A Dusty Dream Disaster at College.

    I will tell you folks that I have been away for a while. I really have been focusing on self improvement these 9 months. I really have to tell you folks, that a person has detoxed from the internet and really much music itself to just get back to the main idea I had that fall 2016. To get all the projects just out of whack into order and its to be said; not ever was this an easy task. I flew with the hell bats to remake and add better fire to my works if not make them in a mind of sanity than emotional and somewhat physical cripleness.  There are somethings I have come to regret my folks. Its very sad but if there was something a person could take back it would be all this dumb fucking interest in problem women or really people who were problematic. I mean, boy did I know how to not pick them. I am a fool! I mean this jokingly however. Each and every time you think there is anyone to fight for-they are just a traitor, a fool imbecile and really much undeserving of any praise. I reflect how I got into these situations. It was just the normal everyday looks. That some people just really turned into something of their own self serving delusions and benefits never tasking theirselves to think that I am a person and not a gimmick and not an item. 

     The fuck; a whole person's racial identity does not make them a gimmick! I literally existed years before you and so did many other people of similar identities! What irkes me the most is these little ladies just think and thought I am a joke. My life's work of anything especially comics is but a fucking joke. I try so hard to get back into that olde dating game but my survival conscious will not let me. If the Christian Mary or whatever exists; surely some people are just swimming in corruption and will just turn on me like snakes. I am going to say the higher the religious a person is the more backstabbing a person is unless behind some religion of zen. These people just want to believe a person is something they aren't and really much I am so sick and tired of that shit. I kid you not; I just cannot for the life of me ever return any affection given to me by women these days because its all been sullied-at which point of how many betrayals do you draw the line? When the fucking people just do it as if its natural and really much; I am to say its going to take too much of me to even commit to anyone at all for this reason. Which point do you draw the line? When you are gaslighted and scapegoated as someone who you aren't just to be some enemy of egoistical "scholar" racists? When someone outs your work as trash for their and their friends entertainment. Hate your work just for no one reason at all. I think to say its a regret multiplied that I ever thought I had a chance with crazy people, broken, warped and just bad people. The worst thing is that you would put so much effort, philosophy and thought behind these people when clearly they weren't worth it.

I put my efforts on the line for these people and in return disaster insued, they bit me like snakes and filled me with poison. I wasted so much of my youth chasing women who should never have been chased. Dreaming things of and with them I had no business even dreaming of. While I suffered these people partied and had the time of their life especially getting to that olde fall 2015; these people just went crazy ripping my ideas and just profoundly stepping out into terror. People loved me suffering and whilst they could have some closeted feelings liking me-they would and are too cowardly to ever admit the such when by logical means; them even gazing at me and me gazing at them is what started all of this harassment on their part aka they could not deal.

I have to tell you guys that for the longest time have been trying to get out of the pleasure wheel of pain these dullards wish fiercely on me and literally enjoy beating the shit out of me in any fucking means just to derive pleasure. I hate it! No one ever realizes it but every time I would speak to a woman; they would eventually fall to the advent of other previous toxic peers and join in and then continue to join in. No one dares to talk to me but cast these superficial hateful images just so they can keep on acting as if they know shit when they don't fucking know shit at all about a person and frankly are just racist against black people. At which point I say, why did you even look over here if you are such a frank bastard of a racist? I mean some of these women don't even have fathers! I have to tell you that even before fall 2016 this is the shit that has been going down and perhaps the very start of college in fall 2013 very minorly. I just got to tell you it has been a struggle and I am to say that no one could ever be trusted out of a peer group of those from a college or colleges. I just think that pretty much the more I stepped away and removed myself-the better I could escape this tendency. I mean at this point I have basically hidden away and refused any mention of interest in women for a deep seated fear these people would continue to grow as a mob and worse a mob that knows what it is doing and denies me anything as a human being. I mean; I would not mind if people realized they did not like me and did not harass me but just went about their lives naturally but that is too much. People in this white supremacist world want the startling taste of the blood from a black dude. They just love it. This is what they aspire in life. If a person wants to be like this and live a life like this-you can very well leave me out of it. This is what I decided from the start yet people seem to think that you love it when you are viewed as inhumane, subsistence for them and their idealistic lives of bigotry and really much a startling idiot who will not accomplish much. That last bit of me not accomplishing much is just projecting! Alas a person got really tired of living at the hands of these people. So what if a person probably can not date at all; its better to have a life and really much not have your plans fucked up by these nervous, envious, talentless and evil folks. I think that if you are always spending so much time upending a person's life if not their creative goals then you don't have a life at all and really much don't have anything much of what anyone would say is even presentable for a person to even think they are superior when they aren't but a bigot with delusions.

There be some regrets but I have made my peace. None of those people who hurt me in the past can reach me now. They are all just astral projections claiming to hold the key to a future that will never become because they burned those bridges down. I just don't want to ever be involved with these people ever again. If I saw you at a college, if there was some mutual connection and you know you take pleasure from my pan and my life as a joke then no; I will not be absolved to even greet you. I am done. I don't want any traps, no snakes and no bigots especially. 

I think a person comes away from a reflection realizing they had the power and just had the power to not fall for illusions of grandeur even as they were semi real and people actually were beckoning to you. No, I should have never even dared. There are some places in life for people and really much I do believe I am a person that does not belong with trash. That being said, a person generally has not been happy with their website and just forced to prod along in the darkness and really not make the site as they wanted it to be. The thing is that trusting these women created this problem. I had so little and they gave in to cause problems so now I have negative. Just was a disaster to ever dream anything good would work out in college of the social nature and social acceptance but it never worked out. People are more savvy to alike with a black dude who has committed murders than ever a person who tries to reach for a goal and a creative pursuit at that. That is the truth, I come to realize and it is just racism in its purest form. These women were racist against me you see. They took what little I had and now I just don't have the courage to even live like normal again. I don't want to be backstabbed so I will never open up on what I do, who I am and really much will just avoid any eyes. I just want to be left alone these days in fierce honesty and just work on fixing my blog back to the status of what I envisioned it to be long ago when I started it if not more since that time.

I am to tell you folks that I am done with the detoxing goal and mostly the project of working on old forlorn ideas; I realize I have a greater duty not just to myself but the larger regional community to shine the light on this problem I have been having. How racism endures greatly even in this era so that a person cannot even hope but to live normally least they be backstabbed. I think I will return to writing these days out of the passion for it and really much just to say of these things that I endured.