Hiatus.

 Hiatus. 

I originally intended in fall 2016 to go on an art hiatus. Rather early in August intended to do so but yea, some people just want to be privy to an experience that is trying to reprogram people as if they are missionaries in those terrible western exploits. Never giving a damn to who you are, what you are trying to do, what your needs are, you even being human and even the fact that what they are doing is evil, wrong and destroys boundaries between people. I dunno who the fuck need to hear this but yea, just because people are romantic or you think you were meant to be with that person does not mean that there aren't boundaries when there fucking are. Literally, I had to say after an experience that held me back for years in fall 2016-a person realized that it was enough. All a person's life people lack boundaries and really much-it would likely be the worst at the hands of women your age who thought they could everything and anything because of their concept of womenhood or being a woman. Their whole fucking idea was just a sore sorry tale of victimization and thinking you were going to do them great harm and ruin their lives. I am to say I am sick of being subjected to people's racist truths. The absolutely go off their hinges, off the train of reality and slum into a toxic imagination of could be with me as their husband, mate, spouse, baby daddy or whatever dumb fucking shit they imagine. Put all that fucking effort into thinking this nightmarish reality about a person they don't know that they would better ease theirselves if they actually just spoke to the person. However, no one ever speaks to me but envision theirselves as the pinnacle main character and me as some creep for no one reason alone but that they want to be tsundere about liking a person and their appearance but are too afraid to vocalize it. Yet try to place some person in an obscure social category which I am not and damn fucking am not! A person hoped to escape this shit in college but no, people just like to be retards. Women have higher brain functions than men by genetics alone and some people just choose to be dumb and idiotic. Its a fucking choice when you know women have that base advantage. People who did not know me but yet wanted to and where too cowardly wanted to generalize me.

Me being naive at the start just tolerated this shit but I did not realize that real life was not like highschool. That these people could literally follow you around and really put a hamper on your life. I am to say that what society is it where people project their ideas of who they actually are onto people who have lesser than fortunate circumstances and would have treated me better and did treat me better than anyone in college. I did not make any friends in college. I am to say that many people did not make any friends in college. A person may have hung out with people they commonly hung out separately with in the past of that fall 2013 they started out college but after that time which they were likely and most responsible for bringing all these people together-these people all abandoned me by spring 2014. Every single one and none of these people even gave me a chance. They weren't real friends. The girls who so called liked me were just self centered cowards who (1) thought too much highly of theirselves and had no empathy to my actual self and mental state at the time (2) betrayed me at any notion that I could be refunded to give them power in some twisted ideal of power in the college itself as if I was a "creative criminal". Its all stupid as fuck when I look back. It could have been anyone else other than these people to have the places they did and they would all do exactly the same as them because the toxic pull of the college was that much. To be said these people think they are doing something original and great but in reality they are doing nothing but what basically people who harm society do. I am to say that these people are so numerous in the world and society that really they would not be special at all but quite everyday.

 Trump said "grab them by the pussy" but the headmaster of the college said it first. Made these real shallow people pretend to be nice and open to people and even try to show feelings only to retract them if they weren't inline with this woman's ideas that people were eager to add into as if she was Trump. I mean fuck, its an error to think that having a person of color in power means jack shit when they are worse than white people and seem to want to hunt down and execute every black influence and every black person as if afraid of black people entirely or their credits with white people and white power being diminished through influence.  I never am to say that any romantic effort from these people was ever genuine when someone they did not know controlled what they thought about someone they did not know who did things they weren't familiar with or knowledgeable with. These were 17/18 year old fucking thugs. They thought they knew the world at that age but really how could you and really much what they thought of what was legitimate for a man to be behind was all wrong. To them men especially black men were just props for entertainment in this college experience and not even real people. Football, Basketball, babies, that is all what black men must be for. Fuck you. These idiots would watch anime, movies and animated shows and animated movies mostly and never realize; hmm, someone has to create these things and seemed to equate them with things losers would do. They were the only real losers. They had no ability to think for theirselves and yes, a person reasoned this many times over-this reality that was the truth from much of the start before people became heavy radicalized and pondered; if so-why be bothered with them. These people would just drag you down. Some people just want to believe nonsense because they rather believe its the only truth and reality when its just them wanting to believe something is insignificant when clearly its as vital as the sun!

