Not ever again.

 Basically, a person today walks around and realizes some women have an interest in them but really for what occurred in the past; a person cannot trust and does not want to. They are not open to being harmed again or the chance of it ever occurring again. How many people do you believe a person has given a chance when a person has been so tired for so many years after people tried to malign a person's creative works? How many of these people have betrayed any trust just for some nonsensical means of basic terrorism because they can? Its to say that it would not be smart for me to even try again. Even when people seemed to be missed opportunities they really aren't at all. Though whilst people might seem interested in you; I would say that time and time again a person considers the real reality that no one will actually value who I truly am and really it just becomes spending time with a person who hates you true and true and just wishes for some idea that is just an idea and never you. To me that is disrespect indeed. Whenever I look at these positive people I remember the menacing evil before and just realize that a person should not dare even think it will ever work out. People cannot be trusted. Much of people are intolerant people who have no type of means of respecting what is not them and/or what they want. These last ten years of women and their particular twisted disdain for me will never happen again. I cannot trust these people to not make happen again and so the only one who I can trust is myself and yet however it may harm women out in the world; a person cannot trust people because it has happened too many times for a person to give it another chance. I have to be selfish and look out for myself.

Looking back did it feel good being led on and then shut down and many times made to feel disgusting or in the wrong? Especially when a person truly did nothing. I mean it and so very much I feel disgusted by how those people thought it was right to shove me in a box of character to objectify me and move me like an object. Everyday I do see different women who have some interest in me but no; I just cannot do it. I cannot see any future as I did before because everytime I saw a future it was all for naught.

You do these big exercises of faith when 17 and make these great plans so that everything will forget together and everything will work out but no; nothing ever did and no matter what no one was there to assist in even leaving a person's romantic life alone. No that university I mentioned earlier just could not stop meddling in my affairs not even long after I left the place. It continued to infect people with these fears and non realities so I never had a fair chance but to just have people be filled with propaganda by the 3rd time I spoke to them-these people for no real reason but lies and manipulation had come to hate me. Nothing can grow there were people are made to trust their own inhibitions and show they are silly people who often have nothing to offer. People would hear the whisper of Satan and listen and just give up and then try to come back with some twisted offer that they could follow Nazism and yes still be with a Jew. I don't want anyone who could have such week will and such week faith in a potential romantic partner and let people dictate who said stranger is without ever asking the person theirselves. It amounts to being cancelled with no form of recourse to even correct your image as it is but lies and misinformation which harms your credibility socially. Never do these women want to speak to you after they listen to a boat load of poison. They just want to believe the lie because really these people never liked you and really much are cowards who hide behind anything. I want a woman who has done something with their time and their life and not some coward who has done nothing but arc to judge and then to hate. I have so many people who have done nothing in their whole lives or even have attempted to do anything out of the normalcy that is good thinking they are the best when quite honestly they fail at things that normal people can do so easily. I don't want to date a person who is foremost a grave underachiever and barely doing the minimal people actually do who are considered normal. Its to be said that these people have no faith because they have never done anything large and they have never failed at doing anything large to understand the element of faith. I put so much faith in some people when I was 17 that it was just expendable to them and really a joke and a laughing stock!

People did not understand what I went through for some ideal to be with them but called me as I was not, avoiding any real ideal of what I had even done for them because of what illusion they portrayed to me was just that; an illusion. They so took advantage of any form of romantics in novels or whatever tv and movies to just craft a narrative of divine providence and self importance that people just don't have in relationships if they are going to even stay together and the relationship not be abusive and demeaning to the other. They collectively refused but to regress instead of realize confidence to do great things and really much the question became , " how low can you go?" These people would go so low that nothing was out of bounds for these people. I think that when I see a woman have interest in me; it be the trauma of these prior events making me just want to not be bothered with the chance of a person playing pretend interest in me just to destroy everything I have going for me. In greatness a person just cannot do it anymore. How much losses over so many, many and many attempts is a person to endure? How much smiles at my pain is a person to tolerate aka none of these women consider what they have done will never make them good people and they are just waiting to be discovered as the bad people they are)? A person has been befuddled so much they care not for these questions but to never endure any of the previous advents again.

I don't want some crazy person taking my works and mocking them in their alt right court of opinion. I don't want some pointless drama about a fact of reality for me and many people of color being mocked as if a new discovery by some clueless white individual or lost person of color. I don't want to ever be scowled at as if disgusting or literally given no real respect. If I need to put a frown on a person's face then so be it because never again. Not ever again.