the dream is dead.

 Reworked the Mornings fall 2018 comic into another work but I cannot tell you what work it exactly is. I think enough that version and story was not well appreciated. It offered unique takes at things I am to say; and if we are to really get into things that work was to be a basis of a comic-well no it can be but the effort will not be redundant as it would else be if I just actually remade the work as its own original.

I got to tell you I was so optomistic in fall 2018 of a brighter future and well you can be assured a brighter future comes when you work towards things but there is never a remedy to anything of social corruption. Really much you could do well in school, do well creating comics despite dire health issues  and basically just fail at any social romantic type of thing because everyone wants to be your enemy. Like fuck; how much to be said there is much more to any of these surface level records of "ladyquests".

Of the means of the things I can say there was an effort in fall 2018 to bring back other projects in the whole Theaters advent, there was some record on the Adventures I had and really much had secret project after secret project. It seemed to be a new era but all the women would just bring me down and try to make me some sizable belittleable in their fragile minds. A person could ignore it all but you have to realize a great problem when so many people go out of their way to be misleading and act as if you did something wrong to them and be so self important. I wasted so much time trying to capitalize on speaking to the many who were all the same pathetic person; people who believe fantasies and don't live in reality and do nothing for theirselves. I mean; I could have found the one if a person was not so distracted and distraught from what came before yet enough a community college is not the best place to find people like so few people were even up to challenge therein of even being in school in this fall 2018 semester.

Alas whatever efforts you made; the nonsense of even trying with women from that place which had once had been a good place to meet people had turned into a place of sourness and albeit people who really did not give a fuck about school. I tried to act as if it was all good in the end but it was not. The spring 2019 was just a time of unforboding hatred posed under cowardice and fake niceness. Like; nothing in the social regard would get better. I tried my hardest to keep up with pop culture on twitter but really much I was just to be left in the past. I mean by 2020's summer whatever hold I had started to give and by the end of June 2021 it was just dead. People so happy chasing dumb trends and never doing anything meaningful with art or anything original. I have followed too much mini celebrities on the twitter. Come to the end of fall 2018 I felt disrespected and it would only get worse like much worse. The type of worse when you don't feel safe anymore and really got to go into hiding. That is to be said such a burden even trying to be social was greatly to disenfranchise me of any fucking peace or anything you should even ever treat a human like. When I mean that a person was so discouraged by what happened that fall 2018; I mean that basically that spring 2019 was the last attempt to even get anything out of college like sometype of relationship but there was nothing there. I at the end of this last attempt was to realize the honest truth of the whole college experience; people who are in college are basically not anything comparable to my goals. Mainly people can just be so caught on theirselves, low standards, a low future goals in which they aren't even trying by the end of it all. Like I think it was foolish from the start to even believe that somehow when people are just low tier trash all throughout your previous education they were magically going to be better in higher education but they weren't.

Recently, have come across the deeper feelings of things I felt in the past which I realize now all I was seeing was potential and all people where seeing opportunities to belittle you as some imaginary person mainly for bad and only "good" if for sex. I am to say that I just hated being looked upon by some people as just a future meal ticket; I never asked for such things and if anything a person does not want someone who will just be "obedient" or  just listen to eveyrthing they say. People want actual partners-women who can think and do for theirselves. I think many people just especially in fall 2018 just looked me this way and thought that they would rather not be this completed self imagined obedient dependent wife figure especially to a black man who they obviously have imposed hatred against by their family's culture and just whatever culture they subscribe to. I think enough that maybe hate is granted to some chinese people when they go out their way to be racist; like lol if a person comes into a room to get a fucking soda that everyone can fucking use maybe don't run out as if they are trying to get at you. Its this dumbass shit no one asked for. Like honestly; all this dumbass shit is in their heads because really much no one is trying to make them a housewife or anything like that. I think enough they were rather egoistical and presumptious that a person even liked them to such a degree when they were just but fake nice as if to consider an imaginary option and then pathetically realize they could do better than a black man. I mean; I rather today not tell anyone anything about myself or my educational attainment because some people are just loopy in the head. And you and your dumb man up culture would be dealing with this shit instead of really laying these dumb people out for their bullshit. I guess its a compliment that you could be a take caregiver of someone else in their minds but not when it coupled  with a grand disrespect for your own wishes and beliefs to not even  considered the such amongst views that are clearly racist. So many people like this girl called Aurora wanted to look at me like as if I was an idiot as well but never realized they were the idiots and just were projecting. So many people thought I was making shit up but ironically would make everything up about a person they don't know and just veer into peer fantasy.  I am to say it was gross. No one wants to make a leap from stranger to potential husband just because the other person is greedy, a grifter and an immoral racist idiot imbecile.  Never did these idiots hear about taking things slow or  that they are moving too fast but blame their own mental fixations upon me.

I think enough I  just cannot be with people who align theirselves with trash values and make excuses to not exist in reality but put theirselves ahead of everyone else by imaginary values and want to chalk up you having more experience and a higher status as you playing their own dumb game. Just projecting  Really a person was forced to realize that pretty much all their hopes were just pure fantasy. Time and time again betrayed by people, held at gun point essentially and your care for other people utilized to push them away in such a circumstance to then just be left with low scummy people who have mental issues and really much are too racist to even think of even speaking to for hours let alone years or the rest of your fucking life.

Truly what happened in fall 2018 and then spring 2019 had such a negative impact that a person was constantly on guard, looking over their fucking shoulder and realizing enough they wasted too much time to continue the foolish dreamy gambit," you can get a girlfriend in college". Realized better things and the real truth when you simply gave up and focused on school and comics as the other was just draining life from you and if not just introducing you to constant hatred, bigotry and a bunch of people lying to theirselves they were ever going to be successful when they could not do the bare minimal. Let me tell you; doing a fucking chemistry review before the class you are to take the test is basically not giving a fuck about school. You will fucking fail and whilst you were playing Smashbros or whatever dumb fucking game with other people; you wasted time to better yourself. I had someone basically come up to me one day and act as if they knew me and then ghost me the same day they had a chemistry final they at the table I sat with them had not begun. The prior day they had been sleeping at the top of the community college's main building and listening to a creep's sole interest in being a jerk to women and just a piece of shit. Came to school in their fucking pajamas just like people who honestly give up in highschool on taking anything seriously. A person could realize the ton of people who they had just been bested on and forced to give up on and just realize this person was just a grunt in a long line of people who want to be so fucking privileged but even that idea is an illusion itself as they aren't white and their parents aren't rich for them to have good lives just by sleeping at any fucking chance they can get and that's all they do.

I have heard so much excuses from people to not do well in school or something that is supposed to be important to them like art and well; a great deal of people are full of shit. Everything is stacked up against them but really they aren't even making the effort. Wanting to give up before they have even begun. Many people in college carry this disposition and is it my fault that I see right through their bullshit and they dare have the audacity to cast me a burden when they are clearly the ones hindering theirselves. So many people want to be rich but don't want to do anything to be rich or work for anything.

I am to say that really much returning to any fall 2018; just gives me a chance to work on myself and better my life before the false people just wasted much of my time and my energies. I am to say that a person would do things differently if they could aka avoid all people and just focus on recovering my health and creative works but a person just would surely learn that the dream was dead. There unlike in the Morings fall 2018 work would be no girlfriends at all.