I love you Jillie.

I called to talk one day. In the end it was sinking in desperation.
She never appreciated not one suggestion. She laughed and seemed
to appreciate me. I talked to here back in an architecture program and
it was a slam but now talking how she lost her virginity and fucking with guys.
I think its wise to think that I love you Jillie. I love you I do.
If I am going to spend my life with you~ I'll find and I'll find
other women not ever of your kind because you truly are always
there in the back of my mind in a dark time..that was the fall time.
I love you Jillie and maybe you will say that you appreciate it all
many times but you will never appreciate me never at all. I do; love you!
But never on the honest hour of speaking to you all night or in the day
will any real hope shine my way that you will be there in the end.

I just don't want you to be there when talking to you is a clinching
and clinging despair and you will never care what you do to me.
In all these times I realize I chase because you are unphathomable
dreamer's dream~not at all. A big let down; don't even allow me to even
be there even as a friend...And I thought I would be there in the end.
I thought I would be there in the end but damn I can never if you simply
just refuse to do anything at all but truly and surely hate me and the physical
element of me and at the end of chasing other women under the premise of the~
you just got to let it be.
She hearing her sweet voice over these texts cannot prepare you for how they sound
when its just a blur of hatred that you were even ever there in these feelings honest to
GOD!
Sinking into such a mess of the self cannot pull yourself together because no one
ever in these women wanted you yet it was all even better even if they treated you like
shit instead of you Jillie that you are treating me like a friend when it can never be.
Wanting to ever be a friend further~ you missed your chance and I cannot let it be.
God and gosh its killing me.Sinking into this mess.
Sinking into this mess like a heist you stole me of all the will of happiness I tried to be
with you but never could it ever be when you just change mutuals to be the persistience of
your naive voice that you have not a chance or choice to even hear a person out; and see us equals we
aren't.
Sinking into a dungeon you keep me that is where I come home to find some scraps from hell to tell you about. Just keep pulling on my chain and tell me I could never be a friend- I could never make the mend. But I won't break and bend for this...

You say you are vulgar and one would like you not
well you are out of luck cause simply after all this comforting time of back and forth
honestly and truly inside you never give a fuck.....
I love you Jillie...not ever at all.
I love you Jillie-its even enough to fall when you think you have it all.
But don't have anything at all.
After all this time I don't have anything at all but a bunch of painful memories
and concessions of being played the fool and if you are the queen of logic and what is right
you got to rule even when its wrong.
And for its worth~I loved you Jillie.