Sarah['s} memory game.

 I tried so hard to forget Sarah after that night but just got me in pain. For those not in the know-this person was like so integral to the group structure and then they were just gone and partying with the people who aren't just " white world philosophy" but "asian only world philosophy". Its this traditionalism that is subverted to just be overt racism. Like man oh, man-you cannot have Sarah defend you at all but just let's all her little friends disrespect you and openly  like man oh man; girl can never be saved but yet wants to be in black people's space especially Sam's room for however long and just doing the fucking most. I dunno when they have treated people well. All they do is the sum of what? Pretending to give a fuck like a politician and really fuck you for existing.

Do you know how hard it is to exist in this vacuum of certainity and believing in what is only your ideas and principles is reality for everyone else but is not. I hold the idea of hardwork for a creative ideal to make something while in college. That you can find love and finally it will never be miscontrued by the state or whatever creepy teacher there is messing up shit for students. That you are a person who has achieved much and being at this college is just one of those things. That you are you and not some it or some creature. For a college; all these women were and are pretty stupid if you ask me and ultimately pine at the fact that you have a greater sum of existence called a conscious that they obviously don't have. To pretend to be nice for Sarah is just like drinking whatever water they can. Like bruh, the only people who enjoy the brand of their toxicity is just they and their dumb fucking sorority. Its not the fact that it is a sorority but that these children were picking on me on very racist fears and ultimately not good at all. 

O, like bruh, I was trying to drink the coca cola like every Friday after class around 4/5pm in those days and these dudes would be looking at me as if I was not supposed to be there and ultimately to not get into a fight with people who outnumber you you have to endure it and very much I just hate the fact a black person has to endure shit and the white people in the building don't even dare to be acting as if its 1960 or some shit. In some ideal world-a person would have beaten these dudes up for just trying to bully a person. If it could have been done; a person would have taught those bastards a lesson and these dudes just hung around the sorority girls and they could have been in dude sorority who hate black people yes but who gives a fuck. Those dudes I reckon never even lived in the dorm per say and actually were just annoying to the degree that you basically could not even be by yourself prominently but as a background character. A background fucking character I am not but this is who Sarah would want you to be; a player in their own fantasy and you don't even get a say which is very sad.

You trying to socialize with her and imagine a dude doing this to a woman. Trying to force things onto people who don't want these things aka dude in the photo did not want her and infact thought in likeness her ideals were gross. Now, I am going to be never nice especially after looking at this shit and just say it; that is all this place was for some people-a place to objectify people and no-it just was not the women doing it but the men and the everyone but the women taken it to extremes men would never. The women have these higher arching friend groups who aren't cool with you but against you despite them hanging with you almost every fucking night and like almost all day on the weekends or rather some hours including the night. Like bruh what the fuck is going on? Then you are penalized by these more important people and they don't do shit but let them degrade you and really don't care whilst  pawing you secretly as a lesser character on everything you could ever be apart of! Like man; homegirl trying her best to play both roads of the game and acting as if she going to unlock my character's romantic path when she plays out to be the racist. Oh, my fucking gosh.

You got to realize the mentality of the people. White is default for them and you would think damn, that is very interesting when you got Steven talking about how he wants to use a girl as a sex slave and " every night" whose name is fucking Camile and is asian but damn; I guess you gotta be apart of the fucking asian sorority to even matter! The whole thing of even liking them is disgusting when they live in bobo's fictional clown land. Like man, the self hatred is so extreme they cannot even see when " one of their own" is in danger. Its not really about asian identity or anything for those asian sorority people but avoiding the ideal of being inferior by being just that; inferior which is ironic. No, if they hang out with black people they gotta make them say some things so they can be apart of the cool kids and stay relevant. The whole thing is that Sarah basically was not loyal to anyone but the experience that is college. Do everything and use everyone to get the best experience and not give a fucking about them nor similarly even their prized asian sorority friends are just there to pine away for their own benefit and well they just pretend even more harder. There is no one they are natural with. No one. Its all a game. Maybe a "collect fun times game". I ought to learn some other language for that or Memory Game because doing something is much more than the people involved in doing it.

I am so not done yet with this woman. I said I will give each person a day or a section of time and well; its their time.