Some creak in your peak. again.

 You know, year after year and time after time, semester after semester-I struggled much to create comics. No help really much came from anyone in the completion of the comics and my goals. A person went out on a limb many times to even achieve the goal of making comics. I just think recently I ought to share that magic in the multitude of comics. I think that every year the potential good people I could have met in fall 2013, the women really is who I am talking about increase every year to be bad people. Worse people than the previously and if the starting level of them all was easy aka they did not bother you as they try to end you now; surely the level is up to the highest max level. Some greatly insight into everyday effort and struggle is to show constant compassion and empathy for people who are not deserving of it. 

People who have choosen to do evil and every year get more wicked and wicked on their witchhunt because they are afraid of a black dude making comics and being an independent human being who does not fit into any of their troupes which are racist. I think enough I be warry of people who congratulate football and basketball players because they are black. These clogminded people who are so obedient to the cause of real discrimination; hath not people been playing ball-do you think they would be with them-fuck no. These people will dream any great obstacle towards treating people like people but a means to an end. These people find some interest in me but think my means to an end because I don't play ball is to build them up as people, as in character, give their naive racist world depth and ultimately be the villain to witchhunt when I don't fucking know these people but yet these people will be led on to insult and attack for nearly a decade because some bitch at the top tells them to. Some bitch who spent their whole life pampered that hatred towards darker people aka dark southeast asians and black people would make them better and that these people can only excel when they burry their own and only become tools for repression in education, government and else. These women who want to follow this callous unwelled lived bitch who never picked her own spouse just be so lucky that no one call them out on their shit. No one say these words to their face because they are so fickle, so thin and so callous that they have no conviction but to follow whatever power comes out on the top.

If a person was to suddenly become a headmaster upon a college instead of the bitch; they would surely find me a means to an end. They would come calling. They would ditch their stupid closeted male counterparts who may or may not know their bad deeds in the dark. They would come to try to assert their stance of power because these people are just peons! I think to think they did not start like this but more and more to follow naive racist power grabs they were radicalized into by the bitch's messaging and rhetoric -the bitch acting like a mini-trump they became distant from reality, callous against me to a contradictory length and wanting to express love towards me but only delievering full on hate, war and promises of death. Let me tell you a great challenge a person experiences is the number of threats spiraled at them by these individuals in secret, knowing in their eyes and sharp looks or just from the silliness that rolls off their tongues then these promises of love and admiration. The bitch and the school have just raised tons of abusers. People who want to use people as a chance to explore, a means to an end but really much aren't pleased with the full reality of living with what they have done or even most importantly loving a person as a person. That to be said none of these fuckers, respect my arts and never have. They never really respected my comic works and really much that is okay with me. But what is not okay with me is these people acting as if I am a starry eyed lover unto them and they are the same and we are destined to be together like a Twilight novel! These people are abusers and really much have seen a path where could have been together at the start but thought , "propanganda against dark skins and them being people" was the way to go. They want to keep holding onto the thought that in some racist fallacy that I am to blame for their feelings and for them seeing a way forward with me in the way they would treat someone who is not dark skinned or black! I fucking tell you! They keep coming on and one with this bullshit and don't quit never realizing that I have never but said a few words to them which all were performative.  I never was my true self around them because I never trusted them! They were too good to even be true. I was frankly just forced to respond to people who wanted to pretend nice but in all weren't nice people at all-just like highschool be afraid to anger these "nice people" that you just played along with them. Always these people from the time they could have stood up for me choose to believe I had done something wrong and that I am to blame and that is something straight out of an abuser's handbook.

The thing is I wanted to believe these people would not be so stupid and ere pick the side of a racist cowardly cockmonger who never even dated to pick their own spouse and really much is pretty much babied from the real world. Really much I wanted to believe that these people would give me a chance but no they just assume and murdered any good chance of me and them together in any logical sense. They refused me the chance to speak for myself but continue to hurl insults and attacks my way as if anything they believe is true; it is not and simply never will be because simply it just wants to make something that normally happens in real life-mutual attraction to be something of my fault! These people are really petty over natural instances and really much think that I am the burden to their whole narrative and surely think that the world should only be full of white people and the ocassional "odd bag" person of color so they can be imperialists and act as if people's whole lives are fucking tourist locations and their whole fucking culture too. But no, I will not be obedient to these discriminatory, low courage, panzy, ditzy racist fucks. I will not play ball. I will not be a means to an end.I especially won't be a means to an end when I especially thought that these people would not betray me and would not go the distance but meet me in the middle of what normal people do when they realize they have mutual attraction. But these people want to take kin to a motherfucker who never can even treat other human beings as people and frankly never had and never will have any free will like any other people to live and love. Everything they are was decided by their culture and parentage. These people excel to prosper an utter contradictory philosophy of supporting some bigot who really is marx to their ideals of freedom. But maybe these people and the women are just the same; just wanting to see the world one and simple, one and white only and everyone else and inconvenience. Believing that one culture is the sole of humanity when it is not and that they and their culture are the choosen people.

These people pursue dating but don't know what the do in this dating contradicts even what they have done towards me. They have closed off to me any discourse as a human and allowed some crazy ass bitch to serve as an excuse to their own shortcommings and their own abusive tendencies not even considering that they would not void their right to choose who they marry aka date whilst they follow this crazy bitch's ideals. They rather believe that the culture of the school has some selected choosen folk for them to marry and associate with it and it not be me not at all because of how much I do not match the social acceptable imagine some bitch would have them to believe. Only believing someone tolerant of being a means to an end as an althete or some academic is the only one for them. Never realizing the complete bullshit of the ideal when they try to displace something natural felt with me onto another just to be made in blissful unity and acceptance with a painfully dumb, racist and people of color hating culture that loathes free will, art and real acceptance. I say fuck these people, I never deserved any of this shit and these people are so hardlined to their dumb beliefs even to this day. Never will allow you to say anything to them or else it will in their minds dispel the magic of the many convoluted assumptions behind you. These people are only people who make the effort never to support you but to fuel their own nightmarish fantasies that you are against them and would ruin their lives if you ever were to be taken seriously as a person to love. They continue with misinformation and on and on and I just am to say it dilutes my confidence in higher education when people can be there and stay forever stupid, condescending and hateful against other people.