There were some good girls, some people said hello to me but literally no one was going to be able to even find them after that time they said hello to them from elevator and just took off and really much would a person even knock on another's door? No, that foremost would be creepy and really much a person did not go knocking on doors looking for people and really never got the real chance much but in a blue moon to speak to these people. At the beginning a person would speak to people but then realize that you had these inset doubts put in you from all the life previously that you could not be with these people and/or take care of them. Nor really did you even know if you could be that boyfriend if anything a person was depressed. You had to simply start from scratch this goal of creating comics which I am to say is a space rambled with terrors, curses, infidels, false idols, bad practices, mindsets that enslave you to failure and really much doing it from scratch is the only way to really succeed. To make the comics your own and to frankly make things to your own needs and schedule. I would say that what creators experience most is a scheduling conflict.  Alas, I would figure things out slowly and all myself but actually wished I had some help. Was a person going to risk that people would entertain this idea when people in this place were general toxic to anything that required self study, discipline and effort. These people simply are idiots who abide on bad  tradition and toxic culture to force them to do anything and well let me say this-some people don't have a history of caste system, toxic asian parents success wanting motif, their family being slave owners, their past family being involved in Hilter's regime to even come from that angle but surely try to. Was a person going to ask people who likely had no clue of anything artistic to even be willing to work for the goal when it would come with no rewards and never be easy? Especially in a place that tried to make its malignant susceptible students as a means to dole out that brute reality that "art means nothing" as a sole truth and as a secret police. I think really much that a person did not speak to people that were normal people and not maga hat people  for the fact of the thinking that they could be harmed through a person. I just did not have it in me to really much think what a person would even do if they were harmed in any type of way coupled with the thoughts that " I could not care for them". These thoughts of inadequacy plus this vantage point just stifled me from any people who actually were sane and free of this generalization mindset. I don't know what to tell you but it was all a waste but I could not do anything because the dark reality was paralyzing, the inner doubt was great and the depression was grand.  So many people might have wondered what happened to me and why I did not speak to them anymore; but literally a person only stopped speaking to them because they cared about them. Whilst people want to realize they are free; they probably actually aren't and literally if they did have declining grades for focusing on my efforts alone-they would not be in a good place with their families and student debt. But yet; I did not know these people but yet just thought it be best not to involve myself as it could harm them moreso through the people out hunting the creatives for damn rewards. I think if a school awards people for being the most uninspired, lacking real ideal goals they decided theirselves not ever privy to education and for being utter clogs of oppression; its not a good place. I wish I had the gaul to face down the school at all its bullshit and win and get the girl but really; nothing I would have done would have changed anything. Its just what a person had to face.

The great thing about discrimination is that you realize that you can not have a conventional happy ending. Even in this day it is so easy for violence to happen to people of color and just nothing happen because of it or a person be wronged and they literally are stuck as a person who is stuck behind that wrong for their entire lives and suffering consequences for life. I am to say that it was that dire. You really could not have a chance with any girl let alone some person try to start some shit or the forces that be-which are racist in nature create them. Greatly this school has a racist system that rewards one type of people but loathes the other. Those that are just people who are closed minded, think that appealing to racist western culture and can demonize things that are perfectly normal for people to do and as a living; could only win. I mean it does not matter the race of the person but as long as they do the task the racist people want to see. Racist people don't want to see a footballer take a knee. They want to see people depreciate theirselves and remove theirselves from any chance of victory under false hopes of appealing to an identity that is self defeating. I am to say that a person rather not be in this whole game that is played and one which uses women as mere tokens of exchange but rather think to a higher ideal to surpass this dumb game. I would say that a person has surpassed this game. They did not get caught up in dramas with people whilst people were eager to bring them even as you just went about your day. I cannot tell you how many times some asian woman tried to racial profile me and I cannot tell you how many times some people who were and are racist against black people thought they could generalize me for their own entertainment. I would just be sitting there and these asian people whom I often saw in the library would just be gazing at me as if I was doing them wrong. I am to say that a person did not fall into the trap of trusting people to stay sane and not be influenced by the garbage regime the school was and if not they would not be influenced would not lead them into a situation in which they could be harmed.

