All around the Bend.

 I feel so much as I did at the beginning of fall 2016 and yes realize how badly a person really was taken a hit in the mental health and anyone giving a fuck about them. No one cared. No one cared and really much for all the people who dote on, the little fucking wretches, the little people in the end they are all cowards without resolve. While you would do things for them they cannot even respect you and not turn around and attack you as if you are a bounty for autocracy where and like fucking China. There are some words I have had long for people. 

Long for people for putting me through the harm they did when they could have stood up for me but no traded me in for a bounty that was only made by racists and people who honestly don't care about the rights of anyone to live the life they want to live. I am to say it would be a waste of time to be so romantic and think some women are anything but trash. It would be a waste of time to honor these friendships where some men are just the worst trash ever.

I suddenly this morning was remembering the Christmases I spent in a state of pain after fall 2016. Realizing finally that if I could remember it all and the pain was no more it was over. It did not even need to be like this. It never needed to be like this but people have to play their fucking make believe. All the fuck I ever wanted at the end of the day was a damn girlfriend to try and experience what fucking normal people experience but no, you got to go through all this fucking bullshit. This circle of insipid racist politics which does not make you a person but a thing, a creature and not a person with a history.

People must be wondering why I did not cover again winter and spring 2016. Its because people could not give me space to mother fucking breathe. Just kept coming after me to try to stop me and my goals especially with dear olde father just punching the shit out of you to make your mental health worse. First in the February then the March during spring break. For all the little ditchy bitches who dare gaze at me, where the fuck were they then? No, where but living their dumb oblivious and privileged lives just equally ganging on me apart of their little homegrown autocracy faction to attack me just doing it to get in close with those at the fucking top never realizing they are being used and this is fucking America!

Circling back to Christmas in fall 2016; I knew it was not even going to be easy to return to full health and this time would be one of the last times in which a person could effectively have any peace before a person was returned to an environment where people had affixed a bounty to my back in their made up autocracy. Winter and spring 2017 will always be the worst semester of school. It is because of how much revery there was in people; affixed to the situation of a previous attack or just strangers influenced to be vicious to take pleasure in harming me, my sake of identity and my ability to roam free without fucking suspicion of wrong doing or ostracization. I walked around a community college and those mother fuckers would say to me as they would pass; usually a duo of girls or a trio of girls or some insipid couple would say to me, "is he crazy?"  or some dismay, rant or disapproval as if I was something nasty. I remember at the first college I went to this couple around the area you would find the indoctrinated drones would say, " ew". I mean I made this a comic in fall 2015 but blogger removed it because they value discrimination and just being evil. I had done nothing to them but walk by. You could never be at peace but hunted because an educational entity and its leader has a great intolerance for art even being a thing to make a living with and hates greatly black people. Such to say I was correct to be fearful for my future in fall 2016; there was nothing to be good had. Even worse is the fact that my father made fun of me the whole way through my troubles; such a good parent! Never could you make the nightmare of this up.

I sum it perfectly its like living in fucking China but you live in the United States because the educational estates and parents have this overt emphasis on what success is that is not success at all. But is just a sure a steady way to live a mediocre, immoral and life of waste. Waste of your potential. Hey, maybe all those people talking about me should have just been focusing on theirselves and considering they have nothing figured out. I think even in that time period I was older than much of the people there in this community college at least mentally as some people surprise you with their age despite their physical appearance. I am to say you could never have a romantic life because everyone wants to turn you over to good olde winnie de pooh de facto leader. Some one which you could have vibed with or whatever the fuck youths younger than me say; just eventually turns on you because they have no backbone, no morals, no concern for reality that this whole culture they are just submitting to is wrong and anti-American to be said the least. Just so we are clear; I am not talking about Chinese people or the government of China but using China as a reference to how badly I have been treated. 

