Jan 2015.
Should I continue in what could be seen as a party of pits and shame?
Should I continue? I do not believe it to be necessary to do such acts and things.
That are only for this sensationalism.But really I have no more strength to do the things for the stuff I have seen which is only getting worse week by week and year by year. Stuck in what could be borne hatred for people who try to do anything at all.
I had been bashed over the head several times, yet I would not quit. I kept my resolve up by doing else and not waiting for the death in of course several times that year I would evade defeat and death in more than one occasion. I held straight forward toward the end, and I cannot say I was distracted many times and maybe one time I got too distracted and decided I did indeed have to see it to the end just not be forever in this bliss of this going to a new place and that new place is vile and has led to the stressing of an ailment.
I try to think of having a family but people just do things in spite of me having such ideas in their antiquated and vile manner of thinking it is a complete turn off and maybe now that I see that no one I saw to the end for has any view that is anything different from this; I know how vile the society we live in is. And how dark the inner meadow is past the fantasy and dream. There is no real dream in you, just expectation that people be normal and once people are not how you like them to be, forget them and all their worthwhile feelings and you dispatch any feelings as lust because you never will respect anyone truly of this outlook as they do of you. Truly it is said all the hellos went to waste. And probably just were anything but real to you. Take it upon your self to determine the quality of life that you never have seen and never have known as none worthy and people are just as to be as you be. No one ever expected that of you. No one said the negative of you that you were so quick to estate afterwards. No one would ever believe that people could be so damn negative to the darkness that is only seeing the light that they do not notice that not everyone lives in such false brightness and such hypocrisy every day to day.
People could say they bled and bled, but that alone is never enough for you. They have to be shining prince exactly as you see the prince and nothing more and nothing less and do not even let things take time to take focus. Just direct that people are out to get you and when people actually come to write about talking to you, this is it. You can one; never accept that people would ever go such a length of self improvement just to be with you. That people would travel as far as they did and get as far they did for you. And if you cannot realize what it all means. I'd rather I spent some time using my promise all those times on someone else, someone who knows what love is. And so what of lust and so what of having multiple interests, it is certain that if someone is willing to go such lengths for you that they do indeed like you and want to know you for real no lust involved. However much in pain one might truly be in; nothing will ever change that through all the obstacles and all the pain and all the contortion to not be of dreaming to be with you. That they out of everything and one day come for you and try to get you to listen. But the point was; should people even have to make you listen? When you were the person who made them feel this way and giving them all these signals of sorts that they cannot ignore. Its a joke that I made that year just to get closer to you, so you would not slip away. But you slip away on your own accord. Do not give a damn for people in pain...yet nothing has changed that they gave their heart away. They gave their heart in hopes of one day being with you, with great faith and hope and effort and prayer. Yet you turn your back on them after they cry out in why you do not even remember them! And not to be rude. It was you who grabbed at the heart and it is cruel to see devil in them after all this time and just let them go like it was nothing...and not to be rude, it means you are-! One who never respects the effort and work they put in because they have been labeled by others for nonsense that they created to place blame for all the vile and wicked things they do...and you do not clearly respect the utility and if anything has lust and lust that is not with loyalty. The lust of just dropping people when they do not longer meet your standard of romantics.
Can have all these convenient feelings but when reality strikes a number can never count on. Even to the end of which I can go to say I have any respect for myself which has been passed more times than none, I never truly went away from being with you and never did it occur that you would never recognize me as I did you. Not even seemingly as a person I was recognized, just someone who fell in love and got toyed with by someone not mature enough to recognize the damage they did in the first place and more so the damage they do just leaving people to hang. Just like they are trash.
I have struggled ever since December when I sent for you and you did hardly send anything convincing back...to be complete real. I did not want to fall in love with you, and only did so not because it was convenient rather it is just what happened. And what happened is that you ditched me.
I live in the past I do. But you have gone on. And I pray that its not over and at the same time you recognize the worth in the actions of people rather than your idealistic ideals becoming reality. I can cover it all up and say this and that and just try to talk to people about their experiences and make a wholesome record of the experience. But the truth is that I have no one. No more. Because you left me hanging and I will never know if you will ever wake up and realize your worth to be more than a dream and more of reality. But I never waste my time in these words or these acts or whatever I fought for, the love I had will always be there in the periods of which up to the point I say I cannot go on. And maybe it will help you sometime in your life, and I may or may not be there when you return if ever. But I wish you no harm but to open your eyes.
This year I fought to say I was in love with you but so clearly,only trying to further reach you will destroy me if anything of respect is to be reached for self it will be completely lost by the time I reach you and be reduced to bones. I cannot regenerate. I have no claws. I am only man. And I am only man to notice my prayers instantly go somewhere else. Where perhaps they need to be. To set me free from pain and agony. Never consider you fucked up in your life, you are an angel! True woman of god. I fucked up not at all. I pure devil to you, okay? Let us understand that neither devil nor angel exist and we are just people! People misguided by a vile system and cruel predicament.
But I know you cannot be reached. I know you cannot be found, you are lost in spells and messages of devilbound. Confused by society that is so fine and so finite of dreams. I would unlock your true dreams if only you let me...!
But for self and for self preservation as of now, it was you who choose to disavow me after enchanting me. Try to make me out a fool for wanting you. But I am no fool. And for now.
I pray that I need salvation. For I do not need the you who can not even come through.