Foolishly a person tried to ignore reality about many women in that place and just thought of their mentality of "its meant to be" and would think that since they wanted "so to be with me" when I was a stranger then they would follow me if I left to better pastures. I am to say that really much; a person was gracious they never actually spoke to these people as I look back now, many of these women who I commonly saw in class and never the rarer actually sane people who I never saw but once in a blue moon were just crazy clogs who drunk every drop of coolaid of a regime. They loved it. This was just an opportunity for these people to try to capitalize on me as a continued stream of instant gratification to that " they are the most loyal member and most principled member" of a regime. Hence, these people just went down the rabbit hole. If they weren't crazy before for thinking they knew a stranger they were crazy later on as I left in spring 2014. The great thing I can tell you about why a person left is because nothing had worked out. I was jumping through hoops. I was tired of the people and whilst there were good people-these people stay the fuck hidden because they knew there were monsters up in that crib. I am to tell you I even befriended a hardcore drug addict! That person got kicked out by the way cause he was selling literal hardcore drugs even the police got involved. The situation with the roommate I had was just disgusting; really he ruined any chance of bringing any girls into the room and it not spiraling into something sexual my back. Ever realize how horrendous it is when a dude cannot operate or even understand that not everyone wants to have sex and that if you don't want to have sex with a girl that its not a fucking loss that he needs to jump in and do. I would say that the girl would be most likely to either be pressured, amused or actually want the sex but really what really matters is this dude had no respect for anyone's boundaries in their relationship and just wanted to prosper off "opportunities" that a person was not willing to take. It could also be said that very much a girl could not want sex and that devolve into a whole drama itself that would tarnish your character for bringing the poor girl into trouble. I am to say all the girls that dude had sex with wanted to blame me at the end because they saw me complicit when this dude literally brings them in to be friendly at first but just really is playing a game that he even cares about them when he does not. The girls pick up on this and really much it sucks when two people who you were actually on good terms with turn on you because this dude has soured everything and associate you with him and his actions. Its to be said a person was fucking done. I was not having a good time. Whilst a person wished people could have worked with them; there simply was no people to even work with. Let me tell you; I saw alot of people in that time period and what the fuck did I see?

A bunch of people who short guessed theirselves but in their true potential trying to be someone else who never had their problems, lived a life of privilege and never had any real dreams. So many people got hindered trying to be a perfect student when they should have been theirselves because that all act did not work at all. I mean to say from experience in highschool; you could study and study but really its not what you are even meant for. If you actually achieve your real goals and be yourself you can learn to do things your way and not in some other person's way which only makes you a real mockery and failure and a person who doubts theirselves academically forever so they never try again and all are stuck under this uppity nonsense that they are a lower class individual because they don't have a degree. Some people like a bunch of those women I met that were just not good people and never sane; never have to wonder about any thing that is not certain in the terms of their own endeavors-why? Because they don't have their own endeavors. Only the people who control them do. Their culture, their religion, their friends, their family and their people that's all that can be had. No, great endeavors. I am to look back and say that getting a college education is really not a personal endeavor. Its just something you do to better your standing in current society. I find myself lucky not at all that I have a college degree or actually two of them, really but just did these things to up my standing in society. Its to be said that it cannot be a real dream that shows a person has true character and even has thought of what they can offer with the knowledge they are supposed to have gotten from college. I am to say that a person really learned much of nothing in college but what they taught theirselves. 

