the girl while chasing the dream. I was not smart in the girl department really much; I just left alot of good people alone to chase really bad people who would never support anything I do and really hate the thought of me.

 I find it ridiculous America imports racists from odd places like Egypt and basically lets them loose to terrorize people already here as they think they fit in as racist white people when they are people of color. I mean, this girl called Mariam was just a two bit racist who hated anything of dreams and the effort behind it all. It would be so pathetic to not have jump the train and stay on to be with such an uncultured, blank, empty, soulless, want to be carbon copy white racist sally. I guess so many people want to disenfranchise the black people you could be an unlearned fool to think that all people of color share some austere unity were they don't at all. You would be wishing regardless to fit this girl into a puzzle she did not belong. I mean; I tried to get the girl from her earlier messages. I mean what type of person says hello to you at all these days. I basically went my previous education without even being spoken to by anyone at all pretty much in any real nice tone that was not belittling. But this person just was a whole another belittling. A whole lot of pain the fucking ass. I mean they responded to a message but it was just out of fear that by interacting with you they would not be white passing enough culturally and otherwise they pretended so long that you mattered and fit into a puzzle; it was only because you went to their school and they were endoctrinated to treat you better and yea because they were horny. They were the only person to ever reply but really could never realize anything of what they had done before to get a person to where they would be messaging them. Just valued appealing to the values of an autocratic state with twisted diversity values if not educational values than being the one to realize their real connection. They shunned you out of fear of sticking out and valuing being a white racist even when so far from that idealism; you have to be completely a retard, buffoon and very shallow to think your muslim behind could be white. Yet you cannot be and maybe you should consider that everything about you is fake including your education when you cannot even write properly.

I followed such an unconventional means to get success educationally and in my comic efforts and guess what? It all worked out. All those people I hung out with feel into the abitrary traps of what they were supposed to be but guess what? They never were. Many of these people never finished education or got a degree because they followed nonsense that told them what they were instead of who they really were. There was no version of them that was ever going to complete thinking they were these dumb arrogant A students who have no theorem of life outside A academia and just learning for credits and not for discovery and self achievement of their real interest and goals. These people were dreamers but they let theirselves get broken. The dude who threatened to shit in my hair; could not see this and never did anything to encourage himself forward to do things true to himself. He never graduated and he did not get the girl he liked either he constantly would never shut up about( she was  more concerned about me rather knocking on my door one day in the spring 2014 however the dumb cunt could never recognize). The dude who wanted to be the writer and the dude who hang around everyone to be alone in the end as I; never graduated college to my knowledge. These people where the people who put the beds out into the lobby- I think only the girlfriend to the writer made it because she was no dreamer really but just following some stale path; she was lucky to be playing a part yet the others not. The girl who I saved their boots never graduated either. I could go on and on and on about the people who never made it. Those who did not know theirselves and when to either adjust or quit at something obviously not for them. It is to be said folks you really cannot just be some dumb ass jerk and expect just because you are in a location for everything to work out. You got to think for yourself, know yourself and plan for yourself and surely that is what I did.