Bear Paw of Wisdom.

 The most hurtful thing is just trying to do right but nothing ever works out. I get to working on making the comics and finally do it but no one then gives any fucks and I am just to be mocked by the people I helped foster. Let me tell you this; helping people in a world like this who don't deserve it will not give you anything but the fact that you did the good thing that honestly never needed to be done with how these people dareth treat you in return. In the social element-there was so much kindness and levity that happened especially towards women in a place that was full of mostly sexist men. I never sought to control anyone ever at all but this is what the lie becomes. The thing is that this was not the good act and a person should never try to control people regardless of gender but my good act was getting people together and how do they repay me but by making me this mysterious enigma. 

You don't know how terrible it is for people to call you names behind your back and question your racial identity and say things at you but not to you as if you aren't there or around the corner to which out of kindness you ignore. There are certain times in life that if I was not kind-there would have been a conflicit. No one has the mind to think of these things as they are so comfortable saying them with no remorse and no thought into it. I got to tell you that I hate the fact that a person gotta write all this stuff down in hopes it will be understood and no one repeats the same mistakes over and over again as they did and I did. The mistake of what I did was bring people together who only refused to even let me speak, be apart of the group and just like some third party facilator who may not speak at the banquet banished after they have done the act to which people did not really even ever notice. But whatever. People are entitled to be wrong and believe this wrong but it is not the truth.

Got me in pain many times over due to what they would do. Here is what they would do. Somehow be trying to manipulate everyone and anyone you could date. Prey on their worst fears and get them to turn on you and mainly gaslight that they ever take part in such behaviors. Its sick. Basically you end up alone because of them and they continue to do this and their number grows in time to which you are facing tons of people who could have been the one but refused and just where basically taken against their will. No one wants to realize what they did is wrong and I refuse to ever counsel them how they were misled because why should I? I worked up too much courage to even speak in the first place.

The bravado works too well and these people they go crazy anytime a person dare be assertive and be black in the same time. You know a person originally shy and ultimately just pretends to be a talker when they really have nothing of the sort and you know its just terrible when you make all that effort as a person who really has trouble even speaking to people in the first place to break through all that fear and people cannot even do the same to look past their own fears. But then you realize their fears are evil and grounded in nonsense , racism and just lunancy and then you realize how they have been able to be manipulated is funny! Like bruh. I am hurting here and you basically cannot even do a basic simple thing because you are fucked up. Like is it so fucking hard if I can go past my limits for you to basically have faith in a person. Call on the name of Jesus and all this bullshit but you are nothing but a poser. The only thing of faith you have is all the imaginary stuff you want to see. You are conditioned to see black people as evil and then that is what they become. You are conditioned to see black people as this and that but really don't have a mind to see people as people. You want a person? You don't. You really just want some marketable idea of a safe black person and only tolerating a person just so you can make the white choice or whatever is better your eyes and your little made up bullshit reality. I think it is nice to point out that to them; you don't even exist as you and are no one and ironically they want this no one to just be a prop for them in their seeming "rebellion against status quo". I am not an experiment. Its not a crime to have self confidence to which you ultimately have none!

The thing is everything is taken lightly by people but in reality I have struggled to get everything to even where it has to be. These people never went to my highschool. They don't even live in the same region and have foreigner privilege aka you think the place is so good when its not. They got it so easy. You get a car to drive where you want. You don't have to hear some bitch calling you "Miss Daisy" as they go on a hissy fit because they have to drive you to college. Yea. How dare you think it even be so easy? How dare you think that you even know anything when you don't. You are incompatible on every degree. You are so stupid you buy the false image of confidence that is even thrust out there by basically a shy kid and think he is some loner lover boy with all the ladies in the past and all this shit. Its nonsense. I never had any luck in highschool because everyone was trash but just a lower degree of trash that I never really cared. There was potential. There was. But you all wasted it and then continually to assualt a person for which you don't understand that it was you who fucked everything up and you don't deserve to even be around a dude at all.

Like man people seriously think that they can define what is important to reality and the comics aren't important but man; that is some bullshit thinking. Just because you are the way you are does not make it the universal condition or the proper one. I think its obvious this mindset is inferior as all it does is make the ego big. The thing is these people don't give a fuck about what I do and try to break the man and ruin the comics. Hell, I could not post to facebook this site for years aka 4 years aka; took away valuable audience for what? Ego.