Its to be said some people will always need a self driven mentality to succeed in college but they cannot do it when they follow people who have the most souless takes on their own humanity, efforts and goals. Some people just really don't recognize that they have no real lives and no real personality. If a person said "paint is drying" is a good movie then they would too. To ask these numb and dumb people who mock everyday hard working people who try and envision to create something theirselves is like in their eyes an insult. These people curried so hard into their pants when I ever held hope that all their flandering meant shit. They just thought of their "social standing" which by all accords does not even exist anywhere even in other places where people behave similarly trashy being tarnished. I am to say that their social standing was like that of those in Nazi Germany, they could literally fucking only have social standing when they did things that were wrong, hateful, stupid and egoistical and boneheaded believed that they were the greatest people on art. Let me tell you people; these people thought doing art as a living was a sin and then would watch a movie by a director, an anime by an animation company team and tons of employees and comic book movies made from comic books by a director! To be said these people straight up where just thinking so highly of theirselves for believing in this false standard of power which would only never transfer anywhere else even if you got down the dogmatic ills of a racist power structure. Racists theirselves would think you were stupid as believe it or not even those people can appreciate art even if it is to bother people of color and innocent people. These people will believe art is not a worthy profession because everything they behave like is to condescend and descend on people. I don't think now as I look back that I would actually want to raise children with a person always looking down on people who aren't them and doing as they do. Not everyone can be the same fucking thing but that is the grave obsession with these people. They try to rationalize this ideology that anything academic is not a real profession but fuck-its to be said its all nonsense. People will always make more money directing movies and acting in them than just being dicks who look down on others.

Whilst I said I was foolish for thinking these people could do any good in my life going forward, I was actually being optimistic behind their character and thought truly these people could not be what I thought and thought that I was somehow wrong for being depressed, unable and working through a tough challenge of trying to achieve my dreams in a place where many people had nothing of that sort. It was completely selfless but these people could not pick up that I was ever giving any energy to this thought of "seeing them again if it truly was meant to be" only because that is all they ever showed, really much. I am not a person who manipulates women to be with me and all this shit because if I was truly; I could have easily destroyed roommate's fucking-lady scene. Yet I am not evil as the such and never did anything to anyone but just be and really much I am to say that a person put too much trust into the onion layer façade many people wanted to put up. I came with a mature response that was in the means of my only given kindness and willingness to even entertain the thought of dating when I was going through a really tough time. People, I am to say these women were not great people but soulless punks who just picked on a person to try to add value to their lives in a make believe hierarchy structure that was just really counter-intitutive to learning and the advancement of society which college is supposed to be a place for. Really much these people just wanted to see an image to fit into something of a racist benefit structure. People love seeing black people maligned on football teams and they love seeing them fail too. These people weren't my lovers meant to be. Really much were just bad people who ultimately if they ever need to self enterprise, do something to get along with people not related to any degree in college or ever got one and any effort of their own if they ever grow the gusto to dream-will fail. They have only ever kissed ass, been an ass or take it in the ass. Fuck them! Why because for months after I left that college they chased me, for fall 2014, for 2015 and for when I came to want to rest in August 2016 all they could think was to chase me for the benefits of a racist power structure and entertainment in hating me to add into that.

They all but carried the uncanny, nuisance and foolish desire to think that if they could not dream then no one should ever dream and that I was a fool, an enemy of the state, a devil and a lesser human being who somehow was to be their someone in this life but yet someone they treated so terribly. They continued this pleasured ass kissing to a racist power structure forever especially when it never benefitted half of them! Why? So many of these people dropped out because literally no matter how hard a person tried they could not be the perfect student, the A-student and the person without a life or any real efforts. It just was not for them and worse is that they just gave up. So, what does that make me in their minds actually when I have two degrees and they have zero? They ponder they have some gambit over me by the same principle of discriminate hate they funneled at me acting as if I was a failure cause I chased dreams and art. I chased them as a dream but it was just a nightmare that I wasted a decade near on. Rather dealing with them and their escalations of myth from the racist power system casting me as a devil really just bumbled and fumbled my attempt at a hiatus. They only  put a hot poker to my ass and really in my peace got me to get angry for my own defense even for a brief moment and tried to force me to act for their own entertainment. Really much, these impish people could not be tasked with higher mental functions even if they are biology capable of them and really much never will realize how much they have wasted in their own college experience and that no one will reward them for being a impish clog that fell in line just to drop out and do nothing with their time but hate on someone they still don't know.

