(J)
Of the many fantastic feats of the summer, relationships with women were just disastrous. I mean when has it ever been good but this summer was a disaster. I was fucking fool. I was such a fucking fool to fall to every kind gesture and every good greeting I could give as a sign of compatibility. But I was wrong! I was eventually tossed aside or just lost touch with individuals for this or that reason. All of course; being punked by said good intentions-but if you are not attractive neither in physical nor character~ I want nothing to do with ya. Feel taken advantage of by pests rather than people in the instance of let's say two people who were so close inside the graphic design department and one whom from out who would just refuse my business card.
Prior to that summer; you sit on the bench for couples-you get mocked severely. But pampered bastards who could not know the up or downs in the world. And it is annoying but all the annoying is hearing this tone repeated in a friend you decided for some fucking reason to reach out too. But there is this ice and whilest you can melt it away. They repeated state how inferior you are in their own hidden ways. Not good enough to meet. Only a person behind a screen and technically it was all a waste in even speaking to them because surely make the effort to exclude you from anything real and physical. Turn down offers to physical and then clamor on that you better find friends who will never exists. Only they were for you; it seemed in this summer. But life has other plans. Maybe they just aren't by their own doing and rather you just don't belong with an individual who will never text you first but just talk to you out of obligation and feelings from their heart.
Slowly you do not even recognize the individual you even spoke to because they are gone back beyond their ice whilst they sit on a bench with their "perfect" and exclude you from that group ever and all. Reminding you just how fleeting of friendship your life truly is. But all the while you would give the world for this individual and the only one it seemed was this individual. All of that is not enough when they are blind ever so much to your true heart and yet feelings...then outing you. Outing you; when you speak too much about hurt. But its okay. I mean; you were the one who asked what was wrong but really what is wrong. Is that I will never have this one individual. Never can I show my true heart for the look of being a self centered fool. But all in sake ~ I am a fool even if not self centered. So damn tired. One can get in true. So to the brink of black and death. But I'll never surrender even if the light is coarse. Because even in the night is beauty. A hope~ a pomegranate for a better day in the face of the moon full pale and pure soft light green.
But all of such~ in just speaking with some people; your entire forest is burnt but speaking with others it is entirely healed. For a long time in the summer up till now; I thought my forest was taken care of-life seemed better but I was just settling for something that never was there truly for me to have in these moments if maybe ever; but it wasn't. I just let the standard of my trees and my forest wither and witler. Putting my heart out to be in turn and action just betrayed in all sum and sort.
Is nothing different from all these times before of speaking to women and people and they just are not friendly at all and are quiet social anti climatic in which they do not seem to know the proper commonsense means talking to people and let sensationalism be their brain and yet their heart and any conceivable organ in their body. How many dreams of the future are lost in people's absolution to not reign in commonsense of human dignity nor sound mind gained and sorted but releigh /rely on hatred, audacity against society and unity and mainly and mostly sensationalism and sensationalism to form quick mobs based on nonsense of hatred. How much suffering did ever one had to undertake to realize just how much they are hated? Only the touch of real and true love.
Cannot say that I could just blatantly say, " If we are ever going to do this~ now would be the time!"
But I did say and yet you heard and were only willing to led the mutual trust to death and defeat. Its not even traitoring me or anything but simply admitting the sum of inferior and your aim of superior.
But while I would repeat this one more time; you have already moved on and I am not going down on a ship burning to death and just keep quiet. Not going to move you to hate me but I realize that you already do because never would you ever recognize the beck and call of the hearts being equal but one superior than another and yet your heart is mostly superior in nature and elegance to mine. That in sum; I am just inferior and not worth the time. And while I could tell you this while you ask what's wrong but I know what you would say to counter it. I know how you think its right to put bars on people as if they are "these obstacles". But I would fly from this cage just for you. But when and when it is so certain and much so when I wake up to the real love~ I realize it is much a ruse and that I am just a fucking fool. Letting you whisper such great fantasies in my ear. Because I am so weak and so desperate. When you ask and tell me when I make a lie about other women-you tell me its not healthy to continue speaking to you about it all. When you say that I need to find this imaginary friend. And when you say this and yet know that truly what I want to say as maybe I had pushed it all this time. That I wanted you and only you. You offer this advice of another and just basically; contradict ever having seen this heart by rely to perch yourself a superior. Can call this lie unhealthy of which I speak to you but what is really unhealthy is speaking to you realizing that you will never come straight around like ever; I seriously get the idea that you mean me to move on and just act as if I had never spoken to you or reached out to you. As if the heart shared was so fake. Only to you and your light of superiority. I have struggled over the last few days but yet you will never text and I do not have a number to even call. What is just fake is just the trust. The trust only built on hurt and acceptance of it to worm together. But when you find new friends and new purpose to get rid of the hurt; you cast me off and basically even I was to change- I was to never cast you off. But really.
What hurts that I cannot even cry to you that I love you or come off as a freak. And so its over.