To write this has been very hard; to realize that greatly in the world that you as a normal person just trying to do some normal fucking shit that is not rocket science; people are so out for your blood and in great frenzy. To realize that no place; not the home, not the school and no where is a safe haven but just a place for people to make bullshit up about you and enact upon it. Never making the effort to even know you at all. Just acting as if you did something wrong when you never did and frankly a person does not want to recount these things but for the sake of reality and things as they actually are they must. To realize that anyone who you could like is just an option away from being a bitch. A person who just betrays anything of interest to derive some benefit from you they assume is worthwhile when in reality; they are just being rather trashy and evil. To first never realize the real hearts of living people and just think of them as prey. Next to just think of people as only moving pieces for their plans or so they cannot be an inconvenience to some fantasy they have created about some stranger they don't even know. Rather really think to their own intolerable and misunderstanding if not racist understanding of people what a future with this certain stranger would be like and then move to avoid them greatly as if that future was even attainable when its based off racist idealisms and never reality. Seek to avoid you by trying to get rid of you or make a profit out of you and/ "put you in your place". I am to say that you cannot date anyone in a college environment where people are out for you in this manner and the whole place merits discrimination against you putting a target on your back. To find the courage to trust that people won't engage in this corrupt mannerism when you are both strangers as pure the nature of things in colleges;is so fucking hard. When many people are already corrupted by the zeal and imagination of religion and racist ideologies if not conservative values and fundamentalism. When many people value money over education. When many people think they already everything there is and if you aren't doing it like them you must be a failure. How are you to trust that people are to even be good people? That they will not turn you over for a bounty or try to attack you or anger you out of some misplaced complacency that they are ontop when they are at the very bottom. How can you trust that this stranger will not turn on you? You cannot and I am to say that I don't have the greatest examples of people who you could know you can trust. I cannot even trust members of my own family. Not even that and really much that means that a great deal of education places don't help people move together in society to do anything productive but cannibalize and destroy each other. 

I'd like to say you can make how many ever little fucking diversity murals at this college and that college; it matters not when people are inspired to be vicious towards another and even hunt each other. You think the fucking Texas hunting those who wish for abortions came from nowhere? Its the birthchild of a toxic culture that has gone on for far too long and guess what folks! I live in fucking Texas so I know. You obviously can see that education just distances many people by the metric discussed. You think a woman who is trying to get an abortion is going to be friends with a person who is trying to cash on the fact of what they need to do to survive? Fuck no; and that is the level of disparity between one male and one female of the same age group. They will not be anything but fierce enemies outright. I am to say many women I have met are just these people. People who you cannot live with and ardently just like to be influenced by maga hat politics to hunt defenseless women! People who are an embarassment to what education is actually for. Enlightenment and to produce empathy so that people understand each other and don't fight each other. But you can see that education at least in Texas is corrupted. All its political correct shit is all lip service. When you have a matrix where people even in the social aspect are affected to be destructive, violent and uncivil; it shows volumes to the true worth of education in such a place- a fucking joke.

I am to say to you that a person could come up with so much courage to believe a system does not exist but it does and it always comes to bite you in the ass. When you are always looked at strange by people of color even more so than people who aren't; realize the great gravity that racism is deeply ingrained in atmosphere if not one enlargened to a bounty system from an imagined autocracy. I do say that the American government would be surely zealous if it knew colleges form these little imaginary governments to try to expel the values that the government is supposed to uphold and people vote to uphold.I would say you would be amiss to think that there would be ever a nice woman of your age who won't try to cash you in and if there is; its best to not involve them where people seem to want to engage in violence towards you and if with them surely they would get harmed as well. Its to be said that a person is forced to realize the value of human life before they can ever just engage in selfish needs and idealisms that a person should be able to engage in without people threatening the ones they hope to be with! I am to say good olde terrorism is the real cause of why a person can never date at least in these autocratic college spaces.  These places trying so hard to make you responsible for the harm done to another person because people hate you. Its literally the fucking shit of China. A shitty way to live and even be bothered with. At the end of the day despite any courage or none at all; all you have is your works that you worked on as people mocked and berated you. That is what I realized at the end of fall 2016 which I still have not done for good fucking reason; the subject is complex and cannot be done any type of way.  To imagine that a person found courage after the first day of college in fall 2018 only to be left with your works again; its representative of the true reality of education. A place that is toxic, unproductive, dangerous, problematic, and a place a person can reasonably call a degradation of society by its social matrixes alone.

And yes, how did I spend that Christmas; engaged in my work Zino Flyboy and very much hated by my father to triumph and create the work only to find courage and fail again because people and the system are corrupt.

I am to tell you that a bounty system for Texas would greatly just reduce pretty much birthrates across many racial groups; them all and just pitch people against each other for some ambitious imaginary goal that is found in nonsense, religious ridiculous and racism. It is like a machine that works hiddenly in a house like a washer machine but at the end of the day; the washer machine leaves the clothes clean. The system strips of humans of any meaningful lives and any productive ones.