And this is how the promise sadly ends.
Should I continue? I do not believe it to be necessary to do such acts and things.
That are only for this sensationalism.But really I have no more strength to do the things for the stuff I have seen which is only getting worse week by week and year by year. Stuck in what could be borne hatred for people who try to do anything at all.
I had been bashed over the head several times, yet I would not quit. I kept my resolve up by doing else and not waiting for the death in of course several times that year I would evade defeat and death in more than one occasion. I held straight forward toward the end, and I cannot say I was distracted many times and maybe one time I got too distracted and decided I did indeed have to see it to the end just not be forever in this bliss of this going to a new place and that new place is vile and has led to the stressing of an ailment.
I try to think of having a family but people just do things in spite of me having such ideas in their antiquated and vile manner of thinking it is a complete turn off and maybe now that I see that no one I saw to the end for has any view that is anything different from this; I know how vile the society we live in is. And how dark the inner meadow is past the fantasy and dream. There is no real dream in you, just expectation that people be normal and once people are not how you like them to be, forget them and all their worthwhile feelings and you dispatch any feelings as lust because you never will respect anyone truly of this outlook as they do of you. Truly it is said all the hellos went to waste. And probably just were anything but real to you. Take it upon your self to determine the quality of life that you never have seen and never have known as none worthy and people are just as to be as you be. No one ever expected that of you. No one said the negative of you that you were so quick to estate afterwards. No one would ever believe that people could be so damn negative to the darkness that is only seeing the light that they do not notice that not everyone lives in such false brightness and such hypocrisy every day to day.
People could say they bled and bled, but that alone is never enough for you. They have to be shining prince exactly as you see the prince and nothing more and nothing less and do not even let things take time to take focus. Just direct that people are out to get you and when people actually come to write about talking to you, this is it. You can one; never accept that people would ever go such a length of self improvement just to be with you. That people would travel as far as they did and get as far they did for you. And if you cannot realize what it all means. I'd rather I spent some time using my promise all those times on someone else, someone who knows what love is. And so what of lust and so what of having multiple interests, it is certain that if someone is willing to go such lengths for you that they do indeed like you and want to know you for real no lust involved. However much in pain one might truly be in; nothing will ever change that through all the obstacles and all the pain and all the contortion to not be of dreaming to be with you. That they out of everything and one day come for you and try to get you to listen. But the point was; should people even have to make you listen? When you were the person who made them feel this way and giving them all these signals of sorts that they cannot ignore. Its a joke that I made that year just to get closer to you, so you would not slip away. But you slip away on your own accord. Do not give a damn for people in pain...yet nothing has changed that they gave their heart away. They gave their heart in hopes of one day being with you, with great faith and hope and effort and prayer. Yet you turn your back on them after they cry out in why you do not even remember them! And not to be rude. It was you who grabbed at the heart and it is cruel to see devil in them after all this time and just let them go like it was nothing...and not to be rude, it means you are-! One who never respects the effort and work they put in because they have been labeled by others for nonsense that they created to place blame for all the vile and wicked things they do...and you do not clearly respect the utility and if anything has lust and lust that is not with loyalty. The lust of just dropping people when they do not longer meet your standard of romantics.
Can have all these convenient feelings but when reality strikes a number can never count on. Even to the end of which I can go to say I have any respect for myself which has been passed more times than none, I never truly went away from being with you and never did it occur that you would never recognize me as I did you. Not even seemingly as a person I was recognized, just someone who fell in love and got toyed with by someone not mature enough to recognize the damage they did in the first place and more so the damage they do just leaving people to hang. Just like they are trash.
I have struggled ever since December when I sent for you and you did hardly send anything convincing back...to be complete real. I did not want to fall in love with you, and only did so not because it was convenient rather it is just what happened. And what happened is that you ditched me.
I live in the past I do. But you have gone on. And I pray that its not over and at the same time you recognize the worth in the actions of people rather than your idealistic ideals becoming reality. I can cover it all up and say this and that and just try to talk to people about their experiences and make a wholesome record of the experience. But the truth is that I have no one. No more. Because you left me hanging and I will never know if you will ever wake up and realize your worth to be more than a dream and more of reality. But I never waste my time in these words or these acts or whatever I fought for, the love I had will always be there in the periods of which up to the point I say I cannot go on. And maybe it will help you sometime in your life, and I may or may not be there when you return if ever. But I wish you no harm but to open your eyes.
This year I fought to say I was in love with you but so clearly,only trying to further reach you will destroy me if anything of respect is to be reached for self it will be completely lost by the time I reach you and be reduced to bones. I cannot regenerate. I have no claws. I am only man. And I am only man to notice my prayers instantly go somewhere else. Where perhaps they need to be. To set me free from pain and agony. Never consider you fucked up in your life, you are an angel! True woman of god. I fucked up not at all. I pure devil to you, okay? Let us understand that neither devil nor angel exist and we are just people! People misguided by a vile system and cruel predicament.
But I know you cannot be reached. I know you cannot be found, you are lost in spells and messages of devilbound. Confused by society that is so fine and so finite of dreams. I would unlock your true dreams if only you let me...!
But for self and for self preservation as of now, it was you who choose to disavow me after enchanting me. Try to make me out a fool for wanting you. But I am no fool. And for now.
I pray that I need salvation. For I do not need the you who can not even come through.
And this is how the promise sadly ends.
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