I would rather not speak to you again because I know and I know you will never call me or text me first. That I will always be the drop friend; who while you acted to accept me when conditions are warmth and pleasure for you-out goes the stray of me into the fray of the world again.
But yet I will never forget your warmth and your adventure ever. But I am not some pushover to accept your unwilling to be honest anymore advice just to accost yourself a superior.
Prior to that summer; you sit on the bench for couples-you get mocked severely. But pampered bastards who could not know the up or downs in the world. And it is annoying but all the annoying is hearing this tone repeated in a friend you decided for some fucking reason to reach out too. But there is this ice and whilest you can melt it away. They repeated state how inferior you are in their own hidden ways. Not good enough to meet. Only a person behind a screen and technically it was all a waste in even speaking to them because surely make the effort to exclude you from anything real and physical. Turn down offers to physical and then clamor on that you better find friends who will never exists. Only they were for you; it seemed in this summer. But life has other plans. Maybe they just aren't by their own doing and rather you just don't belong with an individual who will never text you first but just talk to you out of obligation and feelings from their heart.
Slowly you do not even recognize the individual you even spoke to because they are gone back beyond their ice whilst they sit on a bench with their "perfect" and exclude you from that group ever and all. Reminding you just how fleeting of friendship your life truly is. But all the while you would give the world for this individual and the only one it seemed was this individual. All of that is not enough when they are blind ever so much to your true heart and yet feelings...then outing you. Outing you; when you speak too much about hurt. But its okay. I mean; you were the one who asked what was wrong but really what is wrong. Is that I will never have this one individual. Never can I show my true heart for the look of being a self centered fool. But all in sake ~ I am a fool even if not self centered. So damn tired. One can get in true. So to the brink of black and death. But I'll never surrender even if the light is coarse. Because even in the night is beauty. A hope~ a pomegranate for a better day in the face of the moon full pale and pure soft light green.
But all of such~ in just speaking with some people; your entire forest is burnt but speaking with others it is entirely healed. For a long time in the summer up till now; I thought my forest was taken care of-life seemed better but I was just settling for something that never was there truly for me to have in these moments if maybe ever; but it wasn't. I just let the standard of my trees and my forest wither and witler. Putting my heart out to be in turn and action just betrayed in all sum and sort.
Is nothing different from all these times before of speaking to women and people and they just are not friendly at all and are quiet social anti climatic in which they do not seem to know the proper commonsense means talking to people and let sensationalism be their brain and yet their heart and any conceivable organ in their body. How many dreams of the future are lost in people's absolution to not reign in commonsense of human dignity nor sound mind gained and sorted but releigh /rely on hatred, audacity against society and unity and mainly and mostly sensationalism and sensationalism to form quick mobs based on nonsense of hatred. How much suffering did ever one had to undertake to realize just how much they are hated? Only the touch of real and true love.
Cannot say that I could just blatantly say, " If we are ever going to do this~ now would be the time!"
But I did say and yet you heard and were only willing to led the mutual trust to death and defeat. Its not even traitoring me or anything but simply admitting the sum of inferior and your aim of superior.
But while I would repeat this one more time; you have already moved on and I am not going down on a ship burning to death and just keep quiet. Not going to move you to hate me but I realize that you already do because never would you ever recognize the beck and call of the hearts being equal but one superior than another and yet your heart is mostly superior in nature and elegance to mine. That in sum; I am just inferior and not worth the time. And while I could tell you this while you ask what's wrong but I know what you would say to counter it. I know how you think its right to put bars on people as if they are "these obstacles". But I would fly from this cage just for you. But when and when it is so certain and much so when I wake up to the real love~ I realize it is much a ruse and that I am just a fucking fool. Letting you whisper such great fantasies in my ear. Because I am so weak and so desperate. When you ask and tell me when I make a lie about other women-you tell me its not healthy to continue speaking to you about it all. When you say that I need to find this imaginary friend. And when you say this and yet know that truly what I want to say as maybe I had pushed it all this time. That I wanted you and only you. You offer this advice of another and just basically; contradict ever having seen this heart by rely to perch yourself a superior. Can call this lie unhealthy of which I speak to you but what is really unhealthy is speaking to you realizing that you will never come straight around like ever; I seriously get the idea that you mean me to move on and just act as if I had never spoken to you or reached out to you. As if the heart shared was so fake. Only to you and your light of superiority. I have struggled over the last few days but yet you will never text and I do not have a number to even call. What is just fake is just the trust. The trust only built on hurt and acceptance of it to worm together. But when you find new friends and new purpose to get rid of the hurt; you cast me off and basically even I was to change- I was to never cast you off. But really.
What hurts that I cannot even cry to you that I love you or come off as a freak. And so its over.
I would rather not speak to you again because I know and I know you will never call me or text me first. That I will always be the drop friend; who while you acted to accept me when conditions are warmth and pleasure for you-out goes the stray of me into the fray of the world again.
But yet I will never forget your warmth and your adventure ever. But I am not some pushover to accept your unwilling to be honest anymore advice just to accost yourself a superior.
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