MMM2'Circumstances of the School.

     The thing I got to explain about the circumstances that led to my decisions about even Mariam in interacting with her had to do something greatly with the atmosphere of the entire school a person was at. A place that took advantage of the seeming faith of the many students who went there. I do say this is the type of faith that people have that when they go to college they will meet someone comparable and mostly; I will say that I was like taken literal advantage of by this school. They seemed to play into this narrative but yet want to play into the positive nature that you could meet someone only so they control it. Never really give a fuck that this was creepy behavior, against the privacy of people who were freaking children and not adults really aka you either were 16, 17 or just turned 18 if you were there at that college living in a dorm and really just subverted the purity of interpersonal relationships to a racist self fulfilling edge. You don't believe me. This college would have a newstation called ABC 13 and you can look this shit up; make a news segment about how some dude who murdered his fucking parents is somehow a good person to his white babymama and their child. LOL. Its like they only pick to vindicate the black murderer of all the other people who are legitimately good people. I am to say these people whilst supporting "diversity" only sowed the seeds of division. Always finding ways to intervene into shit that was not theirs to intervene in and literally brainwashing people to have a desposition greatly against black young men regardless of their race. This is the reality of that college environment and I am to say it was toxic. I cannot speak for every college being like this but this is the most anti black you can get and also the most disgusting you can get trying to control youths by natural social dreams they have.

    They weaponized expectations and just gave and taught false expectations about what some people were about. You know what that shit is don't you? Its fucking grooming. I am to tell you some people expected things out of black people which were unrealistic and if not racist. They expected things that seemed to be laced with manipulation which subverted people's character just so in the minds of the real receiver of this message-a black dude; a person was expected to be outgoing and sociable when maybe they did not have any good social skills for how much they lived their previous life in highschool. One which was much of social abandonment. Social ostracization and really much endless bullying from people who were black theirselves because a person did not fit in with their lack of self respect and attainment.

    I got to tell you on orientations; this one girl tried her best to get close to me but I was looking for anything so I did not respond. Really much just seemed to not know how to communicate but was using the language of this place to communicate. Its the getting close method. You know so many people tried to get so close to me in this time of early college and literally what is common about all these people is that someone must of convinced them to give up because they had some twisted funky ideal that a person ought to be receptive to these advances or else there is something not great about them. Imagine that shit if a man was to even posture this crap. Imagine that fucking shit. If your advances to get near a person which don't truly hold any social importance albeit showing that you do like them but really are not the proper way to go about things aka you fail to even communicate real interest and the person does not know psychology at that time to even notice these things; whose real fault is it that the other does not pick them up? These are social registerable things to a person who is like 17 or 18 unless they register psychology which people only learn or can learn in highschool if their highschool has a program of advanced courses in the school or nearby community college but ah, most people will learn stuff in psychology but never the means of registering people who like you.

    In the case of many of these people but mostly the girl at orientations this person would copy alot of what I would do in hand gestures and what not. I mean look up the concept of "mirroring".

 

      Alot of the people who were interested in me often spent time getting nearest me. But yet they had something in common; fear approaching that was inspired by a toxic ideal and toxic expectations. That you by not responding to them could not match up to the ideal they hoped you would be behind; being with them most likely to complete some social gratification of matching the seeming society of the college. 

Studies even show that fear in mix with love literally can prevent people from becoming emotional invested in relationships.

 

     Its here that they have natural fears of rejection but the endoctrination given to them makes them fear not really losing you but losing the chance to be apart of a social scene with ideologies that severely don't line up with who you actually are and want to be. They actually have been manipulated on the grounds that someone has taken their normal dreams and poisoned it really for the toxic culture the school is behind. I am to say this happens so much that really these people who like you never consider who you actually are and what you actually feel. Some people just cannot socially  react to others because they probably had no great sum of social community. To expect this person to be outgoing is just some ideal of privilege gone wrong. 

    Let me tell you; people who go to minority highschools and likely go to college in a place that is more let's say socially demanding-often have troubles speaking to people and worse with people whom they like. Imagine having this problem and knowing someone likes you but yet are afraid that they really just don't like you but just want someone to be along with them and their ideals or newfound college ideals which are toxic to be said. Much to be said some people for instance have these ideals that a person must show school support, try to excel in their classes to get As and be apart of the advanced courses  and have this awkward culture of looking down on people who don't do either of these things often to a racist degree. Its here; that much enough you can say a person realizes that these people might have had good intentions with these ideals of school support and getting As in all classes but really much it comes apparent that you would be wrapped up in something that would be harmful to you and you especially as a person of color. Hazzah, people looking down on others as people often do in these college situations usually just leads to a ton of generalizations and then overt radicalization to hate of some people who seem to be a detractor from this "encouraging academic" environment and literally from people who are just 16, 17 and 18 year olds who literally know nothing; this evolves into racism when they interact with people and older peers who just perpetuate lies.

     Often black people are the greatest subject of hate. So frankly even if you did end up with these people it would not likely be good because their whole behavior becomes really antisocial, anti black foremost and really much is lost behind school pride that becomes their motto to life just as much as the nazi symbol became the nazi's motto. The things you want to do become less important already as these people just generally want to look down on you because you aren't doing what they are doing. I don't think many people have any empathy where the ideal of fiendish superiority is their own only drive. They cannot consider it anyway else when this way of indoctrination is their own means to handle college which often does not help people the slightest. They lose potential lovers, friends and frankly no one will like them upon the path of competition to become the number one academic student in the school or the person who is "clean of black people". It becomes apparent in time to just average people what they are aka students not the people who teach or the run the school who think they are angels. Literally can only think that these people are quote "angels" because they are fucking racist and problematic theirselves if not the people who inspire their good ideals to become corrupt in the first place mostly if not totally. You could argue some people came to the school already fucked up by their families and whatever but no; for a person to become a racist and believe it to the degree in which they do by some nazi crest symbiology behind school spirit and pride-they literally have to be indoctrinated and that source of indoctrination for these highly learned folks is not fox news but is the school itself. Its clear as day.