But I am to say I will not take the licks from people who are convoluted and nor really much recognize these people as any equal but people who have just made large fools of theirselves. Assuming and assuming this and that about.me that they are only caring about sucking the dick of a toxic place of higher education. I used to wonder about their potential good but every year it goes to the zero as they follow a dark path that their parents did not certainly send them to school regardless of any "romantic matters!" that might be assumed I could take privy in. They make no good but make me wish I never even yearned for anyone in such a place but just not be. They made me wait and made me hold hope but they all from any first temptation turned on me to cash me in as a means to an end and never a person. The biggest struggle is dealing with people who largely could have else been people you could have had held the chance with but all these opportunities go sour because people rather hate you and be envious of your courage and then your freewill if not your drive behind your ambition. I am to say these people come to see they can interven in your ambition-try to take it away and try to program you to be an racist stereotype- a ballplayer or a "nobody" who could not be a ballplayer! I was so young at the start of this shit and so trusting but college is not a nice game for people of color especially those who aim to do anything as they are-fucking people! Think about having all the potential people whom you could love and which could love you back and then be soured to be against you to which does not avail them in any future social, educational and economic endeavors. Made to be driven mad because some punk ass bitch at the top has to be racist, envious of people's humanity and wanting to think they can clean them up as if they are messes and not people! I will say that I have tolerated an abusive paradigm for too damn fucking long. Waiting on these people to love me when all they did was terrorize. I remember fall 2016, that was the straw that broke every cammels back. Nothing of the potential good that ever was can ever come back. That was the line were people could not come back even if they wanted too! These people not only tried to bury me but bury my craft. In my time of fucking need-they like dogs hunting for a witchhunt that did not exist attacked me just to get in with a meaning that really never had any meaning but just so an inane crazy bitch to try to prove that love does not exist. Well fuck, the clown bitch at the top won! Just because there was potential for love does not mean there will be any. These people were so hungry for approval when they had no means to really be after me at all and no stake at all-they just did it to show how down with the cause they were. 

Even especially when many of these women had dropped out of college and literally by their own definitions of downplaying people were not these college accomplished people with their noses in the air; these people  dropped out and had no plans and yet want to blast me for dare going after my dreams when I did aka leaving the college behind before everything fucked over. Everything fucked over for them and well they gave into endoctrination that clearly did not benefit them. I am to say some people did succeed but they would be the devious snakes behind an escapade. These people did it because they believed in the whole scheme of the toxicity of a place and they were shown to fit well into the regards of this place never having any real goals but those that nested right into the identity of this foul faux endangered place that people dared say was endangered by blacks and creatives. The devious snakes just fit into a narrative and alone rather cash in on this toxic narrative and fuck anyone who was different and not wanting to be as they were-some person "lucky" or forced to have the dream of academica. 

What is to be said is that; those who were the devious snakes just reveled in this identity and really much are so sure they are good people when anyone who works not as an engineer but a bagger would tell them that they are bad or that they are evil for what they did to me alone if not other people.Would a grocery store bagger who will never attain college education like even be looked upon as lower class or an untouchable as these people love to be about? I think that foremost it would even be asburd that these people would even speak to people who they believe are to be "seen and serve and not heard". I'd like to say that the prior class of women who dropped out every day have to fight to distinquish theirselves from others that are to be " seen and serve and not heard".  They have to fight to prove their worthiness and really much its all sad when its clear even by their own standards they should be, "seen and serve and not heard". There is to be said these people are broken people who choose to believe nonsense that only makes them into cruel, indept and indignant people who cannot be told wrong or told they have the least acceptable claim in life-hate without indifference. These people make art out of guilt trips and hatred and just are evil people who really much if you let their brand of love in would be but abused and then be a number of abuvive relationships gone to their extremist level. These people are like home grown extremists. Cannot be reasoned with and really much I will not explain to anyone that my work is legitimate or that I am legitimate. Its so bare bones civility the given thing to do is not to dehumanize people but socialize with people whom you are interested in , in a respectable maner respecting their humanity and not making them a means to an end.

The thing to be said is that a person has to tell you its been a complex road to this finale conclusion when it should not even have to be, you assuming people have the basic civility and societal notions you do to even interact with you-they don't. Its all been a long unyielding road of longing for love, realizing obstacles, realizing the long distant truth and reality, realizing you have been abused and hated, getting sober of the abuse and the ideal of any potential love, and realizing you must defend yourself if not lastly defending yourself against people who only think of you as an item! I would be greatly lying to say that it would be fair for a person to go it alone in creation of their comics with no help from a dear olde university or any of them with them being knowledge centers and get everything of humanity stripped away from them in the private romantic sense. It is not fair! That a college can both try to hinder the ambition of a person in their pursuit of comics if anything and then even greatly destroy any romantic hopes for 10 years! A fucking decade! Promoting dissent against you as if you are something to be argued against, stirred against, unworthy of love and support! In my time of need, because of the university-people were only ever against me to a league that dare destroy my credibility as a human being and social standing but as well my own romantic fulliment and goals! I am so utterly sick and tired every year of this shit-not having a voice that I will have a voice where people have made assumptions and frankly be done with this debackle. All the assumptions are incorrect and cowarldy and a something 60+ year old bitch should stay out of the business of people who were and still are a fraction of their age!