H

 All I can remember is that on Friday I would think of Mariam, Ash and the girl from English. A dude was literally thinking about futures with all three but what is sad s that literally you were never going to reach Mariam or Ash and that the girl from English did not have any great loyalties to some organization. It's not her to this day doing some crazy absurdity. Now, in this time I was trying to be empathetic to other people's reality. But you know that was a mistake. In the past I would write of romance with them.

Two prior people aside from girl but you know I really gave everyone a far chance. I literally did but alas the loyalties of Ash and Mariam lie elsewhere. Their interest in me was really pretend and I was just a status symbol to show they were one with the cause. But I need to talk about the girl from English and how the teacher became infatuated with me as if she was the younger girl.

I would dream of what we could do after class and yes I often did speak to them later but for that environment was fucked up I never could do shit. I would commonly happen upon Mariam doing the laundry. Lol, the funny thing is that she forgot and decided to tell on herself when I would speak to her in 2018. Pretty much; acted as if the only time I spoke to her was in an elevator and was disgusted if not self conscious of what she was following then and just overtly self conscious of it as if she knew what she was doing was using me as an entry piece into a social club. Lol. She could not stand that I had freewill to question things and to question the past and the  future and dared her to commit to being what she was trying to be but I guess if no racism and some fealty to an organization then damn. I was so committed that my ideals that I knew instinctively were wrong  but

 they were right. She was not anyone but a thing. A thing that asserts it's identity in whiteness. A fucking creature that literally is insane. Thinks to abuse society to be this false administrative kindness and then want to be with me in this same fakeness. I think that means she is commodiyfing herself. As long as it means she in the good graces her true hate for black people does not matter. The fucking funny thing is now that doing this is no long necessary to get in the good favors fuck me. I am telling you the woman is so stupid and mentally degraded in these idealisms they cannot understand me nor my creativity and is just a nutcase. A facsimile that will never achieve humanity. Ash is just the same. The English teacher is just evil. Katherine is a parasite. The girl from English is human. That is all I can write her but oh well.