    I am to say isn't it racist that in the end people have some fear that you are a person that respects theirselves and will not throw other people under the bus who are people of color. If that is the sheer deal breaker of many of these so called romantic interests; its really fucked up and is the antithesis of the diversity mantra the school wants to stand for. Literally trying to coerce people into this mindset by poisoning those who had good intentions and could aka be apart of a romantic pair is just the disgusting reality of this school. Egging into the well wanting to do ideologies of people and subvertly implanting racist idealisms and unrealistic ideals about people they don't even know. It just makes everything so closed minded, authoritarian, "what the top boss said" and really is the antithesis of an educational environment. To literally pretend equality only to reach inside the naturalness of happenstances to make things socially toxic for people who will never believe in an ideal and thus be just blunt followers to a cultish mentality is fucking evil. But that is what commonly occurred in this school. The poisoning of youth and their good aspirations to be a hinge point of aggression and radicalization to a socially aggressive nature is nothing but privacy and social rules of any normalcy being destroyed. The school inherently enacts out a racist idealism seeming to think that black people are the less nature of society and any instance of them has to belittled and any opportunity to get at them or remove them from any great social standing must be taken.

     People become confused what is their benefit in you when literally you must either be Clarence Thomas or gtfo if you a black individual. You always got to be someone's fucking bitch and you can never ever be your own person not under these really under duress nonsense identities of what black people are. Its to be said that a person realizes this pattern after it kept happening all too much. What are people taught about black people in the first place? That they were slaves? That they march for their rights? These are just very surface level things and really even these things are used to justify white aggression. Let me tell you; black people aren't born knowing that their ancestors were slaves. No, people have their own fucking lives up until 6th grade where they learn the terrible reality of things and even after that. I give you this perspective is because people can literally live the same fucking lives exactly from the shows they watched as a kid, to the income their parents made and then to the great aspirations of college. The great difference comes down to it that one person is black and instantly is bad. That's it and that's that and really much it very insulting when a person worked their ass off in highschool to even go to college without any so called financial scholarships; and literally be told that you are an under achiever because you are black and don't want to be apart of something that is toxic and antithetical to what college should even be. Should everything be a fierce competition where people speak about their friends behind their back? No, a person had enough of that inane dumbass shit. Its to be said that your humanity was always under the microscope and the great school of diversity only add contention to things and did not enlighten people on black people at all but just gave the racist bias that every asia, hispanic, southeast asia should hate black people for their own cultural advancement in getting a degree. Guess what all these people already have such biases towards black people and really much the school was just diversity for "how many people can we get to hate black people".

     You just don't understand the great implications of the literal disrespect. To come to this college and people insult your worth academically just because you are not them, with their limited goals and understanding and just because you have other things in mind that actually are true to you as a person-it makes you not feel very belonged. In all that diversity everyone looked down on black people in a literal community of black people which the school was fucking located. You think the ideals of the dude who came up into a black community grocery store and killed ten people is any different from what a college does on the regular when in a black community and literally having hostility towards the low income residents. I heard so much nasty shit about the people who worked in the dinners; people who were black and I heard so much nasty shit about people just in general talking bad about each other that this school could never be taken seriously on it aims of diversity! Division and division is all it was true and true eventually this set in as the reality because that is what had been set up. Imagine that. The school always working against you in social situations where neither party is real competent but the school is to warp everything to their advantage. They will always poison the gullible mind but will never have the courage to admit they have no business doing it, that it is wrong and that its grooming literal children who really aren't developed people. Having them doing shit that they fucking well will regret. Turning things of mutual interest into things of "palpable" hatred which has no justification really in the ambiguous nature of who a person is that you never got to know because you never gave a chance but just ergo believed racist ideologies about them sent from the lovely head chancellor of the school.

    So in sum the school just got into the private social business of students and literally made a nazi party turning people who could have been some romantic pair into fierce enemies and frankly that is just gross but that is the true reality of the school. The school is such a toxic place; they expect you to lie about things so I will create a version of this that aligns with their expectations and vision of things just to alert how hideously unhinged from reality they actually are. To be said its a real nightmare for this to even happen and then for the party of nazis to try to cover it up and gaslight you.

    How this relates to Mariam and what was she is in this situation? A real privileged person who ate up the ace of all As mentality and that whom advanced program vibe and really much a person who did performative social justice acts that she really did not believe in. Really a closed minded stranger and alien to much to the society of the Americas, the United States and even the Houston region and yet wanted to act if she was boss and lived her all her life to know stuff but all she knew was how to adhere to bigotry and be a fake nice white person. I mean you would not know this person was a person of color unless they told you. This to show who I fell for because a person was naive and really much this person called Mariam was not so manipulated as others but was aware of the manipulation to try to manipulate things herself. Now, is that not interesting? A place that grooms problematic people gets someone who wants to be just like them and just use them as well even though they were brainwashed foremost but like the reality they live. Its to be said this woman was no innocent like the girl at orientations but a predator out of all the clogs and if not was one of the few predators out of the many clogs.