I look back on my attempt at a hiatus in the past and it was a beauty at the start. An attempt to distance myself from the real tragedies of realizing that all these girls of the past were just lies and people lost to a racist ambition if not people who are unkempt that they would fight to the death to plead their ideologies of real reality theft.  In reality theft I say to you, they cheat theirselves of any peace they could have just leaving me alone if they did not want to be with me. They cheat theirselves of any peace and happiness they could have had with me if they actually liked me and I liked them. They cheat theirselves of any pragmatic thought to even be the proper clog but a failure clog that even to its master is an embarrassment. They cheat theirselves of any pragmatic thought to be proper people thinking for theirselves and doing for theirselves but choose to be people who kiss racist power system ass. They cheat me out of even being known by them and by sane people who would ultimately be harmed by them and their antics. Harmed by them and their antics  such these people would turn against me or not even be. Have me saying shit like, "I would rather people not be fucked over by me and I not have any say to defend them." They have robbed so much and really much are the thugs who destroyed my beautiful hiatus where I was going to find myself after things I thought were failures after this and that Lezhin contest and this and that western comic contest, try to astoundingly think they were innocent to my suffering they inflicited and just work on myself. No, because of them for 6 years a person struggled to even get back to that hiatus stage. Would I go on Hiatus at all these days? I see no need. I realize they forced me into a place where I even needed to refocus. Where I was already alone they pushed me deeper and deeper and corrupted all the people who could stand a chance or had me concerned for their safety in such a person could never commit to even speak to them fearing it would be the utter rambling end of them as anyone could carry out their sensationalism terrorism as if a great deed and not know the whole story.

So many people I wrote of in LadyQuest came in at the very end. They never attended college in fall 2013, they did not know the true basis of what they were driven to follow to even know that it was strictly against them aka people of color who literally where in a community college with probably not much hope or chance in their own minds to get to a 4 year college and just followed into abyss of evil and deceit because really they believed in the racist power structure. Yet it would never suit them. They never had any real stake in the game. They would never even really know the women who would inspire their behaviors and just think they would lead to success when most of these women never succeeded college at all to be even giving efforts of advice. What's gross is that these people were butting in business not their own and only contacted this poisonous legendary mythos by fall 2018 and spring 2019 as sovereign only because they hated me when I spoke to them and thought such racist things that I was the doom of them and going to harm their true "happy family future". Kudos, no one ever borne to a self hating bitch could ever even be in a happy family. They believed in the power of the racist system and never me when I was just trying to speak to them to continue and rebuild a tarnished romantic life with people running around crazy thinking these utterly preposterous ideas! Ideas that I was meant for them never thinking twice about exceling relations with their boyfriends to be husbands that idea just becomes a  drifty laughable dream which paints me as some type of secondary man slut for their own incredible stupid driven lust! These women I later met were like what? 13 in 2013? Truly had no stake but because they were racist power loving people they solemnly loved hating me whilst thinking they liked me when they did not. They were just taught this chasing behavior by those who were the similar to them but years removed, try like fucking 6 which just showed them ugly. Its to be said that none of these people are special when they were literally like dumb fuck Trump followers thinking they were special when they were not. If I could just go out and meet so many people who don't even match the registration values of an institute-its telling how not only this place's reach has on people and even warps them but how people loving the racist power system and fearing people they have no idea who even are; I am not crazy to say that I was not wrong for ignoring some people who were just susceptible to a mindset which would always push them against me. Its not fair as what happened with my romantic social life. Even as far out as 2019; shit continued to happen as well you should know these people if they went to college at all were going to the community college I likely went but I never much saw them except in fall 2014 and 2015. Others had graduated only to think their grift and wrong had succeeded. I never got the chance to ever even really socialize with people without them turning against me or thinking hyper thoughts about me that weren't true in any regard and really much-its so disgusting how a person at the top of a college could piss and taint the barrel that would be the social one and promote diversity only on an onion layer of decency to only be viewed well.

I look back recently on my hiatus, it was an attempt to reclaim my works and life from the context of demonization that had been rendered onto it and these people tried to literally assassinate my character and if not my social standing and ruin my life if not end it for their pretentious evil dumbass doubting beliefs. These people live on another fucking planet where people are incapable of the great change needed to conquer problems. They have ceased to evolve but become regressive and unworthy of the society and the tech that came from people who sacrificed to conquer their problems. My hiatus project was to be beautiful but for the sake of know it all bitches; it was destroyed. I will not be taking a hiatus but to realize that I was wrong. I needed not to improve from abuse as if I was in the wrong. Nope, it would be these people.