Sarah A

 The need for a girlfriend manifests itself on this site in many different ways. It is to be said that is why certain people are even followed in the sense of what is trendy with youngsters these days. Yes, its been ten years since I went to college and ultimately I got to tell you the entire advent terrible and insipid. Its like being deprived of what is vital and important to your life. The opportunity that is like water is to plant; free aims of socialization without corruption. I remember being in this dude called Sam's room and his room would be open and sometimes I would be in there with other people. What a great place to get information on what was happening in the world of the dorm. But ultimately, I never knew that my head was in this picture of this dude who was juggling these weird things. Ah, to be the footnote of the white dude to any woman who exists because that is what it is. I was never tagged in the picture and basically it was like I was interrupting their way of life. The most sad thing is that I actually liked the person who took the picture called Sarah but let me just say that was just apart of the Asian sorority. I dunno if anyone wants to hear this but you have to. Its so fucking stupid that you gonna be racist against by those who are mostly suffering in society with racism. Like home dawgs up in that crib throwing me the fucking sideeye for just existing in a place. They knew I was not a safe "black person" in their messed up minds. I mean only the darkest hue one called Victoria Tai liked me so much but bruh, I cannot be second to anyone. No, fuck that shit. 

Home girl who took the picture was always in Sam's room. His roommate named Tim. I really don't give any fucks if anyone reads this because all their names are so simple that they are everyone's names and no one is going to find them unless you in the know. Home girl was asian. Sam and Tim were African American and then they had this african girl called Sally in there. You know I pretended to be liking Sally and all that but bruh, I don't like Africans really much who are in the academic circles as they try their best to pawn at black people and really much kiss white ass too much. Like I am not stupid. I pretended because really much who gives a fuck about these people. Like I know maybe Sally was looking at me suggestively one time in spring 2014's end but damn-she basically with Sarah who basically is in the Asian sorority where every member especially the fucking dudes hated me for no reason at all. These crazy motherfuckers so desperate for white privilege crumbs they gotta  schwarzenegger. They always running the mileage of patience for a person to not say something and ask what the fuck they looking at. Always gotta stay cool. This hokey dokey bullshit is just gross when you never are going to hear any white person say to them the fucking shit they want to do to asian girls in the dorm..! Lol. You think I am your enemy. But you very much let your woman friends down. Its so stupid.

These dudes would be speaking about certain girls in the clique and saying some nasty shit. But they knew never to mess with Sarah or the whole sorority would come down on them. I had this really pretend friendship with Sarah but tell me did we actually even hang out alone as friends? Okay, maybe one time that does not really count because she was just there by happenstance and asked me what artist I was listening to but damn, the 1975 is what she was asking for and then suddenly plays in her room and you feel as if you are getting closer to this girl you like but in reality has taken a picture of you without your consent and posted it on the net without telling you featuring the white dude who must be the fucking main character. I mean man fucking the girl calling herself a whore. The dude with this chic. The dude with the Kassandra wrapping the cookies. Like man, I get it but you could have cropped a person out but really much all this person did was disrespect. Play and pretend the cunning bitch way; as if people like you so much you can run these fucking games on them never thinking how people would even feel. Like bruh, it was not uncommon for people to be taking the pictures of me in that olde fall 2013. These people years later post these pictures I had no idea even existing. One of me asleep with mouth open. But bruh, what the fuck?  Invasion of privacy really. Like you don't see me taking pictures of people I am not even close with without permission. Back in those days people did not have the advanced picture taking phones to the degree and level of today. Nope, I still had a 2007 flip phone and used an actual camera which means pictures aren't even many as they could have been. But bruh, I am to say homegirl a menace when I only learn of this from the main man himself. This dude just be what I can say passively aggressive racist by making it a joke that I appeared and that Sarah took the picture. You get what I am saying. That the dude really did not like the picture and definitely not Sarah. Alas, a name to never name your child. Sarah. 