When you realize that mostly what you try to accomplish is twice fucked up by these people suddenly the room is blurry and the vision skewed and the tears well and the pain is unbearable. To be playing a character you don't even want to be or else you get nothing just to get nothing in return is funny. You know if a person never communicated to these people; they would have never known them and really everything I did was out of courage and not fear but all they can do is fear. They have no ability to reason that a person did what they did to protect them in their understanding of a scene but they were wrong; the perps of a travestry need not be defended by a victim. Its just so embarassing looking back that I ever uttered the words I did to people who are just monsters instead of women. They can never appreciate the what a person had to do in the first place but just be able idealistic things and privilege forever. Like yo-that is good for you being such a slave to an ego you gotta make up an imaginary story because you are absolutely too stupid to understand what is even actually happening in front of you.

The same thing can be said for the online crowd! Like man, you gotta realize that maybe you are only rich because you have a body to show off and you sleep with people for a living and that comics aren't that easy mate. You gotta do things to be successful. To make an effort over what is essentially 9 years to make a bunch of comics when you are essentially not even at your best in the later part is to be tired. Fuck. So tired you cannot even market anything but you did it but no one cares. No one gives a fuck. No one supports. Everyone talks and talks about this or that project but its never yours. And so basically you are just competing with people who are childish and cannot even get over theirselves. Like I said earlier-its stupid to think that a person even had it easy as with comics you had to do the same thing with social life or nothing happens and these people ultimately just choose to be indenial and just do fanart which is insanity. Its like complaining you never get a girl because you never actually speak to one. That is not what I am doing. I am saying I speak to the girl who becomes a toxic woman who comes back at me with some imaginary bullshit and tries to blame me for things I never did and will never be. I love the fact that when you get up there in the number of 500 passes and no one swipes right; everyone all comes back because you bravado is so good-its like the ketchup pasta that everyone thinks is the good pasta but hey if you like that and such then good on you. However; a person does not even appreciate the shit of people really falling for you but then choosing to hate you instead. Like man, do you realize that a person has nothing but courage in a situation and ultimately you come back at them with what is basically evil. I make all this effort and no one could give a fuck but believe the nonsense some person they don't even know says about basically me. I  basically got to get you the codex on pasta to realize that people basically risked everything talking to you and basically their gamble would fail so many times so miserably. 

Fail so many times that each time; it just takes a person out for a bit each the more of even attempting again and well I am done with whatever can just be a painful time. Its the equivalent of beating yourself up and then crying after to which I am to say is not a fun experience. You get tired real quickly and its like you are denied of whatever is on the otherside and whatever could have happened will never even be because you aren't ever much of a person for people to resist racism, just evil, the unfairness of a 3rd party trying to govern a private thing and ultimately suffer for what is retribution again and again. That means you get 500 beatings and that is just abuse and its not love.

Some time ago wrote some dumb post about how I had a date or whatever; fuck that-no one had any fucking date. I just bought some woman a coffee badly dressed as if on an escape mission from house and basically just wasted $200 for what seemed to be them apologizing for they were never going to go on a 2nd date at all. But fuck. It was not even a date. It was just them basically getting funds and stuff and scanting like a quick cat. How they just bolted out of there with their car is funny. It led to nothing good but just a waste of time thinking you got it when you don't. Thinking that maybe this will go somewhere but it won't. Thinking that people will succeed together but they won't. You want to realize that ultimately there is nothing there for you and you are just a bigger fool than before but it dawns on you that you were pushed this distance for just peace of mind even. That the abherrant actions have all built up now that you have such bad press against you by these people that no one wants to buy anything. No one will hire you and no one cares. To be certain you can just add one more to 501 and it does not even matter or change anything at all but the fact that you are just alone more than anyone could ever be. Hated more than anyone ever should be and all for what? Because people have some overt entitlement to think they are the center of everything.

There be one girl so eager to be impressionable amongst the crowd that they refuse to even just stop being a bitch in a honesty even for 2 seconds and so what did I do? Adroit Latina and certainly with attention to their name-everything stopped as I put them on blast but literally mate should it even come to that far? I never wanted to do shit like that on the blog but really I was forced to because people really don't get it and if you are going to keep dogging a person aka trying to show up to assert your dominance and harassing them over and over again; its good for me to write about you isn't it? Its only fair. A person be like waterboarded with the memories of what was and could ever be and no one ever helps out and a person is tired. I cannot do it anymore. My hands are raw from holding onto a fast moving rope. I will not take this direspect lying down anymore. Bear Paw of Wisdom indeed.