Artistic progress in the toxic environment that was.

    Leaving a Monday, I would encounter a group of people-yes, a particular boyfriend and girlfriend pair on the Wednesday of the same week. This was the same couple who detested me. I would not be moved at first but then realized I rather not prefer to share the same space as people; they sickened me. Later on these Mondays and Wednesdays you would go to an art  class where people had made an attempt on your life and there they would be gaslighting you. The two teachers pets, the two girls who were "elites" in that class wanted to be coy and cute. It just reminded me of the same characteristics of people from before at the first college I went to in fall 2013. How many people of then were liars and bad people? The thought came to me from what happened-that all of them were bad. They shared this same unempathetic and fake nice well meaning persona. So wrapped up in being pretend nice-this illusion allowed them to be the worst on the other side. I did not know it at the time but a premonition was totally and truly right.

    Oh, the things I had to ignore whilst in that room and be confounded to the injury I was still facing at the moment. These people smiling at you with their fake smiles and this teacher belittling you as if you never took a basic art class before is enough to drive a person nuts but I did not let it drive me nuts. If anyone was to ask forgiveness and people were trying to be nice because they knew what they did; there would be no forgiveness. 

    These people had set me back in my plans because they wanted to be self centered around ideas that don't make anything in reality. I think that really enough some people just don't recognize what morals are and what realistic actions they can take to materialize anything. Or when reality is final. You cannot control other people and you can not place faulty values of what they are about to attack them, when you truly don't understand them and don't want to. Let's just say if you have been bounding around aimlessly from university to university with no real game plan; you truly don't get the principle of "A to B". Then maybe if you viewed all the chaotic environments and bad cultures of a place and still choose to a person who attacks others from their appearance; there will not be any salvation for you. I am to say people lacked the basic comprehension necessary to realize they had done wrong and they probably aren't going to get away with it. People never get away with it. In some shape and some form; whatever wrong they did comes back to cripple them. Alas; some people would continuously go through a system that probably would yield the same result as the prior. Let's just say that if you were going to your fourth college after being bounding around town and going back and forth between university and community college even; you likely aren't going to succeed when you make an announcement you are transferring to another university at the end of the semester. Alas, you  aren't going to succeed at another university when you are very pretentious, very evasive of people's space and ultimate try to end people who aren't like you. Such to say you might pick the wrong fight one day and that would be the end of you.

    Such to say these two art students who did make an attempt on my life never thought their actions would come back to haunt them. That no matter what stupid narrative they made up about being the best in the class which they obviously weren't and just seemed to basically just get the basic concepts of things-oh, you will fall on your face. Truly the class really did annoy me and I searched to return to normalcy but that would take awhile. In the meanwhile would go through an extensive hell that would not last but the fall 2016 but extend further than it could even go.

   The classes on Tuesday and Thursday truly were the most annoying classes. Image a class for degenerates and this was that class. These people so callous they would kiss the ass of the teacher just because at the end of this dumb class-they thought they would become artists but no; it does not work like that. You have to actually practice for a very long time and let's just say; maybe you would have already done it yourself years ago if you were so interested as 50 plus individual. Heck even as a 24 year individual. Even an 18 year individual. There is no excuse to barring down at people because they actually work for skills they have and not rely on cheap and convenient gimmicks to become an artist or something they want. You just cannot take one fucking class and graduate to be a law professor. No fucks given, the class on these days had the worst people. If there was a League of Evil. These people were it. 6th grade bully from your school and highschool who was a racist young lady who was proud of hating black people as being a "white identifying" hispanic. A bunch of old 50 year old ladies who swore they were young and in highschool again and acted the such even though it was clear as they-they were too old for that shit. An delusional army dude who thought he was helping the world in the middle east but he was just a pawn. A failed architect student who really was too loud, too annoying, talked about his personal business too much and was just over bearing oversharing about his gay sexuality. An older younger person who went on and on about their highschool sweetheart they later divorced from in 2018. A somewhat mutual crush, a woman around my age who was emo in sort but really was not that great of a person as when they did not get what they wanted; they just bashed me alongside the other people and believed the nonsense that this one class they were taking would make them an artist. Her crafty friend was as well under the influence. Lastly you could consider this person from Australia older than me, just a gullible fool and this other dude in the class the "chosen hero". It would turn out he was self learned but everyone somehow liked his art better than mine and really much to a level of more than respect when they could not even respect my art and neither could respect me. It probably was for the fact that he was white that he was the hero of these bigots.

    Such few allies in this class. There was actually one dude who was around my age and a woman who was ten years older than me and ran a bakery. These were only to be the allies of common sense. People who were not so lowly to believe the bullshit that art somehow can be transferred into really unwilling people and they become artists at the end. Saying that these people would be artists at the end of this class would be an insult to artists and all they have to go through to even get their skills and then succeed later. These people had no spirit, just privilege and a gullible sense that was common at the time. That gullible sense of indoctrination that Trump so profited on as the fall 2016 semester was when he rose to power and let's just say the racists in this class were motivated. If you ever got up to present your assignment earlier than everyone because you actually knew what you were doing-the work I presented was actually Dessacrow Academy; these people would be up and against you.  They glared at me as if I was detestable and inhumane and could not understand the words coming out of my mouth. I was the only black person in that whole fucking class and maybe for a great distance of several rooms in that back distance and obscure hall where these classes rested.. Thursday would be a relief to the end of this class and really much one Thursday, a week after the presentation I gave-came the final relief.

    In all after these classes on Tuesday and Thursday, I usually have a lot of time to draw and think about the people and their behavior. I would just come across more unsavory individuals and albeit there was always a dark cloud of the many haters who were somehow after me from that university before. To say that people were not out for me from the place I went to in fall 2013 was an understatement. You see many people who commonly left the college or dropped out went to this community college that was on the "white side of town". Yet this community college had diversity but everyone was very much in a very hateful white extremists tendency or some self hating tendency. There could not be any salvation for these people. None. I mean, some people literally languish around a place for over ten years and never move on. They never change from what indoctrination they were beset on in the least. Continue on and never learn that they are just brainwashed people who ultimately would storm the capital if given such a message from their leader. So brainwashed that really such places could not be respected behind their educational commitments from this social knowledge of how many people were in either one of these places and then crossing over. The environments of either education center just created people so closeted in toxic ideas and then not so closeted individuals; that as a person who went there-you respected that all these classes were just circumstantial and the bottom folks. What was really taught in these places was hatred. This was their substance and this was their notions and anything they put out saying otherwise was just to cover their asses.

   I reflect on fall 2016 and ask what happened? It is because people were fucked up from the start. Everything and I mean everything these people were behind was not of anything good but just bad. The sort of storming the capital bad and yes, you could see this behavior in people of these two art classes. In the interactive class, not so much but maybe two individuals who thought too highly of theirselves.

    Alas, I am to say that no matter where I went after the Tuesday and Thursday classes or inbetween classes on Monday and Wednesday; there were always people who were trash coming out of the woodwork. And yes, they only became more prominent by spring 2017. It was a godsend that a bad natural disaster came in fall 2017 and prevented these people from continuing to fester in a place. Truly it was.

   Going forward will go in more detail about things of these sorts  and matters  of toxicity. Looking into how they began and how they ended. My artistic progress around these things and my real feelings on these happenings. Yes, will look back into the full story of things. See the deeper background behind things and how they added up in fall 2016 and later even up today.  A person can still feel the effects of an attempt on their life even to this day and its never pretty because at the beginning, it never was.