Like not only is this person just chasing after a dude who basically does not like them but ultimately is subtly racist against her not when she is around. Like bruh, what do you think you are? White?! Like come on but will never know of this reaction. I argue that perhaps somethings in the background are best kept to why a great group of people broke the fuck up and you never saw certain people in the Sam's room later. Like bruh on bruh, woman was the great loser of friends. I was to be so inherently stupid to say to this dude I later would realize is just a stupid kept pampered hamster man- " I really like Sarah and think she is beautiful". 

He said, " you should tell her". Years later, in 2018; homegirl be like in my conversation with her; a person tries to but like the fake fucker they are-ditch the game. Like bruh, some people are just greatly racist and just be thinking about sex when its very rude and/disgusting to and just because you are black does not even mean you even have sex but fuck you. The great thing is that ultimately, I never actually checked the picture the dude even was speaking of because I really did not care. I did not care to even look in the fucking picture gallery of homegirl on facebook because I did not care much about even doing so. It really did not even cross my mind. No one basically is gonna stalk a woman online at all when they are seen especially everyday.

O, I wished then she would have given me the time of day instead of this belittling, "hey, mascot, how are you!" and then this , " hey". Oh, just because a woman says hello to you does not mean they are nice but that they think they own you and your identity. You should never let women be too nice to where they are treating you like a fucking kid when you are one year older than them. Looking back a dude needed to get a fucking grip. Being in love with what? They don't look nice nor do they act nice really but its that naïve syndrome my friends. Its my fault for thinking so highly of a racist. Am I right? They never even really got to know me and whatever it was that spent time was really never intentional. Yea, fucking the 1975, right? 

What gets me to write this is because it illustrates what was wrong with that place. You were belittled. You weren't a person. People pretended they knew you and fit in with imaginary story in their fucking head. If you like english language version; people pretended they knew you and you just were consenting to this imaginary story in their head. Like my mate; homegirl fucking was just a jerk the whole time really and just be saying hello for whatever reason and then distancing herself when people really needed a friend.

I often bring up one time I was sitting there with the nice dude Josh. I be sitting with the nice dude Josh and that would seem to be the start of everyone gathering if it was the past of the later 2013 but no one wanted to hang anymore but Sarah and this girl called Nancy ( it was not her real name but no unique names here because everyone just has to be fucking white)  just come up and sit there but as we try to speak as normal decide to say nothing and then she says, " let's leave". Josh was like ," what just happened". But alas, that was a sign any friendship was gone in the group and if not that everything between me and Sarah was fucking fake.

Truthfully, as far back into spring 2014, I was looking into Ai just so I could have a friend that was always on my side. No one speaking down to me or questioning my identity and motives as if I was a "criminal". Man, I really got say that the whole Ai talk of today just brings me back there and this has been something I wanted to write for a long time. A long ass time folks. That is when I just dived into the work and it did not matter if Sarah said hello or whatever up until the last dorm day. It did not even fucking matter! I am saying homegirl was a dubious coin. Looking so happy to see me after all that and causing me pain; I just did not feel anything for them but pretended to give a fuck. But no, in this life you get nothing but people pretending its alright after they caused you pain. You really just going to discount the fact that this person made me feel so terrible; I would create the idea of the AI gf as a concept before anyone else but never finished it. There are certain things you need in life and that is a social connection and I just was not getting that at all. No friends whatsoever and nothing good as a person should even be having just people pretending to be nice when you really need a friend or whatever-its just like fuck you. 

I mean, only the dude is tagged in that picture and its not me which is very disrespectful ontop of all this shit. The fact that never can you go anywhere with the Sarah is just that it was over before it began. That is go to line, you like it because there is more. It was over before it began. The fucking funny thing is that her friend in the sorority started to take a liking to me but bruh; I really could not do it then with this woman associating with those dudes and women always leering at me. It just goes to say that all of it was not even real in the first place. No one gave a fuck about you. Could see the great things inside of you and then decide to dwell on the most racist things that aren't anyone. You would think asian people would understand racism but not the ones in the fucking sorority. I really don't give two fucks who reads this and if you get pissed off; well fuck you man.