day 23 absolute gutsy.
I saw her at this odd clothe and decor store and thought she was with her boyfriend, I obviously thought of my commitment and kept thoughts away of jealousy and what not. And tried solely to be of this purpose of which I only knew how I was going to end it; disappointed but maybe not. I would keep on thinking of this strange place and the strange circumstance of my life at that winter end. It was last year around this time actually it was a sunday after a moving there was a several set of outings I was forced out to be on.
I then saw her again and then the ice in my head started to melt and I started to think more, I tried to distract myself and then I saw her yet again and tried to detract attention from myself by looking at suitcases why? Because I wanted to get as far away from there as possibly as I could. I could not be selfish; if I broke every promise what would anything mean? But I felt this burning deep inside that I told to shut up. I told you dammit, not a word.
Then I see her at the front and then I realized she worked there and then all the thoughts vomited out and I was relieved and then I was not at all. I was not at all revealed because now I felt so strongly and the chances of the promise were fading away but all the while I kept holding onto the promise and only lightly thought.
But as the night passed and I was attacked in rain I believe started to poor in the cold weather leaving that grocery store and on the way home, I thought of her and the thoughts of her seemed to naturally over power the promise. I began to say; " I do not even remember what the promise was about". But I saw the face briefly and I could not play it off.
The thoughts had passed long after I had defeat the enemy...and when I would listen to the nu 80s music of syths and vapor wave. I found myself thinking of how beautiful life is for all these different opportunity and I drunk my rootbeer in peace and reflected on these thoughts. Maybe if I felt so strongly I was making a mistake. I stayed up all night and I felt myself once again thinking of her and I could not escape, I cursed. I laid in my bed and did not even get to fall asleep. The weather was bad and I looked at the tv with my fellow mate and I wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep. Perhaps in a place where she was...maybe if I could stay there forever. The promise was still held in my hands and it stayed that way until this very day...the promise was so broken and so beaten it had ceased to exist as it was. Betrayed it was, I never got the response I expected from the other partner in the promise, and basically clueless they were at how hard I just tried. The promise went up in smoke.
And I felt a revenge grip for a certain place at a certain length of time to this time. And the heart for the girl I repressed went wild...as if free.
But if I could feel love for a girl and act to preserve it for four years and then thought no more promises and no more trust; is it so wrong what I did originally? Fall in love and act on it?
I reason quickly no, why? Because the world of this winter is yellow and orange and white and blue
and I can declare love for all or none of anyone. And not expect a thing! My love is true and I do not have to apologize for anything at all. But nor longing hiding and thinking these feelings were wrong.
Should I have acted when I first got them?
I then saw her again and then the ice in my head started to melt and I started to think more, I tried to distract myself and then I saw her yet again and tried to detract attention from myself by looking at suitcases why? Because I wanted to get as far away from there as possibly as I could. I could not be selfish; if I broke every promise what would anything mean? But I felt this burning deep inside that I told to shut up. I told you dammit, not a word.
Then I see her at the front and then I realized she worked there and then all the thoughts vomited out and I was relieved and then I was not at all. I was not at all revealed because now I felt so strongly and the chances of the promise were fading away but all the while I kept holding onto the promise and only lightly thought.
But as the night passed and I was attacked in rain I believe started to poor in the cold weather leaving that grocery store and on the way home, I thought of her and the thoughts of her seemed to naturally over power the promise. I began to say; " I do not even remember what the promise was about". But I saw the face briefly and I could not play it off.
The thoughts had passed long after I had defeat the enemy...and when I would listen to the nu 80s music of syths and vapor wave. I found myself thinking of how beautiful life is for all these different opportunity and I drunk my rootbeer in peace and reflected on these thoughts. Maybe if I felt so strongly I was making a mistake. I stayed up all night and I felt myself once again thinking of her and I could not escape, I cursed. I laid in my bed and did not even get to fall asleep. The weather was bad and I looked at the tv with my fellow mate and I wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep. Perhaps in a place where she was...maybe if I could stay there forever. The promise was still held in my hands and it stayed that way until this very day...the promise was so broken and so beaten it had ceased to exist as it was. Betrayed it was, I never got the response I expected from the other partner in the promise, and basically clueless they were at how hard I just tried. The promise went up in smoke.
And I felt a revenge grip for a certain place at a certain length of time to this time. And the heart for the girl I repressed went wild...as if free.
But if I could feel love for a girl and act to preserve it for four years and then thought no more promises and no more trust; is it so wrong what I did originally? Fall in love and act on it?
I reason quickly no, why? Because the world of this winter is yellow and orange and white and blue
and I can declare love for all or none of anyone. And not expect a thing! My love is true and I do not have to apologize for anything at all. But nor longing hiding and thinking these feelings were wrong.
Should I have acted when I first got them?
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